My freshman-in-college brother has gotten to the point where he admits he smokes too much pot, but says he's not going to stop. He knows it's affecting him physically (his lungs burn and he's D1 athlete who isn't improving), but hangs on to it mostly because (A) he's far away from home and misses the people he grew up with and (B) he's upset over our parents divorce a few years back. Our parents know about this problem, but can't control him too easily because he's about 18 hours away from them. In addition to all the normal stuff, as an athelete in one of the top 5 or so programs for his sport, the chances of him getting caught by a random drug test sooner or later are pretty good. As the closest family member (still around 6 hours away) and the one he, for some strange reason, looks up to the most, I've been trying to do something about this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I don't know about pot, but I do know a bit about alcoholism. The mindset seems very similar, so I'll answer as though he had a drink problem.

Principally, you can't live his life for him. He knows he's doing himself no good, so he doesn't need to be told that, but until he decides to stop there's little you can do. Pushing too hard could be counterproductive by turning him away from you, so that when he does try to stop and needs your support, he won't be able to accept it from you.

Tough love is the name of the game. Stay in touch, be there for him but don't crowd him. At the same time don't condone his habit. Then when he does seriously tackle it, give him all the help you can. It must be his decision to quit, though, nobody else's.

If you're seriously worried that he will permanently wreck his health, you should perhaps consider informing the college so that they can ensure he's caught on the next 'random' check, but that's a heck of a can of worms. If he ever found out you'd done that he would hate you for the rest of his days.

Best of luck, and I hope I've helped.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do. Agree with the above post. It's his life and decision. If it makes you feel any better, pot is not addicting physically or psychologically. It is only habit forming, unlike any other drug he could have chosen.

like alcohol, they gotta want to quit themselves. try having a bunch of friends around and tell him how pot use can ruin his whole entire sports and college career. How if he gets caught he can get arrested and have a criminal record.
Thats all the hlep i can give.

Ron, we all know the risk when we decide to participate or not. I can't claim ignorance. Can you? I seriously doubt it. He knows exactly what he is doing or he wouldn't be fessing up to smoking too much pot. It has to come from within.

He obviously knows he has a problem, but it is going to be up to him to do something about it.
However, your parents may be able to step in. If they are helping him pay for school, they could pull the funding until he straightens up. If he is a minor, they can even just take him out of school and make him come home, where they can keep an eye on him. "Somewhere in the US" has got to have a community college that he can attend if he wants.
His admission may be a way of calling out for help. He may be saying, "I know I have a problem but I don't know what to do. Help me."
Maybe you can.

Thanks you all for the advice.

Elexina - "Somewhere in the US" is Indiana right now, but our parents live in Rochester, and, as you know, MCC is a very good community college.

That's right, Methos, I knew that... If it is at all possible, I would recommend your parents bring him home. He could even see about a transfer to the UofR or RIT or St. John Fisher or any number of schools around here. His education wouldn't suffer and he would be home.

I will have to disagree with Wildflower, Marijuana is psychologically addictive.
Actually, ANYTHING can be psychologically addictive, even work, gambling or colleting items. The problem with addiction (psychological) is that it is a personality trait. Usually, when you treat a patient with an addiction, if you work only on eliminating the addiction (like somoking), another addiction may appear (like eating compulsively).
Now, Methos5000, I found this page that might be of help.
For the Loved Ones of Marijuana Addicts
Good luck!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lucy:
I will have to disagree with Wildflower, Marijuana is psychologically addictive.
Actually, ANYTHING can be psychologically addictive, even work, gambling or colleting items. The problem with addiction (psychological) is that it is a personality trait.
QUOTE]

That sounds more like a different disorder entirely, a compulive one. Addictive, no. Addiction and compulsion have two very different meanings. Most people do not have a complsive disorder. It may be the compulsive is compulsive about smoking pot. That is not addiction though.

Wildflower,
I need to disagree with you slightly. The PSychiatric Association doesn't tend to refer to addiction to be diagnosed as "withdrawal" symptoms or similar issues, but more related to how any addictive substance actually affects the lives of the individuals taking them. I actually would tend to agree that anything that a person takes that affects their abilty to function or have a normal life would be considered addictive.

"Diagnostic tools like the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-IV don’t really require drug users to go through withdrawal in order to classify them as addicts. Instead, the criteria for what is called “drug dependence” looks how deeply people are immersed in drug use, for its negative consequences for their lives, and for its disturbances of their normal life functioning, including family, work, and health.

But by these kinds of criteria, marijuana users score as being dependent about as often (more, since there are more users of marijuana than of any other illicit drug)."

If the substance is know to be non addicting, I lean towards a compulsive disorder. Psychological dependence, addiction, and compulsion are different in meaning. A form of psycholgical dependence is often associated with compulsive disorders such as gambling, eating, sex, and on and on. Battle of terminology!!

Oh, I would love to see a normal human specimen. I think we all have some sort of slight disorder somewhere.

Wildflower:
You are confusing a compulsion as a symptom and a compulsion as a part of a disorder (called Obsesive-Compulsive Disorder).
I see your point, a psychologica addiction and a compusion are not exactly the same. However, there is a compulsive element on any psychological addiction. Why? Because, for example, if a person is psychologically addicted to work, he NEEDS to do it, otherwise he will feel anxious. Now, let´s remember that a compulsion is a defense mechanism against anxiety.

Methos;

Unfortunately he is stating excuses, not reasons - he is making excuses for his drug use, which is called Denial.

Unfortunately those who are in denial will not quit. Sure, you can hold a gun to their head, but as soon as that gun is taken away, he will use again. No one can 'control' his actions, the Addiction already does that.

Knowing he smokes to much and knowing he has a drug problem are two different things. I knew I was using to much, but I also thought I still had the control over it that I did not have. It is a partial admittance, a partial realization, but is not enough to quit or seek the help to quit.

This may be a case where you will have to let 'Go and Let God' - meaning there really isn't anything you can do and it is in the hands of God.

I know that that is a hard thing to do, and I know that you sincerely and deeply care and desire the best for him - but all the love in the world you have for him may not be stronger than the love he has for the drug.

Addiction is a tricky Lady, she will convince the addict that nothing is wrong and that it is the fault of everything/one else around them that causes them to seek out the illusion of happiness found in Mistress Addictions arms. Addiction convinces a person that that is the true path to happiness/contentment - it is a lie, but not to the addict. Until he sees the illusion for what it is (This is called reaching a bottom) then he will be deluded and deny that there is a real problem, aside from a little too much smoke in the lungs.

We can hope and pray that his bottom is right around the corner, and we can hope and pray that it doesn't include a positive drug test to wake him up - that is about the best you can do.

If you try to approach him on the subject it may be a 'good' reason to Not quit - just to prove that he 'is not' addicted - again, it is the tricky part of addiction you are against, this is not reason, this is not love, this is something far stronger and far darker.

Try talking, but know when you hit a brick wall to stop. That can be hard, very hard, because you will desire to make your point no matter the cost - unfortunately insistence doesn't work. So feel your way carefully when you talk, if the walls come up, then stop - don't push.

A way you could approach the subject is to mention that the probabilities of his being caught with a positive drug test grows with each day. Also remind him that pot stays in the system and is detectable by mosts tests up to 45 days (blood/urine) and is detectable up to a year or more in his hair.

Gentle reminders of the reality of the situation like these are little seeds that you sow, let his own mind work on them and think about them - It has to be an inner understanding that brings him to realization that he has a problem.

When that day is reached (Which it he will come to understand he has a problem) Then be willing to help him help himself and support him (emotionally not financially) through the rough spots.

If the issue is more than you can handle for yourself, I would strongly urge you to attend an Alanon meeting. Having people who have been there done that around you will provideyou the strenth and the tools you need to get through this period of time. This addiction does affect you just as much as it affects your brother.

David

I don't know exactly who determined that pot was non addicting. I think it is psychological and physically addicting. In my lifetime the majority of people who constantly defend pot are pot smokers themselves. My ex has been smoking pot for over 20 years and still does everyday. So what is preventing him from finding a better job? He can't quit pot long enough to pass the drug test.(he used to buy special "get clean" drinks to pass a drug test but testing has gotten better) I saw it day after day for years. He also told me it wasn't addicting and he can "quit" at anytime. Pot is addicting. I've seen it first hand.

Methos, I agree with Ewood and Elexina. He's old enough to make decisions that affect his life, he's just making poor decisions. I think some tough love is in order.

I really think Elexina hit the nail on the head when she said "pull his funding." If he's smoking this much pot, he's not focusing on his education and is wasting your parents' money (that is if they are helping him pay.)

I paid my own way through these last two years of school, and tell you what, I value every moment in my classes. I'm actually disappointed when my profs let our class out early. (Of course, I wouldn't say anything because I'm sure my classmates would chuck objects at me from across the room )

If he's paying his own way, you may want to try to convince him to save himself some money and transfer out to a junior college near home so he can at least save some cash while he's going through this stage in his life.

He's young and sounds like he needs to grow up. He needs to stop blaming your parent's divorce for his problems. He's a big boy now and your parent's marriage is their business. He needs to accept the decisions they have made for their own lives.

Let him know, life doesn't get any easier. He needs to make his own destiny.

WE ARE all addicted to something, whether we realise it or not, some people term it as an addiction others will phrase it as a need, or a requirement, but at the end of the day to constantly need/ require something IS an addiction. No matter how small or extreme it may seem we all need "that" something in our lives, even if it is just to keep on going with live. One miniute you could be a crack addict and after getting cleaned up and becoming drug free you could become addicted to the people who helped you get clean (like a counsellor), constantly needing there advice and/ or guidance to get through each day. we all have are little "needs" from things such as... our parents love, materialistic goods, good friends, clean surroundings, and our "comfortable zone". To more extreme things like... hard drugs, gallons of alcohol, alot of sex. etc. But the best way to deal with someone with an addiction that will jeopardise their career and future is to let them watch it disappear before their eyes - i know that sounds harsh, but they will learn NO other way. if you constantly bail somebody out they will expect it forever, never standing on their own 2 feet and taking control of their whole life themselves. we are all responsible for our own desicions and when we make a mistake (no matter how big) we should just learn to accept it and move on.