I am a parent of a juvenile sex offender. he was locked up in boys homes for 5 years. he is now back in the home. And I am afraid he is showing signs that his addiction is still very present,and I am afraid. It is such a shameful, dark, secret I can't seem to find any support groups on this topic. It has caused me to cut, try suicide and I am on many medications to manage. I would love to know that I am not alone Pounciekitten
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07-29-05, 09:43 AM
Sarai
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope this site or this one can help you. The second one looks particularly helpful. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. You definitely are not alone.

07-29-05, 10:44 AM
clarebear
First and foremost know that this is NOT your fault. You need to stop punishing yourself for something that you have no control over. I know it took a lot of courage for you to post here today. Thank you for trusting us and allowing us to help you. There are many organizations out there to help you. The phone calls are anonymous and they will be able to direct you to someone in your hometown that can help. You are not alone. There are professionals with many resources for this specific situation. They will help you with your next step. If you believe that your son is still a danger then you must do something. I know your heart must be breaking but you have to take care of yourself.



Cutting Yourself? Call First.
1-800-366-8288

National Mental Health Association (Treatment/counseling referrals for your area)
1-800-969-6642

Suicide Prevention Line
1-800-784-2433

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
1-800-656-4673

The people that volunteer their time at these organizations are sincere, non judgmental and very helpful. The help is free. The call is free. Good Luck to You.

I hope to see you around the pool under happier circumstances. We are a family here and you are invited to be part of it all. Take care of yourself and welcome to Answerpool. Smile

~clare~

07-29-05, 11:00 AM
DorianGreyed
I can only repeat what Sarai and Clare have said. You are not alone; you are now part of a part of a large family who welcomes you with open arms and hearts. We aren't a substitute for professional help, but sometimes, one just wants a friend to talk to.

07-29-05, 12:43 PM
Sherasi
It is definitely NOT your fault. There is support... those supports already listed look really helpful, but if you need more advice, we are here for you. Smile

07-30-05, 08:05 AM
Pounciekitten
Confused Thank you so much for your encouragement. It came at just the right time. I had a heart to heart talk with my son last night and he said he's sick of talking about it and is just not going to deal with it. I wept. I feel the shame, remorse and guilt he should be feeling. I am glad to have you all to talk too. I do have a psychiatrist and therapist, put this isn't their expertise. I will definitely be around the pool on many topics, as I have a lot of interests...Pounciekitten

07-30-05, 08:19 AM
Pounciekitten

quote:
Originally posted by Sarai:
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope this site or this one can help you. The second one looks particularly helpful. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. You definitely are not alone.

Smile Thank you , I will check these sites out. I really appreciated your reply back to me.Pounciekitten

07-30-05, 08:20 AM
Pounciekitten

quote:
Originally posted by Sherasi:
It is definitely NOT your fault. There is support... those supports already listed look really helpful, but if you need more advice, we are here for you. Smile

Thank you for replying, I don't feel so alone now. I was so happy to have some encouragement. Pounciekitten

07-30-05, 08:21 AM
Pounciekitten

quote:
Originally posted by clarebear:
First and foremost know that this is NOT your fault. You need to stop punishing yourself for something that you have no control over. I know it took a lot of courage for you to post here today. Thank you for trusting us and allowing us to help you. There are many organizations out there to help you. The phone calls are anonymous and they will be able to direct you to someone in your hometown that can help. You are not alone. There are professionals with many resources for this specific situation. They will help you with your next step. If you believe that your son is still a danger then you must do something. I know your heart must be breaking but you have to take care of yourself.



Cutting Yourself? Call First.
1-800-366-8288

National Mental Health Association (Treatment/counseling referrals for your area)
1-800-969-6642

Suicide Prevention Line
1-800-784-2433

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
1-800-656-4673

The people that volunteer their time at these organizations are sincere, non judgmental and very helpful. The help is free. The call is free. Good Luck to You.

I hope to see you around the pool under happier circumstances. We are a family here and you are invited to be part of it all. Take care of yourself and welcome to Answerpool. Smile

~clare~

You will definitely see me around the pool a lot. I have a lot of interests. I so appreciated your reply. Thank you for inviting me to the family. I accept Smile Pounciekitten

07-30-05, 08:24 AM
Pounciekitten

quote:
Originally posted by Sarai:
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope this site or this one can help you. The second one looks particularly helpful. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. You definitely are not alone.

Thank you for your support and for not judging me. I will go to these sites and see what help I can get. I don't feel quite so alone now...Pounciekitten

07-30-05, 08:26 AM
Pounciekitten

quote:
Originally posted by DorianGreyed:
I can only repeat what Sarai and Clare have said. You are not alone; you are now part of a part of a large family who welcomes you with open arms and hearts. We aren't a substitute for professional help, but sometimes, one just wants a friend to talk to.

I do have professional help, but as you said I do need friends to listen to me and talk to me. I can't tell anyone around here. I am afraid of what would happen. Thanks again...Pounciekitten

07-31-05, 07:35 AM
gizmogram
Pouncie,

I'm glad that you are seeing someone that YOU can talk to...and I'm in agreement with everyone else that this is NOT your fault.

I'm very glad that you found this site - this group is special - and we'll be here anytime you want/need to talk.

I hope that your son is also seeking help. There is a situation not too far from me where a 19 year old young man is currently incarcerated for having fondled little girls in a Health Club. I see that story unfolding in the news and the first thought that comes to mind is "oh wow...19...I hope they can help him", and that he doesn't end up the 60 year old man that was just caught after YEARS.

Keep it up with YOUR support system Pouncie!

07-31-05, 12:08 PM
Pounciekitten
Thank you so much for your kind words. I too, hope my son will get well before he harms anyone else. I need all of the support I can get, and you all have been so kind.

08-04-05, 02:40 PM
samantha
I was once told that these people who do this can never be really cured is this true?

08-04-05, 02:47 PM
DorianGreyed
That may depend on what you mean by "cured", Sammy. Many, possibly most, offenders eventually stop the action, some after only one or two incidents, but far fewer, possibly none, are ever free of the desire. Since the public, and probably law enforcement, never know about many (most) of the incidents, we really don't know how many stop on their own and how many repeat the action until caught. In any case, early treatment seems to be make the most sense.

08-04-05, 02:48 PM
clarebear
Well Sammy I think that all depends. There are generally 2 classes of pedophiles. Situational and Preferential.

Molesters engage in sex with children for a variety of reasons and sometimes these reasons have little to do with sexual desires. This type of offender, called a situational child molester, does not possess a genuine sexual preference for children. Rather, the motivational factors are criminal in nature.

The second classification of sexual offender is defined as a preferential child molester. These offenders have a sexual preference for children and usually maintain these desires throughout their lives. Preferential child molesters can have an astounding number of victims and these crimes can remain undiscovered for many years.
This site will tell you more about it

I personally don't think preferential child molesters can be rehabilitated.

08-23-05, 12:50 PM
DvdGStwrt
There is a prayer:

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

I want to focus on the wisdom part.

The things you cannot change are those things in other people, those circumstances and events that are outside of you, you can not change your son, you can not control his behavior, his thoughts - The best you can do is accept it. When I say accept it I do not mean condone the behavior or allow it to take place, or enable him to continue doing that behavior. To accept is to mean to understand that it is beyond your control to change him to make him do as you wish.

The things you can change are the feelings that his situation brings to you; you can change how you act and react to his circumstances, behavior, etc. It may be difficult to see a way out, it may be the hardest thing to do, but in the end you choose to cut, you choose to make attempts at your own life.

The Hardest thing in your life is going to be to give him over to God and the Authorities. The Authorities will most likely decide to keep him in institutions to keep him from harming others, Only God know what will become of his soul, his mind, his heart.

Neither of these can you change; you can only change how you will allow them to affect you.

You are going to have to be selfish here; you are going to have to put your life ahead of his. You are going to have to go to therapy, and counseling, and get all of this off your chest and work toward a solution.

Cutting yourself, attempting to commit suicide, being in an endless chain of depression is not going to help him. If anything it may harm him if he understands where you are at.

You are not alone – many people suffer from chronic and severe forms of depression, many actively seek to harm themselves (cutting) Granted they may not rationalize it and have the same “reason” you have, but many are in the same dark lonely place you are in.

08-23-05, 01:44 PM
Pounciekitten
Yes DVD I do agree with you. The authorities have released him to us on parole. His parole ends on October 3rd. Until he does something else there is little we can do to have him removed from our home. I am very spiritual and have a good support system at my church. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for at least ten years now. I am on meds that have stabilized me a lot, but at times with the bipolar, anxiety and post traumatic stress disorders I get mixed up and act before I think. I thank you for your encouragement and words that are so wise and true and helpful. I needed that "shot in the arm" I continue to search for a support group in my area. Thanks again!! Pounciekitten

08-23-05, 01:54 PM
clarebear
Excellent post David.

The wisdom to know the difference can be so challenging at times. I could use some of that advice myself. Smile

09-06-05, 06:31 PM
Wildflower63
I'm going to start this one out just like you did, Kitten. You need to get this one straight.

My kids don't have a clue what a babysitter is, much less day care, so my husband and I could pay our bills. We split up. I taught my kids what I felt was right.

Believe me, you don't even want to hear my many objections to my teen children's behavior, down to disowning my son. Yes, we kissed and made up, but the underlying problem still exist and always will.

Our kids have free choice. They are far from products of what you taught them. They have minds of their own. They are intelligent, yet young.

People that have attacked my parenting over my son's drug use wouldn't dare try that one if they actually had to face me, looking me in the eye. My son does drugs. Your son is a perv. Oh well!

Just in case you didn't notice, all males are perves of some sort, so cut it with self blame. If you taught your son better and he does something outside of your approval, understand this is his choice, not Mommy's.

You do have a choice to make. You either so dramatically disagree with your son's actions that you disown him or you are stupid and think you are the excuse for his behavior. I disowned my own son over far less, drug use. It really didn't last all that long, but felt like an eternity.

My son has no criminal record, but your son might be marked as a sexual predator and be in every police data bank for life. Do you know for fact what happened? Do you approve of it or are you sickened by it?

Give up the guilt, unless you molested someone. You didn't teach your son this anymore than I taught my son to adore drugs. Make a decision, as I had to. You may have to turn your back on your own son, which sounds unimaginable. It isn't all that bad, just feels like death.

I already had my son psychologically evaluated by a psychiatrist that specializes in children and adolescents. He isn't out for the cash or wouldn't have told me there was absolutely nothing he could diagnose my son with as a disorder. I have a sane pothead son and everything that goes with druggie kid, as a parent.

Do you think I am thrilled? No, not quite yet. I do know that his problems are far from mine. I do know that I raised my son right, but he has a mind of his own, intelligence, and made a decision I don't like at all. Try dealing with his lifestyle. He is 18 and nothing I can do about it at all.

I would verbally attack, just short of getting arrested, anyone who dared to criticize me or my parenting about my son. You should too. Cut the guilt. You didn't do it, he did.

This is an infuriated parent, just as you should be. It is not your fault, but your son's decision, where you have no control at all and neither do I. It's hard. Many parents can recognize with you. I can.

09-07-05, 09:10 AM
Pounciekitten
Wildflower I do agree. My actions and self recrimination are in the past. What I was looking for was support to help me through some of the most lonely days I have ever experienced. I did teach my son oh so differently and I will disown him if he starts up again. And yes I know it happened, he started with my own daughter and she wouldn't lie about something like that...you'd have top know her. I thank God every day for her as she hasn't given me a day of grief yet. My son is almost full grown and he is who he is. No, dear I do not agree with what he's done and am quite sickened by it. At times I have been known to throw up. Men do tend to be sex addicted, but my son's addiction is sick...little boys. I am raising these two by myself and they have never been to a a babysitter either. I homeschool them, so thanks for the talk I just wanted you to know that I do agree with you. I have been attacked and those that attacked my parenting have felt my wrath. I want to thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry that your son found an addiction that is so harmful....Pounciekitten

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,