The nephew, 22, druggie, just got out of jail yesterday, needs a place to stay, needs a Program to get clean.

A Program of Recovery. He will not do Rehab since it’s too much like jail. BTW he just got out of jail yesterday and is on his way home (his mom's). He has a month clean time already. So what we are offering is a Rehab without the rehab feel - let's call it Rehab 2.0 :lol: .

Thoughts to run through my head are:

Had my son lived, he would be the same age as the Nephew. (Makes me feel kind'a old).

Saving one out of three ain't bad - There are two others who need a program of recovery, have been offered the same proposal, they refused and are slowly declining into druggie hell.

The Proposal: 6 pages of common sense stuff with a liberal dose of Program Stuff like 29 meetings in 30 days. We talked on the phone tonight; he read it twice and agreed to it. Yes I have copies of it and yes the reason why I wrote it all down is so there would be no "You didn't say." or "I didn't know."
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09-16-05, 06:29 AM
Sherasi
So, what you are sayin gis that The Nephew will be living with you and your partner is a 2.0 Rehab program.

You will make sure he goes to his meetings and keep him out of trouble? Are you prepared for the kind of work that is in store for you?

09-16-05, 08:31 AM
Georgia85
Sorry to change the subject but you had a son? How have I known you all these years and missed out in that bit of info? I always pegged you as one who had been sure of your sexual orientation all your life.

09-16-05, 08:44 AM
aminator2002
It seems to me that you are close enough to him that you have to try. If you don't try, you will regret it... as long as you keep your head screwed on straight it seems doable. Just don't feel bad about the consequences if he doesn't get his act together.

22 is young and unfortunately foolish still.

It's a good thing you are trying to do though and worthwhile.

09-16-05, 07:28 PM
clarebear
Best of luck to you David.

Remember: One day at a time.

09-16-05, 08:01 PM
Sherasi
Georgia,

David has been married and had a son. Here is a brief quote:

Page 3 in this thread half-way down discusses the issue:

Christ And The "Gay Plague."

quote:
I lived the lie, I married, had a kid (actually it was because I got her pregnant that we had to marry) I got her pregnant because my father's constant demands that I prove that I am a man - so I went out and had unprotected sex with a girl. Dad was happy, mom was happy - everyone was happy that I was a man, except for me - I would have preferred to have been with a man.

It wasn't until 6 years after my wife and son passed on that I came out of the closet and had my first homosexual relationship. During that six years I struggled in vain against my needs and wants and the demands of society.


09-17-05, 07:55 AM
frankvan
You've got guts, David. Count this one old curmudgeon as in your corner. Best of luck!

09-17-05, 07:05 PM
Sherasi
I have to wonder, David, if that drastic stint you had with the drugs coincided with your period of resistance to the fact that you are homosexual.

I certainly congratulate you in getting your life in order, off the drugs and in a relationship you are happy with.

You are a good man, I am glad you weren't one of the poor souls lost to the ravages of drugs and alcohol.

09-19-05, 10:18 AM
DvdGStwrt
Hi all,

Wow, people do know me Wink.

Um Yes, Had a son and married too.

Yes I am more than aware of the issues we face with the Nephew, we had our meeting last night, got a list of meeting places and times and thankfully he Shared in meeting and participated.

This to me means he really, truely wants a New Life.

I see other issues, anxiety/depression issues that we will need to deal with - in time.

As for my issues with drugs, yes most of my issues surrounded mental/emotional issues, a part of that was my road to accepting my oreintation.

Cheers

09-20-05, 09:40 PM
SeattleRon
Dude I never even knew you were gay let alone had a son.
Not that being gay is a bad thing or anything. I just mean I really need to pay more attention to everybody around here a lil bit more.
Your program there sounds like a good one DVdGstwrt. That is a lot better than going to rehab or most of the help that is offered out there. Most people even family would turn their backs on those kinds of problems.
Thats right on that you want to help the nephew out. Good luck with everything. It's going to be a lot of work, but hopefully will all be worth it with great results in the end.

09-22-05, 06:11 PM
DvdGStwrt
He is spending the night at his Mom's tonight.

The Kid does carry alot - I mean A LOT - of baggage - Eek

It has been an "interesting" few days. He has already demonstrated that he is willing to discover the boundries and test me on my ability to counter. Fortunately I am armed with wit, charm and a good deal of perception of human nature. Wink

May have noted I have not been around a lot recently, I am trying to devote as much time to getting him settled and to demonstrate that I am here for him, building trust and all of that stuff while still maintaining the "mentor" status.

Last night's meeting (AA) he got to hear Danny Share and Danny told a lot of the other "stuff" that we have to deal with in life which most likely put into perspective for the Kid how things really are and the amount of stress we (I) really am under all the time. His attitude was much different today than it has been up to now.

Of Course the Family is not fully aware of everything either, For instace we (Danny and I) deal mostly with the Parents and the Nieces, The Nephew's Parents are not privy to all that we deal with because we just do not pull them into it since they have enough on their plates. So he is seeing/learning more about us in this process.

Time, love and lots of patience. He is at the point where he wants a clean life, he just has no clue how to go about it.

09-24-05, 09:03 PM
Wildflower63
I understand coming to terms with being gay isn't an easy thing. I do have a problem with one thing and mean no insult to David. Some gay men seem to have a problem with 'coming out' and use women. They marry them and have kids only to leave them because they can't live with it anymore.

The deal for a woman, in this circumstance, is horrible. The guys says they really do love you, but not the way you love them. You are more like a best friend. Women have to deal with the fact they have been deliberately deceived in order to protect a man's ego.

They even are fooled into thinking these guys love them enough to marry and have kids, just to be lied to? What are women with a gay husband that leaves them supposed to think about their own sexuality knowing someone they loved was mechanically able to perform, but she does nothing for him.

This actually to the point of cruel to treat someone this way. It is exceedingly selfish as well. This kind of news that my husband is leaving me for a man is enough to make a drunk out of me! To all gay or bi men: Be honest about it!! Which would you rather deal with reality or the fact that you dramatically hurt someone by years of deceit?

09-25-05, 01:05 PM
DvdGStwrt

quote:
Originally posted by Wildflower63:
I understand coming to terms with being gay isn't an easy thing. I do have a problem with one thing and mean no insult to David. Some gay men seem to have a problem with 'coming out' and use women. They marry them and have kids only to leave them because they can't live with it anymore.

The deal for a woman, in this circumstance, is horrible. The guys says they really do love you, but not the way you love them. You are more like a best friend. Women have to deal with the fact they have been deliberately deceived in order to protect a man's ego.

They even are fooled into thinking these guys love them enough to marry and have kids, just to be lied to? What are women with a gay husband that leaves them supposed to think about their own sexuality knowing someone they loved was mechanically able to perform, but she does nothing for him.

This actually to the point of cruel to treat someone this way. It is exceedingly selfish as well. This kind of news that my husband is leaving me for a man is enough to make a drunk out of me! To all gay or bi men: Be honest about it!! Which would you rather deal with reality or the fact that you dramatically hurt someone by years of deceit?



WildFlower,

It isn't Ego that guides the hearts of men (and women) in these things.

The Pressures of society, family and religious morals are the motives.

Gays and Lesbians before and after coming out have to live with the condemnation, hatred and "programming" of the greater expectations of our society. People are still beaten up and even killed for being homosexual. Most homosexuals live with the ultimate question when they realize that they are homosexual: "What is wrong with me?"

In order to be right, they go through the motions and make an honest effort to live up to the expectations of society.

In a society where everything "not good" is called "gay" (i.e.: 'God that movie was gay'), where "Fag" and "Faggot" are bombs dropped by every culture, creed, race with equal venom, where you stand a high chance of being accepted as a murderer before being accepted as a homosexual by your own family, there are countless victims to the crime.

Ex-Gay Ministries teach homosexuals that lying about themselves is better in the eyes of God than being Gay. Yes, that is how bad being Gay is.

We can assume that most gay men and women are doing their very best to be what society wants. When I married I did love my wife, no not as a lover and I hated myself for it. They honestly desire to be the "perfect" man or woman in a 'perfect' relationship marriage.

And yes it is a terrible thing, it is a harsh, cold reality that the other person gets hurt. Yet in our discussions of homosexuality there are a lot of people who appear to not care about that instead they insist that the homosexual must live the lie irregardless of who gets hurt. Example: Hate the Sin not the Sinner: the ideology is that it's ok to be gay, but you can not act out on that thus for the gay/lesbian they have no other alternative but to partner up with the opposite gender and "attempt" to have a relationship.

Yes it is sucky, yes it is a crime against more people than just the Gay/Lesbian person in question - But this is life.

It's not ego, its survival, on the gritty streets of sexual orientation if you are gay or lesbian you stand a good chance of having your brains literally bashed out. Priorities become skewed easily under the pressures.

In a Perfect World gays and Lesbians could readily come out, society, family, friends would accept them unconditionally and there would no longer be a need to live a lie. That is something that may take place in the future; I will most likely not live long enough to see it though.

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