A thread in Teen Issues told me that several of us have a lot to say about dating, and that a lot of it is inappropriate for teens...
Tell us what you know, believe or wish about dating... Who asks? Where do you go? Who pays? Who should make the "follow up" call and when?
Keep it clean but if you want to sound off, here's the spot!
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01-24-07, 02:55 PM
DvdGStwrt
1. People are not meat. Even if they are in it for just sex they are still people.

2. Understand that the genders are two different species of human. What a man looks for is not what a woman looks for, and visa-versa.

3. Do not enter into a relationship with the intent of finding "true love". True love is a species of relationship that happens, usually by accident, usually like a side swipe that nearly kills ya.

4. Relationships, all relationships, require work. That work includes: Communication, concessions, compromises and a good deal of confusion that stems from trying to force Fairy Tale relationships into reality. Truth is that though you may live ever after, it won't be happily - usually just contented.

5. Know the phases of love. The number one biggest problem is that folk think that being in love means that you will forever continue to be extremely passionate about the other. Truth is that Passion is usually just the first symptom of love, that gives way to contentment (scrap being happy - there is no way anyone can be happy all the time). As love ages it will weaken in intensity (to allow you to work without having to call every 10 minutes) But it will deepen.

6. There is no such thing as the Perfect Mate. We all have our flaws, foibles and defects of character. A bad sign of a disaster in the making is if you look at the potential mate and start thinking of the changes you are going to make in them. Remember concessions and compromises. Contentment with our mate is not through changing them but accepting them on their own terms.



* * *

Who Asks:

You silly - if you are interested then by all means ask. The worst that can happen is they will say "no". No is ok, it won't kill you - but it can let you move on to other potential mates.

Where do you go?

Where do you want to go? Where do they want to go? Ask and tell great policy to start with right from the very start.

Who Pays: He/She who initializes the date. If you ask them out then you pay for it, if they ask you out they pay for it - unless you both agree to go dutch then you both pay.

Who makes the follow up call? Why who ever gets to the phone first.

Even if you do not want to go out again, the very least you can do is call and tell the other. Many folk end up left "hanging" waiting expecting a call back and never get one.

01-24-07, 03:48 PM
VelvetVoice
The thing that bugs me most, in hindsight, is the lack of commitment that my boyfriends had. I like it better than the lies men told me to get what they wanted. Honesty is risky but it is always the best policy. What the heck were these guys waiting for anyway? My exes still aren't getting 'it', whether they are married or single.

01-24-07, 03:55 PM
juanruiz

quote:
My exes still aren't getting 'it', whether they are married or single.



Jeeze VV, based on your pic alone, I can't believe you have exes. Unless you're the one who dumped them.

01-24-07, 04:10 PM
VelvetVoice
LOL, yes I have exes. And thanks for the compliment. I'm waiting for others' stories before I start telling my own. This thread has the potential for becoming the best one ever!

01-25-07, 02:26 PM
Lighteningrodd
For me life started over at the age of 40, after a failed 18 year marriageFrown

About this time I was just discovering the internet. Come to find out it was actually pretty easy to meet the ladies. Considering I was travelling a lot, I was able to meet a few ladies on the path of my travels. Done a lot of communicating over AIM, ICQ, & Yahoo Messenger.

I always felt more comfortable chatting over the messengers before meeting someone. I didn't like trying to meet someone right off the bat. Actually many of the ladies, I never did meet face-to-face.

The one thing I can tell you is if you have kids from a previous marriage, listen to what they have to say. If you bring in someone, they don't like that new person, there's something to it. We can be blinded by our love & feelings for someone yet our kids can see something totally different. And chances are, they are right in what they sense & feeling the way they do...

01-25-07, 07:20 PM
MrsS
Oh, but on the flip side, children will often object to any new love interest, simply because they exist. I, myself, once threw a lit oil lamp at the perfectly nice man my mom was seeing. Listen to your children, but get more than "She sucks" or "He's a creep" before you allow your children veto power... sometimes the kinder really do see faults you're overlooking, but if you let them screen your dates, you'll never have a third date.
Your fur bearing PETS, on the other hand, should be given veto powers... if your new flame and your dog don't love each other, trust your dog.
If your otherwise affectionate cat will not allow your date to pet him, take heed.
No one, no matter how smooth they are, can hide their true nature from a German Shepherd.

01-26-07, 08:02 AM
Elexina
Pets are definitely a good just of dates. Big Grin

01-26-07, 12:40 PM
dance girl
No, I say ignore the pets ! My animals are too fickle to give any credence to their opinions, even of me !
The dog has 3 legs because he got hit by a car when he was a puppy..he still runs out on the road given half a chance. In my opinion, he's either suicidal or stupid...either way I don't trust his judgement. Big Grin
By all means, listen to the children's opinions, if you have any. But don't let them spoil any chance you have of finding happiness.
Kids grow up and leave home eventually..we hope Big Grin



01-26-07, 12:47 PM
babthrower
"Kids grow up and leave home eventually."

That was an ancient tradition, which, like displaying the bedsheet out of the upstairs window as proof of a bride's virginity, is now abandoned, I am told. Confused

01-26-07, 12:52 PM
dance girl
Lol babs..I'm trying not to make them feel too comfortable ..and plan to change the locks one day when they're at school! Big Grin

01-26-07, 12:56 PM
babthrower
I find that scratchy bedsheets, liver and broccoli three times a week, and a small black-and-white TV set works quite well

01-26-07, 02:51 PM
juanruiz
It may also help to install a coin mechanism on the washer and dryer: $2.00 per load wash, $1.50 per dry.

01-26-07, 03:20 PM
VelvetVoice
Well, when we served Victoria good, nutritious food (and only that) she told the doctor 'we don't have anything she can eat around the house'. We boot her out when she goes to college, provided we don't kill her first. Then I make her room(s) into music and exercise rooms.

01-26-07, 03:22 PM
babthrower

quote:
Originally posted by juanruiz:
It may also help to install a coin mechanism on the washer and dryer: $2.00 per load wash, $1.50 per dry.

You're so touchingly naive! Teens don't wash clothes. They wear them once and then buy new ones.

01-26-07, 04:28 PM
VelvetVoice
how did I know him?, religion, personality, what happened to them?

George-family friend, atheist, arrogant, dropped out of law school to become a priest
Dave-first real love from high school, nominal Catholic, charismatic, he had a limo business in the WTC, I wrote to him the morning of Sept 11, haven't heard from him since then.
Gary-same home town, atheist, artist, wrote letters as friends all through college, see below
Mike-college, nominal Catholic, punk/new age, didn't know what to do with his life
Larry-musician, atheist, initially shy but eventually gregarious, died in a car accident
Gary-sparked up a romance after college, was engaged to him, tried to break up my marriage a couple of years ago
Eddie-blind date, grew up Catholic, now a Baptist, still married to me (15 years).

I've had assorted dates with others, 2 of which also became priests, another is dead, the others turned out to be losers.

01-26-07, 04:34 PM
babthrower

quote:
Originally posted by VelvetVoice:
George-dropped out of law school to become a priest
Dave-I wrote to him the morning of Sept 11, haven't heard from him since then.
Mike-didn't know what to do with his life
Larry-died in a car accident
Gary-tried to break up my marriage a couple of years ago
others-2 became priests
another is dead
the others turned out to be losers.


Good lord, VV, your bustups must have had a very traumatic effect! It's a good thing Eddie took you out of the market. Eek

01-27-07, 09:37 AM
Lighteningrodd
A total of 3 entered the Priesthood. Way to go VV Big Grin I'll bet the Catholic Church really loves you Wink

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,