My youngest daughter, Jamie, died in August of 2000, at 4½ years old. We (my 3 kids and I) had gone to the river to play and have a picnic with my best friend and her son.
Less than 20 minutes later, I was pulling my daughter's lifeless body out of the water. I knew she was gone when I picked her up...my best friend and another lady did CPR on her until the ambulance arrived some 20 minutes later.
She was flown by helicopter down to San Francisco, and after an agonizing night in the pediatric intensive care unit, she was declared brain dead. We were approached by the doctor as to organ donation, and without hesitation we said, "Yes!"
When the doctors took her body for an autopsy to see which organs were viable for donation, they found that my daughter had a heart problem called "Long QT Syndrome" which could only be detected by an EKG, as it is an electrical problem in the heart.
Some of her heart tissue went to the Mayo clinic for further study of Long QT Syndrome, to help others. Some of her heart tissue was frozen, to be used at a later date to help newborn babies with heart defects.
My daughter had a rare blood type. The only organs that could be used for donation were her kidneys. Both of them went to a 40 year old man with renal failure that lived in Hawaii.
It is now 3 years past his receiving my daughters kidneys and he is doing well.
Now on to my dilemma:
Every year I receive a letter or a note and a teddy bear from our recipient. He is very grateful. He had been very sick for years and for the first time in a long time is able to do activities that were impossible for him.
I have never written him back. At first I was in too much pain. And now I have writer's block. What can I write to this man?
Put yourself in his place. What would you want to know? Would you want a picture of my daughter? What should I say?
Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. ******************************************************* 09-11-03, 03:07 PM Georgia85 First of all I am sorry for your loss and the pain you have endured...
Secondly, I think it would be a lovely idea if you wrote back. A lot of recipients of organ donations never learn who their organ belonged too. He cared enough to find out and continues to show his appreciation to you and your family.
A simple note is best. Something along the lines of "Your yearly notes have touched my family's hearts and we are pleased that through our loss another has life. I would have liked to have responded earlier but as you can imagine this has been quite painful for all of us. But knowing that a part of my dear daughter still lives makes all the difference" And enclosing a picture of your daughter is a wonderful thought.
Again, sorry for your loss Frown
09-11-03, 03:11 PM samantha I am also so sorry for your loss. I also agree with Georgia. The thing I believe here is what ever you feel comfortable sharing with him is what you should do. You can start by just a note then see how you feel.After the note you may feel you want to share more. It is nice that you know who he is and how he is doing. God bless
09-11-03, 03:29 PM LaPisLaZuLi Thanks, Georgia. That helps a lot.
I guess I'm just too close to all of this to think clearly...what you said makes perfect sense!
Thanks, again!
09-11-03, 03:49 PM Georgia85 Glad I could help. And if it is still to painful for you why don't you ask a friend or family member to write on your behalf? And Sammy brings up a good point. There might come a time when you want to share much more with this man.
09-11-03, 03:53 PM clarebear Georgia said it perfect. I wouldn't change a word.
Jamie gave him a second chance at life and he will be forever grateful. If I had a second chance at life I would want to know who my donor was. I would keep her picture with me always.
I am so sorry for your loss. Frown
{{{{{{{{{{LaPisLaZuLi}}}}}}}}}}
09-11-03, 05:55 PM Sandy I really don't have anything to add, except that I wanted you to know that your post really affected me. What a courageous, unselfish Mom you are. I think what you did was wonderful. As others have said, I too think that what Georgia suggested to you was perfect, and I think the recipient would treasure a picture of your precious daughter. It must also be heartwarming to know that he so appreciates what you have given him. God Bless
09-11-03, 06:50 PM honilov I am also sorry for your loss, and I agree, Georgia's message is perfect. I believe the man would be grateful to get the note. Smile
09-11-03, 08:13 PM cattywampus Is there life after death?
Organ donors think so.
Catty {{{{{{LaPis}}}}}}
09-11-03, 08:17 PM FredPuli Georgia, that is so beautifully put.
I know a lot of recipients never know anything about their donors. My grandpa Fred has had a lot of eye surgeries to replace a ruined cornia. All he knows about his donor is that she was from the East Coast. So...maybe it would be good to hear Jamie's story and to receive a picture of her. Letting him know that his life-saver was loved by many will make his "luck" all the better.
I know it would be hard, but if I were in your shoes, I think that's what I'd do, especially after seeing my grandpa Fred's ordeal. He wishes he knew more about his donor so he could just be...closer?? I don't know. But yeah...there's my two cents!
Love ya Lapis!! Smile
09-11-03, 09:09 PM MommyTimesTwo Lapis
You have experienced my worst fear. Even as I sit here typing, I'm starting to cry just at the idea. You have my respect and admiration for being able to deal with your daughter's death, and even going on to make something good happen from it.
If, God forbid, such a thing ever happens to me or someone in my family, I pray we'll be as good a person as you are.
09-11-03, 10:53 PM Sherasi Lapis, you are a generous compassionate woman who has had to bear a loss no parent should have to experience.
Georgia's template was gracious and compassionate (somewhat like the Lady in question) and would be eminently suitable for use. A photo WOULD be lovely also I think.
09-12-03, 12:51 AM LaPisLaZuLi Thank you, everybody!
Georgia, When my husband came home from work this evening, I approached him with your idea for a note to send.
He started crying. It is perfect!
I have started writing to this man several times, and each time....well, have you ever seen the movie About Schmidt? If you have, you'll know what I mean when I say I was writing 'Dear Ngudu Letters'. Smile
So in the morning, I'm off to find the perfect little card to write in, and I'll send it off to him.
I wish I could explain how much this means to me! Thank you a zillion times!
09-12-03, 08:48 AM Georgia85 Well now I'm crying! And I'm at work....
It just means so much to me that I was able to provide some input and suggestions that have helped you. I just pray a veil of comfort will surround you as you start writing your note.
And yes, I have seen About Schmidt and can related to all the letter writing stops and starting that character went through.
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