I am talking script benzo addiction. It ruined my life. Drinking, you don't need detox. You can do this at home.
As I understand it, pain killer addicts and benzo addicts will go through hell. Anyone been there? I am horrified, but want off this script drug, now! ********************************************************** 07-08-06, 03:10 PM SeattleRon wildflower, believe me when i say that quiting drinking isn't something you can do at home. I remember going on a 30 day binge once. a fifth a day at least. when i stopped I was uncontrollably vomiting, i was shaking like a leaf, and I had hallucinations. I thought I was going to die. I tried to do it at home and it really really sucked. It didn't even work. I still drink, not a lot like I used to do. I still get drunk, but not like I used to.
If detox sounds like something you need to do, then do it. nobody can sit here and tell you the experience. You have to experience it for yourself. Addiction sucks, but don't think one addiction is lighter than another. I've significantly shortened my life due to alcohol, I'd be surprised if I live to turn 50.
07-08-06, 03:10 PM SeattleRon hey, whats a benzo anyways?
07-08-06, 06:44 PM Wildflower63 I can't thank you guys enough for responding to my topic that sat dead for too long!
Ron, if you know anything about street drug sale, you would know that my script is out there, but very addictive. To answer you question, benzos are Xanax, Klonipin, Atavan. Atavan isn't all too popular with drug dealers, but Klonipin and Xanax are out there with cash, in the illegal drug market. Everyone likes them!
The old drug, which everyone has heard of movie star overdose is Valium (forgive spelling!). The new bezos will not cause overdose with a drinking combo. Welcome to the benzo family! My house has been broken into by my son's friends wanting my script to sell on the street.
I have teen kids. They are not stupid. They know more about the illegal drug market more than any adult does. I couldn't tell you how many times my script drugs have been stolen before I bought a fire box wearing a chain around my neck. The idea of having street cool drugs that are abused and sold for bucks on the street is terrifying to me. My teen kids do steal my scripts.
I don't want a drug around my house to be abused or sold. My house has been broken into because of my son's big mouth. Every druggie that is friends with my teen kids knows I have street drugs scripted. My own kids have stolen these drugs too many times, which is why I look like some retard with a chain and key around my neck, at all times.
I know addiction. I could never sell these script drugs to create another addict. I am horrified that my own kids think since I take these drugs that it is ok, so they steal known street drugs to make friends and can create addicts with my script drug arsenal.
I made every phone call in the telephone book. In Cincinnati, detox just keeps you alive at no less than 10 to 15 grand for 7 to 10 days. What? I can be much more comfortable in my own home. I tried it. It is so bad I am on the same drug I want off of after serious fear of death benzo withdrawal will realistically give, cardiac arrest and stroke.
I want to know what detox is really like. What can I expect, from people who have been there?
Again, thank you all for helping me with this. You don't know how much I appreciate it.
07-08-06, 08:57 PM SeattleRon I've been away from the streets for like 5 years now. I don't know nothing about this stuff. But if people were smarter they'd do what My crew used to do. you touch base with a pharmacist and make a deal. Sorry to hear you're addicted to this crap, but this is a problem you're gonna have to deal with yourself. Because unless you want to go to rehab in a brightly lit cold cage you're gonna have to just deal with it. Get you're stuff and hide it in your car or something. The whole time I was dealing I never once let the **** step foot inside my house. Not once. We did business in other places, a Denny's mostly. It's to easy to keep things hidden to not keep things hidden. you realize what can happen if your kid gets pinched. He'll give you up right away. just to save his own ass. obviously if he's stealing your prescriptions he doesn't care. so what makes you think he wouldn't try to give you up when he gets got. and you being the owner of the house you're gonna lose your house and possibly your car. You need to put a stop to this soon..... you got my email adress if you want me to talk to your kid.
07-09-06, 01:38 AM Wildflower63 Thanks for your post, Ron! I now know that I did the right thing detox at home, not in a cement cage. Benzos can be tapered, but not without long term pain. I will never put myself through this type of Hell again.
You are so right about kids stealing my script drugs. My wonderful son caused a total drug raid of my owned house allowing a friend to sell X to a cop.
Today, I am having a problem with my daughter stealing script drugs. My son didn't sell, just passed my script out to his friends to get wasted. My son is an expensive kid to own. Lawyer fees cost me a fortune and he feels no guilt or responsibility.
My son is charismatic with a ton of friends, drug friends. He has been a horrible influence on my daughter, four years younger. She sees her brother, a druggie, with an entourage, and thinks this is her ticket to popularity.
Locking up script drugs, with abuse potential, is sad. My own kids are drug thieves. They brag to friends that I have these drugs. My house gets broken into.
I am scripted these drugs for legitimate reasons. I do not abuse them, but that still makes me an addict. I cannot get off of benzos.
I fail to understand why teen kids feel entitled to rob my money and drugs. Smack them stupid, go to jail. You are now an abusive parent. Law does not consider abuse to a parent. Why?
07-16-06, 02:25 AM SeattleRon hey Wildflower, tell them about BigChron, or Ronchie Strong...BigChron used to drop pounds like it was nothing yea I made money, but tell them about how I got shot 3 times. Tell them about how much life I lost in jail and prison. They think it's a game, it's no game when you get to where I got. Ask them kids of yours if they know who the AFO is. Young Runner used to be ok about that. Young Runner, been shot, stabbed, questioned by FBI. Tell'em it's no joke out there. If he wants to talk thats fine ya know, Here's my number deleted. I know it's almost stupid to leave digits but I care enough to do so...
Edited to remove telephone number.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow, 07-16-06 04:44 AM
07-16-06, 08:04 AM Wildflower63 Ron, I wish that I could say teens actually listen, but they don't. Teens know everything while you know nothing. That really is life dealing with a teen. They re-invent the wheel, for some strange reason, but I did the same.
Ship me an e-mail since your post was deleted.
07-18-06, 12:24 AM dangergurly9 First off I want to say that by no means do I mean to put you or anyone else who has addictions down. I do have a question though...why are people so drawn to Xanax and Ativan? I have taken both.I do at this time still take Xanax as needed which is not on a regular basis. Do people get a "high" from it? It makes me tired if nothing else.
07-20-06, 10:04 AM Tulula My daughter went through detox at 16, she was hooked on xanax(sp?). Tried to kill me. Placed herself in detox. Detox appeared to be horrible but after about 6 days she was more or less able to tolerate things (she's a tough little girl). Then it was intense therapy, retraining her thought processes, recognizing triggers, trust, lots of self-love, lots of love and support from others, determination, stick2itivness, faith, and most importantly GOD! She'll be 22 in August and remains clean. Good luck! You can and will conquer your demons -- if you want to!
07-21-06, 03:35 AM Wildflower63 For people under tremendous stress, we think we are doing the right thing, as everyone advises, "Get Help!" I ended up being a script drug addict.
If you don't like benzos and they put you to sleep, you are not an overwhelmed, stress out candidate for these drugs, but I am.
Tulula, I have to ask. Was your daughter scripted benzos or did she get hooked from buying off of the street? I know what the detox really is. You cannot even imagine how horrible it is.
I will never put myself through detox again! Benzo addicts do have the choice of lengthy drug tapering. It isn't exactly comfortable, but the brain needs time to adjust.
I have the script. There are no legal problem, in my case. For people buying off the street, they may be desperate enough to go through this nightmare of detox, way Too often.
If you buy off the street, you will get very drug sick, if your supply of an addictive drug runs out. These addicts really have no choice but a nightmare of detox. I was told six days also, but you cannot imagine how your body reacts, once addicted. Reading about withdrawal symptoms sounds like something you can take, until you try it yourself. One hour of this is too long, much less six days!
I was very drug sick tapering quickly. I had no idea it could get worse than unimaginable body pain, a headache that you honestly think your brain will explode. Muscles you didn't even know you had are constantly spasming. Hallucinations that horrify you.
I was drug sick tapering and stopped at day ten, before no drug at all. When I thought that it was impossible to get any sicker, I did, every day.
Forget that! My drugs are legal. I also have the choice of slow pain of drug tapering. It is a lot better than detox! Detox isn't even humane, as I see it. 07-21-06, 11:02 AM
Tulula No, my daughter was not scripted any drugs -- they were entirely off the street. I cannot speak to the issue of how hard and painful detox truly is, because I only watched it. It appeared to be horrible -- there were times when she was tied to the bed to keep her from hurting herself, she was chased by demons in her dreams, she clawed at herself, she begged for drugs, she begged for death, she sweated, she froze, she blamed me, she blamed God, she blamed the doctors and finally.....she blamed herself -- and throughout all of this, all I could do was watch and pray.
No, I do not know what the experience is -- in actuality -- but I can tell you that it was "emotionally" THE MOST PAINFUL experience I have personally ever had as a mother -- to watch my little girl suffer like that was simply excruiating, so my heart goes out to you that you will have to face it (either slowly by weaning yourself off, or by ripping the band-aid) --in actuality -- because if you do not face it -- then what will you do??
You will always be an addict, we all know that (legally or illegally makes no difference), but will you be a clean "legal" addict or a using "legal" addict. I pray your health (mental and physical) is such that you get a choice to take the leap of faith you'll need -- if not in God, then at least in yourself to make the right choice -- whatever that may be.
My point in making a post under this topic is that you CAN get through it with God's help, but you do have to really want to conquer the demon -- not just think about/talk about/whine about/make excuses about/victimize yourself over/etc., etc., etc.
I realize your purpose for doing the drugs was different from my daughters, but in no way, should your reasons for doing something make any difference in your determination to NOT do something. Good luck whatever you choose! Smile
07-21-06, 02:24 PM DvdGStwrt No, I haven't been to detox.
I have a decade clean and sober under my belt.
What I relied on at first was "program of recovery" (AA/NA) then I took to a ‘program of shrubbery’, where I turned my desire for drugs/drink into gardening (and other constructive outlets).
I moved away from the old playground, playmates and keep the toys away. This is called a Geographic Recovery – meaning through moving away from “those things/places/people” I was better able to refrain from drinking/drugging.
In your case you are on prescription medication – it should be real easy for you to remove the toys by not accepting prescriptions. I would urge you to talk with your prescribing doctor – tell him/her you have a problem (read: addiction) and you want off of that ride now. He/she will most likely help you address the issue, wean you off or move to another medication to help you wean off.
I would think you do not have “party people” (Other drug users) in your life to reinfect you with more drugs. I also assume that you do not go out to party (bar, party people’s places). In my case every “friend” was a tweaker (speed freak), pot smoker, drinker, acid dropper, etc. In my case I spent way too much time in bars and clubs, in my case the very apartment building I was living in was drug dealer heaven – half the inhabitants dealt drugs, the other half bought drugs.
Moving away gave me a chance to steer clear of drug users, to not find the local bars/clubs, made it harder for me to find drugs in order to relapse.
In your case you need to remove the prescription and make it harder for you to get one through discussing your issues honestly with your medical care provider and stressing to them that you feel you have a problem and would like for them to stop dealing drugs, er, writing prescriptions for you.
I assume (I’m not familiar with the drug) that there will be a weaning period where you might have to enlist the aid of others – somebody who will hold on to the bottle and hand you the pills as directed on the bottle.
07-22-06, 09:14 PM Wildflower63 Tulula, this is the exact reason I tried detox at home, but failed. I gathered a lot of information before going into this. I refuse to be tied down and begging for someone to kill me. At home, at least I am in a comfortable place. I already know talking anyone through wicked withdrawal is not going to work.
David, you are right. I have no lifestyle changes to make at all. I just want off this addictive script drug that at first helped me a lot, but is no longer effective for stress issues. I have a tolerance and now just need a drug so that I will not go into withdrawal.
I do have an option, long term tapering. I chose that after really thinking the chest pain may be realistic cardiac arrest, which is a problem with abrupt benzo withdrawal. I did not want my kids to find me dead. I do not want to be tied up, or not given a choice of my treatment.
Drug addicts, street or script, tend to want off of a drug NOW. I thought that I could get through abrupt detox. I couldn't.
Tulula has a valid point. Why be tied down, wishing you were dead, when every minute feels like hours of sickness and insanity, if there is a better option. I fail to understand this inhumane detox approach. Selective coma is a better approach!
I will do as my doc says. I'm not happy with that option. It is going to take a long time. I want to know who I am without drugs.
07-23-06, 01:50 AM SeattleRon hit me up. wildflower. I'll get the kid off drugs right away. heres' my email. ********
if my stories don't get him off it nothing will.
**For your own safety, please do not post email addresses in open forums. Registered members can view your email address in your profile, if you wish to provide it.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow, 07-23-06 05:14 AM
07-23-06, 10:02 AM soaringhorse Well, in answer to your question, "Yes, I've been thru detox." And mine was chemical and alcohol dependency. I really didn't know whether to respond to your post, but you know my opinion on drug abuse, so here goes.
When I decided I had a problem with my life, I kept on saying, I need to stop. This was my first step to the long road of recovery.
My family was messed up, my lifestyle was out of control, and my health was bad. I knew that if I didn't change my ways, there was not going to be a better way for me. That's when I had to make a decision. The Care unit was where I went, and I had to take a leap of faith to do it. Change my attitude, make a decison whether I wanted my life back, and to be there for my child. Or did I just want to choose to ignore the situations, and think my problems would go away.
The hardest part was when they totally controlled me, no phones calls, staying in there for a while. I had to set my mind to thinking, I'm doing this not only for me, but for my son. It's called willpower. And you have to be able to keep an open mind, and remember that these people are here to help you. Not many people in there, could swallow their pride, and stay all the way thru. I made it, but then as you have said, mine was not of script drugs.
I know this is a tough decision, you know what the side affects are on these meds, and how to wean off of them, but the hardest part is perserverance. Can you remain off of them, after it's all said and done? It's a very hard thing to go thru, and only you know if you are strong enough, or ready to do it.
I know you do not think that you shouldn't have any problems with changing your lifestyle, but actually I did. The friends that were using, I couldn't hang out with for a while, until I was stronger.
And then your children, that is a whole different situation. You are going to have to consider that you are trying to better yourself, not only for you, but for them, and if they are doing drugs, or pills then it will be hard for you not to do them, with them still doing them. It's going to be tuff. Can you handle the stress?
I do know at the hospital for the first few days, they gave me some kind of pill to calm me down for a few. So I don't know if thats how they still do it, but I'm sure it's all monitored, as you very well know how medications work. They have a process of how they wean you off, and it has to be precise, right?
The detox is just a part of it, you have to go thru couseling and keep up with meetings. It's alll what you put into it after you leave. You have to make changes with habits, lifestyle, all of it. There's no going back to the bars, hanging with friends at parties and thinking you can do it sober while everyone else is getting stoned, it doesn't work that way.
I'm saying this to you as a friend, you are going to have to make the biggest decision of your life, and don't take it lightly. Do you want your life to change for the better? If so, do something about, now, not later.
07-24-06, 12:24 AM Wildflower63 Fear is what is motivating me. I got a script to help me deal with stress. I'm so used to the drug that it isn't helping anymore. Stupidly, I decided to just quit taking it.
Understand, I thought 'addiction' meant "I want", with a lot of stress. I wasn't too shocked to feel stress. I can deal with that. Next, the vomiting for no reason started. That was when I realized maybe I didn't think I needed that drug, but my body did not agree.
I was horrified! I started taking Klonipin again to get rid of the detox symptoms, only. I researched the net and detox clinics about benzo addiction. If I could find a word beyond horrified, I would use it after learning about this drug I thought was harmless.
Of course I have problems and so does everyone else. Does this mean I have to see a doctor forever because I went for help over valid coping problems over my marriage splitting up? This is a tough, confusing time for anyone, but that was a few years ago and I'm still on the same addictive drug and don't think that I need it for issues of yesterday. I don't want a drug to rule how my body and brain function.
I can't personally say what detox is really like, but read enough about benzo withdrawal to scare anyone. I knew what to expect. You can't drug this one to made the symptoms better.
I tried detox at home, knowing they can't do a thing for me, medically speaking. I object to not being able to make a phone call or having choice of my treatment, which I find inhumane. I refuse to go to a detox center, when I have the option of long and slow drug tapering, given the fact that I will find myself in restraints if I choose that I have had enough and wish to leave. That's how it works.
The lifestyle changes I have to make are really pretty easy, once I think about it. If you really think that I am giving up some fun lifestyle and cool friends, this is far from fact. As you will see, this has absolutely nothing at all to do with drug use. I'm sure that my problems are far from unique. I do feel overwhelmed.
The thing I have to do for myself is not drug related at all. I have to stop allowing others to control my emotions and quit worrying about it, but easier said than done, for me.
I want a divorce! I am the single parent of two difficult teens. Their father chooses not to participate in their lives. I feel the entire responsibility of these kids every day, financially and otherwise.
I want to sell this house and get an apartment for myself, daughter, and dog. Move out of this house and give my husband a reason to either pay for it or sell. It really is that easy to find a manageable place for myself, 15 year old daughter, and dog to live.
No Mom wants to believe their only son is a jerk, but he did confirm my every fear with a horrible letter he wrote. Sociopath punk moron! Leave the 19 year old moron alone. I have to stop owning my son's poor decisions because I want him to grow up, get an education, and be a better person.
Let him live with his 18 year old girlfriend. Let him worry about paying his rent and bills, how much money it takes keeping a woman happy. Let him figure out how girlfriend feels about paying for his excessive weed use, when there is no way I see that they can realistically afford their apartment with what they make. Let these two idiots figure out the hard reality that they need an education.
My daughter has suddenly decided to quit school, like her brother. If she can't listen to me, let her figure out that full time work is a lot harder than high school. Make her work or emancipate, which I can do, if she decides on stupidly. I need to stop flipping out over her idea of working at Hooter's as a respectable job.
My dad has Alzheimer's. My mom is in poor health. I live seven houses away. They do need help, like calling 911 because my mother is in blood sugar drop coma and my senile dad doesn't get it. He get me.
I feel guilt leaving a house that financially drains me because this is the only realistic place my dad can actually find me. Easy enough. My mother needs to stop taking so much insulin so she can eat a donut.
Are these 'lifestyle issues' that will realistically give me a problem giving up a drug? I don't see it that way. I'm not partying with my cool friends. I'm not at a bar. I am making myself sole owner of everyone's problems when I should be taking care of my own.
Is there anything unique about these problems that require drug addiction? I don't think so!
I had to get it out of my system! Sorry for the novel length post!
07-29-06, 09:38 AM soaringhorse I forgot to say, I am on a benzo too. Didn't know that was what atavan is, until now. I have to take it for a severe sleeping disorder, sleepwalking(night terrors)....fell down steps while sleeping. I understand why you want off the meds, because I have experienced the immediate withdrawal symptons, when I have missed just one dose.....not fun! The drugs the sleeping disorder doctor had prescribed for this disorder were even worse. Trazadone and celexa, before that clonapin, were given to try and keep me from having severe night terrors. I finally decided that I had gained alot of weight, and still didn't solve my nightmares totally, so asked if atavan were better. I have been on it for a few years, and don't like taking it. But at night, I just take the .5 mg. and that's all, but if I forget, believe me, I feel it in the morning. I feel like I have a tremendous hangover with the shakes all day long....not a good feeling!
I wish I could go off the medication myself, so I understand how you feel. But then again if there is so much stress going on, than it may be necessary for you to have something to keep you from having a nervous breakdown.
As far as the lifestyle changes, I want to explain that for myself personally, I had to stay away from the bars, and friends that were totally blown away. It was to much of a trigger for me. Afterwards, things just have a way of working out. It was just easier if I didn't have that stress in my life.
I hope you find some way to just do something for yourself, and think about what is best for you. It's not always that easy, but in the long run it comes down to you can only control yourself....others are going to do what they are going to do.
That's all I can say about it. I hope you the best, and good luck!
07-30-06, 01:30 AM Wildflower63 Good to hear from you, as a friend, Joy!
I am guessing that you have some idea of what benzo addiction is. With your dose, I think that you can get off of it with only the symptoms you describe. Try 4mg a day, for five years of Klonipin!
It really doesn't matter if I want off of this drug. I am addicted to it. I couldn't make the detox, which was worse than I ever imagined it could be, even with research. Symptoms don't sound that bad, until it is you!!
It is going to take forever to taper this drug. I am an addict, but never thought I was or even took it seriously. My doc gives me a script. I go the drug store and buy it. I didn't ever think I was some hopeless addict that a drug controlled my life and emotions.
After calling detox centers and talking to my doc friend, the only benzo withdrawal is 7 to 10 days. There is no drug that can make you comfortable. They give drinkers benzos, for a short time, to avoid horrible detox symptoms, but there is nothing to give a benzo addict.
Would you like feeling only physical pain, with muscles you didn't even know you had in constant spasm? Would you like hallucinations and continual negative, way out there, thoughts knowing you cannot trust anything you think?
I know, for fact, that a detox center will only tie me up, when I say that I have had enough. No one can talk you through this. What is the point in checking myself in to detox, where someone ignores my thoughts and treatment? I can do this at home, where I am comfortable. I have choice and will not be restrained.
I do not regret the fact that I refused admission to detox, knowing what the truth of my treatment really is. I do have another choice, drug tapering. I was afraid and wanted off of an addictive drug now. It is script, not something I bought on the street. I will get the same refill.
I strongly believe that drug rehab is inhumane. If it is drinking, you can deal with it. Try it with heroin, methadone, pain killers, or benzos. Detox is far from kind. You can actually die. You just get shipped from detox to a med/surg wing of a hospital. As a RN, I can tell you, we know nothing about detox at all.
I have no regret that I did detox at home. At least I have a choice in treatment, which there is not choice for benzo addicts beyond 'deal with it'. Not humane or right!
There really is selective coma as an option. It is used for vent patients. They live through it. Why can't addicts as a humane means of withdrawal?
Again, I don't expect it to be comfortable, but I do know that narcotics are not an issue for benzo addicts, so try it! It will not work. I say selective coma will work. You cannot tell me anyone who goes voluntarily to detox doesn't really want off of a drug, legal or illegal.
Do the humane thing for addicts! We are not bad people. Addicts do not deserve torture because society thinks we deserve it. This is ethically wrong!
08-05-06, 08:29 PM GoldGirl i agree with whoever it was that suggested that a good place to start is by speaking with the doc who prescribed the meds. if there was a need for you to be on the meds in the first place, then "addiction" is not necessarily the correct term. physical dependence and addiction are not necessarily the same thing you see. addiction, in the therapeutic world, is defined more as an abusive pattern of use... solely to get high, etc etc etc.... whereas physical dependence refers more to something that is necessary for a person to function normally - one example often used is how a diabetic who is managed appropriately relies on insulin to function at a 'normal' level. this would be considered a physical dependency, but certainly not an addiction.
therefore, the issue would not necessarilybe that you need to detox, as much as it might be that you wish to stop using a particular medication. under THOSE circumstances, one would certainly talk with their doc about their discomfort with a medication, effects of a medication, etc... so that pretty much brings you full circle and back to your prescribing physician. if there are particular meds that you can switch to, then tapering off of one med, while beginning another, often has the capability of lessening any withdrawal symptoms.
as for life situational circumstances, it does sound like there is so much going on for you. there are certainly different ways to help one deal with stress and anxiety. i don't recall now after reading through your posts what you have tried in the past other than the meds you are on now.(any past therpeutic support or med trials etc) but there is always more than one treatment available which i'm sure you already know. most importantly it sounds like you need some support though, so that you don't feel so isolated, and whatever form you think you might be able to get that in might be a great beginning. even just being able to list the events and crises that are going on might have been a good beginning for conceptualizing everything that is going on, and being able to begin attacking things one by one.
i hope things start to clarify for you shortly.
08-06-06, 03:10 AM Wildflower63 Has anyone been to detox? That's all good, until you decide to stop taking script drugs. Benzo addiction is no joke. It will probably take me a year to get off this drug.
People don't get it that they really are a drug addict, until they decide to cut a drug. The withdrawal is worse than I can imagine Hell being.
Do I sound happy about being a drug addict? Don't you think that I trusted my doctor? I had no idea that a script would destroy me.
Street drug addicts are different than script addicts. People on an addictive script drug are just as addicted as some homeless junkie.
The drug that initially helped me with stress issues, now controls my life. Do not assume that a script addict abused. The drugs are addictive.
I respect you opinion, given this is what you do for a living, drug detox. It isn't the same thing to go to a doctor for help with overwhelming stress or choose to smoke a crack rock.
Understand the betrayal felt by script addicts! We did not ask for this, just what anyone advises, professional help.
08-09-06, 12:23 PM SeattleRon You know, I heard a lot from Drug and Alcohol counselors. All that went through my mind was a bunch of blah blah blah. Stuff they learn from books and stuff. What changed my perspective is when I went to jail on a coke charge and I spoke to actual former drug addicts. It helped a lot, knowing from people who actually went through addiction what they went through. It dettered me a a lot, but not enough to stop. You have to want to stop. Nobody can help you but yourself. Thats what I learned after spending day after day in jails, and rehab. Wildflower I know how addictive scripts can get, I used to know crews who would rob pharmacies for oxy. It's like for me before I used to need something to function. I'd wakeup reach over my nightstand grab my gold plated straw (cause I had to do it classy) and do 3 fat lines just to get out of bed. Then to equal it out a glass of absolut. Then I'd go to work. What was work? Well, it sure as hell wasn't a 9 to 5.
I figured as long as I was messed up or decently high I could always forget about the dirt I did. and I did. Until I sobered up. For me as long as I was high, I was ok with whatever. Once I sobered up and realized what I was doing, thats when my conscience would kick in, and thats when I knew I needed more drink and more coke.
I loved coke, I loved it more than weed, and as much as alcohol. Sometimes things go to far and you realize the things you've done, and the people you've hurt aren't worth it and when it's time for you to put it down you will. There is no ammount of treatment, no amount of detox, or no amount of counseling thats going to do it for you.
You have to want to do it yourself...One day you'll wakeup. I'm still half asleep.....LIke I said before I'd be surprised to make it to 50.
08-09-06, 03:44 PM Tulula No offence Wildflower, but every prescription I have ever been given has a little sheet that goes with it that outlines the side-effects of that particular drug including whether or not it is addictive -- and then you make the decision if you want to take it or not -- also, with you being in the medical industry, I would think you were even more aware of the dangers of addiction and would know to take yourself off something from time to time -- particularly when you don't have a life threatening disease (last time I checked -- stress was not life threatening) -- at any rate, another thing is -- that I have suffered from anxiety attacks, etc. (stress related problems on and off for most of my life) rather than take a little pill to make myself float away into oblivion where I wouldn't care what I was doing or what was going on in my life around me, I opted to learn how to cope the old fashioned way -- facing my problems instead of running away from them, compartmentalizing my problems if they became too great, not worrying about the things that wouldn't change no matter how much I worried or not -- but mostly, I learned to give it all over to God.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I keep reading your posts and they all seem to say the same thing -- I am a victim, I am a victim, I am a victim, I can't help it, I can't help it -- and now I want someone to make it go away -- you are even discussing taking a little pill to make the effects of stopping the bigger pill go away -- or just being put to sleep for an indefinite amount of time till the "evil side effects" vanish.
Well it seems to me that if you had to take pills to get rid of stress, and you plan to quit taking pills -- then you need to be thinking about doing things differently in your life that help you eliminate the stress, cope with the stress or accept that stress walks with each and every one of us -- and other than change your way of thinking -- I'm not sure you'll be able to conquer that detox in any form or fashion- Whether you are a prescribed script addict or not, you are still an addict and your mind will still play addict games on you.
Please do not let yourself get caught up with victimizing yourself -- BE YOUR OWN HERO! I think you are a strong person and I think you are an extremely caring person,(these opinions come from reading your posts) but I do not think you are thinking right where this topic is concerned. Why don't you join a local drug anonymous group before you do anything else - perhaps the people you meet there will help you make the right decision for YOU.
God Bless You! I am keeping you in my prayers, and don't think I am trying to be evil with my post - actually, I do care and want you to get this monkey off your back -- and most importantly KEEP IF OFF YOUR BACK!
08-10-06, 04:17 AM Wildflower63 That's all good, but do you think that medical professionals really get what addiction is? The doctor scripting you the drug has no clue.
Medical professionals are not versed in detox, unless you choose this for a career path. We all think addicting is an 'I want' thing, not something your body actually needs.
Doctors who script you addictive drugs are not affiliated with drug detox patients. They honestly don't know! I am a RN. I didn't know either.
I'm not playing 'victim'. I am angry. I am not angry with my doctor. He tried to help me with divorce and single parenting issues, when I was so overwhelmed.
If doctors and nurses don't get the reality of addiction, do you think that lengthy list given to you by your pharmacist is taken seriously? We trust our doctors. If we have an adverse reaction, this is the only time you might grab that paper out of the garbage can, but that is highly unlikely.
I don't expect you to feel sorry for me. I do expect you to listen up! Do not let a doctor make an addict out of you.
08-11-06, 01:32 AM Wildflower63 Golden, that is where I screwed up! I am cross posting on this topic because I screwed up not consulting my doctor. I made a huge mistake!
I have a doc friend who is also a licensed pharmacist. The guy is brilliant. He scared the hell out of me! He described what this drug does to the brain, making changes. You don't get this info when you go to the pharmacy.
What my doc friend failed to tell me is that Klonipin is safe for long term use. My doctor advised me not to do detox. He says it will take time and I will suffer no ill effects slowly taper the dose down. He wasn't exactly thrilled with me not consulting him about this issue. He felt that I acted impulsively and stupidly. He is right. I did.
Please understand, I'm not a drug abuser. None of us really know what any drug is really doing once we take it or how it affects our bodies. If we did, most of us would be afraid to take an aspirin!
If I have been on this drug with for years, so I cannot expect to just go off immediately. I learned detox is not for people like me. It is for street buyers that are sick of selling their soul for a drug or be drug sick. Many have to spend so much money that they can't pay bills. They also have legal problems for dealing, which is the only way to keep your bills paid and have the drug you need. These people do need detox, now. They are destroying their lives. This isn't my problem at all.
I have worked as a nurse on this script drug for a few years now. I am in no way 'high' or impaired to perform my job. My doc friend scared me to death!
I do apologize for letting fear get the best of me and misleading members thinking I am a drug abuser. I don't need detox. My doctor was right. I did not consult him about this. If I want off of Klonipin, there is a safe way of doing it, with no ill effects at all. I have the option to stay on the drug, with no ill effects either. I was afraid.
I acted out of fear, not within my doctor's advice. My apology for misleading members because of my fear. When I found out, I wanted off of that drug now, but this isn't smart at all. I don't need detox. I was terrified and lacked patience needed.
You can't take many drugs for a long time and expect to get off of it NOW. I did act impulsively and stupidly, out of fear. I didn't bother to consult my own doctor before deciding on detox. This was stupid!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
