GOD Bless all of you angels out there that have included us in your prayers!
My son did test positive for marijuana. And yes, he was very angry at being found out. He's seen the juvenile officer and as of today, he is a level 3 according to the treatment assessment center. He'll begin extensive counseling and drug education classes. I'll be joining in on family therapy.
I took this route of turning him in to the sheriff's office because I love my son. One day, I pray he'll understand.
Thanks to all and please continue to mention us in your prayers.
Love and peace to you, T **************************************************** 03-30-04, 07:15 AM Sherasi I commend you for a hard decision made for the benefit of your son and family. I think that "Tough Love" is occassionally very necessary and hopefully this approach will re-establish your son on the straight-and-narrow.
Good luck to you and your family and God Bless you.
03-30-04, 10:50 AM Elexina Good for you. This must have been a very difficult decision, but it was a down-to-earth way of handling it, showing him that you won't stand for any nonsense. I hope that he understands. If not now, he will someday.
03-30-04, 09:18 PM honilov That's great that your son is headed in the right direction now, and it's fantastic that you are joining in on family therapy. Together, you will make it through this hurdle. Good luck. Smile
04-01-04, 01:52 AM SeattleRon I comend you for wanting to help your son. I just have to say though. Turning in your own flesh and blood to the police? I'm sorry, I cannot stand behind that. I understand tough love. Only to a certain extent. I realize marijuana and drugs is a big deal, but there are diffrent ways of doing this. Over some pot, now he has to waste valuable hours of his life that he could spend focusing on school, or other things. Are now going to be wasted on this. I know people are going to disagree. There are other, less difficult ways to go about this. I'm sorry if I offended you with my comments, but I just feel this is ver un-necessary. Congratulations..
04-01-04, 06:33 AM clarebear It isn't easy being a parent. You can only do what you feel in your heart is best. Many people who take drugs are trying to escape from their problems. Find out what what those problems are and work on them. He is going to have a lot of resentment toward you. Make sure he knows you love him and you are there for him. Your relationship will get worse before it gets better. It will get better. It will take understanding, counseling and a willingness for everyone to change. Hang in there.
Good Luck to you and your family.
{{{{{561TAO}}}}
04-10-04, 05:31 PM soaringhorse Well, I'm sad that he tested positive, but you are doing good! Smile He has to be shown that you do love him and how hard it was to do that, but that you are only trying to save him. I can imagine how you felt when you found it....must of have been a really tough one! I am glad to hear you are doing the counseling and classes too, that is very important! Hang in there, I know it's hard to reach these teenagers, they just don't understand how important things are sometimes.
04-12-04, 11:24 PM Tree Ummmmm, I'd never think that I'd say this, but I agree with Ron! Thanks Ron!
I understand "tough love" for what it is, but sometimes one can decide on this approach rather than "thinking it out". What if your son tried marijuana just because it was a kick or because of peer pressure etc etc. Could have been many reasons.
Because he had a bit of pot in his room makes him a hard core user??? I doubt it.
Geesh, I bet lots of people here have done some sort of experimenting in their youth, but that's all that it is.
I hope that you haven't lost your son's trust and respect. That would be much worse than simply putting the law in your own hands, as you did, without looking into the "problem" (?) further, before reacting.
Frown
04-15-04, 02:28 AM puppyblues Well, what's done is done. I can see both your side and Ron's (and Tree's) side. I know you wanted to 'nip it in the bud' Wink before it got out of hand. Pot can be a gateway drug for a lot of people.
I'm VERY happy to see that you are participating in family therapy though. It shows your son that you do love him and are willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that he is safe.
I wish you and your family nothing but the best. Smile
04-15-04, 11:44 PM samantha I am glad that he is in therapy and all I am sure it will help him at his age now before it got any further..Good luck to all of you.
04-17-04, 02:15 AM DvdGStwrt Well you did what you had to do. I commend you on that.
However I'm of the set who feel that a drug addict will remain a drug addict until they want to give it up.
Thing is that the drug addict tends to not want to give it up under normal circumstances. It takes an epiphany which for each individual is a different thing. For some it is a financial bottom, for others it is an emotional bottom, still others it is a legal bottom.
Just be aware of that - don't get your hopes up and then be dismayed when even after all of these treatment and stuff he still goes out.
I always strongly urge family and friends of drug addicts and alcoholics to go to Alanon meetings - There you will find the resources to deal with the issue as the one looking in from the outside.
Though family counseling is a good thing, don't forget to tend your needs too and get private counseling to help you to deal with what ever comes up during this process. Trust me, there is a lot of stuff that may lay hidden and suddenly bubble up leaving you wondering why it is your feeling like you do when the next small thing takes place. Take care of you that way you can take care of him.
I will admit that I personally would have taken the path of professionals, not necessary the police, simply because our drug laws are woefully lacking when it comes to treating the disease - it turns into a criminal thing, which a criminal record does far much more damage for a person's future than most people know - unless they or somebody they know goes through it. I do hope that the Sheriff is willing and able to see an illness and not a crime.
And too I am willing to wager that your son will be very resentful, this will have a long term effect when it comes to your relationship with him, which is another reason why I stress Alanon and personal therapy, nothing like being hated for trying to save a life. Alanon and therapy will provide you with the tools you will need to get through the period of resentment, also it will give you the wisdom to know when to say nothing - its hard, very hard, but sometimes saying nothing and letting him mouth off will do both of you much more good than confronting his feelings.
Best of luck and God bless you. May everything turn out well.
David
04-17-04, 07:13 AM soaringhorse
quote: He's seen the juvenile officer and as of today, he is a level 3 according to the treatment assessment center.
It looks as though she did the right thing, that the system does work, they are trying to work with him. Why would one consider this wrong, when they are just trying to instill our young adults that this is wrong? Do you think this will be on his permanent record? Kids get in trouble all the time, vandalism, theft, drunk driving, wreckless driving......but as a juvenile does this charge stay on his record? I woud hope that it doesn't but if there are more than one occurence happening than there should be a red flag raised. I'm sure the kid will be angry this came down the way it did, but maybe it will open his eyes as to not doing it again, you think?
David, your response was very good, as usual. I do understand why you say it's important to handle this with professionals, but sometimes when this happens people do not know where to turn and are wanting to take care of this thing asap. Especially if a weekend is coming up and they know the kids ready to go partying. There are times when it is clearly just as stressful trying to make calls on the phones, just to get the runaround, or an appointment set up for two weeks from then at the hospitals or rehab centers. In that time span, the kid could've done alot of damage to themself, or others. Do you think at the time when this all came down, that the teenager would've have been willing to go to the al-anon meetings, or even to the hospital? It woud've been hard to get this child to co-operate, for sure!
04-20-04, 01:20 AM DvdGStwrt
quote:Originally posted by soaringhorse:
David, your response was very good, as usual. I do understand why you say it's important to handle this with professionals, but sometimes when this happens people do not know where to turn and are wanting to take care of this thing asap. Especially if a weekend is coming up and they know the kids ready to go partying. There are times when it is clearly just as stressful trying to make calls on the phones, just to get the runaround, or an appointment set up for two weeks from then at the hospitals or rehab centers. In that time span, the kid could've done alot of damage to themselves, or others. Do you think at the time when this all came down, that the teenager would've have been willing to go to the al-anon meetings, or even to the hospital? It would've been hard to get this child to co-operate, for sure!
Why thanks for the complement.
Let me clarify about Alanon.
Alanon/alateen is not for the drug users and alcoholics, They have Narcotic Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous. On some occasions a meeting can be used and an "intervention" meaning to stop an addict/alcoholic from going out.
Most often AA and NA and Alanon/Alateen are used after the initial response of say an intervention. In the Case of AA/NA one is provided with steps of recovery. For Alanon/Alateen there are steps to dealing with all of the other baggage that comes with having an addict/alcoholic in ones life.
My concern here is for the Mother - Why? Because those who deal with the addict, are faced with the challenges are usually the true victims, left to deal with many more issues than just having to call a cop or a treatment center. The first step was taken, the first battle won or lost - its over, now comes the long term effects, the long hard battle. These is where Alanon comes in.
David
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Posts: 42 | Location: St. Joseph, MO, USA | Registered: 06-04-02
