i'm sorry, i said i wouldn't but i buy 4grams im sorry. I like too much i sorry you guys this rusty place i'm sorry ************************************************* 01-24-04, 07:47 AM shelster Ron, you don't need to be sorry to us. But you need to get some help. Please email me.
01-24-04, 08:44 AM soaringhorse Well, I can't say I didn't see it coming, and I'm sure everyone else here who knows you will say the same. SEATTLERON, you know what the problem is, you know it's wrong, and only you can take care of it. The question is do you care enough about yourself to do that? Don't want to be harsh here, but this is quite serious, not no game to play. It's a matter of life or death, and if you can't do it on your own, get some help, and I mean going to a care unit in the hospital and say, "Hey, I need help!" It's that first step that's the hardest, and you have to take this seriously, swallow your pride, and admit, "Yep, I have a problem, now can someone help me?" Please Ron don't put us through this, we care too much about you, to watch you do this to yourself.
And when you decide it's time, here's a number to call just for your area, 1-866-845-8975 It's your call, Ron, just do it, it's toll free.
01-24-04, 03:05 PM SeattleRon sorry to dissapoint you guys. i didn't do it because i got problems. Everything with me is good. I was just meeting up with some friends and one of them had brought cocaine. I hope thats ok to say on AnswerPool. At first I didn't do it. Then after like a couple hours I said screw it. Then I bought 4 grams from him. I don't know what it was that made me do it again, but don't feel sorry for me. It's my own fault.
01-24-04, 03:22 PM soaringhorse Aahhh, the good friends again, huh? Just curious Ron, how are you feeling today? Are you going to deny that you have a problem with this? Come on, just call em, see what the experts say.
01-24-04, 04:09 PM Cyndiluwho_99
quote:Originally posted by SeattleRon: sorry to dissapoint you guys. i didn't do it because i got problems. Everything with me is good. I was just meeting up with some friends and one of them had brought cocaine. I hope thats ok to say on AnswerPool. At first I didn't do it. Then after like a couple hours I said screw it. Then I bought 4 grams from him. I don't know what it was that made me do it again, but don't feel sorry for me. It's my own fault.
You say you don't have problems.....yeah you do...you can't keep away from the drugs AND the people who do them. You need better friends.
01-24-04, 06:15 PM MrsS Ron....I don't talk much about it, because I'd rather leave it in my past, but I have, as they say, Been there, Done that...Darlin', you need to tell all your pals that you do not do that anymore and cut from your life anyone who puts temptation in your path after you tell them you're getting clean....Someone who offers you blow when you've asked them not to is not your friend! If you can't or won't take that step, then you have not yet reached the point of being willing to help yourself and until you do reach that point, there is not a lot anyone else can do to help you.....there are some great links above...use 'em. 01-24-04, 07:31 PM Tree Hey Ron!
Addictions are really tough to get over..... but the KEY to getting over them is WANTING TO GET OVER THEM!
Smoking cigarettes is a toughy too! It's easy, some say - I've done it lots of times! Wink But in order to succeed, you need to WANT to quit first of all!
I don't think that you want to yet.
01-24-04, 08:44 PM Texan-In-Exile Ron - You're a good person. Smile So I will keep you in my prayers. Someday (I hope) you will want to quit enough to change friends, associates and habits. But until then, we're here for you. Smile (I'm glad you trusted us enough to share this with us.)
01-25-04, 06:09 AM soaringhorse You know, I have sat back and read your posts and tried to not be harsh, or harp on you, but this last posts just scares the **** out of me.
I think I speak for everyone here at the pool, when I say, we love ya, and we care! You are really a great guy, Ron! We do not want something to happen to you, so don't just shun us away, we are your freinds, whether you like it or not.
Now, what will it take for you to finally see the light? Are you afraid that your freinds around you are no longer going to be your freinds? If so then they really weren't your freinds at all, right? Why don't you "Straighten up and fly right"?
What is more important to you? Your life, or these druggy freinds that you have? Are you going to try and wait until you hit rock bottom? Will you live through it?
I know you think I'm just harping on you, but I don't think I'm wasting my time, you are worth the effort. I just wonder if YOU, yourself, feel that way. Do you care about yourself?
01-27-04, 10:24 AM dogspit Ron, there are a million ways to justify using, and none of them are any less lame than the others. The fact is that one day you may not get the chance to say "I'm sorry", because you will end up dead. I cannot condemn, as I spent most of the 90's strung out on meth, but you are young enough to get a lot done in your life if you just pull your head out of your posterior and get clean and stay that way. You either consider yourself worth it, or you don't.
01-27-04, 12:48 PM Georgia85 Ron, you are frying your brain! Do me a favor please. Take a look at the first post you made when you were apparently under the influence. If that's not a slap if reality I don't know what is. You were incoherant and rambling. You are doing damage to yourself and you don't care enough about you, your family, or your other loved ones to do anything about it.
Yet you turn around and apologize to us. Why? Why do you feel you let us down when your family should be more important? So you like doing it too much. Heck, I like eating too much. But I know when to stop. But when you can't or won't stop you have what is called an Addictive Personality. That is not healthy.
So do yourself a favor. Admit you need help. And next thing to do is to remove yourself from all circumstances where drugs are available to you. That means losing your friends. And before you bellyache about not wanting to get rid of them, look at it realistically. They are not good friends if they don't mind watching you destroy yourself right in front of their eyes. And finally, call the number that soaringhorse provided. She did you a favor by doing research to locate a number to help you out. Be appreciative of that. Now you have no excuse.
Now I know I come across as harsh. But Ron, I am not sympathetic nor compassionate when I see people who know better doing something idiotic that will ruin their health. And I believe that you do know better and in time you can become a stronger person.
"Just Say No!"
01-28-04, 01:18 AM SeattleRon It's hard to explain, and I know you guys are right so I won't try to explain. It's been a while since i did yay before. I don't know why I did it again. Well I know why, but it's no good reason. I've passed it up multiple times. Don't even need to feel I need to do it ya know. For some reason after I met up with my original friends i grew up with. I passed it up. These guys are like brothers to me. When I said no I'm cool. It was like alright. I went on drinkin my 7&7's. We kept on talkin. Then I pulled my drink aside and said hey let me grab one. After that it all went downhill. I blame nobody but myself for my actions though. I did it and it was all me. Too me, what I did was recreational.
01-28-04, 02:40 AM puppyblues "Too me, what I did was recreational." That's just an excuse, Ron. When you are ready to live your life right, you will. But you have to want it first.
Just be glad you don't have a family at home waiting for you. If you don't straighten up and you end up with a family, you could ruin their lives.
So just stop it already. If you aren't 'hooked' on it, don't do it again. Period.
02-02-04, 03:26 PM soaringhorse C'mon Ron, let us know you are okay! We want to at least hear from ya! Frown We are not mad at you, just want to make sure you are alright. Smile
02-03-04, 04:10 AM SeattleRon i'm good. i'm sober. Have been for a few since I posted last. Just have a lot on my plate right now. It's tough to post as often as I want to. Everything is good. I just screwed up a lil bit.
02-03-04, 09:58 AM Georgia85 Glad to hear you have been sober. Just take one day at a time and get a good support group to help you through this. Smile
02-08-04, 10:05 AM LVLF Ron, do you remember that email I sent you when you first declared that you were going to quit? It was sent with an arm load of good intentions, but I understand why you didn't reply, and from that silence I decided that I wouldn't offer anymore of my opinions, however, after reading this thread, I changed my mind. There really isn't a whole lot that I can say that hasn't been said by everyone already, except a few things. First, you keep saying that you blame no one but yourself. Well, maybe that's true, and maybe it isn't. Although blame is a natural instinct when we are trying to protect our inner most self, your situation is beyond blame, yours or someone else's. But, you need to find out where this self destructive behavior comes from. You can only move forward if you own up to your past, know it , understand it, embrace it. Understanding your past is an important key to unlocking your future. There well may be something in your past that causes you feelings of resentment, anger, or indifference, and you might not really understand that you HAVE these feelings. But, ultimately, whatever the cause, you are the only one who controls your actions, your life. Telling yourself, and others, that you are sorry doesn't do much good, doesn't change a thing. What's done is done, and you can't go back. Learning from your mistakes, your bad judgment is not easy. Oh, you can learn, I guess from your mistakes, that's easy enough, but NOT repeating those mistakes is the hard part. If you really want to get a handle on your addictions, then you have to, as I said in the email, and others have stated here, STAY AWAY FROM YOUR USING FRIENDS. PERIOD! Don't think you can stay sober for a few days, or weeks and still hang out with your buddies. Your sobriety won't last. Don't think it's okay to 'save' your partying for special occasions. Getting drunk or high should never be considered a reward for good behavior. Your future holds nothing for you if you continue on the path you've chosen. And it would be a damn shame to lose you, Ron, to something so avoidable.
02-10-04, 02:52 AM SeattleRon it's just weird LVLF. I love my life. I love drinkin, but I guess sometimes very rarely if it comes across I'll probably do somthin, ya know. I dunno it's diffrent. I'm just so used to doing whatever I want since I was young. Since then I've done my own thing. I don't know just email me and i'll tell ya. All of ya.
02-11-04, 10:59 PM DvdGStwrt Hi Ron.
I wanted you to have room to do what ever you felt you needed.
I do not think you need advice.
I do not think you need to be ok'ed, forgiven, told that everything will be alright, loved, cajoled, cheered, berated, sympathy, pity, etc. - by me.
I do not think you need my approval, my assessment of your life. My assessment of your life is not worth 2 cents - My approval or disapproval is meaningless to you to me to anyone.
What matters for you is what you feel and think of you. That is the only guy you need: for approval, for love, for forgiveness, cajole, cheer on, have sympathy for, pity, etc.
In fact I don't think that there is anything I can offer you.
So I kept my big fat mouth shut - Let you do your thing, then wait for you to report back. I did pray, and I did send thoughts of love and light in your general direction, I even shed a tear - your pain I know and understand. But I kept my mouth shut because I know that you don't need what I can say to help you.
Don't apologize to me. You didn't do drugs to impress me, so you do not need to not to do drugs to impress me either. Do what you feel needs be done.
**********************
To be selfish, I'm going to talk about myself here - hope you don't mind.
Do you know that the first time I did drugs (way back in 1988) It was fun? It was coke - the first love affair with drugs lasted for a few years. Then I quit. No not over night - I quit over a period of lapses and false starts. I quit the first time in 1990. Then in 1991, then in 1992, I finally quit coke in 1993 for a minute.
In 1994 I picked up a new habit, meth After a year I started quitting again - it took a year of false starts and moving away from the old play grounds, old play toys and old play mates.
June 22 1996 is the last time I woke up hungover. From that day to this I have not drank a drink, toked, slammed, or played with old toys, old friends, old locations.
For nearly 8 whole years I have suffered the conscious battles between me and my sanity and and my desire to get high, drunk, tweak - whatever.
Those are the easy ones to win - you see them, you know what they are.
The hards ones are when you suddenly release somebody just passed you a joint and your just about ready to toke. "Oops - Well I'm in a bad environment - I got to go!" Lot easier thought than done.
The hard battles to win are the ones where you are with your friends, all comfortable and the drugs or drink appears by magic - such a part of their life, so natural in that environment - too easy to quickly assess the situation and fool ourselves by saying "I can do it just this once, it won't hurt me."
Never mind that you just spent a year of program learning that one can and will hurt - We are soooo smart we can convince ourselves that at the moment when its there, when it can be had no problem that that year of learning is all a lie.
Its easy to slip. Far easier to slip and continue slipping and going back to those rooms, going back and starting with that first 24hrs. The first 24 hours are the hardest - No matter if it is the first time you have walked into that room or the one hundredth and starting a new life clean and sober. But its easy to do, I did it for years, getting sympathy for my slips, getting "recruited again" - a new sponsor, a new promise, all of that is easy to do. Lord knows that there are many who live their life that way. It works for them I guess.
I took the harder road, I took the Geographic Program, the program where you move at least 100 miles away from your friends, toys, playgrounds and rely upon the hospitality of strangers to see you through the first 6 months of being clean and sober. It is the road where in order to lapse you have to make an effort, at least drive 100 miles to the dealer, or friends, or play ground. Kind of hard to reason yourself as you drive 100 miles that you can do it just this once.
Its hard to drop everything and just move. Hard to scrap your life (it ain't working anyway) to go and move to get away. Harder if you have a love interest which holds you down. But if she (or he) loves you enough then when you say "I have to get away to get clean and sober" they will either understand and give you room, or they will fall tot he way side. It's a hard choice to make. Death with a person you love, or life alone.
Of course during that time you are too busy trying to fit in at work (new jobs can be fun) make that apartment you are renting a home and sticking to a program of going to at least one meeting every night and not asking where the local bar is. Weekends spend meeting hopping - It can make for interesting weekends. Meeting all of those clean and sober people, going to all of those meetings, instilling in yourself the notion that you have just collected nearly 100 phone numbers - now try to talk yourself out of not using that list.
It worked for me. In fact that was the only program that would work for me. I had to stay clear away from them things and those people that are a threat to my sobriety.
It was a choice I made based on what I knew of myself. I knew that if I stuck around I would be stuck in a perpetual state of relapse and more relapse.
I gave up a good paying job, a nice place, and all of those people. I even had to give up my relatives - that was hard, but they were part of my problem - not the solution. I sacrificed it all because I got so sick and tired of the revolving door. I got so sick and tired of one relapse after another relapse, the endless broken self promises of "I will quit" "I can do it". I got tot he point where I hated myself clean or not, I hated my self because I just wasn't willful enough to stop it. STOP IT! - how God awful hard could it be just to STOP IT! - Where I was, what I was doing, who I was hanging with definitely didn't make it any easier to STOP IT!
Of course it took me a long time to understand that being anyplace is not more important that getting clean and sober - in fact it took me a long time to understand that being clean and sober makes the place I live home.
And let me tell you, there is no place like home.
Well, sorry to have bothered you with my selfish post here.
Let us know how it works out for you, ok.
David
02-23-04, 12:40 AM SeattleRon jesus christ
02-23-04, 02:12 AM puppyblues don't you mean, jesus H christ?
(private joke about me correcting Ron Big Grin)
David, thank you so much for sharing such an intimate part of your life here. I think we can all relate to a certain degree. I read a lot of your posts and they always seem to help me understand my ex-husbands struggle with meth. He has yet to stop, but reading your posts reminds me that there is a chance he could and he could be a better person having gone through it. Your life is what you make of it and you seem to be making one hell of one for yourself now. I'm soooooo glad that you are clean and sober, and with us. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
02-23-04, 08:00 AM Lydia David, I have always admired the brutal honesty in your posts and have learned many things about facets of life that I really am not familiar with. I think that you are a very interesting individual and are living proof that working hard at what you want and believe in can definitely pay off on the other side. I can only hope that Ron read something in your post that struck a cord (which is somewhat tough to guess based on his response to you).
Anyway...I think that your family and friends are lucky to have you just the way you are!!! Big Grin
02-25-04, 02:05 AM SeattleRon dave, there was nothing selfish in your post at all. I've just been speechless at what Lydia said is your brutal honesty. Like I said before I can never say that I won't touch those things anymore. I don't know all I can say is I used to be a bad guy. It's always gonna be tough for me to say if I'll never do anything like cocaine again. I went a while without it. I just don't know.
David I give you all the credit in the world. You have a lot of willpower. I just don't know if I do.
That was my motivation everytime I got high and did something I didn't like. The drugs helped me forget at the time the wrongs I was doing in order to make myself a dollar.
On the weekends I'd party hard. I'd take a doublestack of exstacy and more than likely a hit of LSD. I'm surprised I can still function and my brain ain't fried. Everything was always a big blur, but for some reason no matter how high i got my pockets was always full. Nothing to be proud of because of how I earned it.
Thanks for your story David. I think it's gonna help me in the long run.
[This message was edited by Karrow on 02-28-04 at 04:30 PM.]
02-25-04, 10:11 AM Georgia85 Ron, there is nothing wrong with wanting money and not wanting to be broke and destitute. But honestly, drug dealers who partake in drugs often times end up broke and destitute. Their mind becomes too fried to make good business decisions and they will "burn" up their profits. Those who deal and are successful are those who never touch the stuff.
It sounds as if I am condoning the business of dealing. I am not. I just wanted to point out that it is not the most lucrative of businesses. That being said, if you want to be rich wouldn't you rather do it in a manner that is rewarding and one where you can look at your face in a mirror every morning and not feel bad about what you have had to do to get to where you are?
02-25-04, 01:39 PM samantha My brother got mixed up with Meth as alot of you know. He is clean now too and has been for awhile. Good post Dave and thanks for sharing. God Bless..
02-27-04, 12:50 PM DvdGStwrt Hey Ron,
I supported my habit and had money to burn when I was out there - Much of the same logic was driving me.
Today I live in a trailer, I really do not have nice things, I drive a beat up old suburban, I worry about making the ends meet.
---> Insert a monologue of Blessings vs Habits <-----
I just edited this down - I noted that I went on and on and on about weighing the advantages against the disadvantages.
That's what it comes down to Ron, deciding for yourself what is more worthwhile for you to do.
It's 10% will power, 60% fear, 29% sweat and 1% hope.
Money as an excuse will only get you so far. Money does not bring happiness. Money will not buy you love, it will buy you friends, but not the kind you really want.
We are given choices - hard choices at times. We got to weigh the pros and cons and usually end up flipping a coin when we can't make up our minds.
As long as we do not choose, we are a victim of life. someone else or some thing else will make those choices for you.
David
02-29-04, 02:37 AM SeattleRon my whole message was seriously edited. a whole ton of info got left out. the whole message got lost. So I"ll bottom line it and hopefully it don't get edited again this time. Basically all that stuff is in my past. I"m not close to perfect. I still got some demons to battle. For me right now, I live comfortably. I have a 3 bedroom house with a 2 car garage and all that crap, but to me it isn't enough. There's something missing. and i haven't figured it out yet. 80% of that money was made the wrong way. There's just somethin missin.
Anyway I just wrote it again because it was totally edited out. All the most important parts.
02-29-04, 07:25 AM soaringhorse There are some very good posts on here, just goes to show how much we care for ya, Ron Smile You say there's something missing.....hmmmmm, wonder what that is. You are so young and I really don't know if you're ready to face up to it yet, but your body may not be young, with all the abuse that's happened to it. Could it be that you just have to put yourself before anything else, learn to love yourself? It sounds like you have a nice place but this is all materialistic, what's more important? Your life or the things you own? I really do like what LVLF said and David too. They were right on the nose with this one. It shows that they have been there, and done that. I wish you the best of luck, Ron. Hopefully you'll see the light and be able to do what you know is right in your heart. Just take care of yourself, okay?
02-29-04, 01:09 PM honilov Ron, it sound like the missing part is that you haven't forgiven yourself for the things you've done and the more you think about it, the more you want to punish yourself. You probably feel guilty that you've acquired things with dirty money, and the feelings are overpowering you.I wish I had a quick solution for you but I don't know the first thing to do. Good luck.
03-01-04, 01:58 AM SeattleRon you know the more i think about it. is pretty much that honilov. i forgiven myself for half the things i did. Because I had to do it for my mom and dad. When they both lost their jobs. I was thinkin, this dishwasher job isn't gonna cut it, and neither is unemployment for them both. we got a mortgage to pay. PLus I was already making money small time. sellin ounces and stuff. When I moved up to pretty much take on 95% of the bills in my household at 15 1/2. I started think as I said before. I DO NOT, want to worry about money ever in my life. So after things got good for my folks I moved out and continued pursuing money.
I always thought that through all the terrible things I did. As long as I still kept my head straight and donated money to the less fortunate and help people out, because personally I really wanted to. I know how it is to be in their shoes. I thought that since it felt good. It would make all the crooked, straight. It's hard to forgive yourself for things you've caused.I don't know. It's hard to explain. I could sit here all night and try, but it would take to long.
Let this be known though. I'm only trying to talk out my problems to you guys. I'm not in anyway some kind of mental patient or in need of "special" atention.
03-01-04, 10:23 AM samantha Ron realizing your wrong is what counts and just stopping it. Maybe you can put your knowledge with the system on how it works and what you have been through to help other kids that need it. Your still alright in my book if that means anything. Smile
03-05-04, 01:43 AM SeattleRon thank you
05-14-04, 03:52 AM mattlynda you know ron, we are our own harshest critic, judge, and jury. it is far easier for other people to forgive us than it is to forgive ourselves.
instead of focusing on all the lousy crap that you are blaming yourself for doing in your past, just accept that is was something you did, is part of you, and is in the past. then remember why you will never do it again. think about anything at all, no matter how small, that is positive about you right now, or something positive that you have recently done.
dont harp too much on yourslef, because that just leads to self destruction and self loathing. not good.
focus on being the great person you know you are, and that we know you are. Smile
05-14-04, 02:53 PM FredPuli Ron, first of all I reckon that anyone who claims never to have relapsed is too perfect to be true (and a liar!) All we can do is avoid the circumstances which got us there. It is, amazingly, safe for an alcoholic (like me) to go into a bar (not wise but safe). What'll kill him is the old "friends" he meets there, hard drinkers all. What'll kill him is old habits dying hard; they will have him drink and an addict's druggy "friends" he meets will have a drug addict use again too.
Hard to realise but we lost our real friends years ago; real friends aren't the heavy drinkers or users you know or mixed with, those people are simply other people who only feel happy with heavy drinkers and users; their true friends left them years ago too (and for the same reason ours left us).If we are very, verylucky we may have a true friend left; but I wouldn't bet on it. We won't see them drinking or using with us though.
As to feeling bad or regretting the past, going over it in your mind, well, you may find yourself doing that. You may think of what you've done or said of times you'd wished over again ;times you would change. It sounds a bit that way.
Counsellors in the clinic where I was staying for treatment for alcoholism said 'When you are outside the very first thing you must do is write a letter to everyone that you hurt in your drinking'
I said that was impossible. I could and would never do it.
Reason?
How could I ? I had not a hope of remembering what I'd done or said or to whom or when !Big Grin Big Grin Only safe thing would be to have announcements on the BBC World Service, CNN and in all national newspapers 'To whom it may concern !' Don't think the counsellors meant that, though Big Grin
There is truth in that. People whom we have hurt forget and forgive, in time, when they see how we now are and how we now behave and think.They are not dealing with the same us now as then. If they don't then , well, what's done is done; we cannot change that. We can only go on as we are now; perhaps they will accept us, perhaps not. That goes for everything else in the past too. Alkies like me are supposed to remember what is said at the end of every single Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. We ask for the power to be able to change the things we can change, to accept the things we cannot change and the wisdomto know the difference./
That is all we can ever hope to do; hundreds of thousands of people like us have been saved by just remembering that. Let's face it; if they were to worry about what they can't change they'd go straight to the nearest bottle [ or their drug of choice] ! (Well, I would, anyway).
The same thinking applies to all of us who have been addicted to anything; I'm sure Narcotics Anonymous have the same belief.
My doctor's idea of a joke (?): "There's a risk that you'll get cancer of the liver, an effect of the alcohol damage, but we can deal with it effectively. So don't worry . Just remember: had you gone on drinking you'd have been dead years ago, years before you could ever have had any tumour from it! So just think of the future."
Now, whatever else we do, going over the past is going to do us no good at all. We can't saw sawdust and we shouldn't try. We are lucky we've lived to have future worries, never mind thinking about the past ones Big Grin
06-18-04, 06:31 AM DvdGStwrt You know I am the most horrible person you will even meet. Did you know that? Why the crimes against humanity, the tyranny, the hatred, the vile acts of inhumanity I have visited upon the helpless victims of my past, I am sooo going to hell. I am by far the worst possible human being ever.
Tell that to people who know me and they will stand up and sing my praises. Some of them were around when I committed these foul acts of aggression against all that is kind and good in the world and they still call me a "good man".
See the problem is they see what's on the outside, no one knows whats going on inside, that deep dark cavern of horror which is called my mind. They don't get to see my inner child screaming to get away from the monster, they don't see the depths of despair, the imagined and not so imagined horrors of the blood that I see on my hands, the regrets, the knowledge that what I did was, well, selfish and so greedy. The deepest, darkest pits of hell are light sunny parks compared to the things in my own head.
You know what, every addict/alcoholic I have met tells me that I don't want to go into their minds because those are terrifying, dark places!
I think and this is just a thought, you are seeing yourself in the same way I view myself and the same way about a billion or so others see themselves.
All of us bring to the table a bit of darkness and an inner certainty that we have done the unforgivable. That's part of the problem, and will most likely be with us for the rest of our mortal life. Most of us feel we are lacking, less than, missing something important and for the life of us we ache with a need to find whatever it is and put it back where it belongs. If you find it more power to you, if you don't find it, know that you are still a complete and whole human being. A little more street wise, perhaps, but you are still a complete being who is worthy of life and a future and the promises of hope, charity, love and peace.
And above all else be good to yourself.
What does being good to oneself mean?
Know that for all of your faults, real and imagined, that you are who you are and you are doing the best you can. No matter what you do, what you have done, what you are doing now you are doing the best that you can. Life does not come with an owners manual, all of us are just flying by the seat of our pants.
Being good to yourself means that you will not take an extra minute of each day to tell the image in the mirror that he is a bad person.
Being good to yourself means that just for today, and only today, you will live your life. You can't undo the past and the future mayn't ever come.
Being good to yourself means that no matter what choice you make it is a good one, even if it comes out wrong, it was a good choice because given the data you have, it was the best one you could make. Don't be sorry for that choice, but do try to learn from it if learning is needed.
Being Good to yourself means that you will try to smile when you are handed a compliment and say "It may be true" You don't have to believe it is true, just think that it may be true.
Being good to yourself means that you will try to love yourself. You don't have to like yourself, you don't have to like what you have done, just try to love yourself. If you can't today, perhaps you can tomorrow.
Being good to yourself means trying to find all of the cans in the Can'ts.
Above all else being good to yourself means to admit once in a while that you are human too and do not need to be perfect all of the time.
David
10-24-04, 07:22 PM donaldekliros Seatleron:
I may seem presumptios, but when I have a problem I take it to God in Prayer & surprisingly I get the answer I am seeking. I also am forgiven of all my sins from Jesus who died for all of our sins.
You might try this. You will be amazed at how it works.
No body else that has answered your question has brought up this topic. Maybe you should try it.
Don
04-02-05, 08:26 PM Wildflower63 This question is so stupid, I can't believe that I am even asking. I scanned the responses to the topic. The members appear to be very supportive. I am also seeing that it is majority opinion that sobriety is the way to be, all the time. Is it?
I do not mean any disrespect to people that have had serious addiction problems. I am a smoker and do get addiction. I am convinced that my car will not start, if I don't light a cigarette. Now, that really is addiction. I decided upon a slow manor of suicide. I get addiction. I respect anyone who is willing to stand strong, to make their lives better. I know how hard it is.
What I want to know is why on earth Ron is apologizing for doing 4g of something I have no clue about. My rights end where another's begin. That means, if you are going to do 4gs of something and get wasted, don't drive your car or kick your dog.
As long as Ron got wasted and didn't step on anyone, why apologize for getting wasted? Drinking is legal and you will get plenty trashed. Don't drive your car. Don't go out into public places and cause serious disturbances towards others. What makes 4gs of something else to get high on any different than legal drinking?
I don't get it! Is addiction necessarily a problem, if you can function in society?
04-02-05, 09:29 PM jusork
quote: Originally posted by Wildflower63: This question is so stupid, I can't believe that I am even asking. I scanned the responses to the topic. The members appear to be very supportive. I am also seeing that it is majority opinion that sobriety is the way to be, all the time. Is it?
No. As long as you can handle it responsibly, you're not using it recklessly, and you stick to moderate amounts or less, I see no reason why you can't continue drinking.
This post isn't talking about alcohol though. See Ron's second post in here.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
Posts: 2694 | Location: USA | Registered: 06-07-02
SeattleRon hasn't touched drugs since his last post on this topic. All except for pot, SeattleRon still goes through just an eighth a week. Thats about 40 bucks worth. and SeattleRon still drinks regularly. Ron has yet to touch hard drugs since the last time he has posted in June of 2004. ************************************************** 04-06-05, 03:10 PM Georgia85 Now just get off the pot and alcohol and you'll be good to go! Smile
04-08-05, 11:47 AM SeattleRon i think i can quit smoking pot, but i just don't want to at this time. i think i'll stop smoking grass in August. One last summer to get smokey on my roof, then I'll put it down. As for booze. I've cut back a whole lot. i only drink on fridays and saturdays now. I still have a full bar and a beer tap in my house though. To be honest with everybody I probably won't ever stop drinking. I love to party, and why not, my finances are all in order. I'm my own man, and I have no responsibility whatsoever. I suppose maybe when the time is right and I find a woman somewhere down the road, I"ll probably settle down. At this point in my life though I enjoy just having sex and never seeing the woman again. Since I quit doing cocaine and exstacy, I think I'm doing alright for myself. But let me tell you, it's not easy, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about just getting all tuned up. I really do miss it. The euphoria, the high, the conversations. Meeting all kinds of diffrent people in strange places. Going to nightclubs that I wouldn't even dare to go to if I was on alcohol. I don't know why, but for some reason I kinda miss just being an ******* to complete strangers sometimes. I think it was the adrenaline. thats my thoughts, just thinkin i should write it down.
04-08-05, 02:49 PM Georgia85 It does sound like you certainly do have an addictive personality. I know that you think everything is fine...that the only thing that matters is being free and having your finances in order...but if I could just be the voice of reason here for a minute... When your senses are heightened (or dulled as the case may be) through drugs and alcohol, you are no longer thinking clearly. You are putting yourself in dangerous situations. You are risking exposure to disease and since you enjoy sex and never expect to see the woman again...oh GEEESH!!!! There is no telling what you will pick up. If that weren't problematic enough, think of what all that alcohol is doing to your body. Yeah, you're young now and probably think you are indestructible but your liver is being savaged by the alcohol.
Ron, I enjoy a drink like the next person. But I have no need to get drunk. The euphoria that you so love can be obtained through many other ways that are not destructive. Heck, I get my own euphoria through my hobbies.
I don't mean to cut you down after you admitted that you are doing "so good" but in situations like this, it's got to be an all or nothing solution. You've either got to totally quit or to resign to the fact that you want to live your life in this fasion and you are will to accept all consequences. The choice is yours. And I hope you know that you do have a support group here if you ever are serious about quiting.
04-08-05, 04:48 PM Sarai Ron, are you still considering becoming a Muslim? If so - or if you choose any other major religion, for that matter- you will have to seriously consider your lifestyle choices.
04-08-05, 09:25 PM jusork He sounds more like he's just being stubborn (even though he has cut down the drinking, and cut down the hard drugs all the way).
04-10-05, 12:23 AM Wildflower63
quote: Originally posted by jusork: No. As long as you can handle it responsibly, you're not using it recklessly, and you stick to moderate amounts or less, I see no reason why you can't continue drinking.
This post isn't talking about alcohol though. See Ron's second post in here.
Well, I didn't have to go through pages of posts. I still can't figure out what 4gs he did, to apologize to members. It isn't weed. It is still sold in the English, no metric system, as far as I know. X is sold by the hit. Liquor is sold in ml. Never did like the speedy drugs, so maybe it is glass or coke or crack or I have no idea what sells, in 4g, that Ron did and lived through it. Clue me in, with this one! Maybe I didn't do enough drugs to know what he is talking about.
Is it possible to do a hit of X and behave responsibly? I think so. I think you can behave responsibly and shoot up heroin. Unless Ron was driving a car or being legally abusive or publicly disruptive, what's the difference in a hit of X and going to the liquor store, for a legal means of being wasted?
quote: Originally posted by SeattleRon: I love to party, and why not, my finances are all in order. I'm my own man, and I have no responsibility whatsoever. I suppose maybe when the time is right and I find a woman somewhere down the road, I"ll probably settle down. At this point in my life though I enjoy just having sex and never seeing the woman again.
Ron is a druggie that loves a high, no matter what high. He has quite a lot of company, with that one. This is the part of ****** up, I see. As an adult, we all have responsibility, which Ron doesn't quite get. Sex with women is a problem, since Ron doesn't want anything but a good high and a good ****. The only woman that will ever tolerate any relationship, is another addict. I suggest, to Ron, he can have only one love affair, a woman or the high. You honestly cannot have both. That is just reality everyone knows.
What happens when one of these 'one night stand' female addicts, happens to get pregnant? I don't see any woman giving it up to a druggie, if she isn't one.
I have been there enough to know that no one cares, until sober. I mean that Ron doesn't know the difference, with birth control, STDs that are not curable, or being wasted and really giving a damn if a condom is used. The woman is another addict, who may not be reliable enough to use birth control adequately.
I would like to know what part of 'very screwed up' Ron is, wanting casual sex, with risk of incurable STDs, risk of death of AIDS, or the fact that two addicts easily can produce a child, with birth defects.
Ron needs to think about it. That addict could be the mother of his unwanted child, with birth defect and health problems because neither parent was sober enough to care what they were doing.
I couldn't care less how wasted anyone gets, on any drug. You have to understand that your rights end, where another's rights begin. Ron is ethically entitled to his choice of lifestyle, but I'm hearing casual sex, with multi-partners, who have to be another addict or would never go there.
I say cut it with the sex or get a vasectomy, immediately. You want to play, then you pay up with STDs or AIDS, but it is ethically wrong to bring an innocent life into this lifestyle, a child, born to two addicts.
This is where I say, get some ethics! As long as Ron does not produce children, he only risks himself. It isn't right to risk an innocent life, screwing other addicts. Do all the drugs you want, but don't ever step on anyone's rights, like driving your car. Don't step on an innocent life, like the child that could easily be brought into this world, by two addicts that want no relationship, just sexual gratification, when wasted.
Ron is an unfit parent and I would be willing to bet his sex partners are, also. It is sheer stupidity to think any life change will stop a pattern of addiction to a high. It doesn't work that way, ever.
I defend Ron's drug use, as long as it is done with responsibility. I don't see that as the case, with the statement, quoted above. It is time to be a grown up about this, Ron! I'm not debating your love of a high. I am saying you will make very poor choices, getting wasted, as a lifestyle, and an innocent life will pay, not either of you.
Grow up Ron! I had to. I'm not trying to insult you. I am trying to make you get real. Any adult stating they have no responsibilites, in life, is seriously mistaken. I don't want you bringing a child into your life, with another addict. No circumstance will ever make you stop the love affair with being trashed. Don't fool yourself or others.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow, 04-10-05 05:05 AM
04-10-05, 09:24 AM jusork
quote: Originally posted by Wildflower63:
quote: Originally posted by jusork: No. As long as you can handle it responsibly, you're not using it recklessly, and you stick to moderate amounts or less, I see no reason why you can't continue drinking.
This post isn't talking about alcohol though. See Ron's second post in here.
Well, I didn't have to go through pages of posts. I still can't figure out what 4gs he did, to apologize to members. It isn't weed. It is still sold in the English, no metric system, as far as I know. X is sold by the hit. Liquor is sold in ml. Never did like the speedy drugs, so maybe it is glass or coke or crack or I have no idea what sells, in 4g, that Ron did and lived through it. Clue me in, with this one! Maybe I didn't do enough drugs to know what he is talking about.
Is it possible to do a hit of X and behave responsibly? I think so. I think you can behave responsibly and shoot up heroin. Unless Ron was driving a car or being legally abusive or publicly disruptive, what's the difference in a hit of X and going to the liquor store, for a legal means of being wasted?
I didn't think it had anything to do with responsibility. Why not just so you won't get horribly addicted to it and horribly affect your mind?
04-12-05, 11:41 PM SeattleRon As jusork pointed out, I am a very stuborn person. So wildflower i like how you phrased that post to me. I admit at this point I would make a very irresponsible parent. I'm absolutely not ready at all to be responsible for another human being. I can never say for sure I would never do coke again. But the 4 grams I was talking about was cocaine. I'll never touch ecstacy again. Never. thats for sure.
Don't get me wrong, I realise all the risks involved, thats why i don't use drugs anymore. I try to keep the casual sex to a minimum.
Believe me if I ever want to quit drinking, I will ask for help. Like I said I'll never quit though. I've cut down to fridays and saturdays. Only drinking socially also. LIke 3 to 5 drinks in a day.
So I think I'm doing ok. It doesn't affect my work, my school. I still pay the bills and my mortgage on time. I never forget my responsibilities. so I am ok.
Wildflower you're very clever with the way you worded that post. and no you didn't make me mad. The only way you could make me mad is if you didn't post at all. It would mean that you didn't care.
04-14-05, 05:05 PM soaringhorse You can do cocaine, ecstasy, heroin whatever drug you want, but the fact is......IT'S ILLEGAL!! And so therefore, go ahead, take a chance with your life, but whatcha gonna do when they come for you, Bad boys, Bad boys. Excuse the pun, just had to do it. Big Grin
PS: Nice editing....Karrow Cool
04-14-05, 10:54 PM Wildflower63 The word, in caps, ILLEGAL, has been pointed out to me. The law never was an ethical idea. Take a look at political campaign contributions and how law changes, in their interest. The law is for sale to the highest bidder and don't let anyone tell you different!
We all are completely aware it is perfectly legal to get so drunk you can't walk. You drink responsibily, meaning don't drive your car, cause a public disturbance, or act in any other mannor which is illegal, like knocking the hell out of your smart ass kid beyond the point of parenting and to the point of abusive behavior, which is illegal.
I do not believe that using any illegal drug is all that different. I am opposed to the Drug War, as oppression of the people who are criminalized for use of illegal drugs. You play, then you pay for your poor judgement that absolutely is impaired with legal drinking or illegal X. The law never stopped anyone from illegal drug use. It is not a moral choice, but a lifestyle choice.
That is my view, for what it's worth. We are entitled to an opinion. Opinion never did equate to fact. That is why I don't feel Ron should ever appologize for doing 4g of something, that it took me this long to figure out what it is. He takes the legal risk and the drug effects, good and bad. His problem and don't make it any one elses or the problem of a wasted parent attempting to raise a child.
What's up with the 'nice editing'? Apparently a member feels that I need to be edited. We know each other, very well. Tell Ron the real facts about what he is up agains, with having children. It is real. It is fact.
Post the reality or send Ron an e-mail, so he understands the addiction problem, with children.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow, 04-15-05 05:04 AM
04-15-05, 05:18 AM Karrow I edited a couple of "illegal filter bypass" attempts in Wildflowers first post by completely splatting the words. As you all know, we value our ICRA and SurfSafely listings and do not allow anything, including attempts to bypass the swear word filter, that could cause us to lose those hard won listings.
I have removed what I consider to be a short personal attack from Wildflower's second post, but left in her reply to the editing remark. However, any further arguments or contraventions of the site rules will result in my removing the whole of the offenders post.
Now, back to the topic please. Smile
04-15-05, 08:53 AM clarebear Ron
Be safe and don't quit quitting. Remember- one day at a time!
04-15-05, 02:52 PM jusork The basic issue with hard drugs is its effects. It's legality is just an additional issue. So how about we focus on considering the effects before the legality?
Attempting to bypass the swear word filter means you didn't completely splat out the swear word with stars by the way. For some reason I wonder if people are misunderstanding what that means a little.
04-15-05, 07:46 PM SeattleRon I was never concerned with legal consequences. But I will admit I have been one luck SOB for a very long time. I've been caught enough times to very well make me a felon, but fortunately all together I've spent only 363 days behind bars. I know what you're saying. 363 days is still quite a bit of time. Well, not when you're looking at hard time in a Federal Pen for 10 years minimum for posessing a lot of grass. Fortunately in breaking the law, I was caught by cops who also break the law and they happily took all my grass along with a payment. I guess you could say in my short life, I'm only 23 mind you. I've been kicked and thrown around my share of times, and I still haven't learned a lot. I don't deal anymore I've been retired since I was 20. I openly admit though that I do buy pot on a regular basis, but now I keep it down to an ounce a purchase, so if I do get pulled over, it's just possesion and i can just pay a fine and go on with my life.
The fact though that certain things are illegal, well that never bothered me none. To me it was a challenge,finding a seller, buying the junk. Seeing if I can make it home to reap the benefits of my journey.
I am reminded at this time of a saying I saw on the wall in a Tavern a long time ago.
"In Heaven Ain't no Beer, Gotta Drink it Here."
So rock on ladies and gents, I'm SeattleRon, and I am going to go out this evening to shoot some pool, drink so beer and see where the day takes me. Don't worry though, nobody I'm with is driving, we got a cab.
04-15-05, 10:47 PM Tree Have a great evening Ron... away from the lectures. You're NOT a kid!
What you chose is... what you chose!
When you decide to change your habbits, you will... I doubt if people pushing you there will help - at this point!
04-16-05, 02:44 AM Wildflower63 Ok boss, back to the topic.
Ron, I am far from anyone who chooses words carefully. I say exactly what I think. I am lousy at choosing the right words or I wouldn't have so many offended members over my opinions. I don't phrase anything right! I am glad that you did not take what I said personally. I have reasons behind what I said, even if I was, again, harsh.
I have two kids that know who their father is, but don't know what a father is. Why? He drinks way too much beer, with his friends. He smokes a lot of weed. That never did mix with having a family.
This is an issue that my old friend and I lock horns. I have been a teen drug user and abuser. It stopped while I was still a minor. My husband didn't. He was not what I would call an addict, in any way, when we decided to marry, buy a house, and have a family. He did always drink beer, but not anything to excess. He always was a weed smoker.
It got to the point of addiction because of the high demands of his family. I think that my dog is demanding. This is nothing compared to having children and a woman wanting your time. It can be overload to someone who already drinks and smokes weed. I know that it overloaded me.
It was a miserable adjustment, for both of us. I didn't drink or use any drugs at all. He did. I didn't believe in raising my children under the influence of anything that would get me high. It sends mixed signals to kids, no matter what age.
I watched and objected to my husband being one way, sober, then another way, high or drinking. The kids were confused, at a very young age, by his behavior. I wasn't. This is where the word 'unfit' came into my post. I was the only reliable parent our kids ever had.
It is not possible to drink and not be confusing to very young children. It isn't abuse, but far less than ideal, if that even exist. If you are already prone to drinking or drug use, the stress of the demands of a child is enough to make you pour another drink, fire up another joint, do a few lines of coke, keep going.
Children suddenly dictate where and how you live. They are extremely expensive. They have another parent that will be a forever in your life, even if you grow to hate that person, in time.
I have been alone, with two children, for years. When we were together, he dumped his paycheck in the bank and felt that was enough. He used beer and weed to excess to relieve the stressful life children give you. I didn't.
What would happen to my children if I acted like my husband? I have asked him this question many times. He was rarely home. When he was, no telling if he was wasted or not.
Small children back off because the notice the difference of tolerable behavior, from them. You are blasted, you might not care if the kids are using your bed as a trampoline. Sober, you whack their butt, for the same act. Otherwise, we were always alone.
My husband worked and paid the bills, but didn't want to take the kids to the zoo, for example. If he did do anything with us, it was because I bitched, which men hate and will do anything to avoid, or played the guilt card, "You never spend any time with us."
I work full time. I am spent on my days off. I don't feel like meeting demands of others either. I understand the life he thought he wanted vs. the life he got, having a wanted family.
As it turned out, my husband was never present in our children's lives, but lived here. We were continually alone, while he worked and went out drinking and smoking weed with his friends. I never did understand why he didn't come straight home from work. I always did. That is where my family, who I dearly loved, were. He saw this differently and was not there.
Eventually, I left our home, for five years. Now, he had freedom to pursue his high, without the bitching wife. He is an addict. He only recognizes the fact that his children exist on a family holiday.
Understand, we never divorced or have any legal arrangements, like child support. If I got help, fine. I found it insulting for him to give me $50, after two or three months as acceptable, for him to think this was anything that actually helped. I refused this money, feeling he must need it more than I do and on principle that this is nothing close to supporting two children. Pay your bar tab, not me. I find it insulting.
Our son, now 18, always craved his father's attention. He has more memory of what he used to be than our daughter of 14. She is very used to knowing her father, but not needing him for anything.
It sickens me that our children have grown up with this. These are two wanted children, not some accident. My husband is an addict that loves a high more than us. You cannot be an adequate parent, if you continue to drink. I used the word unfit an hope you understand why.
I am the only parent these two kids know. I would never have had them if I ever dreamed this would be their life, but it is and I feel guilt. These kids are something else to deal with, but they always were lacking a parent.
Ron, I am only trying to warn you about fun. It isn't so fun when some woman you don't have any respect for, beyond having a few drinks and good sex, suddenly claims you are the father of her child. You may not even like her, in depth, but she is fun to party with. Be careful with this. It is that serious.
I'm stuck with my husband for eternity, over two children in common. You may be stuck with a ton of legalities and a woman you don't even know because no one thought about birth control, while having a bit of fun and a few drinks. It happens every day. It can make life hell on you. It is even worse for the child born, not wanted by the father, only the mother who is suing you for child support, medical expense, and it keeps adding up.
I worry when I hear a post, like you made. I'm not going to quit drinking either. My youngest is 14 and wants me out of her hair. I am 41 and will not have any more children. As a woman, I hold the cards, not a man that happens to have sex with me, one time.
A woman has three choices, abort, adoption, or suing the guy who is the father. Most women opt for the third choice. You get more screwing than you ever dreamed of, if it happens to you.
I may sound harsh, but I am only trying to warn you of harsh truths. I don't intend to insult or offend. I know, by your posts, you are not ready to be a dad. Choose the woman you feel you can share your entire life with, then make a decision about having children.
You will never hear any criticism from me for drinking too much or doing coke. You will hear it, if you bring another life into this world and are anything but sober, which is the only way to raise a child. I fully support lifestyle choice of drinking/drug use and abuse, as long as you don't hurt another. Be careful, Ron.
04-16-05, 01:25 PM SeattleRon Believe me Wildflower, I also feel very strongly about raising children in a positive environment. When I have children I fully intend on giving up my lifestyle to raise them. I would never do anything to bring them up in a negative and horrible situation. Thats why I do the things I do. The things I did in the past may not have been the correct way to make money, but I got it. I have done everything possible in my power to avoid going on welfare, or being destitute. Despite the display of somewhat immature actions I show around here sometimes. I am a very well educated and brought up person. I thank you for your input and I'm truly sorry for all the crap you have had to endure. You just have to believe me, I will not ever be a deadbeat dad. The time I put in to community projects, donating money to build playgrounds, and helping build afterschool programs. I love kids too much to ever abandon any of them, especially my own. I didn't have a childhood, so believe me when I say that I would never take that away from my own kids when I have a few of my own...
04-16-05, 04:40 PM Wildflower63 Ron, I am probably running my trap about my own fear. I thought that I was going to have a marriage and family. Women do it to, leaving a working man to raise children, alone. It isn't the easiest one to pull of, a few drinks and dealing with the demands of kids, especially alone. Teens are even more confusing and difficult, as a parent.
My life could be yours, unless you prevent it. From your last post, I no longer believe that you would ever be an unfit parent, even if you drink or play with illegal drugs, on occasion. Your post was very passionate about parenting and love for children, even if they are not yours. I do believe you would do everything in your power to give them what you can. I didn't, at first.
I say, enjoy it while you can and make no apologies to anyone for a few lines of coke or how much you drink. It is your life. Never let social popular opinion dictate how you live it. Sobriety isn't all that.
You really can pull it off, children and drinking/drugs, but do it sparingly, when they are asleep. You don't have to lie to them, but don't make it part of their life. A lot of parents do this and are there for their children. My husband was not, but I know plenty of parents who are, with illegal drug use.
The problem is, do it sparingly. A lot of people don't draw a line and their kids are sucked into something they shouldn't be. A lot of parents drink and are good parents with a few lines, here and there, and a bit of weed. It isn't that it can't be done, but it is hard to draw the line.
I wish you the best, Ron. I only want you to plan your family, with a woman that you feel will be a good parent. Some people aren't, like my husband. You decide. It is your life that isn't up to anyone to dictate the rules. Make your own.
I'm putting my two cents in, for caution. I am a harsh critic, but that is how I have always been treated. It is my fault that our son is a druggie. My thoughts about drug laws gave him permission to be an addict. I hear it from everyone. I'm sick of it. I did the best I could.
04-17-05, 07:49 PM honilov Ron, there is never a place for drugs in a parent's life while they are raising kids. A parent owe their kids more respect. Drinking sensible while raising kids are okay, but the hard drugs should be a no no.
04-17-05, 10:26 PM Wildflower63 i went back I agree, but probably didn't make my thoughts clear. I used the word 'sparingly'. I also feel that raising kids under the influence of anything, legal or illegal, is ethically wrong. This is where I think you are making it part of a child's life and that shouldn't happen.
I do see room for parents to have the kids spend the night at grandparents, have friends over or go out. You can drink to excess, smoke a little weed, or do a few lines. I know many good parents who do this, but it is only occasional. You don't have grandparents raising your children, so you can go party.
I see nothing wrong with having no more than two drinks, before bedtime, with kids in the house. That isn't enough to get wasted, just enough to wind down. There is a line you have to draw. The problem comes in when that line gets too fuzzy and kids are being raised by parents under the influence.
As I stated, my husband crossed that line, big time. He knew I was there and always would be, for the kids. He knew they were taken care of. He knew I was never drinking or high. He thought he had room to do what he wanted. That left two kids with no father.
I couldn't tell you how many warnings I gave him. Our children will grow up and be adults, possibily with their own children. They would know who was there and who was not. They may resent him. As he gets older, are they going to be there for him, when he was drinking and smoking weed throughout their childhood? My guess is they aren't going to care too much.
Here is one that blew my mind and it is law. I started a divorce. I objected to my husband, who never bothered to see his kids, having very much visitation. I stated he had an addiction problem. I was asked if he abused the kids, in any way. No, he didn't. I was told that addiction problems are not enough to consider a parent unfit and had to settle for joint custody. I was livid. State laws differ, but that is the law in Kentucky.
04-18-05, 04:04 PM shelster
quote: Originally posted by honilov: Ron, there is never a place for drugs in a parent's life while they are raising kids. A parent owe their kids more respect. Drinking sensible while raising kids are okay, but the hard drugs should be a no no.
Amen
I am appalled that anyone would think doing a few lines is ok. As parents we are the examples for our kids.
But Ron, I am glad you have cut down your drinking and drug use. That takes alot of strength and determination. Great job!
04-18-05, 11:46 PM Wildflower63
quote: Originally posted by shelster: I am appalled that anyone would think doing a few lines is ok. As parents we are the examples for our kids.
I sobriety really all that? I did say use sparingly while the kids spend the night at grandparents house. I did say don't make a drug habit part of a child's life.
What about the quality of life for the working parent? Don't we need a break? I don't see doing a few lines of coke any different than I see getting very drunk. The only difference I see is legality. Legal drinking or illegal coke still gets you high, doesn't it?
If used sparingly and occasionally, I seriously doubt there will be a drug raid and parents go to jail. Habitual users do, but not very occasional ones.
04-19-05, 12:32 AM SeattleRon I find it very funny when people criticise others for indulging in any drug in a recreational manor. People of all ages do drugs. Caffeine is a drug, Tylenol, so is Nicotine in cigarettes and other tobacco products. The only time it causes a problem is when people put the word "illegal" in front of it. Although I admit that drugs do cause a problem. I also know it's the user themself that makes it a problem. The only problems I've ever had was with legal drugs. Alcohol and Cigarettes. I do admit Coke is somewhat dificult to put away, but I have and it's been over a year since I touched it. Maybe one day I'll feel free and buy a gram or 2 just for the weekend. I can never say for sure what I'll do. I do know it is ok to do what I do as long as my priorities are taken care of first.
04-19-05, 04:14 PM jusork What are the serious effects of caffeine and Tylenol?
04-20-05, 12:25 AM SeattleRon Trust me Jusork, caffeine is a very important drug. try not having it for 2 weeks until you get some money for the comissary in prison. It wears you out man. Caffeine is absolutely necessary to function. Tylenol. I can't say for sure why i brought that up. the only negative thing I can think of is you can kill yourself with it. Thats about it.
04-20-05, 12:35 AM Wildflower63 That wasn't the point Jusork! Ron was pointing out that legal cigarettes and drinking are just as problematic as many illegal drugs. I think that we all can agree that over the counter medications are all drugs that do have an effect on the body. I have heard of people drinking a bottle of Robitussin and getting blasted.
Ever Gone to GNC and tried that Metabolite, when it was popular? I did and wondered if I was going to live through it. If you aren't used to a large amount of caffeine, this stuff is awful! I ended up vomiting and felt so nervous, for hours. Try some of the other legal GNC combos. Some are know to cause death!
No need to split hairs on this issue of over the counter, doctor script, or illegal drugs. Any drug has an effect on the body with different risk. I think we can all agree on that.
I am a cigarette smoker that can't give it up. It is too hard and never ends, the psychological part. I'm not ready to deal with it. I have enough stress right now, so take my smokes, I might kill you!! I think that an addiction to heroin sounds a lot healther than my cigarettes, being legal. I'm not stupid enough to share a needle or act in any other illegal way, no matter how wasted.
The wish to be a cigarette addict or a heroin addict has nothing at all to do with intelligence. Ask people that have gone to NA. There are people, of a high level education and profession with addiction problems.
I have a doctor friend that I discussed this addiction issue with. This guy is brainiac, to the point of no social skills at all. I put it on the table that addicts, of any drug, legal or illegal, have a psychological stress disorder that they self medicate. They call it partying and make it sound like fun, but why did they get there to begin with? Why do they choose to be high? I said a medically accepted stress disorder, with self medication.
I said that there is too much stigma against psychological treatment, seeing a psychiatrist. That is for 'crazy' people. I say people are not ashamed of a physical illness, which they seek medical help for. You can put that under a microscope and find a biological reason for this.
Psychology is in the dark ages, with no public demand or support. People that do seek help, won't admit it and are ashamed. The rest, will not even go there. Unless you can tolerate the SSRI antidepressants they toss out like candy, there isn't much else to offer for help with a real issue, stress disorder.
My doctor friend never thought of addiction or recreational drug/drinking, in this way, but completely agreed with my view, as another health care professional. This guy isn't an easy sell either. It just makes sense.
This is a self medicated stress disorder, which is far from a psychotic issue. These are real people, with jobs, who are overloaded. In reality, the majority of psychiatric patients have no psychosis at all. They are normal people, with their own neurosis and stress problems, which is all of us, if you think about it.
Since people are ashamed to even think of going to a psychiatrist and the ones that do, will never admit it, how far is psychological study going to advance, with no demand for it? All there is to offer are SSRI antidepressants, with serious side effects and personality changes because we are too ashamed to demand better. Therefore, no real advancement will ever be made, with what there is to work with, today. Sad, but true.
Because psychology is in the stone ages, people have nowhere to turn, but to the illegal drug market for self medication. This is the only break we are going to get, too much to drink (legal) or buying weed, coke, or anything else illegal, just to get away from it, for a little while. We just want to feel good, sometimes.
Anything wrong with that, given psychology has little to offer? I say absolutely not. I say the Drug War, insisting sobriety is the answer, is oppression of the people, by criminalizing people for use and sale of illegal drugs. I find it disgusting that I can murder people and my financial assets will not be touched. If someone, unknown to me, sells drugs out of my house, the government can own it.
We all have a choice of lifestyle. We all have a choice of the company we keep. Assuming someone does a hit of X, do any of us really have to put up with that person? No, we do not. Whatever happens to that persons life, if they happen to be too high, is their problem, not mine.
I firmly believe the law should allow personal lifestyle choice and drop this oppressive Drug War. I don't want to ever see anyone, with some lawsuit, win a dime over their addiction choice, with plenty of help out there.
You want to kill yourself, be unemployable, and outcast your family and friends that do not wish to deal with your drugs, your problem, alone. Suck it up and take responsibility for your choices.
There is a line, which I see as a black and white issue. Don't make your high anyone's problem besides your own. I mean don't drive your car. Don't use the fact that you are too high as an excuse for any behavior that is unacceptable. You are an unfit parent, if you make your drug use an issue with your ability to raise your innocent children, who have no choice.
Ok, I will get off my soap box!! I really need to get my garbage out to the curb. My cat box has to be cleaned on garbage night. Work sucked, again, tonight. I need a break, so I hit the computer instead of the person who is understaffing me. I'm spent, from work, and tired. If someone offered me an illegal drug right now, I would take it, if it got rid of this stress and I am not kidding.
Agree with Ron's post, completely!
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Wildflower63, 04-20-05 01:06 AM
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
Posts: 2694 | Location: USA | Registered: 06-07-02
