I have to know where my 15 year old son is, who he is with, I have to talk to their mom before he can go over there ( for the first time). If he leaves he has to tell me where he's going. Am I too uptight?
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04-18-03, 05:21 PM
Runic StormCrow
yes and no. it depends on your perspective.

let me give you an example:
my mother does the exact same thing. and, if no parents are there, no one goes. if the parent will get there in an hour, she'll wait for them. if she calls and their in the bathroom, she'll wait on the phone, even if it's someone's cell. it pisses the hell out of me.

these days, there are a lot of things that go on that we want to shield our youth from. i feel this is impossible. they'll find out sooner or later.


okay, that said, i'll say this. know where and when, and if people need rides/carpool. (this is a great way to get to know his friends). you've known him for 15 years. you be the judge. do you trust him? does he pull his weight? is he a "nice boy"? is he respected?
trust him. if he messes up, feel free to institute a strict punishment and STICK TO IT.

and always, ALWAYS let your son dress the way he wants to, without carrying knives, displaying rude messages, etc. if he wants chains and studs on his extra-extra-extra large pants, let him do it.

hm... i wish i could have been a little more informative about this, i know a lot about it, maybe i'll come back later, lol

04-18-03, 06:52 PM
puppyblues
No way Clare. I still do that and my daughter is almost 17. The commercials are right, ask where, how, with whom, what time, when and any other question you can think of. They may hate it now, but they will thank you for it later.
Least that's what I'm hoping for! Big Grin

Seriously though, I don't think you can be too careful at all anymore. Keep on asking. Smile

04-18-03, 11:32 PM
Yelena
God I hate those commercials. They're giving my mom ideas!

Sorry to say it, but I do fine without my parents nagging and annoying me every second.

Its the same thing with my mom. Know where he is and who he's with, but just to know, not to judge him or put restrictions on him or use it against him. I wouldn't mind my mom always asking who I'm with and where I'm with. I'd give out this info gladly, it's just that sometimes, she'll use it against me in later arguements or to judge me or my friends.

Let us breath and have some freedom, that's all we ask for. Lack, not too much, of it is usually what causes bad behavior.

04-19-03, 04:39 PM
puppyblues
Ahhhhh, my favorite little rebel, I KNEW you'd hate those commercials!!!! haha!!! Razz Big Grin

04-19-03, 07:04 PM
Kirby Lynn
I've found that by my mom giving me a little more independence lately, we've developed more trust. I can go out with my friends and as long as I call from my cell phone to check in, there should be no problem. However that's not to say that she wasn't "just a tad" overprotective of her baby girl only a few years ago. I wasn't allowed to do anything until I got my driver's license and a vehicle. I didn't get to go to the mall with my friends and no parental supervision until I was like, 15. Imagine being 13 and buying jeans at Gap with your mom and little brother and sister while the popular people got to go by themselves. This put quite a scarlet "L" for Lame on my poor little tweenie girl ego. However I knew that no amount of negotiation would have swayed her, so I waited, patiently...

I don't know if this overprotectiveness was advantageous--I'm not a total heathen, I pretty much stay clear of trouble now that I have independence and the ability to make decisions for myself.

04-20-03, 08:27 AM
Runic StormCrow
i am back, to say a small thing.

give his friends a chance. don't like them? he does. don't judge.

my friends are *slightly* overweight and have their hair dyed unnatural colors. just for some background, they're brother and sister, sister's eldest, both are in high school. well, i went to a party and i was talking to this girl who seemed nice enough. but when she asked me to go someplace else with her, and i agreed, my friend (sister) came up to me and told me that she was only going there to get drunk. from that point in the party to the rest of the night, my friend (sister) was always there, hovering near me to make sure i didn't hang out with the wrong people.

my dad thinks that this girl cares nothing for me and that her "self-destructive behaviors" and "poor parenting" (her parents are divorced) will rub off on me and make me a fat, good-for-nothing, uneducated jack*ss who sits in front o the tv all day. i want to scream at him.

give his friends a chance. stay loose. who knows? they may care about him just as much as you do.

____

p.s.- kirby lynn, i empathize. i'm still struggling with those kind of parents.

04-20-03, 08:34 AM
one2trust/jittabuggrl
not at all uptight. times have changed alot over the years and sad to say but its true the world isnt as safe as it use to be. fifteen or eleven or seven they can still get hurt or end up mixed in the wrong crowd by mistake an end up in unexpected trouble. your just being a good mother and in years to come he will appreciate what you have done for him.

04-20-03, 08:38 AM
one2trust/jittabuggrl
one other thing to consider. the news. its all over the news how teens come up missing, just as well as younger children. in my area the school recently sent home a notice that a level 3 felony offender moved into the neighborhood on parole. my point is, you just never know who is a few miles down the road, its better to be safe than sorry later on. there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to meet his friends, with wanting to know where he will be when out, and with giving him a time to come home at. I would question your parenting skills if you didnt. Smile he may resent it now, but this to shall pass Smile stay firm.

04-20-03, 12:47 PM
jusork

quote:Originally posted by one2trust/jittabuggrl:
times have changed alot over the years and sad to say but its true the world isnt as safe as it use to be.



You think the world is getting worse? If anything, I'd say it's getting better, much better. I'd think us 'kids' have as much of a chance of something happening to us as the kids in your generation did. I think this is why parents feel they have to keep such a close eye on us, they think the whole world is out to get us. I mean I know it's good to be prepared and cautious but just to make sure you know, it is possible to go places and not be kidnapped.

04-20-03, 01:40 PM
puppyblues

quote:Originally posted by Runic StormCrow

give his friends a chance. stay loose. who knows? they may care about him just as much as you do.

____

As much as friends may care about one another, no one cares about you like your parents. I don't expect you to understand or agree with that until you have kids of your own. When you do, you'll agree with me. Wink

04-21-03, 12:05 AM
jejelale
No way Clarebear!! He may not like it and will never understand until he has kids of his own.

04-21-03, 04:06 AM
Kalena
I see no problem with what you do. It's good to know where your kids are. My mom always wanted to know. Now, i just tell her. If i'm going out i tell her what i'm going to be doing, who i'll be with, where i'm going and when i expect to be back. I always carry my cell phone with me should she need to call me or me her. In fact, i ask her some of those same questions if i should wake up or come home and she's not there. Sometimes i act like the parent eventhough i'm not.
You son will thank you when he's older.
It's good that you ask questions, otherwise something could happen and you wouldn't know where to look or who to call. Better to be safe than sorry.

04-21-03, 08:57 AM
Elexina
Better safe than sorry, indeed. Forget about the fact that you love him and care about him for a second, your son is a minor and your legal responsibility. You have every right to know what he's doing and who he is spending his time with.
It will drive him crazy, no doubt. It drove me crazy when my mother did the same thing. But he'll get over it. Tell him you'll loosen up when he graduates high school. Smile

04-21-03, 02:47 PM
SeattleRon
i don't have a kid clarebear, but i don't think you're being too uptight. At that age it's a good idea to know Who, what, where, and when. As much as you might trust your kid remember teens will be teens, and mischief can occur.
Clare, you could make it easier and get your kid a cell phone so you can call him, or he can just check in every couple of hours to let you know how he's doing. That way he feels cool having a cellphone and when he checks in he can say to his friends, "I'll be right back gotta use the restroom", and make a phone call home in privacy so he doesn't feel like a little kid.

04-21-03, 03:05 PM
puppyblues
Wow, great advice Ron. That's a good idea. Smile

04-21-03, 04:03 PM
clarebear

quote:This put quite a scarlet "L" for Lame on my poor little tweenie girl ego.



That is by far the funniest expression I have heard in years!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL! Big Grin


Scarlet L ..... hahahahahah Smile

04-21-03, 04:14 PM
samantha
No clare..my parents were really bad about this and I never cared...but, now im older um 26 I think I deserve some freedom finally now Jeeze , but, my family still today keeps tabs on me.. Roll Eyes

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