Is there any thing that I can show my girl friend that she can trust me? Which I don't think she does. Like that thing where one person has there arms crossed over their chest and they lean back and the other one will catch them from falling, etc?

Doug...I am confused..How is it that your girlfriend doesn't trust you??? To catch her if she trips or that you will cheat on her???

If it is the first one then yes...maybe the lean back and fall method will work...but if she has other trust issues with you then either you just need to earn her trust by being a good reliable trustful person or she has trust issues and you need a new girl.

Doug, maybe your girlfriend doesn’t trust you because you are pressuring her to have sex before she is ready, and because she knows that you don’t really love her.
And by the way, I would never fall backward into anyone’s arms except maybe my husbands’. None of my boyfriends, none of my friends, not even my gym class partner when it was part of the assignment for the day. It’s a silly act and doesn’t imply real mental or emotional trust.
You need to show your girlfriend that you respect her feelings and understand her needs and that you listen to her. You gain a person’s trust by being trust-worthy.

Trust is earned, over time, through your normal actions, and not through a made up proof situation.

Maybe it isn't even a trust issue. Maybe it's just a practical thing, nothing personal. If it's the having-sex thing again, remember that girls get a lot of brainwashing about avoiding unwanted pregnancy.

This can cause generalized anxiety.

Have you offered to marry her? First, before you have sex? If you haven't, it means you don't want legal commitment. And so because your commitment is not complete, she may fear to commit in return.

Remember that although you may be liberated, and consider women your equal, Mother Nature does not. A woman bears the child and if the relationship breaks up she usually ends up raising it, too, and alone. That difference alone is enough to make a sensible woman slow to trust, if having sex is the issue.

Footnote about the falling-back test:

Two male friends asked me to fall back. I did. They really had to scramble to catch me. (They did.) They then explained that they hadn't been ready to catch me, because they didn't think I would really fall backward.

Nor did I trust them, particularly. They were just casual friends. What was tested, it seems, was their ability to predict my behavior.

So you see, Lex is right. It's a stupid exercise.

Maybe you should show her your posts on this site... oh wait, then she definitely wouldn't trust you.

Are you ACTUALLY trustworthy Doug? People pick up on your real feelings which seem to be a devout interest in having sex without pregnancy and a very clear statement that you don't respect your girlfriend's intelligence. I certainly hope that she can see that she shouldn't trust you... maybe she is smarter than you think?

quote:

Originally posted by Doug:
Which I don't think she does.

Doug, you have been with her for seven years. This should be plenty of time to earn her trust. Is there something you are doing now - like pressuring her to have sex - that is different?

When you put pressure on something, whatever is inside of that something wants to get out. Maybe in this case it is trust. Take the pressure off to allow the trust to get back in.

To be perfectly honest even if there was a magical method for earning a person's trust I would not tell it to you. I have read your posts and I seriously doubt your motivations in this relationship.

The posts I refer to the most are found in these locations: http://answerpool.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5791000871/m/9...681043652#9681043652
http://answerpool.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/673604891/m/59...991038771#5991038771
http://answerpool.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/673604891/m/93...=939109822#939109822

See you have publicly admitted to doubts and thoughts and things which I know have flowed over into your actions in life.

I would strongly urge you at this time to analyze yourself, look in retrospect over the past 7-8 years you have been with this woman and question your own (not hers) behaviors and compare to what she has said and expressed as to what exactly she desires/wants or needs out of a relationship.

Even in your first date you were looking for a sexual connection. Then later you admit that what you are attracted to is her body only.

See somewhere along the line you have done something that makes me distrust you too.

On this thread: http://answerpool.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/870604891/m/2601092782/p/1 01-28-07 you carefully lay out a plan to reach third base. Your language is such that one can infer that you two where planning to have sexual relations.

Yet five months later (05-31-07) you express anger at not reaching third base in this thread: http://answerpool.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5791000871/m/5...561007413#5561007413

That fact that when you discuss your long term relationship with your girlfriend of 7+ years sex appears to be the biggest issue with you and her.

Long term relationships need to be built upon a sound foundation, a rock of compassion, respect, communication. Passion and sex is a sand to build upon. And yes foolish is the man who built his house upon the sand.

If your GF doesn't trust you now then I seriously doubt she ever will. In fact you are most likely entering the final year(s) of your relationship. Can it be fixed? Depends on if you are willing to see her as an intelligent, witty (Not to be mean but I don't think she is very funny or smart.) person or not. If you can't or won't, then you need to strike off in your own direction... now.

You have much more to worry about than keeping deer out of your garden (chemicals will not work on that) you need to work on yourself and figure out who and what you are above else. Garden be damned boy, you need to focus on self and see yourself as the man that you are. If you like that man then by all means worry about the deer. But if you see flaws and defects and places that need work in self, then now is the time you need to put a lot of hard work on yourself.

Relationships are a lot, A LOT of work. Most often the pay-off barely is worth all the effort. If this long term relationship fails and you do NOTHING to change the person you are, then the next one and the one after than and the one after that will fail as well.

Earning her trust is not the problem, being a trustworthy person is.

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Edit Addition: I do not post his being against you, I took the precious time and energy to post this because I believe you are worth the effort.

David, you’ve done a great job of summing up and have made some excellent points. I just hope that Doug will come back to this thread and read and understand our responses.