Ok here's an issue. A thirteen years old girl and a sixteen years old guy like each other, they become somehow boyfriend and girlfriend ,without sex implied just bearly some kissing. Now two years passes by he becomes 18 and she's now 15.If he has sex , he might face criminal charges "sex with a minor", legally talking, but if they did it before he was 18,( when both minors)it's another legal issue , how would you ,as a parent follow up on this issue if it was your daughter or your son?

[This message was edited by mozart56 on 08-05-03 at 12:00 AM.]
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08-04-03, 11:51 PM
Sherasi
Well, techincally and legally there is still a crime being committed once the one partner becomes an adult.

Here is a site
with more details about this. This involves one specific state of the U.S. but I suspect it would be rather similar in the entire country.

As a parent, I would caution my son/daughter at the onset of the relationship and let them know the possible ramifications once one of the two of them become an adult opposite a minor.

08-05-03, 12:06 AM
mozart56
Thanx for the link Sherasi ,I,ll try to find what are the statutes in Florida. Smile

08-05-03, 08:01 AM
methos
The laws vary a lot from state to state, but there is generally a clause written in for this sort of situation.

In Florida, it is legal for someone under who is 24 to have sex with someone who is 16-17.

See this page for laws on statutory rape by state.

08-05-03, 08:52 AM
Texan-In-Exile
Wow - that's a good question, Mozart! Especially since I have a daughter, 14, and a son, 27!

I agree with Sher about warning the kids about the ramifications - both legal and physical. And instilling in them virtues that will keep them, hopefully...well, virtuous! Roll Eyes

The law, however, would do nothing compared with what my husband would do! Red Face
And that's considering there's anything left of the boy once my son gets through with him! Eek

08-05-03, 03:47 PM
DvdGStwrt
Gee, there still babies, they can't possibly understand anything they don't know what love is, they are not 'responsible' they are not....

LOL

Well I was in a 'similar' situation back when I was of the incredible adult age of 17 and my girlfriend was 16.

When I got her pregnant I was being told that I would 'go to jail' that I was going to suffer all kinds of terrible fates, etc.

Back then I just didn't understand these 'old people' they 'didn't understand that ours was special, that we were different.

I did the 'right thing' I married the girl, I also put away school and took up first one job, then another and went through night classes all in the name of doing the 'right thing'

Fast forward to 2003. Now I am getting a litter wiser, meaning all the things I knew when I was 17 have slipped away, I now know much less than I did back then, and now I look at my 17 year old niece and I worry about her and this 21 year old boy friend and I just can imagine all the 'bad' things he is teaching her.

The sad fact is that sexual maturity takes place at a far younger age than legal adult status. I am not suggesting that we should lower the age of 'legal Adult age' to meet sexual development, I am saying that there is this gap which will lead to big issues, many problems and with this new fangled 'sexual revolution' going on, we are just heading for a big crack up.

Sex is reality and is eventually going to happen. We can only hope and pray that what we teach our children when it comes to sex and the things that attend sex (Pregnancy, STDs, etc) sticks and our children will "do the right things."

Most likely they won't. Human nature the way that it is.

Statutory rape suggests an unwillingness on one parties behalf. If what I see in my nieces is the 'normal' way that girls are, then I doubt that 'rape' takes place. The idea that the girl didn't know what she was doing may ring true in some circles, but from what my nieces have said, and what other women have told this 'safe' man (being gay makes me a safe male to talk too) I get the impression that in most of these cases the girls wants to have sex as much as the boy.

We are left with the greater impression that somebody has to be held accountable for this act. We point our finger at the 'adult' male and place the blame at his feet, he is the 'adult' and should know better.

Rarely do we hear any complaints being raised about the parents of both kids. I wonder at this, after all just how much 'truth' was spoken about sex in the home during the formative years of the children in question?

My father's Sexual Teachings were: "Keep your pants zipped" Sage advice from a man who not only took me through 5 marriages, but was well known to be less than faithful when married. Yet as the older and male person between my girlfriend (later, wife) relationship, it was me who was threatened with 'legal' action, it was me being told by both my father and her parents that I was the 'responsible' one and that I should have known better.

It was clear to them that I was at fault - little did they know that it was my girlfriend who was the little sexual predator who actually did seduce, torment and touch me in inappropriate ways. That possibility never, ever crossed their minds. Her being 16 and female meant to then that she was innocent and pure (Tell that to the rest of the high school) and that I being 17 and male was just an animal who couldn't control himself.

To me it boils down to 'did I teach my child about sex?' 'did I leave sex education up to somebody else?' If it is a daughter 'Am I deluding myself into thinking that she is innocent and pure - Of course, Daddy's little girl can do no wrong'

If it is my son, 'Did I fail to be a good example, male to male?' 'Was he the victim or the predator?'

In any case I would have to look at them and see them for what they both are, still children, still 'innocent' and naive, and not having the wealth of experience that life teaches to people the older they get.

Most cases the sex happens because both parties believe their is love and that it is right. How often do we hear in these cases that the girl makes these impossible claims that she loves him?

Girls mature faster than boys. A 14 year old girl may very well have more wisdom and maturity than a 24 year old boy. We know, as a matter of psychological fact that girls are predestined to seek out the 'older' males around them seeing boys of their same age as being immature. We know that boys and girls develop at different ages mentally, physically and emotionally. Though faced with these 'facts' we still pursue this 'puritanical' and even 'sexist' notion that the difference in age is criminal, or somehow 'bad'

I think that rape should remain classified as the unwilling participation of sex. I think that we should, as a society, re-examine the concept of 'statutory rape' and take into consideration that love does happen at an earlier age and that it is possible that sex between 'legal' young adults and teenagers will happen not because the law says it can't, but because these ages are so close together that in the minds of the two involved they can not see or understand that it is 'wrong' to begin with.

Legally we have tried to classify when adulthood is reached. Biologically speaking we reach that adulthood at an earlier age. We know that later teens see themselves as adults, though the law insists they are not.

In the same vein, there are plenty of early 20 somethings out there who do not see themselves as an adult - their world view is still that of a teenager.

If we fail to take all of these in account, we will most likely end up ruining an otherwise productive life by placing unjust felonies on young people who are being what they are.

David

08-06-03, 12:01 AM
mozart56
Thanks to all of you for your replies. Eek Smile

08-06-03, 12:39 AM
honilov
They both share responsibility in this. The girl knows exactly what she is doing. The boy is not forcing her to do anything. The 13 year old girl should have been made to stay away from the boy when he was 16. Why wait until he's 18 to cry wolf? It doesn't make any sense. The boy is always getting the blame for what the parents didn't take care of.

08-06-03, 01:35 PM
mozart56
Honilov, in this particular exemple , it's hard to tell them to stay away from each other, they are neighbours, and have been going to the same class of judo for the last 3 years, twice a week, they go ( the class) to judo competitions, they kinda share a common bond, or interest.Now they are moving to a different level, in this friendly relationship.Now she is 13 and he is 16, my question was in relation of "what is to be done now" before two years passes by. Smile

08-06-03, 05:26 PM
honilov
Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought the 2 years had already gone by. If it was my 13 year old daughter, I'd tell the 16 year old boy to stay clear of her, and I'd mean it. The barely kissing would be a no no, because 13 is too young to date. Smile
But if I didn't stop it now, I sure wouldn't when he got 18.

08-08-03, 12:03 PM
gerry
This is a good example of why a 13 year old should not be dating a 16 year old, if dating at all. Sexual activity (more than kissing) is likely, and when the boy turns 18 and the girl 15, WHAM, the young man could find himself jailed if the girl's parents file a legitimate stat rape charge, and the young lady could find herself pregnant. How tragic.
For clarification, the age of consent in Florida is generally 18. While a person under 24 may have consensual sex with a person 16 years old or older, a person over 24 may not have sex with anyone under 18.

08-30-03, 11:50 PM
John Doe
I know all guys aren't the same as I am, but as I'm involved in a similar situation, well, I dunno.
I'm assuming most guys think of sex a lot of the time. I even thinkof it a lot. However, I don't act on my thoughts. So, if they can be trusted... though I wouldn't trust many guys at all... I WAS trusted ... until it was seen I held hands with my g/f ... then all of a sudden, I'm being yelled at and assumed I'm having sex with her ... which I won't do ... and probably won't even IF she wanted me too...
So, I guess you should be wary, but keeping them apart won't help ...
Sorry if this is badly formatted.

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