i recently started dating a girl who's never dated anyone before. she hasn't kissed anyone inside a relationship before, either. so i'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions.
second, is it nice to kiss someone's cheek when saying hello and goodbye? my friends say yes, i don't see anything wrong with it (they do it in france...), but when i did it, she waved her hand in a "oh, stoppit" gesture. thoughts on this?
third, and lastly, when is it the right time to put your arm around someone's waist? (i'd put my arm around her shoulders, but a. i've been told that it's awkward and it's hard to move like that and b. my arms are too heavy ) thoughts?
any replies welcome!!! ^_^ ****************************************************** 04-07-03, 04:07 PM Georgia85 Oh those fun and awkward teenage years! Here is my advice for what it's worth. Patience my friend. Comfort with each other is the key ingredient that will lead up to affectionate displays. If one or the other or both are not comfortable then it is senseless to pursue anything physical. As for kissing her on the cheek...do you do this with everyone? True, the Europeans greet each other this way, but they do it with male and female alike. So using this as an excuse to kiss her on the cheek is a little lame unless you greet your guy friends the same way...and I kinda figure you don't! So, what you see as a romantic gesture she probably is viewing as something silly and since she has made it obvious that she is not comfortable with kissing I'd suggest you wait. The same goes with putting your arm around her. This isn't a football game where each move is marked up in a play book. Things like this are just natural movements that occur between two people when they have reached that comfort zone with each other.
So, in the meantime, be a friend to her. Talk with her as you would with any other friend. Make an effort to smile when you see her and maybe bring her an article on her fave band or something so she will know you think about her when you are not around her. In time I think you will be pleased with the end results. Good Luck! ****************************************************** 04-07-03, 06:11 PM soaringhorse Good reply Georgia, I particularly liked the one about the football. LOL
Hi Runic, I would suggest, Slow down, watch her moves, she'll let you know what she wants, lol. But be careful! You have all your life to figure this "LOVE" thing out. And believe me, it isn't easy, lol. What I think really makes a girl happy is manners, opening doors, table manners, cleanliness. This goes a long way, and believe me, we girls notice it. See, we see things differently than you, and visa versa. So I think Georgia is right, a little trinket, on a special occasion will be something she'll keep if given at the right time. Just don't embarrass her in front of alot of people with it, she may be shy. Here's hoping you keep a smile on your face, even when times get tuff! Wink ****************************************************** 04-07-03, 07:09 PM Georgia85 Soaringhorse....you and I have both been around long enough to have a grasp on dating issues! Thanks for your comments on my post and you offered great advice too! I'll keep an eye out for more of your posts! ****************************************************** 04-08-03, 06:14 AM Kalena If this girl has never dated before, then it is very likely that she is unsure of what 'couples' do, or she is uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Georgia and Soaringhorse gave some awesome advice. just keep it slow and try not to seem pushy. That can really turn a girl off. Wink ****************************************************** 04-08-03, 10:15 AM Elexina Do what feels right to you, and make sure you talk about it if something makes her uncomfortable. If you are dating her, why are you kissing her on the cheek? Mouth-kissing is appropriate for a couple that is dating -as long as she is comfortable with that. I'm not saying tonsil-hockey, but a quick peck on the lips in greeting or in parting is perfectly appropriate. Yes, some Europeans kiss on the cheek in greeting. But they kiss everyone. They kiss their significant other on the mouth. And remember, we are not supposed to be doing anything French or thinking anything French or saying anything French because we hate the French. Aaauuughhhh! I said just wrote it four times! Aaakkk! The FBI will be coming for me! Yike!
Aaaanyway. If she bats you away, don't do it anymore. But ask her what bothers her about it. Maybe she's just embarrassed about PDA.
It is right to put your arm around her waist when it feels right to you. If you do it, and she stiffens, remove the arm. But ask her about it! Ask her why it bothers her. You will never find out where your boundaries are with her if you don't ask. Arm-on-the-shoulders can be heavy and awkward, unless you're snuggled up on a couch or something. Just standing around, it might not be comfortable for long and it's certainly awkward when walking. I once dated a guy who liked to keep a hand on the back of my neck, where my neck meets my shoulder blades. It was a lot less awkward than on the shoulders, but it made me uncomfortable, so I told him. After that, he only did it when he was drunk. We didn't last long.
Remember, when all else fails: hold her hand. And then ask her what the problem is. And be patient with her. ****************************************************** 04-08-03, 02:06 PM Runic StormCrow just to say, i think that france doesn't have a squeaky record as far as terrorism, but we're the ones with a trigger-happy president ****************************************************** 04-08-03, 05:35 PM soaringhorse Ummmm, who was trigger happy when we got bombed? Really runic, the bombings started this! We could've just went in right then, but nooo, we had to be diplomat about it. And what did that do? Give them a chance to hide? Oh well, we are all aloud our opinions, just watch them French, they are yellow bellies. ****************************************************** 04-08-03, 07:09 PM Runic StormCrow oh, and i suppose you'd congratulate bush on killing those 4 foreign reporters, too?
btw, we should stop this. tis all spam. ****************************************************** 04-08-03, 07:43 PM
Karrow
quote:Originally posted by Runic StormCrow: btw, we should stop this. tis all spam.
Correct, Runic StormCrow! ****************************************************** 04-09-03, 03:22 PM SeattleRon thats a toughy, but it is solve-able. the kiss on the cheeks, well i do that every single time i greet my friends and their girlfriends. I'm half Italian so i'm used to it. She may not accept the gesture and thats ok. Not everyone knows the customs thats cool.
The right time to put your arms around her waist are when you think its proper. Nobody can really tell you those things. just remember, if she rejects your moves, don't pursue the moves and keep trying to do it, thats not good. No means no.
Now for the advice, She has never dated before, so she doesn't know the right gestures from the wrong. If you like her I suggest moving at her pace. Let her get used to the boy/girl relationship thing. It could take some time, but if you really like her its very well worth it. It will take some time, just use your head and don't be stupid when making a move. Everyone needs getting used to new things buddy. GoodLuck! I know you'll do great. ****************************************************** 04-16-03, 04:51 PM Johnny Velo The number 1 lesson, which I learned a little bit later than I should have....Please, be yourself. Not what you think she would like you to be. It'll come back and bite you in the behind every time, believe me, I know. Frown
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
Posts: 202 | Location: Reston, VA, USA | Registered: 06-11-02
Oh those fun and awkward teenage years! Here is my advice for what it's worth. Patience my friend. Comfort with each other is the key ingredient that will lead up to affectionate displays. If one or the other or both are not comfortable then it is senseless to pursue anything physical. As for kissing her on the cheek...do you do this with everyone? True, the Europeans greet each other this way, but they do it with male and female alike. So using this as an excuse to kiss her on the cheek is a little lame unless you greet your guy friends the same way...and I kinda figure you don't! So, what you see as a romantic gesture she probably is viewing as something silly and since she has made it obvious that she is not comfortable with kissing I'd suggest you wait. The same goes with putting your arm around her. This isn't a football game where each move is marked up in a play book. Things like this are just natural movements that occur between two people when they have reached that comfort zone with each other.
So, in the meantime, be a friend to her. Talk with her as you would with any other friend. Make an effort to smile when you see her and maybe bring her an article on her fave band or something so she will know you think about her when you are not around her. In time I think you will be pleased with the end results. Good Luck!
Posts: 9192 | Location: Atlanta, GA, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Good reply Georgia, I particularly liked the one about the football. LOL
Hi Runic, I would suggest, Slow down, watch her moves, she'll let you know what she wants, lol. But be careful! You have all your life to figure this "LOVE" thing out. And believe me, it isn't easy, lol. What I think really makes a girl happy is manners, opening doors, table manners, cleanliness. This goes a long way, and believe me, we girls notice it. See, we see things differently than you, and visa versa. So I think Georgia is right, a little trinket, on a special occasion will be something she'll keep if given at the right time. Just don't embarrass her in front of alot of people with it, she may be shy. Here's hoping you keep a smile on your face, even when times get tuff!
Posts: 1031 | Location: Greater Cincinnati Area | Registered: 06-03-02
Soaringhorse....you and I have both been around long enough to have a grasp on dating issues! Thanks for your comments on my post and you offered great advice too! I'll keep an eye out for more of your posts!
Posts: 9192 | Location: Atlanta, GA, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
If this girl has never dated before, then it is very likely that she is unsure of what 'couples' do, or she is uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Georgia and Soaringhorse gave some awesome advice. just keep it slow and try not to seem pushy. That can really turn a girl off.
Do what feels right to you, and make sure you talk about it if something makes her uncomfortable. If you are dating her, why are you kissing her on the cheek? Mouth-kissing is appropriate for a couple that is dating -as long as she is comfortable with that. I'm not saying tonsil-hockey, but a quick peck on the lips in greeting or in parting is perfectly appropriate. Yes, some Europeans kiss on the cheek in greeting. But they kiss everyone. They kiss their significant other on the mouth. And remember, we are not supposed to be doing anything French or thinking anything French or saying anything French because we hate the French. Aaauuughhhh! I said just wrote it four times! Aaakkk! The FBI will be coming for me! Yike!
Aaaanyway. If she bats you away, don't do it anymore. But ask her what bothers her about it. Maybe she's just embarrassed about PDA.
It is right to put your arm around her waist when it feels right to you. If you do it, and she stiffens, remove the arm. But ask her about it! Ask her why it bothers her. You will never find out where your boundaries are with her if you don't ask. Arm-on-the-shoulders can be heavy and awkward, unless you're snuggled up on a couch or something. Just standing around, it might not be comfortable for long and it's certainly awkward when walking. I once dated a guy who liked to keep a hand on the back of my neck, where my neck meets my shoulder blades. It was a lot less awkward than on the shoulders, but it made me uncomfortable, so I told him. After that, he only did it when he was drunk. We didn't last long.
Remember, when all else fails: hold her hand. And then ask her what the problem is. And be patient with her.
Posts: 4611 | Location: Rochester, NY, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
Ummmm, who was trigger happy when we got bombed? Really runic, the bombings started this! We could've just went in right then, but nooo, we had to be diplomat about it. And what did that do? Give them a chance to hide? Oh well, we are all aloud our opinions, just watch them French, they are yellow bellies.
Posts: 1031 | Location: Greater Cincinnati Area | Registered: 06-03-02
thats a toughy, but it is solve-able. the kiss on the cheeks, well i do that every single time i greet my friends and their girlfriends. I'm half Italian so i'm used to it. She may not accept the gesture and thats ok. Not everyone knows the customs thats cool.
The right time to put your arms around her waist are when you think its proper. Nobody can really tell you those things. just remember, if she rejects your moves, don't pursue the moves and keep trying to do it, thats not good. No means no.
Now for the advice, She has never dated before, so she doesn't know the right gestures from the wrong. If you like her I suggest moving at her pace. Let her get used to the boy/girl relationship thing. It could take some time, but if you really like her its very well worth it. It will take some time, just use your head and don't be stupid when making a move. Everyone needs getting used to new things buddy. GoodLuck! I know you'll do great.
Posts: 2705 | Location: USA | Registered: 06-07-02
The number 1 lesson, which I learned a little bit later than I should have....Please, be yourself. Not what you think she would like you to be. It'll come back and bite you in the behind every time, believe me, I know.
) thoughts?
^_^
