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Diamond Enthusiast


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What does everyone think of the Bride being "Given Away"....Charming Tradition or Sexist Anachronism?
I have my own thoughts, but as usual when I ask something like this, I'll keep my mouth shut until the ball is rolling.
 
Posts: 2231 | Location: Western United States | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond
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I like the idea of it. Its been around for so long. I would want my dad to walk me down the isle and give me away. I don't think it's sexist unless you make it that way. Smile
 
Posts: 9085 | Location: The land of OZZZZZZZ | Registered: 06-04-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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i guess it's like the tradition for the father to let her daughter go to the husband.
It's saying to the groom, "hey i trust ya with my daughter"
 
Posts: 2688 | Location: USA | Registered: 06-07-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond Enthusiast

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I think it depends on the individual bride - if she wants to do that.

Personally - to me, it sounds like giving possession of the woman to another person.
I used to view weddings very traditionally.
But I have a whole different viewpoint from what I had 25 years ago!
I'm now a very NON-traditional person! Big Grin (You should hear my other ideas about weddings! Wink )
 
Posts: 6323 | Location: LA (Lower Alabama) USA | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond
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i am NOT property to be given away.
dad walked me down the aisle, and was asked 'who presents this woman to be married?
yes, it was lame, but the best thing i could come up with.
 
Posts: 2561 | Location: alberta, canada | Registered: 07-08-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Well I don't have a problem with it but one thing that really cheesed me off was the time I heard a woman who referred to her wedding reception as her Victory Dinner-I mean come on we guys have feelings too you know
 
Posts: 1165 | Location: Ontario Canada | Registered: 04-01-03Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond Enthusiast


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TIE..Maybe next I'll start a wedding sound off thread...I am most interested in your thoughts!

Mattlynda, I like your solution to the wording issue...quite a graceful way to avoid a phrase you found objectionable while maintaining the old fashioned gesture...two thumbs up!

Originally, yes, the ritual literally represented the transfer of "ownership" of the Bride from Father to Husband...an offensive concept...BUT...I think it has evolved into a lovely gesture symbolic of the Bride's family's approval of the match, which while not absolutely essential, is a very nice thing for a fledgling marriage to have.
In purely practical terms, it means that a nervous Bride has a little extra assurance that she won't stumble on her lightheaded way down the aisle...nor freeze from stage fright at the head of the runner(I've seen it happen!)
In my own case, being given away not only symbolized my family's happiness with my choice of mate, but gave me a chance to publically welcome my StepDad into my world...he and my mom had been married in New Zealand and I had not met Tom until a couple of weeks before my own wedding...he is pretty good at that Dad stuff, especially considering that he had no practice at itWink
 
Posts: 2231 | Location: Western United States | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond
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When my daughter got married, I walked her down to the end of the aisle, kissed her, hugged my future son-in-law, went and sat down. There were no statements about giving this woman.
 
Posts: 7425 | Location: Medieval Spain | Registered: 06-06-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond Enthusiast


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Another graceful alternative!
 
Posts: 2231 | Location: Western United States | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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One of the weddings I attended had the tradition of the father giving away the bride. BUT they also had a Unity candle. Both the bride and the groom each had a single thin candle. They took both those candles and lit the unity candle. Then they each walked to their parents and handed them the single candle and then came together in the middle and holding hands, walked back to the alter. I thought that was so meaningful.
 
Posts: 441 | Location: Emmett Id. USA | Registered: 03-25-03Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond Enthusiast

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I think it's just a 'Charming Tradition', that doesn't mean much at all. There's no harm in it, so the tradition might as well live on. There is always a way that something so innocent, can be twisted to appear as being wrong. Maybe the wedding vows are what's wrong, because so many marriages end in divorce.

Instead of saying 'I Do', maybe we should say 'I Might', or 'I'll Try'.
 
Posts: 6612 | Location: Land of Lincoln, USA | Registered: 07-04-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond Enthusiast

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I like the idea myself,but,I figure my dad will do one of two things when or if i ever get married..He will either say I DO NOT give my daughter away or he will run me down the isle saying please TAKE HER shes yours now! Eek Just depends on how much im rubbing his bad side at the moment! Big Grin
 
Posts: 8655 | Location: BLONDEVILLE, USA | Registered: 06-07-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond
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I'll go with SeattleRon's and Honilov's comments.

SR has the sentiment figured out and
Honi brings in a whole new twist.. being
the vows.

I think that people should just paint the
entire wedding in the shades that they'd
like to envision and leave it at that!

The IS no right or wrong.
 
Posts: 5135 | Location: Not of this planet | Registered: 06-16-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond Enthusiast

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Completely sexist and old-fashioned. It implies that the bride is property to be traded from her father to her husband. A woman belongs to no one, not her father, not her husband, only to herself.
My father assumed that he would be walking me down the aisle. I did not want that and it did not happen. Instead, my parents walked down together, then my husband's parents with our nephew/their grandson/the ring bearer, then my best woman, then me. By myself.
 
Posts: 4378 | Location: Rochester, NY, USA | Registered: 06-03-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Diamond
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It is a harmless tradition, but should be complety optional, as should most parts of the ceremony.
 
Posts: 2666 | Location: Clifton Springs, New York USA | Registered: 06-04-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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It's a tradition and also allows the bride's parents to be involved (since originally the wedding was considered the bride's parent's expense -- which to me has always been a totally stupid tradition.)

If my father were alive, I'd ask him to walk me down the aisle. Since I've lost my father and my brother, I plan on walking myself down the aisle. It would be nice to have someone to "hold on to" so that I don't trip, but I guess I'll just have to be extra careful not to stumble Wink

I already know that when my (future) step-daughter gets married, that her dad is really looking forward to walking her down the aisle. I think it's a dad/daughter thing Smile
 
Posts: 879 | Location: The real "OC" | Registered: 06-07-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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you know what, TEXinExile just pinned it : it totally depends on the girl getting married.
I too am of the view that this is a harmless tradition, a sweet gesture and a way of the whole family being involved in the ado and showing their acceptance of the groom.

Hmnmmmm.......wanna know the Islamic tradition? Well, the simple signing ofcourse and the guy, as in the bride's groom presents his lovely wife to be with a 'haq-mehar' that is a monetory gift or a gift pack of jewellery, clothes, property etcetera. Cool na?! Oh, I mean, cool right? For the bride atleast. (and also for the groom as giving gifts to the person you love not only brings a smile on their face, but makes you yourself happy too.....an added Valentines gift, you can say.)Aaaah, although there are no statements such as "I present my daughter to you" or "I trust ya mate!" or anything. The plain and simple signing of the marriage certificate. (HEY: don't mistake that the traditions are plain or simple. there is so much fuss ......uh, I mean, 'fun n frolic' surrounding almost each wedding that sometimes the 'celebrations' last for more than a month or so. and yeah, lot's of dance parties called "Mehndi" (henna) in which the bride does not put on any make up and is dressed simply in natural colours such as saffron or green or something.)

Hmn, the HINDUs on the other hand present the daughter as well as jahez (i.e. just the opposite of 'haq-mehar')

Coming back to the original post issue:
Seriously: what's the big deal with being presented to your hubby??? DOn't you want to please n pamper him just the way you want him to pamper you?!

Well, I am least bothered.
(even if this were to be our local tradition)
Pin~Jinx / anarchist
 
Posts: 623 | Location: Karachi | Registered: 06-27-02Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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