I am in a relationship, where it is open on his side because he is polyamorous/polyfidelitous. I am at this point incapable of going outside the relationship. I tell myself its ok, that as long as I dont have to live with the other partners i can handle it..and i can...but when hes here (i live with him)unless he happens to be in the bed with me its like im not here. Like I cease to exist. Ive tried talking to him about maybe spending time together but it never changes. He works insane schedules at work and im sure thats part of it...but he has time for all his friends online, and plenty of time to read his fanfic online...what is it about me that makes people like this? I guess Im not sure what to do at this point. Mostly I feel like Im just the one hes with till something better comes along.

mightiest_mouse

Your choices are simple. Get used to it and get ready for worse, or get a spine and either leave or tell him to leave. You can try to get him to stop, but it is very unlikely he will. I am sure he is confident he can find another doormat, and the sad part is that he probably will, and another woman will be in the same position. You can't help her, but you can help yourself.

If you do nothing, then the only change is that things will get worse. If that is what you want, fine. Most people want more out of a relationship.

It's time for you to find someone that you are 'visible' to. The only kind of relationship you have is a 'bad' one.

mightiest_mouse,
you deserve better than that. It sounds to me that the guy is trying to get his cake and eat it too.
To me, the gentleman is not a gentleman at all. Don't play his game bud.
Sounds to me like you lack confidence, you have to leave that guy right now. I"m sure you're a beautiful woman, I'm sure you have a lot to offer. You just need to believe in yourself.
Leave that filth.
Listen to what DG is speaking about. He's right about it.

On my own advice, Leave that garbage or end up in the garbage. You understand?

Sometimes polyamorous relationships work, but most times they don’t. If you are unhappy in any relationship, regardless of whether it is an open one or not, you should not remain in it. If nothing changes, and your partner cannot give you the kind of attention you need, then you should get out and find yourself something better. As DG said, you can either stick it out and continue to be unhappy, or take a stand and change your life.
His work schedule is no excuse for abandoning you. We all have other interests and pursuits but if he cannot recognize that you are genuinely unhappy, then he is not grown up enough to be in one relationship -must less be polyamorous.

quote:

Originally posted by SeattleRon:
mightiest_mouse,
you deserve better than that. It sounds to me that the guy is trying to get his cake and eat it too.
To me, the gentleman is not a gentleman at all. Don't play his game bud.
Sounds to me like you lack confidence, you have to leave that guy right now. I"m sure you're a beautiful woman, I'm sure you have a lot to offer. You just need to believe in yourself.
Leave that filth.
Listen to what DG is speaking about. He's right about it.

On my own advice, Leave that garbage or end up in the garbage. You understand?

Well said Ron Can't get better advice than that
If the Exit door is there Walk through it fast

Adding 1 small Item
A Guy like that is going to have real issues later on! Mark my Words! Take a Moment think about that ...There are many Guys out there Who will be looking for a 1 to 1 Relationship .You ended up with the Joker in the Pack

Wow, that sounds like it SUCKS. You should get out of that situation.

(To everyone who reads this and thinks I'm being a little presumptous, I know this member in real life, so I have a lot of the back story)Darlin', I see red flags all over the place- My most earnest advice is to get out of this so-called relationship, get your own place, get a life you're happy with as a single gal- a job, friends, hobbies, maybe take a class or two at the Community College (There are classes you can take without committing to a full load enrollment)whatever it takes for you to become content in your own skin- This sort of treatment is NOT what you deserve from a partner.
You can do better.
(my apologies in advance to the men I am about to offend- I know this is a HUGE generalization and mileage varies greatly)

Men, as a rule, behave exactly as well as they have to behave in order to remain in the good graces of the woman in their life- once you lower the bar, it's a hard task to convince them that they really have to step up.
Next fella you get involved with, set the bar high and stick to the standard of treatment you expect.

Update...thanks all for your advice. My boyfriend and I had a long talk last night, wherein I didnt , for once get all emotional and closed off, which those who know me can tell you is my standard operating procedure....and amazingly enough, he said that because I never asked for attention, or indicated in any way that i wasnt getting something I needed, he assumed all was fine. Believe it or not it actually makes sense. He says he doesnt know if he can be monogamous, but that im worth too much for him not to at least try to be. We'll see. I do admit that I need .....something outside of the relationship, a hobby, friends, but mostly i miss working. Being carless in a metro area isnt nearly as bad as where i used to live, and theres really nothing stopping me. Amazingly he had no clue just how unhappy i was. Ive dealt with ..... being ignored in the past. I have to wonder, would things have been different if id simply asked for what i wanted?

mightiest_mouse

P.S. Mrs S....thanks for being.....you, and totally real.