My son's counselor called yesterday afternoon. My son spent the whole day in the office with 10 other kids. One of my son's best friends Jamie committed suicide. She was only 13 years old. Her dad went into her bedroom and found her with a belt around her neck. She hung herself from her bunkbed. The dad just went out in the street and started screaming. A neighbor called 911.


My son is going through a really rough time now. All he keeps saying is how he is never going to see her again and she is gone.

Her parents were really mean to her. Her mom called her ugly all the time and her dad hit her. She was used as a tool in her parents divorce. They would yell at her and tell her to go to the other parents house. My son said it was her parents fault. She even had an online journal. She was so sad and cried all the time. I guess she told some people she wanted to die but they didn't take her seriously. My son had to call her best friend and tell her. This is so hard. The funeral is tomorrow morning. I feel so numb. She was such a sweet girl.
From what all the kids are saying, her life at home was terrible. I told my son there was nothing he could have done. I am glad he has such a big support group. They are helping each other get through this.

Please if someone you know has talked about suicide, please try to get them help. You just never know.
*******************************************************************
10-14-03, 09:28 AM
Texan-In-Exile
Aww Clare - I'm so sad to hear this. Frown
Your son is a good kid. I hope between his friends and the counsellor, he can work through this soon. Just be there if he needs to talk and let him know that there's no time limit on his grief.
(And I'm here if YOU need to talk!)

You're right about never ignoring someone who threatens suicide (and not just teens). You just never know what's going through their mind. Even if they don't intend to do it, they obviously have problems or they wouldn't be crying out for help.

I wish that all teens could grow up to be happy adults!

10-14-03, 09:38 AM
twinhearts
I'm so sorry your son has to go through this. It would be hard on an adult, let alone a child.
My thoughts are with him and his friends.

Twinhearts

10-14-03, 10:49 AM
MommyTimesTwo
When I was a teenager I had a friend who always cried and who talked about suicide all the time. I told my parents, and other friends told their parents, but no one took us or her seriously. One friend told her mother, who called the friend an "awful little person" and wouldn't allow her around.

She didn't get help until she was found comatose in her bedroom after taking a number of bottles worth of pills.

Thank goodness, she is alive today and she got help, but I wish someone has listened to us before. She attempted suicide at least 5 times, including crashing her car intentionally into an electric pole in my front yard.

10-14-03, 10:53 AM
puppyblues
This is a really good site to go to.

http://www.yellowribbon.org

10-14-03, 11:54 AM
samantha
I am so sorry to hear this. I know how hard this is on kids and its going to be so hard to get over. My prayers are with you. I know first hand that when i get depressed and upset I think of this and I don't know what I would do at times.

10-14-03, 12:46 PM
clarebear
My son's school participated in the program from the site puppy just posted.

My son's school had yellow ribbon week. The whole school district wore yellow ribbons for the week. The kids were given For Life cards. They were also given the link. Jamie took part in the program too. Frown That is another thing. She JUST went through this program. Frown Frown

My son was on the site for a little while yesterday. The councelor suggested it.

International
Yellow Ribbon
Suicide Awareness and Prevention Week
September 21-27, 2003

10-14-03, 02:51 PM
IndigoFlavours
This is the saddest thing I have heard in a while... and sorry to go off-topic of helping your son through this.... but I am wondering if there is any legal action that can be taken against the parents. After all, they are the ones who caused it. I would want them in jail, suffering.

10-14-03, 02:59 PM
clarebear
I just dropped my son off at his friends house. He needs all the support he can get. I'm not sure about the legal action. He was looking at a homemade birthday card in the car. I looked over and there was about 20 signatures on. I asked him she was on it. He said, "Yeah Mom, she MADE it for me" Frown

10-14-03, 03:42 PM
piggins
This is so sad, it made me cry. My condolences to you and your son clare.

Frown

10-14-03, 06:10 PM
honilov
I am so sorry to hear such sad news. So bad for kids to have to face something like suicide. Frown

10-14-03, 06:59 PM
Kelleygirl
Oh, Clare, my heart and thoughts are with you and your son and that poor little girl. Not everyone should be a parent; the kids are the innocent victims. If there's anything I can do --- like write a note to your son --- please let me know.

10-15-03, 12:27 AM
Yelena
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! That really really really sucks. Frown

Oh well I don't know what else to say. My condolences deeply go out to you and your son. Frown

10-15-03, 02:45 AM
SeattleRon
Clare, my condolensces go out to you and your son. It is always very difficult to go through something like this.
I know what he's going through. If you or him need someone to talk to or confide in I'm here for you both. You have my email adress.
Something like this is a very delicate situation and it's really hard to know exactly what to say or do.
Be there for him Clare, support him all the way and make sure he's got a shoulder to cry on. Losing a friend is a very difficult thing.
I'm here for you if you or your son need somebody to talk to.

10-15-03, 09:22 PM
Nechama
Clare, my heart goes out to you, your family, and everyone effected. I’m sorry you are having to deal with such a tragedy. May you and those involved be able to find comfort. While it may not be easy and it may not be soon, it will happen. Have faith.

10-16-03, 09:58 AM
LVLF
I am very sorry to hear this horrible news, clare. I only hope that thru time, you, your son, and all who's lives this girl was part of, can recover and heal. Death is a hard thing to handle, suicide profoundly changes who we are. It is personal now, the image I have of a girl I never met, hanging from her bed with a belt around her neck, and what I take from that is to be kinder to my children, to everyone, and to watch more closely for the danger signs, and listen to my heart.
I have been thru this, the suicide of my nephew, and I can tell you it only gets worse, much worse before it gets better. We worried about our boys, after A's death. Our oldest son, who was very close to his cousin, grew very depressed, dropped out of collage, lost 2 jobs, slept his life away. We worked thru it, but the cold fear in my soul was there, as real and tangible as a block of ice, and if nothing else, if any good can come from such a horror, it is that we learn to appreciate our loved ones, and learn to talk more, communicate better, and really listen to each other.
I can't give you advice, I know from your posts that you are a kind, strong person. You'll get through this, and you'll get your son thru this, too.

lvlf=love life

11-21-03, 06:17 AM
clarebear
I have some more sad news. Last night my son told me ANOTHER girl killed herself. She was a friend of his girlfriends. She was 14 years old and she slit her throat. (How horrible!) It was over a boy. Mad Kids don't even realize there is a life beyond the here and now! This is awful. Frown
I don't know how much more of this my son is gonna be able to deal with. He is taking on everyone else's grief including his own. He is so emotional right now. He started counseling last week. He told me he spent the whole time talking about Jamie.

11-21-03, 06:32 AM
shelster
Clare,

He needs to really stay in counseling...big time. This is absolutely devastating for any kid. I can remember when I was a sophomore in high school there were about 4 deaths due to car accidents...it haunted me for years...and those were accidents.

I will continue to keep him in my prayers

11-21-03, 06:56 AM
Sherasi
I am soooooo sorry Clare. I am very glad your son is getting counceling. He really needs it. Frown

11-21-03, 08:22 PM
megan_09
I am still in conseling from when my friend Crystal died...

Death is a hard thing to deal with when you are a teenager..I am still not over her death...I dont think I ever will be...But I am working through it to try to feel better..

I cant imagine what your son is going through but I have some clue since I lost a good friend...but still, she didnt do that to herself.

Tell your son to stick through this no matter what...It will get better..Good luck...

11-21-03, 09:13 PM
samantha
Jeeze Clare im so sorry. I sure hope your son gets through this ok and Im so glad he has you with him during this time in his life.

11-23-03, 03:57 AM
Jelp01
I'm so sorry to hear about you and your son, clare. I remember a few years ago, a couple of classmates of my nephew drowned in an end-of-the-school year party. They had just finished their junior year. That was a hard time for everyone. That entire class seemed to go through their senior year in a daze. Kids that age think of death as only happening to old people.

My best wishes to your son. I hope he stays with his counseling, and that somehow, he came come out of this even stronger. It's awfully hard for him, but tell him to stay strong.

11-23-03, 08:26 AM
clarebear
Thank you all so much. I appreciate the kind words, advice and personal stories. It has really helped. Smile
12-13-03, 06:26 PM
puppyblues
Clare, we are into a very hard part of the year for people that have lost people. How is your son doing? How are the parents of these kids doing?

My prayers are still with you all.

12-14-03, 05:57 PM
clarebear
My son is still in counceling and probably will be for a long time. I don't know anything about the parents.

Thanks for asking. Smile

12-14-03, 09:59 PM
Tree
{{{{{{{{{{{CLARE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

12-24-03, 01:45 AM
Kirby Lynn
I just received word that a guy from my church committed suicide while I was out of state last week. He was 22 years old. I never knew him or his family, but I can't even find the words to explain how I feel about the topic of suicide. It's feelings of anger, helplessness, confusion, and deep sorrow, and my heart goes out to everyone who has or is suffering the consequences of these untimely losses of young lives.

12-24-03, 04:19 AM
puppyblues
I'm so sorry, Kirby. I wish there were magic words to explain things like this, but there aren't. Frown

There's a whole topic on this subject with some very good information at http://www.Herport.com

I'll keep you and your friends family in my thoughts.

12-24-03, 04:26 PM
jusork

quote:Originally posted by puppyblues:
I'm so sorry, Kirby. I wish there were magic words to explain things like this, but there aren't. Frown



I thought Kirby summed it up pretty well. "It's feelings of anger, helplessness, confusion, and deep sorrow." Is anger really a symptom though? I don't know about confusion either. Confusion in sadness maybe.

Yep, good luck to all those who are trying to get through deep sadness.

12-25-03, 10:06 PM
Kirby Lynn
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I can't speak for everyone, because everyone reacts to tragedy differently, but I guess the anger I feel when I think of Tyler's recent death is not really an aggressive type of anger, but frustration. Suicide is not an easy way out, it seems to me a complete waste of a young life, and life is a gift from God, that shouldn't be taken into our own hands. The confusion I find myself experiencing is a result of this frustration, not being able to rationalize why these deaths had to happen--along with the other suicides mentioned on this thread earlier, I've heard of two other young adults who have committed suicide in this past month.

Actually, now that I think back to my junior year psychology class, anger and confusion are both distinct steps in the whole mourning process.

12-26-03, 02:12 AM
clarebear
My son experienced shock, denial, confusion, anger, guilt and sadness. (not all in that order either). He has now finally accepted it. Most days are ok but he still thinks about her all the time. He still reads her online journal often. Many of the feelings my son experienced were similar to reactions of divorce.

12-26-03, 06:58 PM
puppyblues
I'm glad that your son is accepting of it now, Clare...as much as he can be anyway. I hope that tragety will stay out of his young life from now on and can have a happy, safe adolesence. (sp?)

12-27-03, 08:30 PM
clarebear
Thanks Pup. You know, that was JUST the right thing to say. Smile

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