If a teenage girl does not talk to guys do you think it is something good bad or neither? **************************************************************8 05-06-03, 09:37 PM Lydia Yafa, I think that depends on WHY she doesn't talk to guys. She needs to be able to talk to people in general if she wants to get along in society.
If it's just a "nervous" thing that keeps her from talking to guys, that'll change!
So, to answer your question, a little more info would be needed to answer if it's something good, bad or neither.
05-06-03, 10:13 PM Leppi Say it was for religious reasons...
05-06-03, 10:17 PM Lydia I guess if your religion prohibits you from speaking to guys then it's what you gotta do.
Personally, I think it's rather unhealthy, but whatever your beliefs are - so be it.
05-07-03, 03:03 AM Kalena Hmm, i don't really know on this one. I myself have trouble talking to guys, but then again i have trouble talking to people in general because i'm actually quite shy.
Yafa, could you maybe explain what you mean a little more?
05-07-03, 01:18 PM Georgia85 Yafa - certainly religion is as very important part of life...but even extreme orthodox view points are valid up to a certain point. You have to look at things realistically, study the translatations, and look at many view-points.
You know I side with Lydia on this. To sequester oneself from a specific group of people will not be beneficial in developing social and communication skills which are important to have in life. You are at an age where you should be developing them instead of diluting them.
Please look at the big picture and meet with others of your faith. I'm sure there is a way to still follow your teachings and continue to be a part of society.
Good luck my friend.
05-07-03, 01:30 PM SeattleRon Yafa I understand it is religious purposes that you aren't talking to guys, but you are talking to guys on here all the time.
Personally I'm not very religous, but i do go to church every sunday. All I can say is everyone from all religions bend the rules a little bit. Everyone lies, everyone sins, thats human nature. Nobody is perfect the only one who is is the good lord above. It's up to you to want to talk to guys or not, and I"m not encouraging you to break the rules at all, thats up to you. I"m just saying that talking to the opposite sex is a beautiful thing. Something nobody should be deprived of, regardless of what religion you are. It is a great experience. It's up to you if you want to experience it.
05-07-03, 04:56 PM Leppi
quote:Originally posted by Georgia85: Please look at the big picture and meet with others of your faith. I'm sure there is a way to still follow your teachings and continue to be a part of society.
This is not something I have to do. It is just something I consider strongly doing. But before I make any desisions, I want to hear other peoples opinions.
quote:Originally posted by SeattleRon: All I can say is everyone from all religions bend the rules a little bit. Everyone lies, everyone sins, thats human nature. Nobody is perfect the only one who is is the good lord above.
Ron, does that mean a person shouldn't try? NO person is ever perfect, I understand that. But they should still try. A person shouldn't say, I can sin because everyone does it. They should say I will try my best not to sin, even though I know I might not succed.
05-07-03, 06:36 PM gatman To limit yourself from a normal part of life is a dubvious move. Why ostracize yourself? Extremists actions tend to be a part of cults. You do talk to guys on here. You do talk to males in your family. You do talk to males in your church. At some point if you are married you will talk to your husband and later maybe even to your sons. You will do better at it all points in your life if you participate. Talking does not require dating.
05-07-03, 06:45 PM Lydia Yafa, if it's not required by your religious beliefs, I'm curious about your reasoning for not talking to men? What do you anticipate you will gain from it?
05-07-03, 07:13 PM Leppi I live in an extremly orthodox comunity. So by doing it I would not be ostrasizing myself, but I would more be fitting in. It is something that in my comunity is looked upon with respect and people are encouraged to di it all the time.
05-07-03, 09:43 PM Oceangurl Yafa, I commend you for your convictions. I understand this is a widely practiced custom in your community. My only concern is that you may be limiting yourself to some really important life experiences. Remember, the world is a very big place and you will not always be in the confines of your community. The better prepared you are to face life as an individual in a multi-faceted world, the better off you'll be.
Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be well thought over as you certainly are a very bright, intelligent young woman.
05-08-03, 02:30 PM SeattleRon Nobody is perfect nor should you try to be. Life isn't fun if you try to be.
05-08-03, 02:44 PM methos Yafa, In your mind, what are the benefits and drawbacks? I'm not clear on what the drawbacks of talking to guys are, unless it is because the situation is likely to result in some sort of temptation. Is that why?
05-08-03, 02:50 PM Lydia Yafa, also wondering if this will pertain to all facets of your life. For example, will you not "speak" to guys here on the site? will you not speak to men in supermarkets and such? I too am not certain of the actual benefit of your convictions. Why is it looked upon with respect in your community - by saying that, are you are saying that those who speak to men are looked upon with disrespect?
05-09-03, 08:19 AM Elexina I, too, agree with Lydia. And I, too, would be curious to know how far you intend to take this "no talking to guys" thing. Certainly, you cannot refrain from talking to all men. What about teachers? Relatives? Brothers? Or is it only males of your own age group?
From my point of view, people should be able to interact freely with others, regardless of their sex. It isn't normal to sequester yourself from certain members of society unless those members pose a significant danger to you. Boys, while immature and unruly, are generally not dangerous. (but that is not to say that you should not be careful and cautious around them!) BUT, if you feel more comfortable in your religion and culture doing this, than it is up to you. If you want to fit in and be accepted by your faith, then follow the faith. Be careful, though. Limiting your experiences can leave you naive and unaware.
05-09-03, 04:58 PM Leppi If I made the disision I would no longer come to answerpool. That is one thing. I would talk to relatives. I don't go to the supermarket, and I do not have any male teachers in school. Lydia, yes people who talk to guys are looked down aupon in my community. That is, until they are married. This is only until a person feels they are ready to get married. I guess you can say, my pinion is, I want to put ff the difficulties until I feel I am mature enough to handle them.
05-10-03, 12:10 AM Yelena I'm sorry, I always try to be openminded, but that is just WIERD! Not to mention WRONG in soo many more ways than I can name. Why on earth would you want to do that? What do you expect to gain from it?
Why would you want to keep yourself from talking with members of the oppisite sex? They are humans to you know. Just because they are male doesnt mean that you will be corrupted and turn into some evil sinning devil if you talk to them. If you are doing it to fit in with your community, then you really need to check your reasons again. Other than that I just honnestly dont get it.
Live a little jeez! Guys are great.
If I have any advice to give to you at all, it may be terrible, but RUN RUN away. As fast as those two feet of yours can carry you.
I'm sorry if I sound rude and arrogant or anything, I'm kind of really freeked out right now. Eek
05-10-03, 12:56 AM methos "If I made the disision I would no longer come to answerpool." Well then, my advice is don't do it Wink
"I want to put ff the difficulties until I feel I am mature enough to handle them." Keep in mind that it is experience that lets people mature.
05-10-03, 01:13 AM sonnet26 yafa:
You need to decide what is right for you. If your "community" has a prohibition against talking to boys, and you believe in your community, then, by all means, follow what your conscience dictates.
If necessary, talk to your rabbi for guidance in this.
If you are running into difficulty, with something in particular, you know you can email me with your concerns.
In all cases, you must follow the dictates of your heart and your convictions.
05-10-03, 09:38 AM jusork Talking to guys
quote:Originally posted by Yelena: I'm sorry, I always try to be openminded, but that is just WIERD! Not to mention WRONG in soo many more ways than I can name. Why on earth would you want to do that? What do you expect to gain from it?
I remember when you would say how so many theist people are fake and hypocritical.
I guess this is like when nuns get rid of all unimportant things to be more pure.
05-10-03, 09:52 AM sonnet26 Yafa:
Do what you think is the right thing to do, for you. We will ALL respect and support you.
Yelena:
Different does not mean wrong...it simply means different. Yafa seems to be conflicted about her feelings and beliefs, and some things she's experienced.
She needs to do what is right for her - what she believes - not what is right, or "normal" for any of us.
05-10-03, 11:53 AM Yelena Im sorry you guys I was just a little freaked out. I mean, it just seemed and still does a little wierd to keep yourself from talking to a specific gender completly for religious relseons. Yafa, I'm sorry, I menat no offense to you or your community.
Hey, jusork, ya caling me fake and hypocritical? RazzEek Razz
05-10-03, 12:16 PM jusork You have little smileys there so I'm not sure if your kidding Roll Eyes but you call people fake and hypocritical because they aren't living their life like they should then when Yafa does something real and righteous you say how it's weird. Just take it as a comment on how that sounds weird I guess. Razz
05-10-03, 12:16 PM Texan-In-Exile Yafa: "I want to put off the difficulties until I feel I am mature enough to handle them." Methos: "Keep in mind that it is experience that lets people mature."
Methos said what I was thinking.
I don't know what it's like to live in your community so I can't tell you whether to conform or not. But I know that NOT getting to know the male mentality is a definite obstacle in marriage - at least it was for me! Roll Eyes I was raised in a household of women. I had an idealistic concept of men and attitudes. Argh! (This is not against you guys; and I know each man is different. But in truth, men often see things from a whole different perspective from how women do. I didn't know this! Eek )
On the other hand, I don't know what you believe your role in marriage will be. Will you follow set rules established by your community? Or will you want to be independent?
These are things to consider. I know it's a lot to think about; but you're already thinking - a lot! This decision may well affect the rest of your life. So look deep into your heart. Go by what YOU honestly believe GOD wants you to do, not by what the COMMUNITY wants you to do. And then - whatever the answer is - you'll know it's right for YOU! Godspeed! Smile
05-10-03, 08:57 PM gatman Originally posted by Yafa: "If I made the disision I would no longer come to answerpool....I would talk to relatives....I don't go to the supermarket, and I do not have any male teachers in school....That is, until they are married. This is only until a person feels they are ready to get married. I guess you can say, my pinion is, I want to put ff the difficulties until I feel I am mature enough to handle them."
No contact over the net? No supermarket? I don't understand how this is not ostracizing yourself. As Methos points out how can you ever be ready to marry if you do not experience talking to others? Seperating yourself can easily cause bigger problems than those you avoid.
I am curious who set this as a positive standard? How do you meet a guy to marry? Is it arranged for you? Do you have any input into who?
05-10-03, 09:18 PM Leppi
quote:Originally posted by gatman: I am curious who set this as a positive standard? How do you meet a guy to marry? Is it arranged for you? Do you have any input into who?
I will probably go through a matchmaker. That doesn't mean I won't be able to choose. It will make my life easier, but I don't know if I will have the strength to stick by it.
05-11-03, 06:19 PM gatman Yafa I do wish you the best in life. This is far from the norm in our society but that of course does not make it wrong. I do see the point of making life simpler. Can you not talk to (not date) guys though and grow in your personal life and still use the services of a matchmaker? If you do kep to te standards you will be missed here.
05-11-03, 06:54 PM Leppi That is what I am doing right now. I talk to guys, but I don't date. A freind of mine breks up with her boyfreind, I get mixed up with it. The next thing I know, I am thinking about it during prayer time. It distracts me from my studies. I am not able to reach a closer relationship wth God because of this. What I am thinking of doing now, is tryng it temporarily this summer. I am going to be working in a bungalow colony, with no internet acess and the only guys there I know for a fact they won't talk to me. (Thank God) I am going to try and see how I manage and see if I can contnue to live in that manner.
05-11-03, 11:29 PM Yelena Hey I apoligized buddy.
Yafa, I'm just curious, what kind if a community do you live in? What religion is it?
05-12-03, 01:06 AM SeattleRon what i don't understand is if you are not allowed to talk to guys until your are married, how are you going to meet a guy to marry. Marriage is a sacred bond and in order to marry somebody you gotta talk to them to find out if you share a common interest and bond.
05-12-03, 02:40 PM Leppi Yelena- I am an orthodox jew. Ron- What I meant is until you are ready to get married. I would never marry a guy without getting to know him first! I mean waiting to get to know guys until you are starting to think about marriage.
05-12-03, 05:48 PM Yelena Either way yafa, I don't think any of us want you to leave. Frown
05-12-03, 07:22 PM Leppi Right now, the only thing that is stopping me from doing it are my freinds at answerpool.
05-13-03, 04:20 AM Kalena How will you know that you are ready to get married if you don't talk to guys? Usually people don't think about marriage until they fall in love. How will you know that you are ready to get married?
05-14-03, 02:31 PM mattlynda i agree with kalena. there is no way to know if you are ready to get married unless you have contact with someone you want to get married to. i was totally against having anything to do with guys until i met matt. i knew after about a week of casual aquaintance that i liked him a lot, and after a month of dating, we knew we were going to get married. 4 years later, we did. if you segregate yourself from guys, you will never know if you want to be married to someone. if i had chosen to not speak to guys, i would never never get married. you cannot know unless you have contact. if you want to avoid being in the middle of your friends' boy troubles, you will have to get rid of all your friends as well. the world revolves around interaction between people. there is no harm in talking to someone of the opposite sex. perhaps you could avoid being alone with boys, and only talk to them if your friends or family are around, but it would be harmful to not talk to them period. how are you going to form views and opinions about the world around you if you only speak to half the available people? what if you had to go to the doctor and the doctor was male? like you were in an accident and you had no choice on what doctor to see? would you not talk to him? or if you had to deal with the police for your own protection? would you not talk to male police officers? it is a lot to think about, and remember that we will support you in whatever your choice is.
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