I'm really happy for my dad, because he is doing more well financially than he's ever done in his entire life time. A couple of months ago, he called me and asked me how he could get in touch with his X-Wife from before I was bourne. Their wedding was annulled. I gave him some tips, but I have my own skellitons in the department...

I played the fool because I had no interest in knowing another one of my dad's girlfriend, but I know in my heart that he deserves it!

My sis, who probably had the same reluctance, went ahead and helped him out.

Well, my dad actually ended up finding the woman that he married before our family over 40 years ago, and she told him that she has been happilly married for the past 12 years., But was thrilled that he contacted her and would stay in touch.

My question is, should I tell my mother about this? She is kind of the reason that they split up 30 years ago. Neither of them ever remarried.

I'm happy for my dad because he's making contacts with people from the past, but I think it would really hurt my mom if I told her that My dad found his X Wife, the same way that it hurt my dad when he found out about her partner over 30 years ago when they got devorced,,, It's complicated...

What if I keep it a secret, and she finds out from one one of my sisters. I'm her closest child, it would be like a betrail... But I can't tell her... Because 30 years have changed things, and my dad wants nothing to do with her, but she still cares about him...

I will never forget the last time I saw my dad cry was in the 1970.s when he told me that he and my mother were getting a devorce. That harddened me to the family scene for the rest of my life.

Should I tell my mom or should I keep it to my self, and what if she finds out from one of my sisters instead of from me?

fwiw, I think you should stay out of it. First, I don't think children at any age should end up as go-betweens. Second, it they divorced that long ago, they have separate lives, and such information is just not appropriate to be passed a long.

You were put in a tough place, Bill. In my opinion, it isn't your business to convey information like this from one parent to another. Whatever you do could have negative consequences. However, it's my opinion that your father's life is his, and your mother's life is hers, and the information you have is related to your father's life, which is no longer part of your mother's life. This was a decision made long ago, and you were not part of the decision-making. Don't become part of it now.

I wish you luck, regardless of what you do.

Thanks

Mom and Dad are divorced then they are adults and are allowed (legally) to have their own lives and try on new (or old) relationships again and the other should just deal with it.

I would assume that your mom has moved on (you said 30 years) which means she most likely will have a small pang (regret, perhaps) but will take it in stride and move on.

I would return to the source of the problem (Dad) and layout your conundrum to him. Tell him what you told us - that you think he deserves it - and also tell him you are concerned about how your mom might take such news and you are not certain what you should do to keep the waters calm in family matters.

Put the ball back in his court. Yeah sure, they have been divorced for a zillion years, however you are a product of their marriage and are being hurt by their relationship woes - they (not you) need to deal with one another and take charge of their own lives and not put you in the middle.

Most likely he has no clue you are in the middle of anything.

I'm sorry you've been put in this position, it is painful and unfair.That's true whether you're 6 or 36. It is not your obligation to keep either parent up to date about the activities of the other.
That's also true whether you're 6 or 36, and whether the split happened 3 months ago or 30 years.
Besides, the lady in question is happily married, so this contact was more a "catching up" than a "rekindling" and it's unlikely to have any lasting impact unless someone feels a need to make it an "issue"... Tell your mom nothing unless she asks a specific question, tell your Dad you're not all that comfortable with the situation and ask your sister to leave Mom out of Dad's personal business... I can't see any up side to Mom recieving information that does not affect her but could be painful to her.

"Should I tell my mom or should I keep it to my self, and what if she finds out from one of my sisters instead of from me?"

I was wondering, have you discussed this with any of your sisters??? You may very well find they feel uncomfortable with the situation like you do.

Thing about something like this, there are too many variables out of your control. I would suggest a hands off approach yet be available should there be a problem.

Rover, your father shouldn't have involved you in the first place. You shouldn't mention it to your mother unless she finds out and ask you why you didn't tell her. If she does ask you, just tell her that you kept quiet because you love her and didn't want to hurt her. She'll understand.

I agree with all the above its for the best to stay out of our parents problems the best we can...ive been put in the middle of mine in alot of ways for years and its not any fun trust me.