Hi everyone I'm Heather and I'm new to this site. I would like some opinions about my current dating situation. I'm not in a serious relationship, but have been seeing this guy on and off for a couple months... I've known him for about a year through work, but just started getting close to him over the last few months. He's been married once before and understandably has trust issues. Well he finally confessed that he's always liked me as more than a friend, and I was thrilled because I felt the same way. He was straight up about letting me know that hes not ready for a serious relationship because he isnt ready to love and trust again. I'm totally fine with that since I like to take things slow anyway.

So we've been spending a fair amount of time together over the past three or four months, and things were going great. We were enjoying each others company a lot and really had a good friendship... nothing more. Well one night I had been over at his place watching movies, and got my stuff together to go home. We hugged like we always did when I was leaving, but as we pulled away, he kissed me. Not just a little peck on the lips... it got pretty passionate. It felt SO good and right to me, I was thrilled!

The next couple times we got together, he always kissed me like that when I was leaving. We never talked about 'where we stand' or anything... but both seemed to really enjoy the moment and the chemistry between us. So there was nothing to talk about. Well my problem is, for the last week or so he's been really quiet as to his thoughts and feelings, and hasn't kissed me any of the three times we've gotten together. I finally called him up yesterday and we talked about our situation. He said that the reason he hadnt kissed me is that he didnt want to lead me on since hes not ready for anything serious. The conversation ended with mutual understanding that we were still just friends, but that we cared for each other a lot and want to take things slow.

I had a feeling there was more to it than 'he didnt want to lead me on' or he never wouldve kissed me in the first place. We talked over instant messenger today (since he was at work) and he said 'let me be honest with you... the reason i havent kissed you lately is that i dont like the way you kiss.' I'm like WHAT?!?! To me thats just a cheap cop out. I've kissed quite a few guys before and have never had any issues with it... almost every kiss Ive ever had felt perfect! He said I kiss too fast and open my mouth too wide or something like that. It really hurt my feelings and he doesnt seem to understand why. He thinks hes doing me a favor by telling me that I supposedly suck at kissing. I've never been put down like that before. I really dont think he meant to hurt me, but he did... and I dont know how to deal with the situation. Any advice? I dont want this to make things weird between us, but Im afraid thats inevitable.

OUCH! There are some things a person just doesn't want to hear under any circumstances, and that's one of those things.... The good news is that since kissing skill is an extremely subjective thing to gauge, this one individual's opinion is probably not an accurate reflection on your skills- Everyone has their own concept of what makes a good kiss and no one is "wrong", everyone just has to keep kissing until they find a matching kiss- Tough work, but we all must muddle through

It could be that when it came right down to it, the chemistry just was not right for him and that the kisses were not doing it for him was just the only element he could put into words.

Maybe he has erectile problems and either deliberately or subconciously pushed you away before things got much further, physically.

Maybe he has commitment problems and either deliberately or subconciously pushed you away before things got much further, emotionally.

Or, depressingly, maybe you do need to brush up a little- Next time you're necking, try making the gentleman work a little harder by keeping your lips open only a little bit, as if you were applying lipstick.

Or find a guy who prefers his kisses be unrestrained and a bit reckless

I agree with MrsS completely as always!

During one of my single periods in life, I found a very VERY nice gentleman...we met, clicked, and decided we needed to go on a date. It was a wonderful day! We spent the entire day together, found we had a TON in common, and by the end of the day it was a given that we would see each other again. That was, until....

He asked me if he could kiss me goodbye before I went home, and I said yes. And OMG, he kissed like a fish. EWWWW! Literally! I was immediately turned off. I said goodnight after that, but then let him down very gently over the next few weeks so I wouldn't have to see him again.

Could be, HE has kissing expectations that differ from yours. Some people like dry kisses, some wet, some tongue, some not...and it goes on and on.

Yes, we need to enjoy kissing our partner, because hopefully, we do alot of it once we meet our Mr or Ms Right...I know it sure wouldn't have worked out with Mr. Fish Kisses, regardless of how much else we had in common.

I think you should IM him and tell him he sucks at being a man. I mean, granted, you have to enjoy kissing the person you spend a lot of time kissing, but there are plenty of times when two people who like each other don’t necessarily have the same kissing style. What grown ups do is just keep kissing the person you like, and as you do, the two of you will find some middle ground where you each change your style a little bit to accommodate the other person’s.

Maybe he’s telling you the truth and he is so shallow and sad that he bases everything on whether you kiss “to his specifications.” In that case, maybe you should buy him a latex lip mold and he can kiss that -because an inanimate object is the only thing he will ever be happy with.

Or maybe he’s using this lame excuse to get out of telling you the real reason. In this case, he is childish and silly and not worth your time.

Sometimes a poor kisser will turn a person off completely, but adults don’t normally pick on each other’s kissing, in my experience. Rather, they find some other way to cool the relationship off (especially in the case of a fish-kisser -there, there might not be much you can do), or they just keep kissing until they get it right.