I can't imagine why I would even contemplate running away from home at least 50 times a day. This is getting to be a blood sport fighting with my drunk husband. Last night, my 16 year old son slept with me. Now, why would a kid his age even consider such a distasteful thing as sleeping with mommy? I don't raise no mamma's boys!
Because his father is on attack mode with him for no good reason at all. He thinks he was betrayed by my son for calling 911 when his father grabbed my shirt to drag me up a half a flight of steps. Yes, embarrassing things like this happen right in front of his teenage friends that live in the neighborhood.
He really can't stand any of us. Well, his daughter is a princess no matter how awful she acts. He seems to like her a little. I know he is furious for that 911 call. He had a problem with the kid before that. It was so much an ego issue with him over fixing things better than his father. He has actually gone to the point of going out of his way to catch the kid doing something that I allow in the house.
I was such a wimp in younger days. I allowed his physical attacks to scare the hell out of me. They still do, but I don't run anymore. I just tell him if he tries to physically attack me ever again, the police will be called. He will go to jail. Keep it up. You hurt me and I will make very sure I take a chunk out of him with my teeth. He will get hurt too. Beat the hell out of me for it, spend some time behind bars like the other dangerous zoo animals. He figured out the hard way, I wasn't just talking. Call my bluff.
I explain the financial aspects of behavior that is completely unacceptable all the time. I will own him. I got legal advice on this ahead of time. So, he knows the facts. He just doesn't like them. Hey, neither do I you drunken idiot. Keep your hands to yourself and try to act civilized.
It is a sad truth that I have to explain addiction problems and behavior that goes with it and apply it to their own father. They want you for nothing but enablement of their addiction. You don't know what to expect mood wise. You don't even know the person inside there at all. Everything is drug induced.
I had a good father. We deserve no metals of honor for being a decent parent. We owe that to the life we brought into this world, nothing else. That includes designer clothes cars, and all the expensive toys.
But, this is what it has come to. My son willingly sleeps with his mommy because of his father's drunken, mean rampages. I will not allow any type of abuse on my children. I have heard all their father's lines before. He will not confuse my teen son with drunken statements when I preach at these kids that ethics will never fail them in life. They love him. He is their father.
My son is far less than perfect. If his father has something to say about his impulsive behavior, his horrible grades when we all know he is perfectly capable of passing these classes, but is to lazy, his blow offs of old guys calling for him to fix something. If he doesn't have money, he shows up. But, you can't count on him. That would make him a liar that doesn't stand up to his responsibilities and word, which I did ground him over. I had to turn him loose to get him away from his father. I wouldn't say one word if his father had a problem with real issues. I have a problem with confusing mixed messages and verbal abuse.
I know, people think why don't I just get out of here. I can't. I'm an unemployed RN. I have headaches to kill many days. The job is very high stress. I have people that are banking on me to do the right thing. If I don't, death could occur. The legalities are endless. I already got wrapped up in one law suit. I was in charge. I didn't take care of that patient at all. I had one discussion with the family that left happy to later sue.
My husband doesn't understand why I don't feel capable of doing that job now. Well, for one, I'm pushing so many pills down my throat over the physical symptoms of stress, such as continued migraine headaches. They are horrible. The sound of a call light or the florescent lighting would be enough to kill me. So, drug up and take care of people? Never. It isn't professional or ethical to do that. He can't accept WalMart wages out of me, just top dollar/high stress. I did work through agency this late summer and fall. I could decline anything that I didn't feel up to. I found myself taking LPN jobs only to be running floors (they saw RN on my name tag) of facilities that I knew nothing about. Pull it off. It sounds like money, but it is far from easy money. I can't do it now. Take some of the burden off of me and maybe I can. He wont.
I could really hate this bastard. But, I have to chill my problems with me because of my kids. They are aware of what the problems are. Kids do not need war around them between parents. It isn't good for them.
This is a rough decision for me. I live in one of the better neighborhoods money can buy. I found out the hard way what influence the peers of my cheap apartment complex had on my kids. It was bad. They did not share the same values I was trying to instill in my children. I'm not harsh, far from it. But, many of these people didn't care what their teen children were doing or where they were or how they popped up with a rather expensive item, nothing, no standard of behavior. Then, your kids think you are the bad guy since you are vastly outnumbered by your neighbors that will and do smoke pot with minors and think nothing of it.
Well, if they smoke, which they do, no one is getting it from me. The kids at 14 thought I was ridiculous not letting them have a cigarette. I smoke. So what. I'm an adult that pays for my own bad habits. I think if you want to make an adult choice such as smoking anything, you should be adult to pay for it yourself. Don't look at me. Don't even try to light a cigarette in my apartment. I now allow, the boys of 16, to smoke only in the basement in the domain.
I take a lot of criticism for how I raise my kids. Reward/punishment never worked with my son. All of the traditional ideas of correcting problems failed with him for years. I took a different road. Ignore the bad, focus on the good. It's working! Finally, something out of this kid with a dim future of his own making.
His father goes and confuses things with ideas that didn't work when he was 8 years old. Give me a break! The funny thing is, he even had the nerve to tell me to stay out of parenting when it came to my son. Sorry dude, but if I back out, the kid wont have any parent, you idiot drunk!
Will he even discuss parenting matters with me? No. Will he discuss anything with me beyond the fact his penis got erect? No. If he can't do right by his family, I can do without his penis. I don't respect him.
So, what to do? There isn't a single decision I can make that doesn't have serious drawbacks. I leave with what? To another apartment complex with a bad environment for teens? When is my next eviction coming because of the disturbance they cause being in and out and flat out noisy and bothersome to other residents? The fact that I'm in no shape to be working except for maybe starvation wage that would hardly cover the rent. How much better off will I be leaving?
I'm banking on fighting this jerk and putting him in his place as the better choice. I guess that I have to finally shut up. Thanks guys for giving me a place to let off some steam. I don't expect any answers to this really. Just be my net friends and walk me through this disaster of a marriage. It wont last long.
Gotta go. I have apologies to make to my son's friend that was very rudely thrown out last night because my husband had to come home drunk and want an attack session of dominance over his son. I was here all evening. I knew the kid was here. I was downstairs playing a video game with them for a while. Does that count as permission to be here? Yes. That ass is so embarrassing to the family. ************************************************************* 06-29-03, 09:36 PM honilov Wildflower, I wish I could say something to ease your problems, but to me, leaving would be the best option. Since you are not leaving, just do the best to ignore him as much as possible, and don't add fuel to the fire. One thing for sure though, if he attacks you physically, call the police and don't attack him back, or you will be arrested also. Or, you could knock the **** out of him, and not call the police. Everybody reacts differently about situations, but I wouldn't take this ****. To be honest, if you stay in this situation, your life will not improve, and you'll continue to have the headaches. You've got to make some kind of change, that only you can decide. Good luck.
06-29-03, 10:03 PM Di Correct Honi, I know of a gal who attacked back. She was arrested as well.
Wildflower, leaving does present a struggle as well as hardship but I truly believe it would be well worth it in the long run - for you as well as your children.
Your problems so far with your son could very well be caused by what he is seeing and hearing in this environment. Kids sometimes feel more comfortable 'fighting' back in this fashion.
I hope all ends up working out well for all of you.
06-30-03, 10:43 AM cattywampus The power of the human spirit to adapt is phenomonal. A woman married to an abuser may become so innured to his behavior that she accepts it without question. To me, this is akin to being brainwashed.
Get away from this guy, by any means you can, as far as you can, and IMMEDIATELY. Take no thought for how you'll live, you'll work that out as you go. But GO. You have years of experience in coping with this madman, and obviously it doesn't bother you that much anymore (you haven't done anything but rant) but your child doesn't. For his sake if not for any other reason, you need to REMOVE yourselves from this situation. You may be so callused over that you have forgotten what it is like not to have to put up with this behavior.
Your instincts are telling you what to do, but you're ignoring them. Don't worry about your future or your goods or anything, just GO, before he kills one of you.
Let us know what happens. I'll be praying for you.
Catty Eek
06-30-03, 10:46 AM aminator2002 Wildflower...
Please leave. Nothing is worse than living with a drunk. You have no control over your environment... in a crappy apartment complex you can at least control your own space and make a sane home.
Your kids don't know any better when it comes to their drunk father and of course they love them. But if you give them some stability and normalcy by getting them out of that situation, I'm sure they'd appreciate it eventually. For no other reason than to let them know that some things are not to be tolerated and dealing with abusive drunks is one of them.
06-30-03, 11:47 AM Oceangurl Wild, have you investigated any sort of public legal assistance? I'm suggesting this option because I know firsthand how expensive attorneys are. The point is, I believe, from my short time working in a family law office, that you have grounds to have your husband removed from your family home. He should leave, not you and your children REGARDLESS as to whether or not he owns the house. I know different states have different laws, but domestic violence is taken more seriously today than even a few years ago, and when children are involved, it's even more serious.
I do not think calling the police will help you any more than it currently has. The police need a restraining order to force your husband to leave you and your children alone.
I believe if you find the legal resources, you can reach a judge who will protect you and your family by removing your husband from your home and granting you a restraining order. If he comes back, you have him arrested and jailed.
He should be the one who is finding a crappy apartment somewhere, not you and your kids.
Everyone is right here. You need to get away from him but I think he should be the one forced to leave and if you look for help, you may find it. Have you spoken to a domestic violence shelter because they have all the information about your legal rights.
I know you bounce back and forth about the problems in your marriage. Somedays don't seem so bad, so you continue to put up with it, then the next thing you know, incidents such as those that you've described occur. This man will not change and he is dangerous to you and your children.
I am afraid for you because I hear desperation in the words you've written. When people are desperate, terrible things happen. I am afraid one of you will "snap" in anger and kill the other. This would destroy not only your life, but your children's life.
Please do not withdraw back into accepting this situation. Your life will continue to be miserable if you do not take some action to protect yourself and your children.
Your children may be so confused that they do not understand why you want to remove your husband from the family home, but at this point, they are too young to understand maturely that this situation is simply not acceptable. You have to be the one to make the tough decision here and I know from your on-line persona that you are strong enough to take control of this situation. You just need support and we're here to provide you a release to talk privately and openly.
I believe that we make our own destiny. You need to salvage your's before it's too late. Be true to yourself is the advice I always took to heart when making hard decisions. By being true to myself, I never regretted any decisions that I have made.
You have your friends here for support, and we'll always lend you a supportive ear. Please take action this time, life can't get better if you don't, but it can get worse.
06-30-03, 05:30 PM puppyblues So when is it time to say 'ENOUGH'? When is it time to let your kids know (by action, not words) that this is NOT okay? When is it time to let your daughter (who will seek out a man like her father to marry) that this is NOT acceptable? When you or one of your kids are dead? Nope, that would be too late.
So, when is it time, Wildflower, to say....'THAT'S ENOUGH'?
06-30-03, 10:57 PM Beth000376 When I read this post I saw a woman who gave a lot of excuse's as to why you are unable to leave your hubby but I think the real reason was left unsaid. Your afraid of the unknown Wildflower, you have become accustom to this life style so you play it off by telling yourself that it's better than trying to do it on your own but deep down inside you know that's not true. You say... So, what to do? There isn't a single decision I can make that doesn't have serious drawbacks. I leave with what? To another apartment complex with a bad environment for teens? When is my next eviction coming because of the disturbance they cause being in and out and flat out noisy and bothersome to other residents? Well, at the age your children are I really think that they would understand how they must act in an apartment, hell I'm sure they would be more than happy to help you out here after they see you stand up strong to the man that is abusive to you and your children, after all it would be improving their lives also. As far as a bad environment for teen's I'm not buying this one, maybe if your kids were below the age of ten but right now your kids are old enough to know right from wrong you have raised them with morals no one can take that from them unless they allow it, and in that case it really does not matter were you live for that to happen.
Look Wildflower I don't mean to come down hard on you I've walked your road before and yes it was hard at first and scary but not impossible, but if all you can to is think about the negatives about leaving you'll never leave and you kids will end up paying, instead you should be looking at the negative impact it will have on your children's life if you don't leave this man. I'm sorry you have to go down this road Wildflower, you can do it you can stand strong for you and your kids and say enough is enough. Beth
07-01-03, 09:57 AM Elexina Leave him, Wildflower. Leave him now. He is abusive and violent. He hurts you. He does not seem to care how his behavior affects any of you. He does not deserve you. Leave, before it gets any worse than it already is. I realize that it is difficult to leave, but it may be dangerous to stay! There are places and people who can help women in situations like yours. You do not have to stay with him.
07-02-03, 05:28 AM Wildflower63 Yes, I am scared. I am getting desperate for answers also. I haven't come up with anything all too brilliant, so I stay until I do. Please, don't worry about being a bit harsh with words. I would rather hear some painful honesty.
I am here because of homelessness. I had nowhere to go. I have too many assets for welfare, food stamps, section 8, or any other government program. The assets aren't all that liquid. He owes me a few favors.
I had to come here with the kids because of an eviction and loss of my job within the same month. Wow, that does a lot for you confidence level. The problems with my kids were bad enough. Then I got evicted over my son. I was stressed out beyond belief. That's when I lost the job. They didn't fire me. No reason to. I was put on mandatory leave. How does an unemployed person go about finding another apartment within a very short period of time. I live in fear of this happening to me ever again. It was horrible.
My nursing license is lapsed. It got wrapped up in a lot of red tape over moving. I wrote several letters and just gave up. I don't feel well at all. I don't know if I can withstand the stress level of nursing. I know I can't survive on less money though. So, I am unemployed and unlicensed.
First move, I wrote another letter to the Board of Nursing to get my license reinstated. Let's see how far I get this time. I need cash no matter how you look at the situation. I can't do anything without it. No, that's not an excuse. I can pay for a decent attorney. They are negotiable enough. Once I have employment and enough cash, I can make a decision on whether he goes or I do.
It would probably be in the best interest of all if he left me the house to raise the kids in. It is in major disrepair. I will fix it. He won't. That dramatically affects the sale price of the house by the thousands. I'm not willing to take a loss on property because of disrepair when I could be sitting in a much better financial position by fixing it. We all know it will go up for sale. I did get freebie consult advice. He will take the financial hit for neglect of property. I will take the gain from repair.
I have three very unpleasant choices. Live with the idiot. Leave and get a cheap apartment. Take legal means to remove him from the house. Yuck! They all stress me out and I'm already cracking at the seams. I have to be employable to make any move.
07-02-03, 06:35 AM Elexina All right, Wildflower, I will be harsh with you. LEAVE THE BASTARD. If he is hurting you -emotionally OR physically- you should not be in that house. It is stupid of you to stay and irresponsible for you to let your children stay in that situation. GET OUT. I realize you have had a run of bad luck and that you feel there are no options, but that is not true. There are many places to turn, and there are attorneys who will do pro-bono work. You just have to look. Please check out this site for shelter listings such as "Alternatives for Battered Women" or outreach centers or even a YWCA. Do not stay with him, Wildflower! I can't understand why you even listed that as a choice! That is not a choice, it is a death sentence.
07-02-03, 07:38 AM puppyblues Wildflower, you gave yourself your own answer, so what's REALLY holding you up? You can have him removed from your house at NO cost to you. Go through a women's shelter. They are not run by the government and can help anyone, no matter what kind of money they have. My mom is the director of the crisis center here and you know the position I've been in myself. I had to want too do it (really want too) before I made that decision. Anyway, I asked her about you. She said you can get a PFA (protection from abuse) and have him physically removed from the house. You can get temp. sole custody of the kids and have him ordered to pay child support. You will then go to court if he contests the custody (and why would he? you could bury him with the abuse accusations.) and the judge will most likely keep things the way they are until further information as to where the kids would like to be (the judge would talk to them since they are old enough to help decide where they want to live.) There is absolutely no reason you can't make him leave. He'd even have to pay you support for awhile, since you are not working now. Go for it girl, you know you want too, you know you need to and you know your kids need it.
Having said all that, you know that a piece of paper will not protect you from abuse, so you have to be ready to call the cops and have his ass locked up. If it got to be too bad and the cops aren't doing enough about it, the women's shelter will then help you even more. They will place you with them for awhile, or if you want to go to another town, they will give you what you need to get there and someone will be waiting for you. You could start a whole new life somewhere else, if that's what you chose to do. There are no more excuses. You have to do this for your kids if nothing else. What are you going to do the first time your son hits a girl? He thinks it's normal, even now..and even if he says he doesn't. Kids learn by actions not by words. Words are easy, actions take guts. Teach them, Wildflower. Teach them that you are strong and that you love them more then anything in this world by getting him the hell away from you and them..whether it's you leaving or him leaving.
I don't know exactly where you are in Kentucky, but if you email me or leave me a private messege, I can help you. I can get advice and help from my mom, put you in touch with anyone and you don't even have to tell me your full name.
You're out of excuses, Wildflower. Do the right thing. If not for you, for your kids.
07-05-03, 07:56 AM Wildflower63 This isn't an excuse. I took my kids away from sight of an addiction problem for five years. I constantly got the, "I'll live with dad then." out of them when they didn't like a few rules. Yeah, over my dead body kid, so shut up.
I used to ask him to take the kids out any time he wanted to spend time with them. Stop over the apartment and see them. He didn't drive because of a DUI then. I lived in the same small city. If he can't drive a short distance, his problem. He did manage to walk very close to my apartment to a bar many times.
You think I didn't get "Where is dad?" type of questions? Think again. I had to explain that their father had a problem that had nothing to do with them. It is an addiction problem. It is serious. We can't do anything about it. He has to. Yeah, I hope he does something too.
They understood the seriousness of what I had been trying to honestly explain to them. I don't want my kids thinking their father doesn't even care to bother with them at all. He is an addict. It is a problem for everyone around them. Their morals and ethics are in the toilet, just as their priorities are. Addicts just suck to be in your life. Don't chose it as a friend.
They didn't understand the magnitude of the problem. I have to say, I'm pretty shocked myself. It's bad. It is like about a 14 year old maturity level dealing with an adult man. The fact is, he make the choice, not us. We can't do anything but put responsibility where it belongs, on him.
If you want to hear about example, my example rules. I am completely intolerant of unacceptable behavior and demand better. They are now fully enlightened with why I left their father. They no longer believe his innocent version. They now know what an addict can do to destroy everything around them.
My kids may not be always able to stand up to him, but count on me to if he is unreasonable. If he is, go get the brats. They deserve it. They don't live an illusion any more. My pot smoking son lives in fear of being like his father. My daughter has some strange morality stuck to smoking pot and drinking excessively. They do not respect him as a person or a father.
I warned my husband of any physical abuse. My son made the call to 911. He did it out of ethics. He knew what he was seeing was clearly wrong. He does not treat any girl in less than a respectful way. I would stake my life on it, his father was just what he needed as proof that I didn't lie about smoking pot, cigarettes, drug abuse, etc.
I teach my children to be not obedient, but ethical and moral. Your ethics and morals will never steer you wrong in life, but people and culture will. Be humble. Earn what you get out of life. Oh, I could go on and on with my parental lectures at these kids that they could recite subject by subject. I hate to say it, but so can their friends. I got in the car one day from one of the boys that had my lecture memorized and started imitating me. Yes, It was funny. But, they heard the message. I teach them what I feel is important in the long run, which gives me independent thinkers that are a pain in the short run.
Argue ethics with either of my kids. Of course a cute 12 year old blonde that all the older guys even like is a little bit of a problem. She is such a bitch. She is on the brutal, harsh side of ethics that lack compassion. My son has compassion. He is certainly getting it with ethics. Try him. He is the loose cannon as far as that subject goes. He has it. It is developing with maturity.
These kids look at their father in a way that they do love him. They cannot give him respect. Their ethics are now higher than his. Teens take concepts like ethics and intelligence superior to a parent and run with it. Nothing you say matters anymore once you have blown it. They think they are smarter than you and don't know how to decipher when you are right and when you don't know what you are talking about.
I guess my point is, living with the father of my children has been an serious eye opener for all of us. He has declined in the addiction process. My children are shocked, as I am, and completely unaccepting of his behavior, although they love him dearly and unconditionally. We share the same hopes that someday he will get better. It's like walking them into shell and bones of a dying man compared to the father they thought he was. Yeah, that bad.
Is it truly a bad experience for them to not be shielded from this reality that is in the center of their family blood? I think it has helped them a lot with my guidance. They now know with their own eyes what their addict of a father is. They now know in their hearts it isn't anything they did to make him this way. They know for fact that he wont stop until he chooses. They also are trying very hard to figure out what they should do for him if that time ever comes.
My daughter rejects his behavior completely. I am aware of this. My son tells me he is now on the brink of accepting his father and the lack of presence in their lives. My kids are very close. My son was very concerned when his sister said let him rot. My words, her message. It was too harsh for my son and very confusing.
My son never said it as my daughter did. He will do the same. He made a decision to let him rot. He now wants to be away from what led him to that. He isn't as hard core as my daughter. It sickens him as it does me. My daughter is harsher with ethics than my son and I are. We struggle with emotion that she doesn't. Logic ruled and so am I. She is rough though.
What did I do to my kids bringing them to their father to finally take an ounce of physical and financial responsibility for us? I taught them a harsh reality of addiction. I forced their ethics to decide. Easy battle for my hash, give Dr. Laura some competition, daughter. Hard for my more emotional son. He isn't as logic ruled as my daughter and I. He does have logic. He is probably the better mix of logic and emotion than myself and daughter.
Their ethics have now decided. They hate what their father is, but accept it as nothing they can do anything about. I can move my kids around and they would easily adapt to anything. What they have a problem adapting to is their father and his addict, selfish behavior. That doesn't change with the address. They understand at a very young age what it took me years to learn. An addict is no one's friend. Our living arrangement with their father has forced an ethical and lifestyle decision at a very early age that most of us never experience until adulthood and screw up our lives with it.
My kids probably have wisdom it took me around 35 years to figure out. The big difference is, I was an adult with no guidance. They are kids that have me right by their side to talk. My addict husband thinks I am poisoning their minds. I'm doing the opposite. I'm enlightening them. I let them come to their own conclusion, but I demand ethics out of both of them.
Yes, there are a few nasty little arguments. Can you really say your kids haven't seen the same thing? There aren't all that many. He doesn't bother to come home often enough for it. Every single time, I stand up to him in an ethical way. My kids see someone who will stand up for right and wrong. My kids respect that, not lame excuses that I wouldn't tolerate from them at eight years old. It has built their character to stand up when needed also.
In reality, I feel that if I didn't give these kids some serious insight, they would still be ignorantly stating they want to go to dad instead of complying with simple rules. They see with their own eyes what addiction does to a person and the psychological downfall of ethics and personal responsibility that always goes hand and hand.
They saw my hysterical response when I bounced a check for food. Where is the money going? Why can't you feed your family with a 9k bail out of only months ago from me? Keep in mind, I never got child support. I ignorantly enabled further addiction when I thought that I was allowing him to keep his jointly owned family home he grew up in. Guilt got me. It isn't a house we just bought to live in. We bought it at fair market value from his mother in poor repair. Otherwise, we could never afford this place.
Sorry dude, my rent is fully paid. What does 9k for a year amount to in rent? A lot. You support the family now. He isn't. He has been completely off the hook for too long and now just expects me to figure it all out. I thought kids had two parents. Step up to the plate before it's too late. Live as an old man trying to make up for regrets of the past. Guilt isn't a real fun emotion. I have warned him over and over. Does he listen to me or anyone? No. That's just how addicts are. They aren't ignorant. They make the easy choice for now. Sorry, but I feel no sympathy for them.
I have written another letter on top of the other letters to get my RN lapse, because of a senile father, reinstated. I can still grab work with the same agency I worked for when my license went into lapse because of my senile father picking up around the house. The entire packet disappeared. He is old. He is getting very forgetful with that extremely healthy body of his. Some big mouth witch told him that I blamed him for the disappearance of this important paperwork to me. He doesn't remember. I can't hold him responsible. Why did the witch tell him that? Guilt of stupidity, another manipulation technique they use often.
My dad is a good person. He is getting old and forgetful. I can't blame him for thinking he was picking up and either filed or disposed of my renewal packet. I have all important mail sent there, investments and so on. My dad is a mail man watcher. He even gives me stupid junk mail. I have to deal with a lot of red tape I got irritated with a while ago. Such is life. I have to do it to get some cash flowing before I make a single move.
So, I have a senile old dad that did something stupid that he has no memory of. I will just bug to death and pray to whatever God is out there that I can actually handle the stressful job. I need money coming in.
Thanks for your concern. I know you guys are trying to help. But, I will go to no shelter. I am not in danger of a beating. He will leave my son alone. He hates my wrath. I'm cornering this jerk one step at a time. He doesn't have much left than to walk out or abide by simple things. He hates it. I do too. I wont shake or bend to him. The kids do notice little things like that. They know I will stand up for right and wrong. They know I will stand by my words also. They see it. This is the example they like, not their father's. Teens ignore words without action to back it. I back it if the cops have to settle it.
My husband tried to 'talk' to my son alone about the 911 call, he was too drunk for anything but sleeping it out. One word out of him about his little problem with hillbilly mentality of 'loyalty' that he had a huge pouting episode with me to his son, you get my wrath. No one will confuse my son with this nonsense. I come from that hilljack mentality. I fight it with everything in me. To close to the heart for me. I will not have my children influenced by the ignorance I was.
When I hear "Get out now with no money to a damn shelter", I'm sorry. I can't do it now. I wont take my children to an even scarier situation than they are already in. My husband is like a bad puppy with a shock collar. He doesn't quite get it yet that I don't care what time he comes home, what slut he may be seeing, how much he drinks and smokes (Qualifier: unless he is driving my car since the idiot didn't pay the car insurance. I covered myself, but not him. Drive you own damn truck you are to lazy to fix when my son at 15 knew what was wrong with it. Sorry about your ego problem with it. Get off of my damn car!). I only care about the environment my kids are brought up in. What marriage? Straighten up or I will have no part of it. It's an arrangement of his choice.
My husband is never home. I do not fear any physical harm. My kids really should be in bed by the time he waltzes in drunk anyway. My daughter never gets trouble out of him. My son does. I get a lot more than him. He fears me, not my son.
I guess my bottom line is, I can control the husband's behavior to an extent. He will not physically harm any of us. He hates dealing with me. He avoids me if at all possible. Puppy is right. He needs to be removed from the home to give these kids stability. I should not be leaving for a shelter or another cheap apartment complex that is bad news for teens. He need to step down in lifestyle this time. I did it. Why can't he?
Puppy, that is exactly what I'm going to do. He can live in a cheap apartment this time, not me and our kids. I have to have cash coming in or I can't do it. I'm not in a life threatening situation. I'll buy time.
07-05-03, 11:38 AM Sherasi Wildflower, I can only say that you have some serious situations to live with. God give you the strength to manage them.
Puppy is spot on, if you can get HIM removed, that might be a better direction to go.
As far as your license, keep bugging the Nursing Association, they will eventually give in from sheer frustration at being bugged. Smile
09-06-03, 03:46 AM SAINT DAN obviously i'm not a woman so i can't speak on being abused by my spouse. i only read 3/4 of your first post...i don't need to read anymore. you don't need my 2 cents but you threw it open to this forum so here it is... your husband is a p@#$Y and a coward and needs his ass whipped. and you my dear have issues that you need to address. don't talk to me of difficulties. you'd be preaching to the choir. my family was very disfunctional. it's very scary but you've got to break the ties and take that first proverbial step.
you've got to get out of this abusive relationship and confront your phobia about your job...being a floor nurse SUCKS. i couldn't do it. try home health or cath lab. yes, cath lab...give demerol, start iv's and monitor the vitals.
but back to your husband...if you allow (yes allow) him to abuse you then you are as sick if not sicker than him...tough love baby you need a shot of it.
i believe YOU know what needs to be done. can you muster enough courage to do it? if not, what will it take? you have that answer too.
i wish you luck 10-21-03, 09:36 AM Cris5 Until you're ready to face your codependency issues, you'll be stuck in the rut you are in and have been in for as long as we've known you.
I've suggested it at least once before -- read "Codpendency No More: How to Stop Controlling Others, and Start Taking Care of Yourself" by Melodie Beattie.
10-21-03, 09:55 AM Cris5 Oh jeez. I didn't realize this post was from June. Now I feel silly.
10-21-03, 10:53 AM Sherasi Cris5, valuable advice and good information is always welcome regardless of when the post was written. Good to see you back! Smile
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
kick the SOB out. I was a child of a drucken dad my mom even asked my sister and I if she sould get the divorce we were 12 and 15 and we said hell yea. We were sick of living like that. And your children are old enougt to decide if they want to live with you or him and that is there choice. My sister and I lived with mom, dad tried to butter us up in court but we stood firm on our choice. Visitation was up to us we called him and if he wanted to call us he could but never did. It will be better for all of you to not have him in your home.
