I have a 13 year old sister and "older" parents (50 and 53--she was a surprise, midlife baby). When my older sister and I were her age (13 and 19 years ago, respectively) we weren't allowed to have people spend the night very often, weren't allowed parties, couldn't date, rarely could go to school dances or the mall with our friends, and almost NEVER could talk to boys on the phone.

For my little sister its different. She can do all those things, including talking to boys on the computer and on the phone. She even has "boyfriends" that she sits with at lunch. She's also allowed to wear makeup (not much) and wear somewhat revealing clothes (not slutty at all, just a lot more revealing than we were allowed).

I obviously lack perspective. Is what she's allowed about average for kids her age in a suburban area?
********************************************************
09-30-03, 05:09 PM
shelster
I have noticed the same thing with kids these days. In my area, makeup and "boyfriends" are fairly common at that age. I know I was wearing makeup by 13, and my daughter wants to wear it now at 10!. I don't necessarily agree with talking on the phone and computer with boys at that age, but most kids here already have cell phones and chat regularly by 13.

09-30-03, 07:51 PM
honilov
Yes, that is average for kids her age these days, and I'm sure that why your parents are allowing it. That is not bad at all compared to some of the things that 13 years olds are doing these days.

09-30-03, 09:52 PM
Sherasi
I was much more restricted than my brother was who was 8 years younger than me..

todays teens have MANY more privileges and opportunities than I ever had at that age! Eek
09-30-03, 11:57 PM
puppyblues
The times, they are a changin' Roll Eyes

10-01-03, 06:58 AM
Cyndiluwho_99
My sister was 7 years older than me. She couldn't date until she was 16...or wear makeup and stockings (no pantyhose in 1964)...yet when I was 14 I was dating and wearing false eyelashes, no less...and married at 16 (ok...what WERE my parents thinking?!?)

Times do, in fact, change...what is acceptable changes...sounds like your parents are just keeping up with the norms.

Also, we parents do seem to loosen the reins a little with the second (or subsequent) kid, once we've learned that the little buggers won't melt.

10-01-03, 02:25 PM
MommyTimesTwo
I'm glad you guys all think it's okay. My older sister and I really don't have a basis for comparison (my one sister in law is 14, but my in laws are very religious AND she's a tom boy so they have nothing in common). We were afraid she was "running wild", my parents often say they are too tired to keep up or whatever.

Thanks for the peace of mind!

10-01-03, 02:35 PM
DvdGStwrt
I am utterly amazed at how far parents have come in allowing their kids to do what they want.

But then the neighborhood here does not have kids running around all the time on the streets, nor do I hear the old rhymes of 'Olly, olly in free' or "red rover, red rover"

Sadly the sidewalks are lacking in chalk lined hop-scotch designs and I haven't seen three girls doing double dutch while singing a catchy rhyme. since all of those houses were built.

The streets of the suburban insta-neighborhood across the way (where only 5 short years ago were grapevines and almond trees - sigh) Are remarkably silent, though I know there are many families in those houses.

But too I also note that there are about a dozen or so For Sale Signs as well - These people just bought these houses a few years ago and they are moving on.

When I was a kid Name Brands were, well not heard of. Yes we wore Levis - but that name applied to all jeans - a generic word at best. It wasn't until Polo and alligator that labels started to be important. Now we have Nike this, Nike that - and all the other triple (+) priced items which we are only buying the name.

My nieces insist on wearing people - Well, wearing names. And too there appears to be a competition between them and their peers to have or own or be connected to the latest technologies. I am reminded at the blank stares when people would ask me for my email address and I would say I did not have one - Now I do, but now I am expected to have a PDA or something - Whatever.

I am not too surprised then at the pressure they are under to perform.

I know people who's kids have a schedule of events that were unheard of in my time. Practice this, club that, When do these kids have the time to be, well, kids?

By the time they are teenagers they have not been kids for so long that its not even funny.

And technology. Have to have it, kids have to have a computer in order to do their homework. That means not only the hardware but you have to be online - so they can study - which opens up another can of worms.

Cell phones? I was lucky to be able to give out our home phone (back in the days of rotary dial even!) Today every teenager has their own personal cell phone. Not too long ago only Lawyers, Doctors and drug dealers could afford this technology. (Add to this pagers, we carry a pager and a cell phone???? Hmmmm)

In short our society has changed, our technology has had a very large impact not only on how we do business but on how we conduct our daily lives.

That is bound to have a deep and lasting effect on how we raise our children.

Kids today are older, and wiser than the innocents of a generation ago. With TV, Cellphones, The WWW information is out there, kids are subjected to so much they have no other choice but to grow up fast. Not only that we believe that we must be connected, we must have ten dozen communication systems so someone can get ahold of us (Yet at the same time we have Caller ID, Voice Message, and the off button so we can be unconnected as well - Ironic)

Today kids are not outside chasing each other and playing hide in seek. Instead they are most likely on line playing 'Killer Military War of Wars' or some such nonsense.

Parent's too are buying in to all of this stuff. I'm told to 'email' them, or Call their home, or work or cell phone, I am given email addresses, PM addresses, Cell phone numbers, Home Numbers, Faxes, Pager numbers all so I can talk to them once or twice?

If parents have to be connected, then their kids must as well.

I think society took a wrong turn.... My thought.

David
10-01-03, 06:38 PM
clarebear
I think that is very typical for a 13 year old.

The revealing clothes are what the stores are selling. Tight shirts and flared pants are just the style right now. A little makeup is fine. I would wear makeup to school but I washed it off before I got home. (I would have been in big trouble)

My little brother got to do a LOT more things than I did when I was a kid.(there is a 14 year age difference) It used to make me little jealous too. As I got older I realized that it is a different day and age now. I think the main issue was money. My parents didn't have the finances to let me wear cute clothes or go out to the mall. The economy is much better than it was when I was a kid.

It sounds like she is just a normal teen. Smile

10-02-03, 12:07 AM
MommyTimesTwo
Clare

I'm not really jealous, I'm more worried that they are letting her "run wild" and that she'll get into a situation or something harmful. Probably not likely (my dad is a BEAR when someone threatens his kids!) but I worry.

10-02-03, 01:34 AM
SeattleRon
I never lived in the suburbs so I don't know.
I could remember though when i was like 12 I"d bring girls around, but my parents wouldn't let us hang out in my room unless the door was open.
Then when I'd go out with a girl when i was young one of the parents would always drop us off.
I was always allowed to talk to girls on the phone in private and sit by them at school.
Al those things changed for me though when i was like 14 and my mom found a package of condoms in my backpack.
We had a talk, a long talk. About the birds and the Bees.
My parents were pretty relaxed about it. So I guess it's pretty normal for it to happen for dome families. Everyone is diffrent.

10-02-03, 06:45 PM
samantha
Kids are sooo much different than when i was younger. Tho, I also have very strict parents so I am sure that accounted for alot of it. I never dated till I was alot older and then only a date here and there i can count on one hand to baseball games etc. always in a crowd. Tho, having five brothers I hung out with the guys alot. I never really tho, wanted to date.

10-03-03, 06:02 PM
Kendor

quote:Originally posted by DvdGStwrt:
I think society took a wrong turn.... My thought.

David

My thought is, that you're right; but not about teen girls, makeup, cell phones, and such. All of that is directly aligned with nature's call to reproduce. (I will elaborate upon request).

There are much bigger mistakes we've made, (as a society), most of which involve loosening our collective morality in order to appease a growing mass of perversion.... My thought.

10-03-03, 06:59 PM
shelster
Kendor, I have to agree with you. The things kids are doing at younger ages are definately a symptom of the changes in our society.

They are no longer allowed to just be kids and play...they want everything younger and younger....

Sad state of affairs

10-07-03, 04:21 AM
SeattleRon
it's almost like the midieviel times again. Kids are thinkin they grown at a real young age now. Kinda like the ShakeSpeare times.
Married at 14 die at 30.

10-09-03, 10:51 PM
billabong¤gurl
Nah, it's completely normal for kids our age (I'm 13, birthday was yesterday! Big Grin) to do allll of the above. Times have changed, and all the more experienced younger girls to get. Nothing to worry about; as long as she stays a good kid and doesn't go wandering off in the wrong direction!

~Always Listen~
-=-=-Tiffy-=-=-

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,