Idunno im really confused at this point. i am 17 going into my senior year in high school.

Well the reason i think i have a condition is because i always feel a little freaked out with myself. I do things weird in front of other people, and i am conscious about everything i do but there is somethin else in me tellin to do it as well.

My lifestyle: i really have 4 groups of friends which dont intermingle with eachother at all. 1 group is my track friends, 1 group is my political folks, 1 is my computer people, and 1 is my crackhead friends.

See right now, as i am typing i know that something is going on with me but i cant really control it. Referring to the groups above; i am starting to hang out with my crackhead friends more because i feel i need to live a little, but i know its wrong but i still do it anyway. I act totally different in all these groups i hang out with.

Moreoever, whenever i do hang out with a group of people i always dont talk...the only commonplace the people of the aformentioned groups refer to me as is the "quiet person". I HATE IT, i always want to talk i always want to be the life of the group (as i was in middle school) but its like i chained that side of me up and now im just anti-social.
Also, going along with this, whenever i speak to people i have trouble saying things i want to without stumbling over words or just not saying them loud enough or something. But whenever i write something down on paper (for school) i am almost perfectly coherent.

It's almost like i'm watching myself on tv, i am aware of all my mistakes, but i still cant improve them. Also, i am mad paranoid of everything, I sometimes cant even sleep at night cuz i just attack myself whenever i think of past events.

maybe im just freakin out idunno.

Well, what sort of "wierd things" do you do? I mean, is it the self-conscious things that you feel awkard, like stumbling when you are focused on, or what?

As for having a disorder, I can't say if you do or don't, only a professional assessing you in person can really say, but you simply sound extremely shy and sem to have a hard time connecting with people. Frankly, puberty is a time when major emotional changes occur and you may have simply responded to those changes by becoming less approachable (by avoiding contact by not talking or talking too quietly, etc).

Also, the drugs can change how you function emotionally. Crack can make you anxious and cause paranoia:

quote:

General effects include constricted blood vessels and increased temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure, restlessness, irritability, anxiety, and with long term use, violence and paranoia are noted.

Source: http://www.streetdrugs.org/crack.htm

First of all, this drug burns you out and destroys brain centers. If you want a future that goes anywhere, I suggest you kick this habit and get help.

As for you wish to interact and talk with people.

Choose a single person you feel comfortable with and focus on speaking to that person about a common interest. Start slowly, make a comment or two, inviting response. (When I mean slowly, I mean, over several days to weeks, depending on how comfortable you are and how it works out).

If it doesn't work with that person, choose a different person. Choose a situation that the person is sort of alone with you, off to the side or whatever so that you don't feel obligated to really raise your voice, and you can comfortably start making contact.

Does any of this sound do-able?

i dont do drugs i just hang out with people that do them (cause im hoping they can lead me to females)

the weirdness im talkin about is like i never feel like i belong anywhere, so i do weird things (things out of what i truly am) to attempt to fit in. its like i have split personalities sometimes.

Read "Catcher in the Rye", if you haven't already. What you describe isn't that unusual. A lot of teens go through hell due to lack of confidence and the feeling that they are weird, and everyone else is normal. I know because fifty-five years ago I was a very weird teen ager. In grades nine and ten I did not have one friend. I came from a really tiny country school and had no 'old' friends, and failed to make new ones. In grade 11 I had one friend, and in grade 12 about 6, and in Grade 13 all the kids were my friends.

So you can think you're weird, but you perhaps you just haven't found your niche.

There is a standard test that can help you determine if you are anti-social, but you don't sound it. You could talk to your family doctor. Invent an excuse to see him/her, sore throat, whatever, then mention your anxiety. This could result in a referral, or maybe not.

Just because you do attention-getting things doesn't make you weird. It just means you're lonely. Please don't apply labels to yourself such as 'split personality'. It's very self-destructive.

Very important warning:

Do not seek companionship from girls who are druggers. They are messed up, and will surely not make good girlfriends or -- heaven forfend!-- mothers for your child. Drug and alcohol abuse is highly correlated with teen pregnancy because of the lack of control they induce.

Please think about this.

You have a couple options:

1. Cut yourself some slack because being a teen ager really sucks and it's quite hard to deal with all the pressure and the people who want you to be something you're not. Try to stop hanging with the druggies because they are going nowhere fast and when you come out of your teens, you'll be glad to have left them behind.

2. See a counselor. It sounds like you're dealing with some anxiety issues and an identity crisis. Sitting and talking to someone who wants to help you, might be a good thing.

I ran with different circles of friends when I was in school too, including the drug crowd. I was the quiet one also. It might be that you aren't extremely into anything just yet and you're just interested in hanging out with people who seem to know who they are already. You don't have to have it all figured out just yet so don't sweat it too much. Relax and try to figure out what you really like to do rather than what group of friends define you the best. When you move on from high school and possibly go to college, a whole new world of possibilities opens up and you can be as flaked out and weird as you want to be.

Timber2, if you are truly concerned that you may have a “condition” or “disorder,” then you should speak with your primary care doctor about it, or your parents or other relative that you are comfortable with, or a school counselor. We can only give suggestions and if you feel you may need professional help, you certainly should seek it.

That said, what you describe sounds, unfortunately, pretty typical for middle school and high school as far as I’m aware.

It is not unusual to have a core group of friends that does not interact with others, or several groups that do not interact with each other. I had certain groups of friends in college and in high school that did not socialize with each other very much (the student government group, the fire science group, the music group, the gay group).

I definitely agree with what has been said about your “crackhead friends.” That is a very volatile situation and if you are not happy that you have been spending more time with them, then stop. This is not a good environment for you. Even if you are not doing drugs, becoming involved with those who do can lead to just as much trouble for you. And you certainly do not want to become involved with “female” that this group of “friends” lead you to. Do not use this group of friends as a matchmaker.

You should never do weird things or anything out of your comfort zone in order to fit in. If you feel you need to do these to belong or be accepted, then you need to find a new group of friends. True friends accept you for who you are, they do not require you to perform or act in any certain way other than what is normal for you.

I don’t think that you have a disorder, per se (not that I am qualified to make any sort of diagnosis), but I think you would benefit from speaking to a counselor or therapist who could help you come up with some strategies for dealing with what you see as your mistakes, and helping you come out of your shell a bit. If there is a certain sort of person you see yourself as, a person you want others to see, you just have to focus on bringing that person out.

quote:

Originally posted by timber2:
i dont do drugs i just hang out with people that do them (cause im hoping they can lead me to females)

I think you use - I don't care if you said no - I am of the assumption by the friends you choose to be with that you are just like them - a crackhead. a Junkie, a person who is screwed up on the pipe or the needle or something like that.

I'm an ex user I know the scene, I know what using drugs can do for one. I know very well what the risks and chances are that you are taking - and I know that sober people don't hang around with addicts. Who wants to be around a tweaker? Tweaking is not pretty to watch, it is confusing to the sober onlooker. Its nasty and leads to behaviors that a sane (sober) person does not want to be around. Period.

If on some off chance you haven't smoked the pipe yet, I know that quite soon the pipe will be passed and one last time somebody will say "come on, try it" and you WILL.

Besides the longer you hang out with the drug crowd the higher your risk becomes for doing drugs and becoming an addict. seriously even if you are cold stone sober and the police came there you would be hauled off as well for suspicion and in the nation where Drugs are a crime it is up to you to prove your innocence. No matter what they tell you you are guilty until proven innocent. In this case it is a simple matter of "birds of a feather flock together" - meaning that if you hang with drug users you will be assumed to be a drug user.

Date Bait is not a real basis for "friendship". And any girl attracted to a crackhead has some serious problems herself and would not make a good relationship for you. And to be blunt, any girl worth being around will see through the "bait date" angle and not want to hang around you.

Relationships can not be conned, or forced to happen. You can not make anyone love you. Thinking about it actually you can, but it requires being a hostage taker/kidnapper and using a some abusive techniques over a period of time to foster in the victim a sense of love. Then it is not true love, a nice facsimile if you don't care about the real deal.

Time to cut bait and run from that crowd. Dude, leave them - like yesterday. Demonstrate that you don't use. I don't believe it unless you can leave them behind and let them find sobriety or jail or institution or hospital or death on their own. I know that sounds harsh, but dude I've been there done that and considering your age all of that was well before you were born.

Your issues sound Very Normal - You are so normal that it should hurt to know just how normal you are.

Yes yes I know other people appear to mingle and get along and talk too easily - appearances can be deceiving.

Internal cra... er ... stuff... such as dread of being a buffoon in public - Normal - everybody has their pet problem or pet concern that if they do ____ they will look like a __________. Many are actually buffoons in public - I'm polite enough to not point it out... usually. I believe the technical term is Faux Pas (Not pronounced Fox Pass, more like "Foe Paw" Saying 'fox pass' is a Faux Pas ) The definition is simple = 'social blunder'. Even the most refined individual can make a Faux Pas - thus the foreign "polite society" phrase.

Dread of making a social blunder usually has a lot more to do with a sense that you have to impress those you are around than you being comfortable enough around those people to be yourself.

Not everybody can do public speaking. I don't - heck I can be in a room full of people I do know (family/friends), have known for years and I am less likely to speak than I am one on one with a person. I listen - listening is good, listening is enough. - I make up for it with writing... as you will soon see. LOL - Further if you have nothing to say you don't have to say anything - In fact many people say a lot when silence would be much better for them. A wise man knows when to speak - not how to speak.

So you are accused of being the silent guy - If that is the very worst thing you are ever accused of you are lucky - very lucky (or a saint). Rather be accused of being a "silent guy" over a "junkie" any day. What about you?

It is normal to worry and be concerned about how we come off in public - some of us get used to it, some of us build the confidence we need in order to walk on stage (all the world's a stage) and perform to the audience without a single butterfly in our stomach. The catch is that you have to be on stage and perform enough times to where you do gain the confidence.

Everything I do in front of other people is "weird" I'm a "weird person". How exactly am I weird? I do not bow down to fashion and fad, I do not act or behave in a manner that is an affectation (look up the word). I do not give way to peer pressure and most of all I don't give a flying (La, la, la) what anybody thinks about me. I'm a very simple person - what you see is what you get - like it or not I'm not going to change to meet the standards of what others want.

Sorry that is MY PERSONALITY - people don't like it then they can just find somebody who plays their game.

There are defects of character I choose to keep - I consider them to be part of who I am. People don't like it? Well there is the door - that isn't enough I can tell them where to go and give them detail directions to that place of eternal damnation.

Who you are, what you are - is you. To want to change that or feel you must be something you are not is wrong. It detracts from the wonderful person that you already are. Do yourself a favor - be yourself.

You need to decide who you really are and then find those people who like you for you no matter how "weird" you may be. You gotta accept yourself as yourself and stop trying to live up to the expectations or perceived expectations of others. You can not live up to everybody's expectations - no way - that is the road to self destruction.

You don't have to apologize for being yourself.

Very body (excluding myself ) makes mistakes (I thought I made a mistake once, I was mistaken ). Mistakes are the ground work upon which we learn to do things right. Unfortunately for humans there are ten times ten billion to the quadrillionth power possible mistakes one can make at any given moment for every given situation. (Ok I exaggerate, just a little).

And lighten up. Mankind is the only animal on earth that can laugh at itself - laugh at yourself be human.

I doubt your friends are really your friends. I suspect you do not have a real friend or at least can not identify them from this large crowd of acquaintances.

Friends are in reality very rare gems. They are people who love you no matter how weird or f...up you are - they accept you at face value and you accept them at face value. When you are broke and can offer nothing to them they are still there. If you come out of the closet (example) and suddenly are gay - they do not run away in horror. But that is a two way street for true friendship.

Acquaintances are people who we hang out with but who make conditions to your being around them, or they are simply around you as long as you can give them something in return. They will not stick with you and should they have a problem with a sudden "change" in your life (example: being gay) they will not stop to think about your needs and will run away screaming (screaming optional).

There is no way you can be fully open and honest and without dread of making a mistake around acquaintances. That comes with the territory simply because you can not be fully comfortable around them. That only happens with lovers and friends.

You know the guy that comes off as being confident, cool and seems to have his act all together is most likely screaming on the inside at every single moment you are observing him. Everybody has internal dialog (for some it is a constant scream of horror, for others its constant laughter, for some constant crying... you get the picture). Observe people, observe them thinking their face will give away tell tale signs of their internal dialog - if they think they are not being watched.

Stop watching TV and movies - I have a sneaking suspicion that you think you have to be like the characters in those shows. The characters in shows like that are always perfect are always saying the right thing - not only because the writer wrote the dialog but because the producer takes many takes on a scene until it is "perfect". Expect your life to me more like outtakes and blunders - yes even the most eloquent and well studied professional actor who gets paid for perfection makes mistakes.

All in all you are doing ok considering your only failing.

What is your only failing?


...................................... Your human.

Excellent advice David.
I only wish that someone had taken the time to speak to me that way when I was a teenager.
It took me until I was in my late 30s to realise that the best thing I could do was to just be myself. And here's the thing; I never lost one friend that really mattered over that realisation.

I have an 18 year old daughter, and I really do think, as David says, all the feelings you are having are normal. This is a really tough time in your life. Hang in there, read the good advice you have been given here, and just be true to yourself.

timber2: Please stop putting yourself down. Think about what you like about yourself, whether or not you have yet found the kind of people who are wise enough to appreciate your fine qualities. After all, there are those out there who are going to be miserable, envious, contemptuous, and the like, and very eager to put you down. Treat them like dandruff: brush them off. Pick up your head and smile when you walk. Soon there will be many who see you pass them by from time to time who will want to know more about those fine qualities you are projecting.

The way I see it, you are looking for somewhere to 'fit in'. I have to question you with 'why bother and who cares' what others think. They are not more intelligent than you. Never accept 'norms of society' as acceptable. You decide.

At some point in your life, you will understand that 'fitting in' is nothing but 'conformity' of something that may not be what you want. This does not ever end, even with adults.

Adults think they have to conform to some social norm and buy things they shouldn't just to have some ignorant sense of 'status'. I have to spend 25k on a Toyota Prius or even more for a BMW to hang with the social game. The expensive SUV is not out of style.

Let me tell you, the game will cost you. Don't play it.