Ok, I'm just here to vent about this situation with this guy I like. See, I'm 16, and he's 22. Most people would say that he's too old for me since I'm underage, but #1 - we're not even officially dating, and #2 - if we did it would be NOTHING sexual. No more than kissing. Anyway, I met him through my part time job at a vet. He is a vet technician, and I am a kennel assistant. So we've known each other only about 3 months. Ever since I met him, I thought he was really cute and I loved his personalitly. He can always make me laugh and he is so sweet and nice to everyone. We've become pretty good friends over the past 3 months of working 5 days a week together. I'm definately attracted to him, and I thought he was attracted to me based on a couple things. First of all, we have been really close a couple of times, and he has almost kissed me once. Second, some of my lady friends at the vet say they can tell he likes me an I like him (and I'd never told them anything about it). All this time I assumed, which I'll never do again mind you, that he was single with no gf or anything. Well today we were working on a cat when his cell phone in his pocket rang, he looked at it and I was just like "who is it?" Then he said "it's my girlfriend probably calling because I'm late." So I'm thinking that maybe they had a date or something (because he was only like 10 mins. late). But come to find out they live together. Now call me crazy, but shouldn't he have bought that up sometime before he almost kissed me??? I mean, it's obviously pretty serious if they live together. We've become good friends, and he's always such a gentleman towards me (opening doors, helping me put on my coat, etc..) that I thought (along with everyone else) that he really liked me. I only found out he lives with his gf from a lady that's always in everybody's business. A few others knew also, but no one that I really am good friends with, not the people who noticed we liked each other. So I'm just a little confused right now. I assume he loves his gf, and I'm pretty sure he still likes me too. So what now? All this happened today, and I don't know if I can be the same around him because of it. We would always be flirty with each other and kind of touchy-feely, but I just can't be that way now that I know about his gf. Someone please give me some advice. I don't know what to do about this, and I have to work with him tommorrow. Thanks! **Please do not post email addresses in open forums. Registered members can view your email address in your profile, if you wish to provide it.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow,

If he has a girlfriend and still gets "flirty" and "kind of touchy-feely" with an underage girl, then he is not a good catch...he's either a dog, or just does not have very good judgement and self control.
Continue to be friendly, but nothing more...If he should happen to ask why the change, tell him the truth...You don't feel right being quite that flirtatious with a man who has a steady girl.

The fact that he said "girlfriend" to you suggests to me that though he may be interested in you he is still attempting to let you know his 'situation' and I bet that the reason why he nearly kissed you instead of kissing you is because he is struggling with his possible desire to get involved with you and dealing with the fact that he is already involved. If this is really what is happening, there are other possibilities which I will explore below.

Now I know to you that 22 is so old and mature that he is an adult. To me (nearing 40) I see him as a young "boy" who is neither mature nor should he be expected to be fully mature especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I still do stupid immature things and I have more than a decade on him.

Humans are complex beings in that we can entertain the possibilities of dating another when in a relationship with another. We can also flirt and be nice with the unspoken suggestions of further happenings while not intending to put across that message. That is where the other party must take care that the glint in the other's eye is not a reflection of the beam in their own. This is to say that we are not reading into something more than what is really there.

You said "...he has almost kissed me once..." I get this image of an attempt but somehow his lips missed and hit the wall behind you or something along those lines. Not being there to witness this event I have to wonder if this was more of a pregnant pause which allowed you to read more into what is going on that what actually took place - a possibility and if I am wrong so be it.

What it comes down to is this:

1. Did you ever ask him if he had a girl-friend and he said "no"?

2. Has he hid the fact from you by circumnavigating tricky questions?

Sounds to me when put to the question he came right out and said "My girlfriend" you do not report a hesitation or him saying something like "Just my room-mate" to hide his involvement with this person.

As you know I am gay - That fact has not stopped plenty of women from thinking that my most innocent hugs and smiles were saying more than "lets be friends" Even observers have mis-thought that my gestures and what I said carried with it more meaning than I meant. This has lead to some embarrassing moments for all parties concerned.

I have also made the mistake (on more than one occasion) of thinking another person was putting out a message that was not so - part of it due to my infatuation with them, partly due to my inability at times to understand the subtle differences between friendly flirting and pick-up tricks. The down side to the later is I also missed out on possible relationships because I assumed that somebody was just being flirty not understanding that they were sending out the "real signals" that they were really interested in me.

All in all what I am trying to convey here is that there are two sides to every story. It is highly possible that he is interested in being your friend but is still committed to his girlfriend. It is possible that both parties are putting out the wrong signals that are not their intentions.

It is also possible that he is interested in you and is struggling with the situation by doing his hardest to be faithful to his girlfriend but is wrestling with his desire to get to know you better. If his relationship is on rocky ground it could be causing him even greater conflicts especially if he is weighing the relationship he is in already and attempting to decide if its time to cut bait or if he will stick around a little longer.

Since you may not have had the chance to be in his shoes I am offering up these possibilities so you can have a better understanding of what could possibly be happening so you can decide exactly how to proceed with your next step which logically would be confronting this issue and asking point blank if there is something going on.

However, it is still possible that you and your lady friends are reading more into what is really happening. If you feel that this is the case then you may not want to enter that conversation because you may be embarrassed – which is a valid feeling and is a natural thing. In fact being in error in matters of love is part of the human experience.

Also note that not everyone talks at work about their personal life. That means the reason why the girlfriend hasn't been mentioned before is because the conversation at work does not address this particular question.

Men are less likely to talk about their relationships than women especially in a business situation. Women, from my observations, will be more likely to mention their boyfriend’s with co-workers even when unasked. It is the nature of the genders to approach subjects differently.

This is not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just the way that men and women talk about themselves and their lives.

In the case you mentioned the Big Event that triggered his talking about having a girlfriend was a phone call because he was late - it may be that that circumstances previous to this did not cause the question to be raised thus it wasn't mentioned.

The fact that somebody in the office did know his status while the majority appear to not know underlines this is not a purposeful deceit on his part.

Simply put, you need to find yourself a boyfriend and forget about the adult that's taken by someone else. Being interested in someone is common among us but it's up to us to know where to draw the line.

A lot of underage girls get with men, and then the men get in legal trouble. Maybe he likes you but are not willing to go to jail for statutory rape in case it goes farther than kissing. Good luck.

Thanks for the advice everyone, especially DvdGStwrt. I'm still not sure where this situation will end up, we'll just have to wait and see. Thanks again everyone!

As you tell us yourself,
you are just sixteen,
have the whole life in front of you

which entails meeting more (and possible much better, who are worth your time) men.

So,
I agree with honilov to forget about this picked trout and fish elsewhere.