In April I will marry my fiance, a man who is 27 years my senior. He is wonderful and it is clear that God has truly put this man in my life. One sticking point that continues to be a stumblingblock to this relationship is his horrible diet. He IS in fact MUCH older than I am, and am concerned about his eating habits. He has even come to me and asked for my help. But when I give it to him, he doesn't like it, because it requires him to change half century old habits that he is just plain stuck in. I'd rather just enjoy him "as is" and not worry about this issue. Except now he is confessing this problem to me and asking for my help.

He flat out refuses to read material to learn about proper diet. He instead wants me to simply tell him what to eat or cook good for him. Which doesn't cover the other meals he eats outside my precence. This is frustrating because I genuinely love this man and want to keep him around as long as I can, as healthy as I can... but still live harmoniously without silly squabbles over what he ate or didn't eat.

He doesn't even drink water... saying it is bad for his throat. He also has concocted an illness to which he can't eat green vegetables... even though he has no adverse reactions when I sneak it in on food unaware. Yet donuts, french toast, cookies and sugary, syrupy foods to be his main staple.

HELP!

If he says he he wants help, but places roadblocks up, he really doesn't want help. Continue to make healthy meals for him: that's about all you can do. (But you may start inquiring about his life insurance openly. He may get it then.)

Maybe you could motivate him another way? For example tel him that certain vegetables and fruit, such as aspargus and strawberries, are aphrodisiacs. Or go the financial route, and show him that fresh veg and home made meals are cheaper than eating out and microwave meals.

A person has to be willing to change. Even if he says he wants help, but isn’t accepting of it, then perhaps he isn’t really ready to change. Maybe he’s just putting up a good face. If you keep only healthy food in the house and cook only healthy food for the two of you, that will help somewhat. He can refuse to eat it, but if there are no other options at home, he will come around. As for what he does outside of your presence, you may explain to him that it really hurts you that he is placing these demands on you with regard to his health, and yet does nothing on his own to help himself.
What is his opinion about doctors? If his own doctor explains to him that he must eat vegetables and drink water, do you think that would help?

I don’t know how much this has to do with May-Decemberness (other than that he is far more set in his ways than a younger man might be), as much as with general male stubbornness. Sometimes they only see food as fun and just expect us to fix everything for them. My husband, for example, is currently on a diet. Everything he eats in my house is healthy and wholesome. This was his idea, and he does not complain. He even tried potato and leek soup! Yet, he had the Pizza Hut pizza buffet for lunch on Wednesday, and Burger King twice last Friday.
I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes there’s only so much you can do. They have to be willing to go the whole distance on their own.

This is actually quite a sensitive subject for us right now. His diet isn't all that great. And he doesn't know ANYTHING about actual, proper nutrition. His idea of a "good breakfast" is a heaping pile of scrambled or fried eggs, fried potatoes, bacon, sausage and some kind of buttered toast or french toast covered with syrup!

He is having stomach problems that is causing him great pain and his doctor is sending him to a gastro - specialist (sorry couldn't spell the actual name) and is sending him for a CAT scan and an upper-g.i. On top of his poor diet, he worries incessantly about things he has absolutely no control over, which in turn causes his stomach pains to increase. He sees no correlation between any of these things, instead believing that some "magic pill" will cure all his ills. That his true belief is that he shares no responsiblity in any of this. That there is no cost to poor eating or excessive worry.

So I have opted out of this fight. It's simply not worth it to me to spend his remaining years fighting with him over age old habits that are set in concrete. If God wants to change this man, He can do it Himself. I'm not put here to change him, but only to love him "as is." And that means WITH these atrocious habits.

AS a side note... I have seen some small incremental changes in behavior. Such as now he will once a day (on most days, not every day) have half a glass of ice water with his evening meal. Before I met him he drank NO water at all, citing that it was bad for him. Weird.

Sometimes opting out is the only option. You can only do so much, but the person in question is the one responsible for himself and the one who has to want to change.
You can encourage him by praising his good decisions, and asking if he's sure he doesn't want this (water, fruit) instead of that (soda, cookies) and be proud of him when he makes healthy choices, but you can't do everything for him. You can only do your best.

You can lead a horse husband to water, but you can't make him drink.

The American word 'ornery' comes to mind.

The only way to achieve anything is to leave him and let him think he thought of it himself. Make him do what you say but let him think it was his good idea.Look, you know what a state the world is in when the men are really deciding for themselves

In this case, that means watching quietly and without comment.Do not disturb the beast as it approaches the waterhole!It'll take fright. In fact, if the beast thinks it's being watched it'll keep away from the waterhole until it's sure that nobody's watching. Eventually, if you make no comment at all ever ( not a word of 'praise', for goodness sake, it'll make him conscious of being watched ) with time you'll get the desired result.Just stay in the hide by the waterhole and watch!

It's obvious he's got the idea. The moment you point out, even indirectly, that he's improving will be the moment he'll stop, at least until he goes back to forgetting you had any input.

By all means cook healthy meals, just so long as he doesn't think you are 'manipulating' him (his thought, not necessarily what you are doing )

Gently, a very little at a time, him seeming to choose from choices which, in fact, include some of your own, and without comment, is the way