my god sister she's 17. her boyfriend is 19. He choked her the other day so she called the cops. All they did was arrest him and he was released the next day, and from what it's looking like he's only going to pay a fine and get probation. Anyway he came back and hit her again.
Is it apropriate at this point to just go ahead and take matters into my own hands and knock the ***** around a lil bit? Since it's obvious the law won't do anything about it?
Or do you have any other alternative sugestions? i know about the whole restraining order junk, but it doesn't work.
If anybody has any suggestions i'd love to hear it.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow,

I'd say call the police again. They know he's done it before and should be harder this time. You have to be careful with what you do yourself. No telling what he'll respond to you with. And how do you know he's not just going to be even more mad? It sounds like that's the kind of guy he is. He doesn't want to leave and doesn't want to be made to. Maybe she can lock her door? Has she kicked him out or does he stil live there?

I'm sorry, but the real responsibility lies with your sister. I know she's very young, but the point is, the onus is on her. If she does not learn self respect on her own, she will likely just bounce to someone else just as abusive.

There is no shortage of immature young men with little or no impulse control. There is a shortage of sensible, self-respecting young women.

Of course if she asks for your help, that's different. But even if she asks, you need to talk to her to determine if she just wants you to be her cop, on hand when they get into an argument, or whether she realizes that an abusive mate is not an appropriate mate, and that she must move on, and be warier next time.

Because being her cop won't work.

Even trying to get the cops to be her cop won't work. They can get him out and she can get a court order to keep him away and call the cops when he disobeys the order. But if she keeps taking him back in between fights, the cops get pretty tired of it, and don't respond very vigorously when called. That's when a tragedy can happen.

It is all in her hands. The police must
be called as soon as another incidence arrives
so there is some sort of documentation of
the problem, and some sort of court document
of protection must be filed for. Getting
yourself thrown in jail would accomplish little
or nothing, and who would be there if she needs
help moving or something while you were in
the pokey. Be there for emotional support and
try to convince her of the folly of letting
him get away with it. If the authorities keep
getting this guy in front of them, they will
get tired of him and make his life hell.

As a victim of abuse in the past I understand what your sis is going though. You have to understand that he may her her brainwashed to some degree. She may have also told herself that she can change him.

I understand that you want to help but depending how deep her link to this guy you may push her away from you. Offer help if she asks for it but if she does not don't press it to hard.

If you KNOW she is being hit then by all means call the cops. You must understand that in order for him to serve any length of time she MUST file charges. If she does not then nothing will change.

No matter what your family will be in my prayers and i'm only a post away.

Ron, you have no right to knock nothing out of this guy. If you see him attacking her in your presence, then by all means, go to her aid, but not with deadly force. If you knock him around, he'll probably take it out on her.

She's a minor and he's an adult, so where are the parents?

I'm with honilov on this one!

Don't stir things up for your god sister. Abusive relationships are really tough and unpredictable. When you try to help in THIS area, you are not fully aware of the damage that will be done to THAT area! If you confront the guy, there is no question that SHE will suffer due to it.

Police officers hate domestic violence. It's just such a mixed bag of emotions and THAT could be extremely dangerous!

It is never appropriate to take matters into your own hands. If you are being threatened personally, that might be one thing, but assaulting him would be far more likely to land you in jail and the victim of a lawsuit than anything.
Unfortunately, your god sister is the one who must deal with this situation. She must get a restraining order against him, and call the police whenever he comes near her. It may not be the perfect solution, but you have to approach it the legal way. Violence toward the abuser is not the answer. Your sister has to take responsibility and get him out of her life.