My son wants to pierce his ears. It was 1975 when I was 16 and had pierced mine but the boys didn't pierce at all. If I let him do this anytime soon, will I give the message to keep on piercing? I am okay with the ears but will that be enough? Or just give an indefinite 'No' and hope it goes away? Any thoughts from parents, singles, teens - all are welcome. **************************************************** 04-08-06, 11:04 AM Sherasi I think you should have a serious talk with him about what his future goals are first before allowing any piercing. Depending on what he wants to do as a career, a piercing could seriously effect his ability to obtain a job or advance in a career.
The more conservative careers of banking, lawyers, businessmen of various sorts, teaching would all be hindered by piercing. Most of these (but not all) allow a single ear piercing, but it really depends from corporation to corporation.
My husband, Sagus, does not have a piercing at all and he is training to be a teacher. I don't mind ear piercings in men, but beyond that it can effect how their work perceives them.
I don't know if that helps, but there it is. Smile
04-08-06, 01:44 PM clarebear When my son was younger, he wanted his ear pierced. A friend of his had a piercing and my son wanted one too. I told him no. He got over it. I would at least wait until he is 16. Chance are that he wants it because someone else has one- not because he really likes it himself. My son is now 18 and is glad he didn't pierce anything.
04-08-06, 02:22 PM jusork It's also possible that this is a look he's actually getting into.
It's somewhat doubtful that ear piercings will lead to more body piercings. There are plenty of ear-pierced guys who have just done the ears. But are multi-piercings really that serious? And one can always take out the piercings when going for a job, no?
04-08-06, 06:37 PM MrsS Set an age at which, if he still wants to do it, you will not interfere. but do not allow a child to make a decision to permanently alter his actual flesh. 16 seems reasonable, but I barely approve of little girls getting their ears pierced before at least 13....Most folks have forgotten the origin of piercing the ears in Western culture... it was a way to display wealth and announce that a girl was of marriageble age and had a dowry...while that is no longer the message, it should, I believe still be a rite of passage and not a childhood event.
04-08-06, 09:57 PM SeattleRon don't have a serious talk with him. Just let him know casually about the Do's and Don'ts. The do's are go for it and express your indivuality. The don'ts are, it could be potentially dificult to get a job in the future. It's like a tatoo pretty much. If he wants to get it, I say let him and let him learn from his mistakes.
04-08-06, 10:42 PM jusork
quote: Originally posted by MrsS: Set an age at which, if he still wants to do it, you will not interfere. but do not allow a child to make a decision to permanently alter his actual flesh.
What makes it so serious that you'd recommend a certain age to do it at? It's as if the skin is sacred and putting a hole in it is bad. I can understand that it's kind of serious, but not major serious.
04-08-06, 11:12 PM coldfuse Remember who runs the house!
Do you want him to have a piercing? If not, then do not let him. If so, then do.
04-09-06, 07:55 AM clarebear
quote: Originally posted by jusork:
quote: Originally posted by MrsS: Set an age at which, if he still wants to do it, you will not interfere. but do not allow a child to make a decision to permanently alter his actual flesh.
What makes it so serious that you'd recommend a certain age to do it at? It's as if the skin is sacred and putting a hole in it is bad. I can understand that it's kind of serious, but not major serious.
I know you asked MrsS this question but I agree with her. I think setting an age is a good idea. Remember, the child who wants this is a PRE-teen. Preteen is under 12 years old. I don't think someone that young is old enough to make that kind of decision. (IMHO as a Mom) There are other factors to consider. Is the child even old enough to take care of a piercing? You have to keep the area clean. Many preteen boys have trouble just taking a shower in the morning let alone maintaining post piercing instructions. There is a reason that piercing businesses require you to be a certain age. Body piercing is a serious matter. Why is it serious? You can get and/or spread a serious infection including HIV, if the piercing equipment hasn't been sterilized properly. You can get an infection or have an allergic reaction. If someone does choose to get a ear piercing (or any other piercing) do NOT use a piercing gun. They cannot be sterilized. I am not against piercings (I have a few myself). I do think preteens have a bit of an attitude. From the people I know that let their young kids pierce their ears, their attitudes got worse. I'm not saying that will happen, it is just an observation where I live.
04-09-06, 08:54 AM MrsS Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO think the flesh is sacred and that it should not be altered on a whim or without sufficient experience and wisdom to fully understand that the choice can have consequences. I have altered my own flesh, I have the traditional ear piercings plus one extra in my left ear and I have a tatoo...the original ear piercings were done for my 13th birthday and were an important milestone to me (there is a side story there that's pretty funny, but not important here)...the third earring was done a few days after my 18th birthday, marking my coming of age, the fact that such choices were now mine to make independently...the tattoo (my own design and of deep personal significance, not some generic pattern off the wall) came only last summer at age 36, after long and careful consideration and marked a period of intense personal change... I'm not saying that one should never make changes to ones skin, just that it should not be done lightly or frivolously.
As to the risks, Clare is right about the piercing guns, but mistaken about HIV being a primary risk, to contract HIV by that means would be a VERY remote possibility...the real risk there (besides random bacterial infections) is in the much more easily transmitted hepatitis and the sudden discovery that one has an allergy to certain metals or alloys.
04-09-06, 12:00 PM clarebear The Center for Young Women's Health, Children's Hospital Boston gives some tips for teens. This is one of the pages I referenced.
04-09-06, 02:09 PM MrsS HIV transmission by this avenue is not "Impossible", just very unlikely. In order for HIV to be transmitted this way, the equipment would have to have been used on someone who is HIV+ within a very short time of the next use and even then it would be long odds. HIV is pretty fragile to temperature and exposure to air. The virus can only survive exposed and at room temperature about 15 to 20 minutes.
Hepatitis, on the other hand, is virulently transmittable, very tolerant of temperature and air exposure and the risk of exposure through improperly sterilized equipment can persist for DAYS or even MONTHS, depending on viral strain. Hepatitis is also more commonplace than HIV and just by pure mathametics is the more likely risk.
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04-09-06, 02:23 PM SeattleRon Keep this in mind. when I wanted a piercing, I was 12. My parents wouldn't let me. I ended up getting a buddy of mine to do it with a safety pin and rubbing alcohol. My ear got infected and it ended up costing more to treat then it would have cost to get it pierced professionally.
Just a thought.
04-09-06, 03:26 PM MrsS Ron, Darlin'...It is certainly a thought, but (and you know we love you, so please don't take this wrongWink) You're not my top pick for a source for general parenting advice...and I'm willing to bet you were a bigger than average handful as a kid, just as much as you're a bigger than average handful as an adult...THAT part is most definitely a compliment in my book. Cool
04-09-06, 05:18 PM Julia0802 I didn't realize I forgot to say he is turning 10 this month. Still so young . . . but he is quite an intelligent kid and is feeling held back. His Dad has a temper and we suffer from from financial difficulties, so he is not spoiled by any means and want so many things that I cannot give him. Before I tuned in here again, I was just about to approach my husband to see if we should let him express his individuality this harmless way. But I like getting all the different perspectives and will give it some more thought. I was out with the girls Fri. night and got their opinions; some were saying, no problem, let him go for it; and others were saying no way - too early. Thanks for the feedback.
04-09-06, 07:43 PM clarebear MrsS:
Thanks for the info and the links. That does make sense now.
Julia:
I think at 9 years old (almost 10) that its hard enough to get your child to eat his peas, clean his room and pick his socks up off the floor. (of course that never gets better as boys age) I don't see him being able to take care of a piercing let alone even know that he really wants one. If he wants to express his individuality- that would be done by separating himself from the crowd. I say there is a 99.999% percent chance he wants one since someone else has one. That isn't expressing his individuality. That is trying to be like someone else. Did you ask him who he knows that has one? I bet it is someone he thinks is "cool". Let him know that he doesn't have to be like anyone else. Once he doesn't argue about going to bed on time, tell him you will talk about it. LOL 04-10-06, 09:32 AM Lydia I don't have any kids, but if I did...this conversation would pretty much go like this:
"You're nine years old, I said no...end of discussion"
04-10-06, 04:00 PM clarebear That is how the conversation went with my son. He got over it.
04-11-06, 01:02 PM lila I'm a girl so maybe the point I'm going to try to make won't necessarily apply to you're son, but here it goes anyway.
I got my ears pierced at the age of...oh..around five, very young to say the least. My family lived in the same kind of way yours seems to now, my dad was a warehouseman, my mom a hairdresser and income wasn't that great. I don't remember why I got the earrings, but they made me feel that even though I didn't have that much, I had something to show that I wasn't insignificant. My friends didn't get to make fun of me because I was poor because I had earrings. They had an almost magical effect on my self-esteem and because they were so important to me I made sure to clean them everyday before bed and what-not. I'm sixteen now and the holes are still healthy.(My mom also threatened to take them away and let my holes close if I didn't do so, which I think was an exellent way to make sure things were taken care of.) Also, as far as I know holes really do close if left without the earrings. If you decide to let your son get piercings and you don't like the results for whatever reason you could always just take the earrings away.
04-11-06, 10:07 PM MrsS Lila, I understand your point but I also know from my own experience, both being that age and dealing with people that age that withholding a privilege creates a lot less trouble than revoking it later...far better to let it be a goal to reach.
04-15-06, 10:41 AM SeattleRon I'm just sayin kids will be kids. we were all there once, so you know how it is. Just don't let it get to the point where he does something foolish like doing it with a safety pin and rubbing alcohol. I'll let you into something, I was 12 when i wanted a tattoo. My parents wouldn't let me. They were like if you can come up with the money then we'll get it. I came up with the money, and then they still said no. So i was like ok. I'm getting one anyways. I had a buddy do it with a safety pin and ink from government pen. To this day on my leg I have the word BigChron on there. That stands for Big Chronic. It doesn't look good. it looks like a faded prison tattoo. All I'm saying is, basically kids will be kids, they'll do what they want. Don't let them make the same mistakes you and I made. You can say no all you want, but in the end, if they really want to do something they will.
04-15-06, 02:00 PM clarebear If my son ever chose to do what he wanted regardless of what I said, there would have been a HUGE price to pay. Why? Because I'm the Mom and I said so- thats why. If there aren't any consequences then kids would just do whatever they wanted. If I told my 9 year old son he couldn't get his ear pierced and he did it anyway... OMG I think I would have ripped it out of his ear! Seriously.
04-15-06, 08:58 PM Julia0802 Hmmmmmmmm . . . . well the subject hasn't come back up and I'm sure not going to bring it up now! Thanks lila - I REALLY appreciate your unique perspective. And to all the others that are mostly against this idea. I really agree - this is to be cool; because others have them, not to express his individuality. So, we will wait and see for now.
04-15-06, 11:30 PM jusork
quote: Originally posted by clarebear: Why? Because I'm the Mom and I said so- thats why.
Would you really say this? That's probably the last thing you should say. Put some kind of reasoning behind it that he might understand at least. It won't hurt to try to reason.
04-16-06, 12:47 AM DorianGreyed Justin, you are young, and that is a young person's response. At your age, I would have said the same thing. But sometimes, as a parent, you run into situations that "Because I said so" is the only response left. As liberal a parent as I was with my son, I said the same thing a few times. I didn't like that I said it, but it was the only thing I hadn't said yet, and nothing else worked. My son was (and is) very intelligent and very mature for his age; most of the time, I could reason with him, and he saw the logic in what I said. But every once in a while, he didn't. Then you have a choice between allowing your child to do something that you are fairly certain he will regret, something quite possibly permanent, and often, something that is unhealthy, or saying, "Because I'm your parent and I said so."
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04-16-06, 01:34 AM babthrower I'm afraid I was a pretty permissive parent. Roll Eyes But you have to draw the line somewhere. I never literally said, "because I said so," but I have said, "Look, we've discussed this enough. Unless you can come up with a fresh reason, and better than what I've heard so far, the answer is no."
Otherwise the nagging just goes on and on, in the hope that the parent will finally cave in from exhaustion.
Of course then there are sighs and pouts and sulking in the bedroom. But they get over that pretty quickly. Young people are very resilient.
04-16-06, 08:54 AM MrsS My mom was, in many ways, as liberal and permissive as she could be, but I heard her patented version of "Because I said so!" more than once... "Because, My Sweet, until you turn 18, you are MINE, and this is how I want it!" I rang her yesterday, in New Zealand, to ask her what the result would have been had I directly defied her known wishes and gotten a piercing or tattoo at 10 or 12... she thought a moment and replied "I love you so very much that I can't bear to think of how much you'd have suffered for that!" My ears were pierced when I was 13, a birthday gift from mom's boyfriend...Mom and I had never talked about me getting my ears pierced, I had simply assumed that it was something that, like wearing make-up to school, would have to wait until I was 16, so I was surprised and delighted at getting this 3 years earlier than expected.... I was very excited and proudly bounded into the house to show mom the little gold studs gleaming in my lobes... she got very, very quiet (when my mother gets quiet, it's a good time to seek shelter).... turned out Paul had not thought to ask mom about this before taking me to the mall... mercifully, mom did not think this had been my bright idea, but poor Paul was in the doghouse for a month.
And, Justin, of course in an ideal world, parents have solid reasons for their decisions and explain those reasons but sometimes it's nothing more than "That doesn't feel like a good idea to me and there is no downside to waiting" and that is a parent's absolute right.
04-16-06, 09:54 PM jusork I like Bab's response. That would work.
But I guess I understand. I see what you mean about just having a feeling and saying it for that.
04-20-06, 07:03 PM gerry Gee, I know many a parent (including my daughters) who have had their daughters ears pierced at the age of 1...without the child's consent Wink. It is no big deal...for a girl. And they'll never have to ask permission when they're 12, it will be a mute point. It's different with a boy, though. Earrings on boys were a no-no until the Beatles arrived. Although liberalism has now sort of blended the sexes, parents for the most part still think 'old school' conservatism when it comes to what once was considerd a boy vs. girl issue.
04-20-06, 09:54 PM DorianGreyed My grandfather had his right ear pierced. It was the custom in Macedonia when he was born. I think my grandmother made him stop wearing the ring, though.
12-10-06, 09:49 PM twinkiebear8 I think you should let him... he will eventually get them anyways...
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
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