Hi, I'm an alcoholic. That's the first step, to AA. I just want to let you all know I have not drank for over 7 years. I am really doing quite well, and have been around alot of people who do drink, which is not easy. I have been drinking O'Doul's which is a non-alchoholic beer, (I think it has like .005 percent alcohol in it.) That was my drink of choice, beer. I had smoked the wack tobaccky, too. I went thru rehab and had two slips, every six months, which I came back to AA and tried over again, and have so far done good. I just want to say, its not easy, and by all means it's important to have support. But, as the saying goes, "You're on your kid!" because no one else can do it for you. I am really happier now, and am so grateful that I don't have to deal with the hangovers, grouchiness, blackouts, and the guilt. I just want to say, I'm very proud of my achievements, and it really upsets me when I get called a dry drunk. This is not an easy thing to do, my mother was really a bad drinker, and so is the rest of my family. It seems all around me people are abusing it. I'd like to know why people can't support thier loved ones when they are trying to quit? I know if it's out of control, and there's too much damage done, than, yes, by all means, get away from them, but if they are trying and really sincere, why knock them when they are down. Why not congradulate them, and be supportive? But there is a problem, I see it in my mate, the signs are there. He drinks once he gets home and it's getting to be every night, and he's starting to stay up later. He doesn't want to admit it though. He doesn't get mean, or vengeful, just groggy, and stupified, I call it. Now I have explained that it's not good on me for him to keep doing this but he just doesn't seem to want to quit. It's taking him and drowning him, and I feel for him, because I've been there. I just wanted to share with you today, because I'm sure there are others out there that know what I'm going thru. ************************************************************** 07-17-03, 08:37 PM Sherasi SoaringHorse, I congratulate you for kicking the booze.... however, I caution you, the behaviors that alcoholics have don't stop once their drinking stops.
For example, I am an alcoholic personality myself. My Grandfather and my Uncle (father's brother) was an alcoholic. Even though I managed to evade the drinking trap (barely.. I did alot in college and when I was in my early 20's), I still have the behaviors that are obsessive.
The REASONS you drank still exist, the motivations I mean. Counceling to find out WHY you drank and learning to become the person you want to be is a very difficult process.
As a nurse, I see many drug and alcoholic personalities, and even though they no longer use, the issues they face are ongoing.
I fight my battle all the time, and I always will. But the struggle is worth it when I see my healthy happy children grow up to be "clean" and "dry".
07-18-03, 03:02 AM Ewood27 Soaringhorse, I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Sounds as though you're doing fine with your recovery. A dry drunk is one who lives just the same life and is just the same person as before - that is to say they are still the same person who went on to become a drunk and could easily become one again - but without the booze. A recovering alcoholic has made the effort to change their attitude and lifestyle to one that will not so easily drop them back in the bottle.
Your mate has to hit his rock bottom and recognise it for himself before you can do anything to help. You cannot live another's life for them. You have to accept the things you cannot change, and that is one. Once he does acknowledge that he needs help, that's a different matter. However ....
You must look after yourself and your sobriety. Nobody else gives your welfare the same priority as you do. If your mate's drinking is threatening to pull you back into drinking too, then you must get away from that situation. Go back to drinking and you will be no use to anyone, not to yourself or your mate. If in doubt, you have to abandon him to live his own mistakes and take care of yourself.
May God be with you and truly give you the wisdom to know the difference.
07-18-03, 03:22 PM Georgia85 "Hi Soaringhorse" (Isn't that suppose to be the next line?) Big Grin
Congrats on 7 years of sobriety. I am not an alcoholic so I cannot relate to what you are going through. But I can admire you for admitting to a problem and taking actions to resolve it. All my best to you.
07-29-03, 02:45 PM DvdGStwrt Hi SoaringHorse. Welcome.
I'm David, I'm an alcoholic/Addict - Not trying to out do you there Wink
I've been clean and sober 8 years now, celebrated my AA birthday the 22nd of this month.
The problem with living with an alcoholic or an addict (or both in one) is that the sober/clean person gets to see a side of that person that they would prefer not to see.
Even the Saints have their limits, and I fear that addicts/alcoholics not only test those limits but also surpass them on many occasions.
As an alcoholic/addict we are more prone to understand where the alcoholic/addict is - been there, done that, and we know, from experience, just how horrible it is to be inside that brain, that body, that addiction.
Most non-A/A's have no idea, no real idea of just how hard it is to stop. We know why the A/A can keep on going night after night, day after day, killing themselves slowly, knowing all to well that the hardest part of stopping is, well stopping. We know because we've been there.
We A/A's have to remember that we didn't stop until we reached a bottom - What is that bottom for you may not be the bottom for me - but, in many cases that bottom includes being excluded from the lives of the ones we love.
We can not really expect the sober/clean folk of the world to fully know and understand how hard it is. They don't have to stop, they do not know how hard it is to stop and when an a/a does stop, well to the sober/clean person it is just the right thing to do.
In the case of you and your mate, if you have learned anything from program one thing of importance is that we must be selfish when it comes to our sobriety.
We must - or die.
Before his drinking leads to your picking up a beer - One is too many, a thousand never enough - You may have to cut the relationship and insist that he find other lodgings - and when (or if) he reaches the point where he wants to quit, then I would strongly urge you to help him with others around to help you.
Are you still in program? Use your life lines - connect and share and seek out the strength in numbers.
As you know, any old drunk can join AA, but you have to know people to join Al-anon - Well, you know someone - it's time to join Al-anon.
You see a problem, because you have been there, done that - it's as clear as day to you because you have that keen understanding that comes with experience.
The best thing you can do is take a selfish stance in your program, Arm yourself, gather together your allies NOW - You tend to your needs FIRST - You can't help him if you can be drowned with him. How easy is it to drown? Just one drink....
You can not take on your mate's alcoholism. You can not take on his recovery. You can be supportive - by keeping your distance if needed. You can attend Al-anon and AA, and you can even try an intervention - with the help of sponsor and others from AA.
Words like -co-dependency are not new to you, you have heard them, you may even know what they mean on a personal level. You have 7 years of sobriety and hopefully that much time of meetings. You have an edge - a small one, but an edge nonetheless.
If you have phone numbers, today - no, this hour is the time you should make those calls.
The best I can do is send you love and light and the support of a fellow Alcoholic who feels for you and understands where you are, what you are facing - I hope you can find people right there who can lend you more support as needed.
My prayers are with you.
David
PS - There really isn't any 'dry drunk' either you are a drunk, or your not. If you are not drinking, then you ar not a drunk.
07-31-03, 09:24 PM soaringhorse David, Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. All that you have said is so true, and I know in my heart that I need to listen to you. The alcoholism that has gone thru my family and destroyed it left a big scar on my soul and I surely don't want to ever have to go threw that again. I could tell you terror stories of my childhood, but I have learned to put that in the past. I am the type of person where I take things quite seriously, can't joke around alot, and really worry about things to the point of making myself sick, and this one has been doing a job on me for a couple of years now. I know how important my sobriety is, and I will not do anything to ruin it, I have worked for my sanity way too long to let anyone do that to me. I do not ever want to feel like that again, because the worthlessness is just awful. Now I know you're right and it's so hard to let this person go, because I see something in him that is so kind, and I can't hurt him like that. So I'm fighting against the waves on this one, I know what is right in my mind, but the heart is telling something else. It's the soul that really tears me up, I have had so much pain and sorrow in my life time, I just can't do it, it would hurt me very bad. Please keep me in your prayers because I really need it, and I will try and do the right thing. Just letting you know my appreciation for your response, and I do need to go to more meetings, I just feel like a whirlwind in my life and can't slow it down, time is flying by too fast, and I don't like it, lol. Take care!
08-03-03, 10:31 AM DvdGStwrt I see similarities here - Sounds like me on several points. Wink
You are in my prayers. I'm sending you peace, love and light all the time.
David
08-27-03, 01:59 PM FredPuli I am an alcoholic. I too have not drunk for quite a while; I make it Sept 7th 2000; but the past is not the point, just the next 30 seconds or minute will do, just so long as it merges into another minute! Smile
I do not think that having booze in the house is a problem. There's still a case of vodka in this room, I know . It is there because I never threw it out when I went into the hospital that, in the end,I suppose, saved me. It was reassuring; it sounds crazy, but I think if somebody had poured it away or thrown it out,when I came out of hospital I'd have been upset and even panicked, sober though I was. Then I'd have probably gone out to get a drink ! I soon forgot about it; in fact it was only the question now that reminded me .Still, it's there if I want it; but then so is the pub in the village.That is the key to it all. I don't think of alcohol as part of my life. The 'dry drunk' is someone who has never changed their thinking in that; they are merely abstaining, fasting if you like.The alcohol is still there in their thinking.
I'm not sure it's a conscious decision to change your life or philosophy or outlook; that's far too grand a way of putting it, for me, anyway. It just happens when you finally think 'I surrender; I cannot live like this any more' and get the help.
I'd never have gone in to the hospital; I adamantly refused, until a nurse visiting someone else in the house intervened and said' I was at school with you,in the village, remember me?' and I thought 'You I trust; you are 'village'' and so I straightway rang and admitted myself, the moment she left !( On the strength of being at school over 40 years ago with a person I could not name!).That was the surrender; but until the person gets to that state of mind and decides for himself, there is not a lot to be done.I was just waiting for the reason, silly though it was, in a way.
So you get abuse and criticism ?People don't believe you, even after years? Well,if they are close to you that's part of the price. If they are family, well, they'll use it whenever they are angry or when they remember how you were towards them. You don't; you were on the inside looking out ! I had the best view in town. It was though I was inside the ugliest looking skyscraper but for me the view was fine; I was in the penthouse; from there I couldn't see the ugly building I was in and the view was fine. But it was one heck of an eyesore from everywhere else in town ! Big Grin It may be many years before they believe you or trust you.
So what about a friend who drinks? Having friends who drink is a problem. The problem is that they are not your friends ( you lost your real friends years ago, through drink, how booze was more important than them, how you treated them, how they were talking to a bottle). All you ( and I ) had left were other people like us who only felt comfortable with heavy drinkers and who were themselves avoided by other people for that very reason.
You'll never truly save anyone like the friend you mention.BUT he may yet turn to you. At the very least you know what he is doing. It is amazing to me 1)that , once people discover I'm an alcoholic they'll tell me of a relation or friend, their husband or wife, their child who is one or who they rear may be one. It comes pouring out; they dare not tell other people but they can trust an alcoholic 2) that people have some insight into their condition. Now that's how it is for him I hope, though his mind it's getting set to deny the extent or existence even of a problem . Talking with someone who he can see accepts him and has no criticism, does not think ill of him, but identfies may be just what he needs of you. The one sure thing you can do is to get him to an AA meeting an open one where anyone, alcoholic or not, may go; 'not that he's got a problem you understand but he might like to cut back...as he accepts ? '
I'm surprised you drink non-alcohol beer. I could never find one I liked the taste of; but then I wasn't really drinking the real stuff for the taste ( and I was never a beer drinker) ! I could make pretty mean Virgin Mary though !
[This message was edited by FredPuli on 08-27-03 at 02:08 PM.]
08-28-03, 10:27 AM soaringhorse Good post FredPuli, I agree whole heartedly! I still have my mate with me, he was sent to me when I prayed for him, and least expected it, so I think there was a reason for it. I enjoy being with him so much, have a lot of fun with him, and the love runs deep for him. I just can't stand to see the affects that the alcohol does to him. He is slowing down a bit, I think he is realizing something is wrong, maybe it's that hungover feeling in the morning that I point out how grouchy and mean he is, that's doing it. I really don't want to be unkind but when it's taken out on me because of his drinking previously the night before, I will not stand for it. It's just unfair. And the procastinations, OMG, I am going nuts with that one, seems like I can't figure out if this is just the way he is, or if it's the alcohol. You just wouldn't believe some of the things that keeps being put off that is just driving me crazy! I know we all tend to do this, but jeezil petes! I mean it's like living in a pigsty! Oh well, I'm starting to rant, better get off of my soapbox because I could go on and on about it. I did want to respond to the frienship deal. When I did decide to help myself and not drink anymore, alot of people acted strange. They would look at me like I had 2 heads, or would make fun of me. That wasn't easy to swallow, and surely didn't help any. The thing is they didn't take it seriously, but I showed them I was serious. It made me guide away from them, due to the constant alcohol in my face. At that point and time, it was just too tempting. Now, I can be around them, barely, because it's like a reformed cigarette smoker, but I try not to judge and say anything, it's just that they know how I am, and they start feeling guilty about their own drinking. I go out to clubs to listen to music, I drink my O'duouls, no problem, am the designated driver, so my mate drinks like a fish, and doesn't have to worry about driving home, nor does anyone who is with us. It's just that, it's not any fun watching a bunch of people getting trashed, getting so bad they can't walk, and slobbering all over each other, lol. Well, I know I shouldn't go there if I don't like it, but I go for my mate, he says I need to get out. Yeh, I do, but there's other places such as movies, concerts, etc. But just mabye, he will see me as an example. Wishful thinking, huh? I also want to talk about people judging me. If they find out I'm an alcoholic, they treat me different. They act like I've got this disease or something. That's not fair, everybody has their problems, and there should be no finger pointing, right? This has happened at work especially, and the thing is... I work hard at my job, really hard and there are some people that just don't care about their work, just don't do it properly. I just want to scream sometimes at them, but that's not my job. I just get tired of fixing their mistakes. Seems to me that when a person tries to quit drinking they do tend to work a little harder, at work, at home, on themselves. They shouldn't be put down for it.
12-04-03, 07:57 AM soaringhorse I am just wanting to update, I have been taken off all meds, and am still doing okay, just have the issue of my mate still drinking, going to bars after work, but I am hanging in there. I do hope he realizes he has the problem soon, that's the first step, admitting it. Just wanted to say after re reading all the posts.... There are some wonderful people on this site, that so supportful, and kind. Thanks Wink for being there for me, I really appreciate it, and hope your holidays are safe and happy ones! 12-04-03, 02:26 PM Sherasi Hang in there, you'll be okay. Smile
12-04-03, 05:15 PM puppyblues I'm glad you are doing okay. Going off meds can be very stressful. Seems like you are adjusting well.
Your 'mate' will have to admit his problem before he can get help for it. I think that before I left my husband, I tried everything in the world to help him. I finally figured out that it's not me that can do it, it has to be him and he has to do it for himself and no one else.
You've got a good support system here, keep us updated and let us be here for you. Smile
Reminds me of the last and most successful time I quit smoking.... I had at LEAST a carton of cigs in my house. THAT was my safety net.
If I had none while trying to quit, I'm sure I'd be visiting a store during an odd hour.
That "saftey net" of knowing that I had cigs - certainly helped me quit!
It took that "edge" off! Wink
12-15-03, 10:58 PM Sherasi Well, I have a drink in my hand about twice a year maybe...
my addiction is food.... and... uh..... the internet! EekRoll Eyes
12-16-03, 09:58 PM soaringhorse Just in case anyone's interested, here's a test to see if you have a problem with drinking. I flunked it completely when I first realized the alcohol had a hold on me.
Alcohol Test
There's nothing wrong with drinking on occassion, not everyone is an alcoholic, but if you feel like there's a problem, then maybe there is. Life can be tough to deal with sometimes, but drowning in the booze will not help, the problems will still be there and may be worse when you finally decide to wake up and smell the coffee. It takes a strong person to decide that they want to live and be happy without the help from some kind of substance. Everyone has their own problems, that's what life is all about, but if you can't remember half of them, then there is a problem. We deal with our problems the best we can, and it's part of learning and living. We are only human and we will make mistakes along the way, but the lesson is to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and try not to do it again, right? 12-18-03, 01:38 AM K.K. I have edited posts out of this thread that were off topic or attacking other members. I now have a pop-it on this thread and if they reappear I will suspend the members involved. This is a valuable and valid discussion of a serious condition and should not be hi-jacked. Carry on.
12-18-03, 12:10 PM Georgia85 SoaringHorse, I like your attitude and it certainly sounds like you just fine! You are so right about people turning to alcohol to forget about problems. I have never thought that was a healthy solution and I feel it only creates more problems in the long run. Please continue to be a postive example so that those around you may learn from your experiences Smile
12-18-03, 06:08 PM Wildflower63 I have to admit to skim reading the many posts here. I do commend the honesty of Soaringhorse for making an honest post, as well as other members, that share a taboo problem, addiction during times of the Drug War.
To start with, I completely agree with many of Soaringhorse's ideas. Correct, you are on your own with any addiction problem. You made the choice. You have to deal with the aftermath, alone. No one can do this for you. Another thing I agree with, not all people who drink are addicts. Some can draw a line and know when enough is enough. Some cannot see this clearly. This is the definition of use and abuse.
You choose this from day one. It occurs slowly. Either you see the problem or you don't. We all know when any substance that alters our neurological system, psychologically speaking, is interfering with our lives. It comes down to what you love most, the drug of choice or reality of life that isn't always so grand. You can only escape your problems for a brief time. It can create further problems as many addicts know.
I have heard the 'rock bottom' theory, which I strongly disagree with. It is a matter of how much you are willing to trade for your love affair with an illusion. I did my share of experimenting. I am talking as a teen of the 70's when the drug culture was big. I got so sick of the lifestyle. Your friends only have on thing in common with you, the chaise for the next high, that's it in reality. You do seek those types out, whether you realize it or not.
Life of sobriety isn't always as good as the life of an addict, reason there are so many relapse cases and too few success stories. Life will be good is a lie fed to addicts, it just isn't that great. It only forces you to deal with ignored issues of the past.
I, and many others like me, did not wait to see their lives shattered by abuse. We stopped at the first sign of it. There are limits that some don't care about. It is a love affair with a partner who wishes to see your demise is all. When will you tell this partner to hit the road? That differs with all.
12-18-03, 06:10 PM soaringhorse Thanks, Georgia, I really appreciate all the support I have here on this site. You are sooo right about being positive! I always say "No stinky thinking!" It just helps not to get so depressed, does nothing but take me in a downward spiral
12-24-03, 12:33 AM puppyblues My alcholism... You're doing great, soaringhorse and I'm so proud of you. I hope that you continue with your good attitude and move on through to the next phase of your life. It's sure to be a good one. Smile
01-24-04, 08:36 AM soaringhorse Can someone direct me where it says if you're an alcoholic you must be an addict also? Maybe David can help me on this one. I know that they say a drug is a drug, but it seems to me, that if you abuse alcohol, it is a lot different than drugs. For instance, if I only drank alcohol would I still be classified as an addict? The reason I ask this, is I think my chances of survival were easier since I didn't go into deeper drugs, like cocaine, crack, etc. Of course, I am using this as an example of how hard it is to get off the heavy stuff, ie. crack, coke, pills. I know that alot of people have it harder due to the fact that they've introduced so much into their system. I am not saying I didn't use drugs, because marijuana is a drug, and I did participate in that but never had to have it. Alot of people will advance to higher drugs due to peer pressure if they are using pot. For example, I had freinds, when partying with them, they would offer cocaine to me, which even though I was stoned I insisted that I wanted no part of it, because I knew it was a very bad thing to start as well as expensive. Thank God I didn't do it, but I just wonder what the studies are as to how many people go into a higher level of drugs, once they start out with pot.
01-25-04, 01:54 PM HillbillyGal This is just a guess on my part. I would have to say a drinking problem is the same thing as an addiction. No matter what drug you are hooked on, each one of them will cause different behaviors, symptoms, or whatever you want to call it. A crack addict isn't going to act the same as a drinker, but they do it for the same reason. They want to feel different and like that feeling it gives them and do it over and over again. The addiction process is the same though. You just keep wanting more. I hope that helped answer your question. You can get your body and mind hooked on a whole lot of things.
Lots of luck to ya. It will be a struggle that probably wont ever end. Stress and bad things that happen in life give us weak spots and there is always going to be that drink to make you feel better. You have to stay strong and resist. Good job on your sobriety.
As far as your question about pot leading to other drug use. I'm pretty sure most studies say that it has. I would guess at the reason being, you smoke pot knowing it is going to make you feel different. You like it. You might like something else too. Most people will at least try other drugs if they start regularly using pot. You seem to have a bit of fear of cocaine and didn't want any part of it.
The pot doesn't really make you do it. It seems more of a matter of letting yourself into a certain lifestyle and people that are addicts. It's the birds of a feather thing. If everyone else is trying it, why can't I? They seem ok. I will be too. Everyone seems to be having a lot more fun drinking, smoking, snorting, or whatever than they are sober sitting in front of a tv set bored. It's easy to get sucked in. If it wasn't fun, people wouldn't do it at all.
01-26-04, 03:40 PM gizmogram Just recently I posted at HerPort...that I have an alcohol dependency problem. I have gotten a HUGE amount of support from my friends here regarding this, which continues on a daily basis via IM and email.
I've also been trying to get to AA meetings, but at this point am still just listening.
8 days today, although I recognized and admitted the problem on 12/24. Have just have a few problems with falling down that first couple of weeks.
I think this is the single hardest thing I have ever gone through physically. When you wake up with jitters, you KNOW in your mind that a drink or two will calm them, and I've found that to be my biggest hurdle - finding a way to overcome that.
I'm under no medical treatment, as I am not working and have no insurance, so I'm on my own. I've been taking vitamins, and am drinking lots of juices and trying to eat right, but any other advice on how to get through this would be helpful.
01-26-04, 04:58 PM soaringhorse Hi Giz! I am so glad I'm not the only one out there. It really is a tough one in the first year, that's how long it took for me to be able to live again. I fell a couple times too, but I knew I had to try again. There was this conscious inside of me telling me that I had to quit, it wouldn't leave me alone! As far as the jitters, I heard while I was in rehab that you're going to have them. It's like your body is coming back to life, you're feeling everything the natural way, and they did give me some meds while I was in there, I took those for three days, then they cut me off of them. I think it was librium. I stayed there for three weeks. I had to attend a meeting everyday for 30 days after I got out, god that was hard, but I had a buddy. She would go to two a day! Eek Big GrinShe was hooked on crack, she was real hyper. FrownBut you know she's still clean, and hosting the meetings now. Smile So I can't tell you how to stop it, because it is what you have to go through. Seems like you have the hard part over though, they say it takes 3 days for it to leave your system. They did make me eat lots of fruit, no junk food, plenty of juice. I gained 30 lbs. just from turning all my fat into muscle. I also had to do some counseling while in there, and afterwards. It is just something you have to set your mind to. You have to be humble, and go with the flow. I learned to pass it along with the newcomers and keep encouraging them to stay, it was passed down after I left, I'm sure. So I'm wishing you peace, find a place to relax, do something to take your mind off of it. Take Care, Girl!
[This message was edited by soaringhorse on 01-26-04 at 05:08 PM.]
01-26-04, 09:40 PM gizmogram Thanks soaringhorse....I know it's something I'm just gonna have to get thru. When I ended up in the Emergency room on 12/24 with DT's and thought I was going to die, they gave me Avitan - which by the 3rd day was almost as bad because I misjudge the time I needed to take it by a mere hour and ended up totally spaced out.
So I just have to bite the bullet and DO this, and am. I know it'll get better every day, and as I said, I have a tremendous amount of support, both from friends and family (some of which are former addicts themselves and can relate to some of the feelings I'm going through)
I know that part of the problem is being unemployed and depressed over that - so now that I'm starting to feel better I've got renewed energy that will help me find job openings and present myself better in interviews.
01-26-04, 10:59 PM HillbillyGal Why do you gals drink? I know women are real differnt than men. I have come to the homes of women that needed help. It was all because of pain they suffered in life. Lots of it had to do with men, really.
All they really needed was a friend to be there, not a drink. It is such a shame that many of us don't have this type of friendship and lose our friends because of men and their demands about family that leave us so little time for others.
Once you start down this road of sparing yourself pain in trade of a drink, sometimes it is real hard to stop. If you keep it up, you can't stop suddenly or you will have big probems, physically and psychologically.
It dosn't take money for any Betty Ford clinic if you really want to stop this horrible cycle. I am so happy to hear that another member does help those in need when they get so fed up with this, which you will in time.
AA is free for all. Never be ashamed to get help from people who have experience with what you are going through. You don't need any insurance, hospitalization, none of that. You need a strong desire to make your life different is all. It wont be easy, so don't let anyone tell you that.
I haven't had this problem myself, but will drink on occasion to make the bad things in life go away. I always get this awful hangover though. I do know so many of my friends that have though problems in life and the bottle is the wrong choice. It wont help you. It only keeps you in limbo with the same suffering that started it all.
You just can't do this every day. The DT thing is real. You have to go off of the bottle just like any other drug, slowly. If you choose the sudden mannor, you will suffer and need hospitalization. Self dicipline is much needed if you don't have the cash for a detox that will drug you along the way so you don't have these DT symptoms.
You will spend a whole lot of time with reality symptoms (this is not the same as DT) that you aren't used to at all after a long time of drinking, that means a year or more. You will feel nervous and unable to adjust. This is temporary though. You can and will get through it with determination for a changed, but better life.
You can do this. I know many women that have with no money to spend on it. No one does where I live. Everyone has to do it for themselves, not because your man has pressured you into it. If you don't do it for you, forget it. It just isn't going to work.
My first advice would be to never start this pattern of every day drinking in the first place, but you are a bit beyond that and so are a lot of women. Women usually have men that will bring home a bottle if it makes us happy and off their butt. They will pay the bills, but leave them alone in what they do. A woman's live is so different than a man's. So are the reasons women turn to the bottle to make life livable.
I'm a little over the hill to not know that some pain in your life probably started this drinking. I also know it was probably a man and problems with him. That's the usual, from what I have seen.
Gizmogal, I really want you to think about this. What pain in your life led you to the bottle to stop the hurt, even if for a little while? Does that same situation exist? I have to doubt it, but maybe drinking didn't stop the problem. It just made you able to live with it better is all. Why do you continue to drink? Is it for the same reason that you started or now just habit and things changed since then?
I don't want you to answer these questions for everyone to read. I just want you to ask yourself and give some honest answers. So many women drink because of a man that hurt them. If that is your reason for starting, you sure aren't alone. Family and relationships seem so much more important to women than men.
You are making the right decision by stopping this bad pattern. If you don't, you will never move on with your life. There is something better out there. You have to feel the good and the bad. You will feel and do nothing with your life if you don't stop. You already know that, right?
Sorry for a dumb question, but who is Herport? Is this a group that supports womens issuses? We sure carry a huge bag over our shoulders with that one! If this is a support group for women, let me know about it! Thanks!
01-26-04, 11:14 PM methos HerPort.com is a site somewhat similar to this one (and composed mostly of members of this one), but focused on womens issues, health, discussions, support, etc., that was started by the owner of this site and is now owned by a member of this site, Sherasi.
01-27-04, 12:57 AM Sherasi HillBillyGal, you (and anyone else who wants to) are cordially invited to take a look at my site http://herport.com. Most men are not likely to want to spend too much time there... but many of the women who go there like to hang out and give and get a little TLC from other ladies.
01-29-04, 07:49 PM soaringhorse
quote: Why do you gals drink? I know women are real differnt than men. I have come to the homes of women that needed help. It was all because of pain they suffered in life. Lots of it had to do with men, really.
In response to this question, I will answer it with this: Mine was not men related at all. It started when I was a teenager. I had a friend that would drink around me, and would encourage me to participate. We would only start out with quarts of beer, then it got more advanced, including marijuana. Now since my friends family and my family both had alcohol around the house at all times, it did not seem like it was wrong. I guess we just followed their examples in that perspective, but the marijuana was not our parents example, they never did that believe me, they were totally against it. I think my childhood was pretty much of an influence also. My parents were constantly fighting, and drinking was always the onset of these fights. There is nothing worse than seeing the two people you love the most tear each other up, doesn't matter if they are drunk or not. It really does a number on the kids, they remember this the rest of thier lives. I can vouch for that. So the reason I drank was not only peer pressure, but also to escape reality. I didn't know the road I was on was dangerous. I didn't even care at that point, I finally woke up after several blackouts and realized that I had a problem, I could not blame it anyone but myself. I am the one who tipped that bottle to my mouth, no one else. So I take full responsibility of my disease. I have a sickness, one that will be with me for the rest of my life, theres no getting over alcoholism, it just doesn't work that way. You cannot just wake up one day, and say "Hey, I'm cured! Now I can drink again!" NOOOOOTTT!
I have never seen a alcoholic that could wean themselves off of it slowly, that's just not possible. They take one sip, and it's a rollercoaster ride from there. You learn these things, as you realize you are an alcoholic, there's no other way to quit, but COLD TURKEY. I think that sometimes people are in denial if they think it's just a social thing. By that I mean, they say that they occasionally drink. I did that for awhile. If it is taking up most of your time, and it is causing problems in your life than maybe you are an alcoholic. The test I put on one of my recent post on here, should be taken seriously, that's why I posted it. I just wonder how many questions were honestly answered with a yes, if there were more than two than there's a problem.
[This message was edited by soaringhorse on 01-29-04 at 08:04 PM.]
02-01-04, 12:28 PM gizmogram Mine was also originally not as a result of a man, but I guess the way it worsened after my break-up could be attributed somewhat to that. There were other issues also, too numerous to go into - but yes, I know the reasons I drank, I just allowed it to get out of control.
I agree with soaringhorse that the only way to quit is cold turkey. I can say that I can understand why alcoholics have such a problem quitting, the withdrawals are quite unpleasant.
I am happy (and very proud) to be on day 14 and feeling better every day.
I know I'll make it, especially now that I will finally be getting back to work this week! Big Grin
02-02-04, 03:18 PM soaringhorse Keep up the good work, Giz! Good to hear you're working, just take it easy, Okay? Slloooow and Easy! Wink Rome wasn't built in a day, right? It takes time but you are on your way, girl. Smile
02-03-04, 02:22 PM gizmogram soaringhorse....One day at at time, and every day is getting better. 02-04-04, 11:46 PM samantha I am so proud of you guys! Smile
02-07-04, 12:39 PM kittypal I have a question, how do you know when somwone is an alcoholic, other than when they are ALWAYS drinking? I know people that only drink on weekends or people that have a couple every night or people who just get trashed once in a while.
I don't drink anymore at all bexcause it makes me ill, but my friends and I used to go out every saturday and get totally wasted, now I never felt I needed to drink, but I think the binge drinking like that couldn't have been good.
02-07-04, 05:01 PM soaringhorse That is a good question, Kittypal! For me, I faught it for a long time, thinking it was just a socializing type thing, but then I started feeling really low esteem, embarrassed even, due to the lack of memory on occasions. I would even admit that I thought I had a problem to freinds, and they really didn't see any problem. They themselves were drinking just as much as me. I realized when I had been driving behind the wheel of a car, that not only was I stupid, but I was jeopardizing others lives. I think it really depends on the individual. If you see that your life is getting pretty uncontrollable due to the alcohol, and that you feel that it's got a hold of you, you pretty well know it. Some people have to hit rock bottom, like not have a job, be homeless, etc. but then others may just be at the beginning of this hole ready to fall in. Here's an interesting link that gives you a little bit of an idea what the stages are:
If you look on this page, I got to level 3, which I was headed for the last stage (the dependency/addiction part. I didn't drink in the morning but I thought about it, believe me. If I went without drinking by the third day, I was definitely ready to party and I would. This is why I sought help. I couldn't control it. I just thank god I didn't crash my car, or get DUI's because I would carry a cooler in my car filled with beer when we went out to freinds houses and drink while in the car, that's how bad it was.
When a person has to drink just to feel normal, like for instance heavy liquor ie. whiskey, vodka, rum, and they drink it straight down first thing in the morning to just feel better than you better believe they are at the final stage...level 4.
[This message was edited by soaringhorse on 02-07-04 at 05:16 PM.]
02-08-04, 11:21 AM kittypal Thanks for the answer, I'm glad booze makes me super sick because I really enjoyed the way it made me feel and alcoholism does run in our family.
02-08-04, 08:40 PM FredPuli Soaringhorse ! A cooler in the car so you could sneak out for a beer?Is that all? You beginner ! No wonder you stopped; you'd have failed the advanced alcoholics exam. We cool alcoholics kept an emergency vodka mixture in the windshield washer bottle (instead of the original contents, of course; that additive can be seriously poisonous!) When I admitted my unique scheme at an AA meeting my face fell; two others in the room had done the same !
Gizmogal; you may perhaps identify with me, if you think that there was not a single-event cause (man or family problems for example) for your problem with drink Smile. It would be good to think that an event really was a reason for me:
There are two reasons why I drank heavily.
1)The reason I gave myself, which others sympathised over, and which makes sense; bereavement . That was based on fact; I did have a bereavement, my father died suddenly.This reason got sympathy and understanding looks from the world, too
2) The real reason. That is that I was an alcoholic. I could not say " I am terrified of not having alcohol in me and it dominates my every thought. I do not care what the consequences are.... now just get me a drink will you!!" It would sound so stupid and weak-willed; in fact I didn't believe reason (2 )myself !I suppose I might not have seen the dependency clearly for what it was already or was becoming; if so I had blinded myself to the evidence.
Does anyone identify with that? I suspect that most alcoholics do.
Alcoholics are correctly treated just as other addicts, Soaringhorse. There is a lot of transferred addiction too. A person may manage to stop addiction to one substance or behaviour but then take up another later.It doesn't matter what the substance or behaviour is; the addictive mind is constant (and versatile).
Kittypal. The binge drinker may or may not an be alcoholic.The fact that he goes without at times proves little. If when he feels a need to drink he lets go of himself and cannot stop then he's an alcoholic. A good test is how he responds if his binge is unexpectedly interrupted or cancelled; if it's with angry desperation to get alcohol as soon as possible, come what may, he's alcoholic. If resignedly then he's not.
Many, if not all, alcoholics pass as normal most of the time, right up until the final collapse. This means that, for example, people who saw me every day were astonished to be told I was alcoholic or in hospital.They did not see the rooms full of empty bottles back home. A friend hired a skip ( dumpster) there were so many hundreds to clear once I was admitted. It's only once we reach a 'cruising speed' of blood/alcohol level that we function at all. It's doing things sober that is difficult!
Fact is too we are often born with the tendency to alcohol addiction i.e.it is genetic.This is quite independent of being raised in a house with alcoholics; though naturally the two may coincide. If you've got the gene it will have come to you from family, after all. (My own case seemed uniquely odd to me; my parents and all family hardly drank at all.Then my mother saw me, an alcoholic, and suddenly said " I never thought I'd have a son like my father, a drunk....." He'd died of drink before I was born; my tendency had come from him).This was a little consolation (and now I had yet someone else to blame for the drinking too Big Grin!)
There is, indeed, only one way to stop. It is to stop. Medication may help with the withdrawal; suddenly stopping a severe habit can even be bad for the body sometimes; but there is no way you can wean off it.
Still we only have to stop for a second at a time, don't we ?
My thoughts, as ever, to you lot out there who are fellow alcoholics ( and to anyone out there who doesn't yet know he or she, too, is one; and to their families) Smile
[This message was edited by FredPuli on 02-08-04 at 08:50 PM.]
02-12-04, 02:58 AM gizmogram Yes Fred, it's a second at a time, a minute at a time, followed by a day at a time. All we can do is a day at a time...and at the end of each day, we can know we made it, for another day.
Just going one day at at time has helped me tremendously....not looking at 10 years in the future, but just at today. It's too overwhelming to think far into the future. You have to think of this minute, this hour, this day.
Seeing what this has done to me in the last year, my God...I came so close to losing everything dear to me - and that's not going to happen again.
Since day one, there have been challenges, but I've fought them...and now, even after only 23 days, I know my life is turning around...and I'm not going to go back. Never, ever again.
09-02-06, 07:39 AM soaringhorse Booting this up to the top....I just want to update.
I reread some of these post, and they were all so true, kind of reinforces that I'm doing the right thing. I just hope and pray that someone that is an alcoholic can read them and realize they are too. If you are waking up and drinking first thing in the morning, just to feel better, believe me You are an alcoholic.
As for the update, I had referrred to my problem of whether I should stay with my mate or not:
I am still with my sweety, he has had Congestive Heart Failure, it's been over a year ago. But he's slowed down his drinking, doesn't do it hardly at all. The reason he had started drinking heavily, I think, was due to the fact his father had passed away, from a severe auto accident. It involved two trucks, slamming into him...one at a time, snapping his neck and paralyzing him from neck down. He passed away a year later. This tore him up, as you can well understand. His high blood pressure was untreated due to no health insurance, and he eventually went into the emergency room with congestive heart failure. 25,0000 dollars in debt later, he is taking over 4 medications to control his heart disease (cardiomyopathy) and he is doing better.
I am still not drinking, have thought about it, due to life's little stress games, but still hanging in there. Just wanted to let you all know.
Giz, you doing okay? Let me know, I hope you are.
Soaring
PS: Can anyone direct me to the AA site where it has the Blue Book on it. I know there is one, I was wanting to find the spot about a drug is a drug.
09-02-06, 09:19 AM Sherasi My alcholism... I am glad things are doing well for you. There is no easy path to recovery but you seem to be on the right one.
I hope your husband is feeling better, but sticking to the regimen of diet, careful exercise and medications as prescribed will do a world of good for him. Smile
09-03-06, 02:22 PM gizmogram Hi Soaringhorse Smile My life is completely different now than it was even when this thread was started...I'm happy and healthy and doing very well in life. Thank you for asking! Smile
09-03-06, 04:40 PM FredPuli
quote: Originally posted by gizmogram: Hi Soaringhorse Smile My life is completely different now than it was even when this thread was started...I'm happy and healthy and doing very well in life. Thank you for asking! Smile
Hey, gizmogram,welcome to the club ! It's a big one but can always do with more members Cool
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