Nearly half of America's twenty-somethings are willing to virtually abolish marriage, while half are looking for tougher divorce laws, according to a remarkable study of never-married singles in the 20-to-29 age range by researchers at the National Marriage Project of Rutgers University.

According to a Gallup poll commissioned by the National Marriage Project, 78 percent of the Gen-Xers surveyed agree a couple should not get married unless they are prepared to stay together for life.


An extraordinary 45 percent agree that the government should not even be involved in licensing marriage.
Some 43 percent agree that government should provide cohabiting couples with the same benefits as married couples.
What do you think????
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09-02-03, 12:57 AM
honilov
I think the licensing and benefits should remain intact as they are. If the people that's living together prefer to be single, than they are in a different catagory from married people, so those are the breaks.

Marriage is not outdated, by a long shot.

09-02-03, 02:32 PM
frankvan
On the 11th of December, my wife and I will celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary, so I have to agree with those who say that people should not get married unless they intend to be married for life. I don't know that the law should enter into it except that it would be better if it was more difficult to enter and easier to get out of, so broken homes and marriages would be fewer. Now that we are confronted with the controversy of gay marriage, it seems that the government was mistaken to grant any special privileges or benefits to married couples. To deny those same benefits to gay partnerships is not "equal treatment" of all citizens. IMHO. Wink

09-02-03, 08:54 PM
Tree
That's odd, as I've been thinking that marriage is now making a comeback!

Perhaps it's just what I've been a witness to.

frankvan! CONGTATULATIONS! That's
wonderful!

Smile

09-04-03, 07:48 AM
samantha
i personally believe strongly in marriage. I think marriage is sacred and should be for life. I would only get married by a minister too. So no i do not think couples should be given the same benefits as onces who are not married.

09-05-03, 11:42 PM
MommyTimesTwo
I watch Judge Judy a lot, and it seems that at least twice a week there is a couple that broke up, and expects Judy to sort out who paid what over like 10 years.

And like she says, you want the benefits of a legal marriage without the responsibilities or committment.

I honestly think it's not that marriage is going out of style, but that some people are very immature and can't handle it.

09-06-03, 09:55 AM
MrsS
No, no, a thousand times no! The concept is NOT outdated! The problem, as I see it, is that too many couples are marrying prematurely or for the wrong reasons....one of the educational channels, maybe TLC, had a show about weddings and I was horrified at the comment one bride made about her wedding...I can't recall her exact words but the gist was that getting married showed she was a grown up(based on the overdone style of the wedding, and her rapturous description of what fun it was to register for gifts, I give the marriage a year)
I don't know about "Sacred", because I know too many happily married agnostics and atheists, but certainly to become married is a solemn endeavor that should not be entered into lightly or without full consideration. I wish that more people would get premarital counseling, such as many churches recommend or require...the responsibility of marriage is awesome and I think too many couples enter into wedlock without any clue what being married really means... as a society, I think too much adulation is given to the idea of a grand wedding, at the expense of the actual marriage created at the wedding.....maybe we should start giving huge, fabulous, formal parties to celebrate some other milestone.....when Debutante balls were more the norm, divorce was a bit less commonplace. Speaking of divorce, while I certainly do not think anyone should be ostracised from polite company for having ended a marriage, nor should anyone remain in an abusive or otherwise dangerous relationship, I do wish that it were not so casually accepted.... Besides the legal ease of dissolving a thing which was meant to last for life, I think the social acceptability of divorce allows a couple to split up rather than try to work through troubled times... I have never attended one, but I have received three engraved invitations to divorce parties.... While I can certainly understand feeling relieved when a divorce becomes final ( I am divorced myself, my first marriage was a childish mistake I made at 21....I confess that I married without any clue of what marriage really means) I fail to see cause for celebration.....Golly, I have rambled! Bottom line....Marriage is not an outdated concept, but should not be entered into for any reason other than an honest, informed and carefully considered desire to spend a lifetime with the prospective spouse....come what may.

09-06-03, 02:25 PM
jusork
Yes. Sure marraige is happy and a sacred bond but we don't need it, it's a traditional concept(which is what I think is meant by outdated). All you need is to live with the one you love(or even if you want to live in two different houses and meet everyday). There's no reason to have proof of a bond but if you want to have a party to celebrate your togetherness or whatever than you don't need to be married to them. I think a lot of things would be made easier such as if you really don't want to be together anymore you can just leave instead of having make it formal, and if you really want to be together you don't have to make it formal you can just get together, the whole homosexual thing, and some other stuff I can't think of I think. It might even make a separation less emotional because he or she will just be sad about the leaving if anything instead of their breaking of a vow or breaking of many years which were probably only kept because the one leaving didn't want to break their marraige because it'd be so sad for the other or they've been in it so long. If you don't want to be together anymore you should be able to, that's just how it went, they probably only got married because one of them just simply "wanted to be married", you shouldn't have to have anything to hold a bond together. Without marraige people will just be "going out" forever, there will be no next step and you will have gone as far as you've wanted, if you don't want to go anymore, you've backed out of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

09-06-03, 02:43 PM
MrsS
Hahahaha...Jusork,I can tell you've never been in the position you describe so lightly....emotional issues aside, when a couple is together for a while, stuff is acquired....furniture, CDs, dogs, houses, cars, kids, dishes, etc.....trust me when I say that a lack of legal bonds does NOT make it easier to decide who gets what when there is a break up....and simply living together does not lessen the heartbreak.(been there, done that, hurts!)

09-06-03, 02:49 PM
stampeding turtles
For some levity: " If variety is the spice of life, then marriage is the big can of left over Spam " Johnny Carson

From my own experience, I think you have to be "relationship material" in order for it to work. Volatile spirits enjoy upheaval and get bored with marital bliss.

And there are the people who have personality disorders and can never develop stable relationships with others, by definition.

Marriage can't be right for everybody. Marriage is not an outdated concept for those who freely desire it and want to make it work, but society forcing people or expecting them to marry is outdated. IMHO

I live in Nevada where we have easy marriage and other forms of gambling Smile

09-06-03, 05:16 PM
Wildflower63
Mrs. S is completely correct. Divorce is faster and easier to litigate than live in split ups with disagreement over ownership of property. I moved everything I owned into a guy's house because I got evicted from my apartment. He worked and lived on his boat. He came in late Friday and left Sunday afternoon. It was entirely too far to drive for him to live there and commute.

When I wanted my things, he had me arrested for going on to his property. I sat in a police car for a half hour before they let me go. It took over a year and a lot of money has been spent on attorneys to settle this. I found out for myself just how bad of things people can do to you without protection of marital law. It isn't always a nice neat type of split up with joint property involved. Someone can throw you to the curb and keep everything you own, including your underwear. Police cannot do anything about it.

Since I had nothing legal that gave me rights to his property, he could throw me out at anytime and keep absolutely everything I owned out of spite. I had to replace my clothes even. I couldn't get an apartment because of replacement cost being too high.

I was left for whoever would take me in having absolutely nothing but the clothes on my back. He legally kept everything I owned until it was litigated out that took a year and one month to finally get all of my things.

In marriage, you can't do that sort of thing to anyone. Not only were my things that I needed taken, but so was my choice of where to live. My husband took me. We never divorced, but lived separate lives. This action legally taken for this man to do something out of spite to hurt me also hurt a lot of people and seriously damaged my life.

Marital legalities are pretty straight forward. You get into many aspects of the law with a bad live in split. It is extremely expensive and very complicated. I wouldn't do the live in thing. It isn't too smart.

09-06-03, 07:44 PM
MommyTimesTwo
I agree--it's a lot easier to spilt up if you're married. Especially if there are children. Too many times I have seen people who've been together for years (in one case, 20) who break up and suddenly "they aren't my kids". Then you have these children ripped from a loving home, having to take paternity tests to prove who their daddy is...it's ridiculous! Not that this doesn't happen when there is a divorce, but no where near as often as when there was just a "relationship".

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