A writer in The Times here today has given his favourite political put-downs. What are your favourite American ones? (My own, and a favourite here, is "Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy" )
Here's a few of his own :
Churchill said, of the diffident opposing leader:" A modest man, with much to be modest about" and, of the same, " A sheep in sheep's clothing"
Churchill again, here of the pompous Stafford Cripps, " There, but for the grace of God, goes God"
Disraeli, of Gladstone: " He has not a single redeeming defect"
Jonathan Aitken MP, on Mrs Thatcher's ignorance of the Middle East: " She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus"
And Lord St John of Fawsley of the same lady, his colleague: "When she speaks without thinking, she says what she thinks" ( Mrs Thatcher attracted a number of neat insults.One opponent called her 'Attila the Hen' and another " Petain in petticoats")
And finally, Disraeli again, asked by a youngster to define the difference between 'misfortune' and 'calamity': " If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune. If anybody pulled him out that, I suppose, would be a calamity"
During the 1960s, when Ford was the GOP leader in the House, Lyndon Johnson said, “Jerry played football too many times without a helmet.”
Ford could give it out, too: “Henry Clay always said he’d rather be right than president,” he once deadpanned. “Now President Johnson has proved it really is a choice.”
Posts: 16164 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Texan Ann Richards, on then Vice President George H.W, Bush: "Poor George, he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." (Note that the berry didn't fall far from this Bush.)
Posts: 16164 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Lady Astor:"Winston, if I were married to you I'd put poison in your coffee"...."
Churchill: "Nancy, if I were married to you I'd drink it." ---- Bessie Braddock, MP to Churchill "Winston, your drunk!" Churchill: "Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober".
Not a political put down, but to a comedian on stage. A couple arrived late for the show, and the comic sarcastically told them they were late. The reply-" If we'd known you were on, we wouldn't have come at all."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." -------- "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln -------- "I cannot believe that the killing of 2000 Englishmen at New Orleans qualifies a person for the various difficult and complicated duties of the Presidency." - Henry Clay, on Andrew Jackson -------- "My only regret is that I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang John Calhoun." - President Andrew Jackson, upon leaving office, on things he had left undone -------- "The kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree and then mount the stump to make a speech for conservation. ~ Adlai Stevenson, on Richard Nixon -------- "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad name." ~ Henry Kissenger -------- "When I am right, I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he is wrong. We are angry at each other much of the time." Charles de Gaul, on Winston Churchill -------- "An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street, and when the door was opened, Atlee got out." ~ Winston Churchill, on Clement Atlee (See Churchill's comments in the first post of this thread) -------- "He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened." ~ Churchill, on Stanley Baldwin -------- "How can they tell?" ~ Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), on hearing that American President Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933) had died -------- "I thought he was a young man of promise; but it appears he was a young man of promises." ~ Arthur James Balfour (1848-1930, on Winston Churchill (1874-1965) -------- "Listening to a speech by Chamberlain is like paying a visit to Woolworth's; everything in its place and nothing above sixpence." ~ Aneurin Bevan (1897-1960), on Neville Chamberlain (1869-1940) -------- "One could drive a schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact." ~ David Houston, American politician, on William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925), American lawyer and politician
Posts: 16164 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
"Would you buy a used car from this man?" - Asked (by countless comedians) about Richard Nixon -------- "He's dumb....But, he's friendly." ~ Richard Nixon , speaking about then Watergate minority counsel (later presidential aspirant) Fred Thompson (who later admitted giving Nixon evidence as the Congressional investigators gathered it)
Posts: 16164 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Originally posted by Fourbrick2: A couple arrived late for the show, and the comic sarcastically told them they were late. The reply-" If we'd known you were on, we wouldn't have come at all."
This story originates with the late Dickie Henderson jr, a British cabaret artist and comedian of the 1950s who used to tell it against himself.It's often repeated in reference to an anonymous act (the Liverpool comic, Tom O'Connor tells it) but it really did happen to Dickie Henderson. He used to give it as a lesson he'd learned about stardom. It happened when he was first 'a name', meriting at least the close of the first half of the bill. He'd been on TV and had persuaded himself he was on his way (He'd read the reviews). So, when this couple entered late he was ready with a prepared repertoire of gags about trains or whatever for just such an event ,and opened with a friendly "Good evening Sir and Madam, you're late" but before he got to the line the man, already annoyed, interrupted sharply 'If I'd known you were on , we wouldn't have come at all !'.That was a lesson. He used, he would say, remind himself of that when he was top of the bill. "Just remember who you are really working for, who really pays your wages, and who you have to please.And it isn't the man who puts your name in lights or opens the limo door. It's the man who had a choice. He needn't have come at all".
When the sewerage system under the Mausoleum of Lenin was damaged and a leak happened, Saint Tikhon of Moscow (January 19, 1865 – April 7, 1925, Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church) replied "The balm accords with the relics".
Posts: 16164 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Let's not forget the brilliant wordplay of the wits in the current US administration:
There's an old saying in Tennessee. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says: "Fool me once... [pause] ... shame on... [pause] ...shame on you... [pause] ...If fooled, you can't get fooled again." George
