Congratulations, Doug! Sounds like you're taking 100% of the responsibility. That's what you both should do.

That likely means that when you decide you want children, you'll be welcoming, responsible parents. That's exactly what every child needs!

Your girlfrind is one of the lucky ones.

I don't know. I think it's great that you're being so responsible, but I can't help thinking that if my partner came to me with a "checklist for sex," I'd suddenly feel, I don't know, really unsexy. I think it's possible to be responsible without, I don't know, making a checklist. Being safe really isn't that complicated. Wear a condom and you'll be fine.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. Um, so, not sure how to end this post. Have fun?

A condom alone is not enough to assure no conception. They can break, they can leak during detumescence, they can be defective from the factory. (What! Manufacturing defects? Surely not!!)

A condom alone is better than nothing -- much better than nothing. But if not getting pregnant is important to both, then both should take contraceptive measures.

Besides, when one is insecure of holding one's mate, getting 'accidentally' pregnant is one way that either party can use to hold the couple together. People of both sexes have been known to cement their relaitonship this way in the past.

The result of an unwanted marriage is usually unhappiness for all concerned and usually a later divorce - with the child getting the worst of the fallout.

And loss of libido due to contraception is usually overcome. Human libido is amazingly resilient. Loss of libido has fewer terrible consequences than does having unwanted children.

Babs is right, of course. But I can't help feeling the same misgivings as Sarai, I can't imagine presenting my partner with a "check list" like a prepare for take-off approach to copulation. I guess I'm old-fashioned. There's something to be said for impulsiveness, living dangerously, trusting. No?

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There's something to be said for impulsiveness, living dangerously, trusting. No?

Absolutely, there's a lot to be said for it, but you can't be so impulsive that the things to be said for it are "Congratulations, she looks just like you!" or "I now pronounce you..."... There's a great deal more to be said for foresight and responsibility.

That said, I'm also hoping the checklist is an advance preparation, not a bedside "preflight" inspection sheet... It's wonderful to be so careful about being prepared but if this list is around when the time actually comes, it could kind of affect the moment.

It is an excellent idea to be prepared. I would agree with the others, though, that to have a checklist seems somewhat domineering. Sex should be sexy and somewhat romantic, even (especially if you’re not trying to conceive). It should not be scheduled and timed and planned out step by step. Yes, there are things you should do and be aware of and have ready, but you should not go so overboard that you lose the intimacy of the relationship in the process. There is a balance, I would say.
Also, I would not appreciate being handed a list and told what to do by my partner. It is much better to talk about it and decide things together, not be informed of my part in the relationship. A checklist is for a pinic or an emergency evacuatrion, not fdor sex.

Yes, you should always have a supply of condoms, but you may need to try a few different types and styles before you decide which you both like the best (note: we once ended up with a “mint flavored” condom as a joke and when we used it, the smell was so strong I couldn’t stop laughing -not sexy!).
Yes, she needs to be on birth control. But the type of birth control is a decision to be made by her and her doctor together. They will decide what is best, what she is most comfortable with, etc.
Before buying a pregnancy test to keep on standby, be sure you check whether they expire. The last thing you want is a panic because you used an expired test that gave a false reading. But, if you are using protection consistently and correctly, you should not need to use a test. And if you do, it might be best for her to make an appointment with her doctor for a test, rather than self-administer at home. Also, you would want to think about who you both live with. Could someone find the test and cause a new batch of troubles?

It is definitely responsible to have a checklist, but you may just be better off relying on your common sense. Just be protected every time, the whole time. But don’t go so overboard with preparations that the intimacy is ruined.

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Before buying a pregnancy test to keep on standby, be sure you check whether they expire. The last thing you want is a panic because you used an expired test that gave a false reading. But, if you are using protection consistently and correctly, you should not need to use a test. And if you do, it might be best for her to make an appointment with her doctor for a test, rather than self-administer at home. Also, you would want to think about who you both live with. Could someone find the test and cause a new batch of troubles?

Elexina makes a couple of truly excellent points, in particular, about the expiration date of the test kits... when they get old (or are stored improperly)they can give false results, so it is best to either go the the clinic for a test if the need arises or to go buy a test at that time, not keep one hanging around.

Who takes advice from an octogenarian? I think impulsiveness is a danger, spontaneity is the aim, preparedness is advisable, granted. But, perhaps the most important ingredient is trust. All methods of preventing unintended consequences are, nevertheless, subject to failure. I hate to be a party pooper, but if you can't run the risk of failure, wait until you can. No one deserves to be left holding the bag or facing the consequences alone.

I will assume that both you and your girlfriend are of age (please don't bother to correct me if I am wrong, I'm too old to accept this alternative reality ). My statement is just to make it clear I disagree with underage folk doing things I did when I was underage (Yeah a contradiction, but I paid with being a daddy at a tender age too).

First of all men should always carry condoms with them and know the proper way to put them on and take them off. Further guys appear to not understand that condoms can not be left on the dashboard in the sun, nor should they be left in the wallet, nor should they be left in a box in a drawer for years at a time.

Condoms have expiration dates, condoms do not work well after sunbathing on the dash board for a day, nor do they work well after being crushed under buttocks in your wallet, nor do they work well when mishandled, over stretched or left open for more than a night. They are single use items to be tied off and disposed off after one use ONLY.

Now days there are a wide variety of "styles" to choose from. There are also personal lubricants that are used with latex (rubber rubbers) which are water based. Many choices. Now I know you will be embarrassed to ask or even look at the druggist/pharmacist however they usually know the difference between each product and are the second best person to talk to when you are considering you condom purchase.

Some condoms come with spermicide with them, some of the lubes come with it too - and yes it is perfectly sage to double up on that aspect by using both a condom and a lube dosed with spermicide.

You can not (shouldn't at least) use a petroleum based lubricant with a latex condom, it severely reacts with the latex causing the condom to rip, tear or develop holes. All it takes is on hole to lead to a big problem. Thus forget vasoline (petroleum jelly).

Someone suggested animal (Lamb)membrane this is great for the purposes of keeping away pregnancy, they are no good when it comes to many STD's - keep that in mind.

There are newer "non-allergic" yet effective STD barrier condoms on the market. I believe the packaging states that if not ask the pharmacist.

Secondly, your girlfriend should be more active in the contraceptive department as well. Not only is there the pill, there are other options that she and a doctor should discuss weighing each for its value and taking into consideration your usually meeting style - if it is spur of the moment, or more planned out. Spur of the moment tends to get us into more trouble than we imagine.

All contraceptives by themselves have a risk factor of failure:

The implant and injectables have the lowest failure rates (2-4%)
Followed by the pill (9%)
The diaphragm and the cervical cap (13%)
The male condom (15%)
Periodic abstinence (22%)
Withdrawal (26%) and
Spermicides (28%).

(from: http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3105699.html)

With that in mind is is always best to use several systems at once, say The Pill AND a Condom AND Spermicide - Resulting in a lowered risk of failure.

Demonstrating with numbers lined up like that may best answer your initial question about using two spermicides, I think this shows why that advice was given. I hope it will show that you both need to take a few more steps to reduce the risk of accidental pregnancy.

I would urge you both to consider going to say Planned Parenting where you can talk to professionals TOGETHER about your options TOGETHER. It wouldn't hurt for BOTH OF YOU to get tested for common STD's before you launch. Granted you might both be Virgins so that advice may be unwelcome I don't know and don't want to know. I will assume that there is causal contact risk with some of those STDs that will be tested for. I do know that knowing 100% for certain that your partner is disease free(or even not "disease free") means that you can operate a little better in bed IF you know there will not be any surprises.

And yes as will all things in a relationship talking together about anything is good for the relationship. However, as with all things, knowing when to talk about "stuff" and when to keep silent and wait for the right moment is also advised.

I skimmed through this thread, so forgive me if this "oldie" was posted.

What do you call a couple who uses the rhythm method?


PARENTS!

I did some research on spermicie and found that it can cause females major medical problems such as UTI's and it can disrupt the vaginal bacteria balence. Can any one conferm this?

You did the research - not sure why you want us to confirm it. First of all, I would hardly call a UTI or disruption of the vaginal bacterial balance a "major medical problem". And secondly, the only side effect that I have seen reported with spermicides is the possibility of irritation or itching. I think the source you got your information from was referring to spermicide creams that are inserted via an applicator. You are using more of that, it is messy, and because of the amount used and the placement, it can cause iritations and possible UTIs. But I think most of here are referring to spermicide that is on a condom and that rarely causes any complication at all. In fact, I can't say that that I have ever seen spermicide cream, gel, film, or foam in a drug store. I've just seen it as an ingredient on condoms.

Georgia, the gels, foams, films etc are often kept in the same area of the store as the feminine hygiene products, and many stores keep the condoms somewhere more visible to prevent theft.
Doug, most women have no trouble at all with spermicide when used correctly. Some women are sensitive to it and a small percentage are actually allergic. If after you've seen a health care professional, you and your girl come to the conclusion that a spermicide besides what's on the condom should be used, read and follow the directions carefully and all should be well... but do not make any decisions until you've consulted a professional.
Many of us can offer information, none of us are in a position to properly evaluate your specific needs and make a recomendation.

MrsS - I'm going to Target tomorrow and look! I swear, I've never seen any in that area - only hygiene sprays, wipes, lotions, and lubricants.

I was going to use a gel and a condom with spermicide on it. Do you agree that it is a bad idea to use together? I guess the way to go about it is that give the spermicidal "tools" a try and see what happenes. If her body reacts to it in a bad way then we'll stop using it. It is also a good thing to use in small amounts and not large? What harm can a little amount do. You don't know unless you try. We'll follow the directions on every thing and see if the exp. date is ok on every thing for sure.

You need to confirm that your source of information is a medical source. Some people who think birth control is a sin (murder) put out bad information e.g. the story that condoms have pinholes in them so you'll get AIDS and get pregnant anyway.

On a spermicidal condom that we were going to use made by Trojan states "This Condom should not be used as a substitute for the combined use of a vaginal spermicide and a condom."

Doug, here is a link to your nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic.
Make 2 appointments... one for your girlfriend to have an exam and consultation and one for the two of you to recieve counselling to help choose a set of methods that is right for you.

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Originally posted by MrsS: Make 2 appointments... one for your girlfriend to have an exam and consultation and one for the two of you to recieve counselling to help choose a set of methods that is right for you.

I absolutely second that. You need to get accurate information about what is best for your particular situation from an actual medical professional.