I am experiancing a difficult time at home right now. My parents are talknig divorce. It hit me really hard. It got me all depressed and upset.

They can't understand why I am angry. They think that I am supposed to be all happy with it. Like Yea my parents are getting divorced.

My mom keeps asking me what I think they can do to stay together, for me. I told her that it is pointless to stay together if your doing it to make someone happy. Don't do it for me, do it for yourselves.

My dad is really my step-dad. But I have considered him my real dad for almpst 19 years. My other dad was never in the picture and disowned me anyway.

I just can't take it. I don't know what to do. My mom says they both keep saying they hate each other. She says if it weren't for me, she'd commit suicide. How is that supposed to make me feel?!

I have seen my parents go through some horrible fights before and have even heard the D word before. But this time, I think I know their serious. She keeps asking me if we could share an apartment together.
She keeps asking if I see it from her point of view. I told her to put herself in my shoes. How would she feel if it were her parents.

My mom mentioned counsling. But not for themselves, for me. She told me to see if I could talk my dad into counsiling. But does it really work?

My mom and I are buddies. She is my best friend. We are like 2 peas in a pod. But I can't defend my dad because then she takes offense and thinks I hate her. My dad told me to side with my mom and just agree with her. He told me not to defend him. That tore me up even more.

Sure I know divorce is very common nowadays but I don't think children every really think it will ever happen to their parents. At least I didn't. I don't know what to do. I am in shambles.

esencia:

Perhaps you could tell your mom how much it hurts to hear about the personal things going on between her and your dad. Ask if she's willing to go to counselling with you - for your benefit - it's really tough when the parents can't keep their personal feelings to each other without dragging the children in and trying to make them take sides.

Tell your mom you love her and you're sorry she's hurting, but it's unfair for her to tell you about things that are, essentially, none of your business (you should tell your dad the same thing if he's doing this, also). Whatever you do, DON'T relay anything that either one says about the other - it will just make things worse. You might ask your dad, also, if he's willing to go (separately - not with your mom) with you to counselling. They both need to hear about the effect they are having on you.

I know, first hand, the kind of damage that children suffer from being put in the middle of bickering, divorcing parents.

If neither of them will go to counselling with you, go for yourself. Feel free to email me if you need to talk more...my address is in my profile.

Hi esencia,
I know its tuff to see them break up like this, but really its their decision. I know it hurts and will not be quite the same, but you got to remember if they were fighting alot then they are probably ready for it. I had a step dad that my mother pretty well brutalized, both drank. The straw that broke the camels back was when she had broke his arm and give him a concussion. It had gone too far. I was not a bit surprised they got a divorce, and was actually quite relieved due to the fact that I went thru sheer torture watching them fight. It's not a pretty sight, and I really wanted them to stop hurting each other. I think that after its all said and done, you'll see that both parties need to separate, or else they will just keep tearing each other up. It's not easy on the kids, but sometimes things just don't work out. Just try and keep your chin up, and best wishes for your folks, maybe after it all has calmed down, they will feel a little better about talking about it. Good Luck and Be Strong!

esencia,

Sorry to hear of your troubles.... These things are always difficult to fathom. BUT, yanno what? Everone gets over the hurdle and manages to survive.

Personally, I'd prefer to have a happy Mom and a happy Dad - seperately.....than have them together and miserable.

AND consider yourself lucky to HAVE a Mom and Dad. Both of my parents have unfortunately passed away.

Keep you chin up! You'll be OK. I'm not making light of your situation, just trying to help you feel better.

Try to make the best of things. You're not losing them, you'll just gain one more home!

Esencia

Sorry to hear about your family. Try to talk to your mom and dad, tell them you love them both and don't want to be in the middle. Divorce is hard on everyone involved, but like tree said, if they are unhappy together it's not fair for them to stay together. Hey, if seeing a therapist might help you could give it a try, that way you will have someone unbiased to talk to and you can say whatever you want without worrying about hurting feeling! Sorry again, I hope that it works out for the best.

I'm sorry Heather. I know what you are going through. My parents got divorced after I was married and had a child. They couldn't understand why I was so upset, well duh@them It doesn't matter if your 8 or 28, it hurts all the same. You worry about them.
I agree with the others though, it's better for them to be happy apart then miserable together.

I'm very lucky in the fact that my parents are very good friends. But it took a few years for that to happen. Don't let them talk bad about each other to you. If they start, just tell them that you will NOT listen to it.

Good luck and you'll get through it. Don't let them drive ya to drink

PS think this is our payback for teenage years?