Well, I recently got engaged in October. Because both my fiance and I are still in college until next May, we are waiting a while to get married. I'm really excited about it, and I'm looking forward to planning everything. Whenever I bring up the topic to my mom, she never seems excited about it. She's constantly trying to get me to push my date back even further, and she never wants to discuss it. It just has me kind of disappointed because this is something that I have been looking forward to for a long time, and it seems like she doesn't want any part of it. What can I do to get her excited about this too? ******************************************************8 12-23-06, 12:46 AM juanruiz First, many congrats. Second, before you try to get her excited about it, you may want to find out why she seems so distant from it. Does she dislike your fiancé? Is she worried about your future together? Is she afraid of losing a daughter? Whatever may be eating at her has to be resolved before any progress can be made in regard to her enthusiastic participation.
12-23-06, 08:12 AM MrsS I agree with Juan. You need to have a heart to heart with mom. Sit down with her sometime when the two of you can be private for as long as it takes and say, without any "accusation", something like "Mom, I'm feeling like you have some reservations about my marrying Bill and I'd like to understand what they are..." and then listen. She may think Bill is not a good bet, or that marrying 5 minutes after you graduate is not the best idea, or she could just be worried about how the heck she and your dad are going to pay for a wedding... or she may be struggling with the fact that her "baby" is now old enough to be married... remember that from her point of view, it was yesterday that she first took you to see Santa at the mall, or whatever childhood milestone is forever fixed in her heart.
12-24-06, 12:32 PM DvdGStwrt Triple the sentiment.
Usually Mom's are the first one to get all excited about the possibility of marriage in near future.
Since your in college I'm wondering if perhaps Mom's plan for your life included a nice career. Many (not all) women believe that they were opted out of real life choices because of their gender thus wish for their daughters those opportunities. Some women still "know" (believe, expect, feel) that a woman getting married means no career.
I think a sit down chat over tea, coffee, a light meal away from the daily grind of both of your lives (alone, just you and her) is needed.
I would express to her that you are disappointed that she is not excited and are concerned that you are failing her in some way and that you really want to know why she isn't completely pleased with your plans.
You women folk are usually pretty good at talking heart to heart I think you will ultimately know the right words to say.
12-26-06, 07:43 AM Elexina Quadruple that. She probably has worries and needs reassurances. My mother was very excited when I got engaged as a junior in college, but she still wanted to make sure we waited until we were financially stable and all that nonsense (two years out of college ended up being the magickal time). Definitely have a heart-to-heart, just the two of you, and find out what she’s feeling.
12-26-06, 08:55 AM Lighteningrodd In reading this, something that has not been mentioned but does cross my mind...When you do get married, are you staying in your home area or will you be moving off somewhere far from home??? Or is this still up in the air???
While it is common for the kids to marry & make a new life in a different part of the country, it can be unsettling for the parents. If this is going to be an issue, you will definitely need to discuss this.
12-29-06, 04:58 AM SeattleRon I'm going to have to agree with a lil bit of what everyone has said. they all, each and every single one of them have great advice.
01-23-07, 07:53 PM Sailracer I have some friends that have experienced the same problem; turned out that Mom did not really dislike the groom, but wanted to be in control of the wedding festivities; don't know if this applies here, but Moms need to realize it's your wedding, and you make the choices; it's not Mom's party!
Congratulations, and good wishes, BTW!!!
01-23-07, 08:06 PM juanruiz So, whatever happened to the deal with the engagement ring? You got all kinds of advice and never thanked anyone nor gave us info on how it washed out. For that matter, it's been a month since you posted this, and not so much as a gracias. 01-24-07, 07:16 AM Elexina That seems to happen a lot around here...
01-24-07, 09:37 AM MrsS Nowhere in Answerpool's rules is a requirement that members follow up on their posts. It's nice when we get to find out what happened but it is not mandatory.
01-24-07, 09:40 AM juanruiz Maybe not mandatory, but at least courteous.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
