I'am an Senior in High School and heading off to collage next fall. My girl friend on the other hand is a Senior in HS as well. (The same HS that I go to) and she may go to collage in CT while I will be in collage about an hour and a half from where we used to live in Ohio. We say that we will have to find a way to stay together. They say LDR's don't always work out. I told her their is always e-maling and letters and phone calls. It's not the end of the world. Will this really work? What should I do? Thx.

I believe that love distance relationships can work if you both really want it to. So give it a try, e-mail or instant message each other every now and then and keep that close relationship active in the process. I think that's the most you can do. From what you've told us, you two sound like you really want to stay together so I believe you, Doug.

Yes a long distance relationship can work - temporarily, if you are truly devoted, mature, settled and into long term plans. Temporarily can mean what ever you consider to be temporary.

Personally I measure temporary in years, some measure that in weeks.

College age people are not really suited for the long term plan nor the long distance relationship. Being youthful means you will want to party, and have fun and will, through that, meet new people, burn up more time and when you are young time slips by so readily, unnoticed. Unlike us older folk who begin to feel the press of time and hear the audible ticking of each passing second.

Please note how it is difficult to find stuff to talk about with a person who you know really well but haven't seen for a long while, compared to the person who you may not know too well, but you are seeing and talking to everyday.

This is partially due to our "shared experiences" and due to the gossip factor - we all talk about other people even if it is just to report facts (Bob has a cold, Susan is preggies, Tom got a promotion, etc). When there is a gap in our experiences and we know people that the other person doesn't or we have not been talking about everything in our lives everyday, we develop a distance which stymies conversation(s). This also has deeper psychological affects which stymies relationships due to there being no common frame of reference between both parties.

Jealousies can emerge, Say your Girlfriend gets to go to some great concert because she is in CT while you are where you are - Assuming for the moment that this is a band who you would kill to get tickets to see, there could develop a bit of resentment that your girlfriend got to go to that concert - Yes a small, minor thing, but with the distance and the addition of other small minor things similar to that, you get a belly full of resentment, jealousy and anger which could express itself in doubt, suspicion and other not so nice feelings which will add a burden to a relationship strained by distance.

The Email and Phone everyday will last for about a month - then you will both start being a little more lax in your diligence to write and call - It happens, she will have classes and homework, you will have what you are doing - Life will get in the way. If one of you are love sick and the other just doesn't have the time, again resentments, anger, frustration will rise up to cause issues. Les say you get swamped with Mid Terms and she is calling you every change she gets to tell you her troubles with Mid-terms, every time you open your lap top 20 new messages await you from her saying "I miss you, I love you, blah, blah, blah" If you are busy and were expecting some important information these other emails could be an annoyance which will start to wear away at your resolve to love always.

Humans are tactile beings, meaning we like to see and touch and feel the presence of our love near us. Unless you are married (Which carries with it a far deeper sense of dedication than just being boyfriend/girlfriend) I would wager that one, or both of you stand a high risk of meeting someone new who, being right there with you, will fulfill your needs.

And another thing is the "thought factor". I bet right now you are wondering why she picked CT over the same place you are going - I am willing to bet that even though she gave a valid, sound logical reason based upon hard cold facts that you wonder about it. That thought alone can do a great deal of damage since once you think that you start thinking of "reasons".

All of these are human and natural and come with the territory.

In the end there are many, many hidden bumps in the highway of life. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder, it make the heart grow weary, bored, and resentful.

Love is not enough - Trust me on that. There has to be a dedication and a lot of work to keep a relationship together even if you two live with each other and are madly, deeply in love with one another and never argue or fight and have a strong common ground.

If you can see the issues as they arise and come up with a workable solution and if she can too and you both can feel free to discuss these issues as they happen without reading to much extra into them, then you stand a high chance of success on making it through the college years as a couple even over the long distance.

I hope some of what I said here will help you to make it through this period - I would love to hear that both of you come back together and are still in love with one another and know that something I said prevented a breakup.

Cheers

hey Doug,
nobody knows whast's going to happen in life. Thats why it's such an adventure.
Try this one on for size bro. Just go with your gut instincts pal. If you feel like you need to go the distance then do it. If you feel like you can't, then don't.
Do whatever makes you feel the most happiest in life.
I know you're here trying to ask for advice, and well the best advice I can give you is to just take it all in, and then make the right decision...Just do what is best for Doug OK...

I've been keeping a long distance relationship for three years now. I see him in the summer and whenever he has breaks off of school. During the school year we are busy, but we always find time to talk to each other - almost every single day.

Talking is key to a long distance relationship. If the communication shuts off.. your relationship will fade. Make time to talk. At night, or even during the day - just a quick call to see whatsup and how her day is going helps to let her know you're there for her even though you are not physically.

This is something that will work if you really love each other and want to keep the relationship going.