I'm really worried about my best friend. The other day in my a class we have together, she showed me that she had diet pills. Me and my friend got really mad at her after basically fighting with her. She's about 5'8 and she weighs 105 and she thinks that she's really fat and she can't even grab anything on her stomach. I never see her eat anything more that a few chips or a few bites of something then she says she's full. She keeps denying anorexia but I know something is wrong. She told us that her mom bought them for her but I know that's not true cuz I'm sure her parents are as worried as I am. We went to dinner last night and she didn't even eat 1/4 of her plate, her parents asked what she'd been eating. They know about her problem but she still denys it. She tries to tell me she's alright. I keep telling her that she's way underweight and she doesn't need to be thinner. But she thinks that she wont be able to get back into dancing until she's at LEAST 98lbs. For someone that tall 98 pounds is basically killing yourself. I talk to her and talk to her but no matter what, nothing gets through her head. I don't know what to do and me and all of her other friends are really worried about her. *************************************************** 11-07-04, 05:02 PM honilov Simple, I can understand your worry about your friend but there's little you can do except being there if she needs you. This sounds like a perfect case of anorexia and her parents should take control, and not accept her denial. Diet pills combined with not eating is heading for trouble. Why don't you have a secret talk with her parents. Maybe you know something about her actions that they don't know, and vice versa, and you can come up with something to help her.
Anorexia can lead to death, so maybe a scare tactic will help her see that she has a serious problem. Good luck to your friend and I hope she gets help soon.
11-07-04, 06:26 PM frankvan I think that in addition to what Honi advises, it may be advisable to have a talk with your school counselor. She is, in all likelihood, familiar with many such cases and has the professional training that parents and well-intentioned friends may lack.
11-11-04, 11:44 AM PerfectPeach I think you should talk to her parents. There is little you can do but be there for her. You cannot force her to eat nor can you solve her issues with food. If you talk to her parents, they can get her the right help she needs. I gurantee your friend will be angry with you for doing this, but she will thank you in the end.
11-18-04, 01:08 AM SeattleRon if you were once a teenager and I think we all were once. Then we should all know parents are not the answer. At that age Parents are the enemy who are just there because "they want to control our lives." Treat her like a real friend would and talk to her like an adult. This may sound off, but if need be, ask her how she would feel if you started taking diet pills. Then grab a handful and tell her that you think you're fat also. Fake that you're going to take all of them at once unless she stops. Tell her that if she cares about you and your friendship at all she will stop or get help, but not without you being at her side every step of the way. These can't just be words either you have to be there every step of the way. It's a process, but if you really want to help her it will definately be worth it.
**I promise you that if you're standing there with a handful of pills she won't let you take them.
11-18-04, 08:00 AM honilov Ron, I'm not trying to break down your advice, but it's not true when you say "At that age parents are the enemy who are just there because they want to control our lives."
Teens and parents just see things in a different perspective, that's all. No enemies, whatsoever!
11-19-04, 12:06 AM SeattleRon yea thats what i meant honi, the parent sees things how it is, but the teenager sees it as they are trying to control me. know what i mean?
11-19-04, 04:19 PM jusork Most parents aren't some big controlling dictators. Most also care about the well-being of their kids. Even if you get in fights with your parents, they're still there when their kids need them and many kids still will go to them if they need to. Based on Simplegirl's post, her parents seem to care and controlling parents don't seem to be a problem. Telling the parents seems to be a good idea and they seem like they'll want to do the right thing to help this.
11-21-04, 09:14 PM mrsblackiston Telling the parents is the best idea, because if need be they can have their daughter hospitalized before she makes herself so sick she becomes hospitalized anyways. But no matter what her parents need to hear about this, and from you would be good because they know you're her friend and are worried about her. Don't worry about her getting mad at you, because 1) her life is more important than whether or not you stay friends and 2) more than likely she'll get over it once she realizes how much you telling her parents helped her.
11-21-04, 09:49 PM coldfuse From Brown University:
Mental Health and Crisis Intervention in Portland can be reached at 503-528-4010. If another number is required, perhaps they can provide it for you.
Helping someone who is close to you can be difficult. The situations often require empathy, rather than sympathy. If you friend is truly in trouble (and anorexia can have severe consequences, including death), the professional advice and treatment is needed.
11-23-04, 12:32 AM SeattleRon you guys all make a lot of sense, but my statement stands.
11-25-04, 07:31 AM clarebear .
11-25-04, 10:05 AM clarebear I agree with frankvan. You should talk to your school counselor who will get your friend the help she needs. It will be confidential. I don't think you should be the one to talk to her parents. Your friend may feel like you betrayed her. (The only time I would recommend talking to someone's parents if if someone is suggesting suicide) The parents will take it more seriously if an official tells them and it will be much harder for your friend or her parents to dismiss the problem. They will have to do something about it. Coldfuse gave you a great link and number. Use it. She really lucky to have such a loving caring friend in her life. Please keep us updated. Smile
12-04-04, 02:03 PM PerfectPeach
quote:Originally posted by clarebear: I agree with frankvan. You should talk to your school counselor who will get your friend the help she needs. It will be confidential. I don't think you should be the one to talk to her parents. Your friend may feel like you betrayed her. (The only time I would recommend talking to someone's parents if if someone is suggesting suicide) The parents will take it more seriously if an official tells them and it will be much harder for your friend or her parents to dismiss the problem. They will have to do something about it. Coldfuse gave you a great link and number. Use it. She really lucky to have such a loving caring friend in her life. Please keep us updated. Smile
I dont think the school counselor can offer much advice except which classes she should take for next semester. Trust me, I've been in a similar situation and going to the school counselor was a bad idea. However, your school counselor may have had actual experience in psychological health rather than putting together schedules for students so I guess there is no harm in trying.
I think its a HORRIBLE idea to threaten your friend by saying you're going to start taking the pills too. That wont get her to stop... it will just cause her to hide it from you too.
The reason I suggested going to her parents is because they can get her the professional help she needs... A school counselor cannot.
It is very possible your friend might feel betrayed if you told her parents and she may hate you for a while, but when she is healthy again she will thank you for saving her life and the rewards will outweigh the consequences. Whatever you do, good luck in your decision and I hope your friend gets the help she needs.
12-04-04, 08:35 PM jusork Why can't the school counselor get her the help she needs, too, Peach?
12-04-04, 09:12 PM PerfectPeach
quote:Originally posted by jusork: Why can't the school counselor get her the help she needs, too, Peach?
I highly doubt the counselor will schedule an appointment with a Psychologist or some type of psychological health professional for the girl.
12-05-04, 01:07 AM DorianGreyed The girl's parents need to know. Clare, the girl is attempting suicide. Just because she is doing it slowly does not mean that she isn't killing herself. A teen's body is still in the growth stage, as is a teen's brain, and some of the damage that can come from these action may be irreversible. (If you don't think that a severe restriction of a growing girl's diet can permanently change her body, ask yourself this question: Have you ever seen a tall ex-gymnast?) Since a human's brain is really not done done making all the connections until the person is in his/her early to mid 20s, your friend is risking permanent brain damage. There are nicer ways to phrase it, but is she planning on being 'slow' and stupid all her life? If not, she needs to stop working towards that end, and if she won't, she needs to be stopped. PPeach is right; little can be done at through school without parental involvement.
SimpleGirl, unfortunately, you have been put in a position that you have to make a choice. Do you want to risk possibly losing a friend now with a chance to become friends again, or do you want to probably lose her later with possibly no chance for anyone to be her friend again.
12-05-04, 08:08 AM clarebear Simplegirl,
Please know that everyone here is just trying to help. I know you are under a lot of stress right now. It is so hard to watch someone you care about hurt themselves. (even adults have a hard time with this) Since the counselor can't help, you need to let her parents know. Follow your heart.
You could always type up a letter on your computer and send it to her parents anonymously. Tell them everything you have told us. That is what I would do.
Dorian is right. Your friend does need help and she needs help now. Don't wait.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
