Why is it socially acceptable for women to say, "That woman is beautiful," but not for men to say, "That man is handsome." (Unless, of course, the man is gay.)

I didn't realize it wasn't socially acceptable

But I guess men, well Southern men at least, are extrememly homophobic and don't want to come across as anything less that 100 percent manly.

I don't know, Peach, but I've "gotten away" with it on numerous occasions. A heterosexual man simply must be comfortable enough in his skin to make such a statement - and it appears that a lot of men have a little left to "prove."

And, in my opinion, Sean Connery, Michael Jordan, and Viggo Mortensen are very handsome men.

It is perfectly acceptable. Perhaps you are hanging out with some homophobic guys?

Maybe I worded my question wrong. I, personally, don't see a problem with it and I accept it just fine. So I hope no one got the wrong impression. Perhaps Aminated is most correct. Around here, it isn't socially acceptable.

I guess I should have asked why am I not considered gay if think another women is beatiful while my friend Tyler (neither gay nor bi) commented on another man, but was harrassed because he's "gay."

I guess it could be a regional thing... or perhaps immaturity...

[This message was edited by PerfectPeach on 02-26-04 at 04:20 PM.]

Hey, southern men aren't homophobic! The majority of the people I know are pretty secure in their masculinity.

I think most men don't normally say "that man is handsome" because he doesn't know how to look at a man's beauty or he doesn't see any beauty in men. Men have to try to look at it from a female perspective to get that opinion. Most men just don't regularly look through that perspective. Also, I think when a man says another man looks good, it gives an automatic sense of sounding gay. It is kind of odd to hear a man make that observation and it can be funny to laugh at.

Men are able to judge if a man is looking good though. I guess that's not the same because of how we're thinking about but we're still looking from the same perspective.

[This message was edited by jusork on 02-26-04 at 05:38 PM.]

I believe that we all, both men and women, have masculine and feminine traits or qualities in our basic makeup. But social and peer pressures forces us, especially in our formative years, to try to conform and fit into acceptable behaviors. When we are just into puberty we have all sorts of conflicting impulses raging inside ourselves, we don't quite know what we are or when someone is going to criticize or ridicule us. As a result, those of us who grow up as what are now called straight, because our hormones produce a powerful attraction to opposite-gendered humans, are reasonably comfortable in our own skins, as 'fuse says. But, I'm convinced that most of us have also some suppressed and unconscious feelings toward our own gender. Girls, I believe are less inhibited in showing affection for other girls, and no-one seems to mind if they hug and kiss one another - they're "just acting like girls".Boys, on the other hand, are not allowed to do anything that our fathers, brothers, or other males consider "sissyfied" or effeminate. Young men are suspicious and frightened of anything they interpret as "feminine" so they lump any of the gentler emotions and activities together as traits to be studiously avoided and ridiculed. So we very often see that the young man who is polite, gentle, poetic, etc. is ostracised by his more athletic or 'macho' peers. To the degree that any of us in our youth are ever attracted to these 'effeminate' proclivities, we just as quickly repress them. The stronger these impulses, the greater the need to deny them. Therein lies the origin of homophobia. An unconscious but overpowering need to avoid detection results in a need to express aversion for or beat up on gays. A case of "methinks he doth protedt too much". Having said that, and believing that, I still feel it necessary to point out that I, myself, have been married to a woman of the opposite sex for sixty years.

I think men may simply value other things in their fellow man....I often hear men say about each other things like "That's one workin' SOB", "He'd give you the shirt off his back if he saw you needed it" and "That guy could drive 10 hours and still drink me under the table"...Work ethic, generosity, loyalty and endurance seem to be what men most appreciate in one another. When I hear a man comment on another man's looks, it is usually something like "Wherever we go, the girls fall all over themselves about him."

Men also seem to actually have slightly higher standards about what is strikingly handsome enough to comment on than women.... My husband admits freely that my best friend Brian is just a fine, fine lookin' man, and understands why some stars are considered sex symbols, but does not really see what women get het up over in Justin Timberlake or Kid Rock(but then, I don't see it either)

At my husband's old company, there was one helicopter pilot that everyone, male and female alike, agreed was just flat perfect.....and he is such a fine example of a human, in all ways, that the guys he worked with couldn't even get uptight about the fact that every one of their wives/girlfriends/daughters (myself included)and in one case, mother, had a "thing" for him...of course if he did not openly adore his own wife, it might have been different.

Frank, for what it's worth, I've known quite a few athletic, macho kids who do effeminate and/or emotional things. My brother, for example, is a big sports fan, is an agressive person, strong-headed person, and works out all the time, yet has a strong sense of being neat and looking good. He also says Michael Jackson is the man (musically, of course) and is afraid of spiders (he calls me when there's a bug in the bathroom).

Other than that, very well said.

quote:

Originally posted by PerfectPeach:
I guess I should have asked why am I not considered gay if think another women is beatiful while my friend Tyler (neither gay nor bi) commented on another man, but was harrassed because he's "gay."
I guess it could be a regional thing... or perhaps immaturity...
[This message was edited by PerfectPeach on 02-26-04 at 04:20 PM.]

I think women are sexually secure, so for instance women value the opinion of their female friends more than what their chappy thinks with regard to things like clothes, shoes, hair style, etc.

We, to a certain degree do that also, ie, it's clear which girls fancy which bloke and which bloke fancies which girl, whether it be your girl or not.

I for instance am good at watching movement and so spot athleticism in women and men.

I think a bloke who's unable to show appreciation for a natural trait is defensive. And insecure.