Ok I know it's alternative lifestyles, but my post is about a woman. It really is. Fellow Answerpoolicans, I think I'm in love. I been talking with this woman that hangs out with my friends. She's 34, so thats one thing, plus she has a 17 year old daughter. And you guys know me I'm normally a dog. This one seems difrent. I get all nervous around her and thats just not me. Any advice you people can give me as to how to approach this would be helpful. I turn to you, my internet advice people for this problem. **********************************************************8 07-14-05, 12:42 PM Georgia85 I don't think you could handle an "older woman" Wink
You say she hangs out with your friends...how do I put this delicately...does she share the same "lifestyle" as you? What interests do you have in common? And how can you think you're in love just by talking to someone who makes you nervous? lol
I say start off slow. Be friendly towards her. Start spending time with her when she is around your friends. Get to know her as a person and base your feelings on what develops rather than the physical sensation you get when you are around her. To me this seems like it might just be a summer fling. On a personal note, I've been "hanging out" with a 20 year old...I'm 41...I get the butterflies but do I think I'm in love? No! I know it's nothing more than a physical attraction and there is no way someone so young would ever be with an old woman for the long run.
When you experience true love you will know it and won't have any need to ask your internet buddies Big Grin
07-14-05, 01:06 PM aminator2002 I don't think you should bother until you become a responsible adult. I think any 34 year old woman with responsibilities of her own wouldn't want to waste time on a guy that uses drugs and doesn't really seem to have any real responsibilities of his own...
Unless you want to change, which is what I would recommend before you inflict yourself on anyone else.
07-15-05, 09:02 AM MrsS Wow, Ami...That was ....blunt. But, Ron, she is right, even if she did put it a little more harshly than I would... but that's not what you asked, now is it? How to approach this....slowly, Dearling, slowly. Get to know her as a friend, carefully consider whether or not you have anything to offer AND what this could hold for you. Also, you must consider the "train wreck" potential....If she does, as Georgia put it "share your lifestyle" you two could very easily drag each other into the gutter in no time flat...be careful, Love.
07-15-05, 01:17 PM DvdGStwrt Ron, bad idea - very bad idea. Nope, that's a very, very, extremely very bad idea.
Woman with a kid always makes for a very complicated relationship - even without all the other attending issues (your lifestyle issues).
A 17 year old daughter - and your in your early twenties (??) - Hmmmmmm.
Though the age difference is not that great between you and mom, it is even a smaller gap between you and the daughter. That could open the door to serious issues later down the road.
To be delicate (unlike Aminator) your lifestyle is really not conducive to a relationship of sharing and could (one drink one drug too many) lead to a step daughter step father venture into.... You know.
07-15-05, 03:31 PM SeattleRon thanks for the advice you guys. it's probably not a good idea. but to answer your question Georgia, nope these are diffrent friends these people just drink socially. Aminator, thanks for the bluntness of your reply. Thats how I like to hear things. Looks like i have a lot to think about.
07-15-05, 03:48 PM Georgia85 Hey you know what Ron? One is never too rich that they should turn down getting a new friend!
07-15-05, 09:19 PM jusork
quote: Originally posted by DvdGStwrt: Though the age difference is not that great between you and mom, it is even a smaller gap between you and the daughter. That could open the door to serious issues later down the road.
07-15-05, 11:06 PM MrsS Oh, David...excellent point! Did not occur to me, but you're absolutely right...THAT'S a potential trainwreck!
07-16-05, 12:16 PM jusork
quote: Originally posted by Sarai: Jusork - think Woody Allen. Yuck!
Woody Allen still seems to be with Soon-Yi. What issues were there?
07-16-05, 02:15 PM SeattleRon I think what they are implying is that while I am with the mom that I might end up trying to tax the daughter eventually. Which is why after last nite I have decided not to pursue this and just be friends.
07-16-05, 02:51 PM MrsS ....Or that SHE might eventually make a play for YOU....girls are funny creatures, Ron, and I think you made the wise call here... Jusork, some days you are too openminded... that Soon Yi and Woody had had a parent/child relationship SHOULD have forever made them off-limits to one another, regardless of the age issues in that pairing.
07-16-05, 09:23 PM jusork Okay, I suppose that's a reasonable possibility for being against Ron's relationship.
Too open-minded. Yeah, that sounds like me. I understand, though, what you mean about the issue with Soon-Yi and Woody being the parent/child relationship, not the age difference. That's agreeable I guess.
07-27-05, 11:26 AM SeattleRon this past weekend i ended up having sex with her. I was helping her move into a new house and we ended up in the bedroom. the older lady, not her daughter. I didn't mean to, it just happened, and I'm just an oldirtdog i guess. we aren't going out but it's silently implied that i guess i'm what you would call a "bootycall" to her. and thats fine to me.
07-27-05, 12:55 PM DorianGreyed "I didn't mean to, it just happened" - SR
I guess she was lying on the floor, nude from the waist down, with her legs spread, and you were walking by and tripped because your pants were down. Yeah, that could happen.
07-27-05, 02:38 PM Sherasi Ron, Ron, Ron....
Sigghhhhhh
so now, what, you are "sex on demand"? And you are ok with this?
07-27-05, 04:32 PM DvdGStwrt Well. Um, ER, hmmmm.
I'm perplexed here Ron. I'm one of those old fashioned types who believe in monogamy, loving relationships, marriage, commitment before the physical intercourse. Yes strange concept from a queer, who would have thunk it? If I could I would reach through the computer and give you a good hard shake and scream “Did you wear protection?!?!?!” There are so many terrible things that can happen, bad things, things that you do not need nor deserve.
End Safe Sex Lecture.
Start Safe Heart Lecture.
Ron you are a worry to me. First of all you are in a delicate place in your life. Though you have been doing real good and have cut way back on the drugs, you are still in that spot where it is easy for you to go back out and do more drugs. You have already admitted to thinking your in love with this woman (when we think we are in love, we are in love), Now she opens up her, um body to you in one of the most intimate ways a person can do which is highly suggestive of there being the possibility for love – yet there is that quiet understanding that this is just “booty call”.
Secondly this is unrequited love, a terrible thing which if you are not careful can lead to your giving her what she wants (sex) in endless hope that it will lead to more than just sex. If she is unable or unwilling to give you more that can lead to more self destructive behavior (drug use). It can also make you jaded, make you turn your heart heard and unable to love another.
I suspect that you wear your heart on your sleeve. On many occasions you have come right out and said you want to be a family man – you yearn for a spouse, children that ideal circumstance of being a husband and a father. If you do wear your heart on your sleeve people will see it and will use that against you. I suspect that this older woman saw in your eyes your hope for love and is now abusing you, taking advantage of that hope to have her jollies.
My advice is to walk away. NO – RUN away, get as much distance between you and her as possible and forget her, turn your attention to your future and work your program of recovery and let love find you in some other person, a person who is closer to your age, not looking to abuse you or use you, a person who you are suited for and are attracted to not only in body, but in spirit and mind – and of course who is attracted to you in kind.
You deserve much better than just being booty call. You are a worthwhile human being who has every right to those things that you want, spouse, family, a settled drug free life.
If you were closer I would offer to be your NA sponsor, you need direction in your life, right direction, somebody to talk to who will listen and give you sage advice from the wisdom of many mistakes. I think you need to be reminded daily that you are a worthwhile person who has a bright future of endless potential and possibilities. You need better people in your daily life, people who will respect you and share with you and honor you as you deserve.
Please consider finding an NA meeting or two, make better friends, friends who like you are trying to get their lives back on track and will lead you down roads where you are not as apt to fall prey to the wrong crowd.
I pray for you Ron, I really do.
07-27-05, 04:41 PM Georgia85 Make a mental note to self "don't have sex with Ron cuz he will kiss and tell" Eek Wink
Now come over here so I can slap some sense into ya!
David was very nice in his response to you (btw David, all the gay men in my life are very much into monogamy). I can't offer any more words of wisdom than he did. But there are some things that should be kept to ourselves....you don't see me posting about my affair with my 20 year old Ashton Kutcher look-alike neighbor do you? Cool
07-27-05, 06:26 PM bedstor Excellent answer David Smile Georgia too Smile I'm single yet I don't go broadcasting what I'm doing(and I'd take precautions!) How does the phrase go? Prewarned & Prearmedseems to be very apt here Smile Ron Be careful(and be safe) Wink
07-30-05, 03:08 PM SeattleRonthanks for the input DVDGstwrt, I hear you on certain points, but I do what I feel. Isn't it enough to know that for at least 3 to 15 minutes of your life you can feel good and make someone else feel good, and just for that very moment two people can get together and make eachother satisfied. Just enjoy life before it's over and you die and turn into a pile of dust. Her and I are cool about it. We still hang out as friends, around everybody else. The thing we got now is strictly business, but pleasure as well.
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