I thought that once, but I was wrong.

For all the women or men out there who've believed this horrible lie...

It doesn't have to be true!

People are probably always telling you that you have to learn yourself first. Loving is hard...it's RESPECT that's necessary.

Respect yourself.
Love will come in time.
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09-05-02, 01:52 PM
Oceangurl
Well said! I couldn't agree with you more!

09-07-02, 06:57 PM
kar7773
Very true!
I felt that way too that no one could ever love me. It is a lie.
I know that we live in a society that teaches you have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend that loves us before we are loved. Having someone to love is certainly a good thing. Friends and family are apart of the circle of love.
You are loved. smile

09-09-02, 11:32 PM
Wildflower63
Yes, Katanya, you were wrong. It was supposed to be me that no one is to love! They say they do, then the bottom always falls out of the box. I'm sick of trying! I think that I'm going to be an old maid and see how many stray cats I can collect!

09-11-02, 12:19 AM
Lucy
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I am sure I´ll come here and read your post whenever I feel that way. wink

09-15-02, 09:00 PM
tsaeb
Katanya: Many of your posts are so giving. That's one quality which causes us to love you.

09-16-02, 06:15 PM
Julieta Martinez
Remember that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else!

09-16-02, 09:52 PM
displacedNYer
Wild - frown Screw the ones that lie to you. Just enjoy being Wild!

11-27-02, 01:44 PM
cattywampus
Well, I once believed no one could ever love me. But I've been married to two men who loved me desperately, the first one after we had been married a few years, the second from the time we met. Two types of love. The first lasted 7 years, the second 20, until he died.

Now I am in love with a man - I'll call him "David" - who has feelings for me but not nearly as intense as mine. He sees me when he can and when he can't I just wait. I could probably find (and in fact have met) several with whom I probably could have been reasonably happy, but I don't want them. I want David. If I were to go with someone else, I would feel I was settling, and quite possibly couldn't sustain it. So the question is: do you settle for someone you feel lukewarm about or wait for/pursue the one you really love?

Catty (torn almost in two by this predictament) confused confused confused

11-28-02, 04:39 AM
tsaeb
Catty: Let me see. You have had two husbands, and you are torn almost in two regarding who will be husband #3. I cannot help you, because I am 53 years old and still have not found husband #1. Additionally, if you are torn almost in two, then my situation is too hopeless to give my situation, let alone your situation, any thought. In other words, maybe you can change your perspective and find out how the other half lives, which may be helpful to you in making a decision regarding your own life.

11-28-02, 01:07 PM
cattywampus
Tsaeb, what "other half" is that?

This statement I don't understand at all: "Additionally, if you are torn almost in two, then my situation is too hopeless to give my situation, let alone your situation, any thought." What has my being torn almost in half have to do with your situation being hopeless? This is confusing to me.

Not that it makes any difference, but I am not looking for husband #3. I have almost no interest in marrying again. I'm just looking for love, as are we all.

None of this seems to have anything to do with my question - is this an answer? If so, you will have to explain. Catty's kind of thick headed this morning.

Catty (answers that raise questions!) confused

11-28-02, 06:14 PM
babthrower
Cattypuss, I would wait if I were you. It isn't fair to marry someone because Mr.Right is not paying attention to you right now.

You can have good friendships with men, whatever you want, just don't live with one or marry one or lead him to think you might marry him if you're not sure. You'll lose your self-respect if you do. Nothing you could gain would be worth that loss.

I would relax and enjoy life right now if I were you.

11-28-02, 07:18 PM
honilov
Catty, don't settle if you think that you won't be totally happy. Wait for David.

11-28-02, 11:29 PM
tsaeb
Catty: I was fishing for some more information. Since you are not looking for husband #3 but are looking for love, it sounds to me as though you are now looking for a fling. So it does not matter what you do, short of trying not to catch some sexual disease. You are looking out for #1, isn't that right? No wonder David is not responding? What use do you have for him, he might be wondering. Are you going to try him out and then possibly toss him out like yesterday's news? In other words, you are coming across as someone who had her marriages and is now looking to live wildly, calling the shots--and you have your nerve to be fussy, too. Oh, well, maybe we are just not understanding each other. Yet, I think that you need to ask yourself, "What do I really want, and is it attainable"? Then, maybe you will be coming across more clearly and honestly. Catty, I am playing hardball with you, because I genuinely believe that this is required before you find yourself hurt and hurting others. Coast, Catty, coast. smile

11-29-02, 10:23 AM
one2trust/jittabuggrl
I am thirty-four and have very very recently been diagnosed with : BiPolar Disorder, ADHD, and severe generalised anxiety.
I am in theraputic counciling three times a week and take medications daily.
I felt myself falling apart for years but was afraid to ask for help. finally I had a break-down and help came. and now I regret not going for help sooner. No I am NOT happy about being ill, but at least now I know whats going on with myself and am taking care of my needs.
My daughter, whom I had lost to her father then he left state with her, she recently called me on her own, we talked a long time on the phone and she is even proud of me for getting help and now she wants a relationship with me again.
so although there is some level of ignorant stigmatisation that follows emotional and mental illness, those whom really care will continue to love you.
http://www.geocities.com/jittabuggrl
and as for having to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to be complete thats a lie, relationships are very difficult to start with, complicated in many ways, there is suppose to be equal give/take unconditional love and care, but many times in relationships between young teens that isnt the case, because with age comes the unconditional parts necessary, so if you dont have someone special now, or for a time, its ok, your ok, it will happen with the right person in the right time.
I was married once befor, probably ill then too as told above, the man i was married too didnt care at all about me, he was very selfish, probably due to us both being immature , he just didnt notice something wasnt right, I am remarried now, and my husband adores me and helps me cope with my illness wiith UNconditional love and respect and thats how it should be.

11-30-02, 03:02 AM
tsaeb
one2trust: I was trying to get others here to realize that they can be whole without a man, who they falsely believe will give them self-esteem. I appreciate your post here.

12-02-02, 08:33 AM
Karrow
I have deleted some of the posts in this thread, as they contravened the "no personal attacks" rule which states:

We hope that ideas will be expressed, exchanged, debated and discussed in depth; diversity of opinion is a good thing and we encourage it. However, disagreements must remain courteous and within the boundaries of the site rules. Personal attacks, or 'Flame Wars', have no place here and are not acceptable as a means of expression.

Please keep this rule in mind when replying in this, or any other, thread.

Thank you. smile

12-02-02, 01:05 PM
kittypal
This is very interesting, last night I had a long discussion with my girlfriend who has never been married, she has a low self esteem and wants desperately to marry and have a child. The problem is even when she is in a relationship that could be "the one" she gets so afraid that she is going to lose him that she becomes unhappy about the "what ifs". I keep telling her she needs to be content and at peace with herself, there are no guarantees that love & marriage will make you happy. I also have never been married and even though I would like to find someone to love and love me, I would rather be able to look at myself inside and out and be happy with who I am and what I have. As for catty, dear sweet catty, never settle, it's not fair to you or to the one who is being settled for. I would never want someone to be with me because they didn't find what they really wanted and I would rather be alone than with someone who didn't make me truly happy.
wink

12-02-02, 01:39 PM
honilov
Kittypal, the girl in your post, remind me of a song, by David Ruffin. He says, "I'm Gonna Walk On Away From Love, Before Love Breaks MY Heart." It's a beautiful song. In the song, he expresses that he's been hurt before, so he's afraid it will happen again.

12-02-02, 01:49 PM
samantha
Kittypal I totally agree with you on this..I feel the same way...

12-02-02, 04:25 PM
Kelleygirl
No One Will Ever Love Me
Never settle---it wouldn't be fair to him
(whomever he is) and
it sure wouldn't be fair to yourself.
Does "David" know how you feel about him?
If not, maybe just maybe, you might be more direct. Good luck
and go with your heart--sometimes you get hurt but "Better to
have loved and lost than yada, yada, yada"

12-03-02, 07:19 PM
cattywampus
Karrow! Were they flaming me? Please send the posts to my address so I can flame back privately!
(Just kidding, of course).

Kitty, I thank you for your excellent advice. And you, too, Sam. Your wisdom exceeds my patience by a long way. I won't settle.

Catty (sending a nuzzle to Sam and Kitty and a stroke in the right direction) razz

12-04-02, 01:17 AM
tsaeb
Catty: What's this, sending a stroke in the right direction? It sounds like a curse! eek Oh, well, I prayed that whatever prayers are made for or against me--that God corrects them all and blesses me with them all. Whew! big grin

12-12-02, 03:27 PM
FatWaste
yeah right!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,