M x 2, you have shown time and time again on these boards how intelligent you are. So you should know that any statement that begins "All.." is of dubious validity. First, of course, men are born with a sex drive...no way around that. Those who choose to remain ceibate apparently are able to overcome that drive (please no snide remarks from anyone about the small % of priests). Food, well that's obvious. Security, I would need to know the definition of that.
If that is what men are reduced to, then I'm afraid we are all pretty damn shallow. ******************************************** 06-29-04, 04:37 PM MommyTimesTwo I apologize, Juan, I'll make myself more clear. Smile
This is in the context of marital relations, mainly communication. Women seem to have a tendency (myself included) to read into things. The author was trying to say that for the most part or usually, when a man says something, he means what he said and nothing more. She went on to say that most men are seeking sex, food, and security (as in, a peaceful and stable homelife), and when they have those things they are unlikely to be thinking about cheating, or leaving, or something like that. They'd be content in their life.
I'm not sure if I explained that very well but that is what I was trying to ask.
06-29-04, 05:23 PM juanruiz That women and men communicate differently there is no doubt. When asked "How was your day?" most men will answer with a one syllable word, while women will often give a detailed description. Further, men tend to be problem solvers. A woman will often be looking for comfort when discussing a problem, while a man will look at a way to resolve it. This is covered in Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand, which I highly recommend. If the idea is that that those three elements will keep a man from roaming...again, sounds like a generalization.
06-29-04, 06:21 PM methos
quote:Originally posted by MommyTimesTwo: Women seem to have a tendency (myself included) to read into things. The author was trying to say that for the most part or usually, when a man says something, he means what he said and nothing more.
This part fits me and my experience. The rest, while all desirable, isn't all I want out of life.
06-29-04, 07:29 PM MommyTimesTwo I didn't mean that food, sex, and security were the sole things a man wants, I said that badly. What I meant was, the book suggests they are the most basic needs, and if unmet, it is a problem.
I am beginning to understand just how differently men and women communicate. Thank you guys for answering. Smile
06-29-04, 09:04 PM methos Ah... I'd agree that if they are unmet, it's a problem. I'm not sure if I'd rank them as the 3 most basic... I'll have to think about that one.
06-29-04, 11:54 PM DvdGStwrt Most men will use sex, food and security as a measure of the health of the relationship.
EXAMPLE: a couple of weeks ago Danny asked me if I was mad at him. I said no and asked why he thought I was, well it appears that the quality of my cooking has been lacking since I went from long cooking meals to short, easy ones to lower the amount of time I am standing due to my knee.
Even though he knows I am off and on the cane lately, he equated what I was serving to mean I was angry with him. Roll Eyes
Its a measure, a way to gage how things are. If they start slipping, then the relationship is in poor health. If they start increasing or getting better, then the relationship is great.
Cheers
David
06-30-04, 03:46 PM clarebear Sex, food and security... Sounds like my list of basic needs!!
(In that order too LOL)
Makes sense to me. Smile
06-30-04, 07:54 PM doñadiana Well, I voted how I view my husband which is the first choice.
Security is also very important to my husband. He would like for me to love him unconditionally, give him 100% of my time and attention (he is jealous of the time I spend on the forum), be 100% supportive of all his decisions and be able to think his thoughts, read his mind, enjoy soccer, and love his family unconditionally. His parents fought their entire married life, so I think that the above is probably the most important to him.
Well-planned and prepared meals are very important to my husband. His mother loved to eat and was a great cook but I am not a good cook and meals are way down on my list of priorities so this is an ongoing problem. This would be in second place.
Sex. He likes that also but at this point in his life I think it is 3rd down the list. The romantic "Latin Lover" concept is grossly overrated. Many Latin women here want to marry Americans.
Of course he doesn't see himself this way at all and would probably answer quite differently. This is part of an on-going problem I have with thinking his thoughts and reading his mind.
DD
06-30-04, 09:21 PM VelvetVoice Don't all people look for a partner/mate to fill in the empty spots of themselves? And, I would say that rarely do people find that someone that fits exactly, and that is why people fight. And I would say also, that it is good to love your partner because of his faults, not despite them. And the best of all possible worlds is if the two are bigger than either one alone, synergy is a sweet ideal.
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