Last night a high school friend of my husband's came by, uninvited and unexpected at dinnertime. Shortly after arriving he started talking about his sexual conquests in rather offensive terms...I interrupted his litany, saying that "This conversation can be finished at the bar, without me"...in a fairly pleasant tone and still he continued...I said "I meant what I said." a bit more pointedly......I ended up leaving my own living room because this pig would not shut up about a topic I REALLY did not wish to hear any more on....My feeling is that, at some point, my husband ought to have said something to the effect of "Hey, man, not in front of my wife"
Am I wrong to think that my husband should have tried to muzzle his mouthy pal?
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05-02-03, 06:30 PM
esencia
I don't believe so. You asked this guy to stop talking like that, nicely. He didn't get the hint. Then you said you meant it. Apparently, he still didn't get the hint. Your husband should have spoke up and said Not here, not now. Not in front of my wife. I think it inconsiderate that your husband let this "pig" talk like that in front of you.

05-02-03, 06:43 PM
Prothero
I think after your first, certainly afer your second, warning ~ your husband should have insisted his friend leave his house, either voluntarily or by force.
One, for the dignity of his wife, two in respect of her wishes and third, because his failure to do so is an endorsement of the behavior in the mind of such a person (suspect this "friend" offends people everywhere he goes.)
I also know that a "friend" who won't respect a spouse is not a true friend ~ maybe never was.
However close they once were, your husband may need to consider that not everyone learns appropriate social behavior ~ that what used to be (friendship included) should sometimes be left to the past.

05-02-03, 06:54 PM
dogspit
Far from unreasonable. If it was a large party with several people maybe he would not feel comfortable saying something, but in a one on one situation he should have spoken up about it.

05-02-03, 06:57 PM
Gin
I think your husband should have spoken up and said something but he sounds like he reacted like my husband.
The same type of thing happened with me (but not about off color language), I spoke up and said in a voice not usually heard by our friends, in no uncertain terms that I would not allow him to speak like that in my home. The guy's chin fell in disbelief and left. My husband didn't talk to me for a week.
I just felt this was so unfair.
I know how you feel, Mrs.S. They are suppose to stand along side us.

05-02-03, 07:27 PM
Tree
Well, MrsS --

It appears unanimous, and I'm including myself!

Roll Eyes

05-02-03, 08:36 PM
Sherasi
No, you were NOT unreasonable.

That kind of talk is more suitable in a bar, club, strip joint or locker-room.

05-02-03, 10:12 PM
MrsS
Thank you all..Since this topic was posted, there have been further developments...While I was at work today, Craig tracked down the guy who offended me and had a talk with him about it...and Craig has agreed that if this person ever behaves disrespectfully towards me again that he'll never again set foot in my house, whether I am home or not...We had a lovely fight over this event...I told him he had broken one of his marriage vows..the part about honoring me....he is horribly sorry for not having spoken up on the spot, but I think this one is over...Thanks again, everyone!

05-02-03, 11:48 PM
Texan-In-Exile
Aww MrsS - I can certainly identify with what you went through! Frown
You were right - your husband should've stuck up for you!
Good Luck! (Hope it's better than mine... Roll Eyes )

05-03-03, 12:11 AM
Gin
Mrs.S, you are so lucky. I'm happy for you...he did the right thing.
Can I have him? (j/k) Razz

It's so nice to hear a ...happily ever after.

05-03-03, 07:40 AM
gatman
God for you Mrs S. Hope this pig didn't stay for dinner.

05-03-03, 10:19 AM
mahal
Well, I think I would have expected the husband to have been paying attention to your complaints. This may be something they did when in HS, and felt very natural getting right back into it. The only problem is that he's married to you, not him, and it's in his best interest to respect that.

05-04-03, 12:21 AM
amoorea
Red Face Absolutely not. Your hubby should've told him time to change the subject and been very firm about it, especially after you had to say something the second time. I would not have left my own living room, I would have asked the friend to leave immediately and gave my husband a look that would tell him to stand behind my actions or go with him. No woman should have to tolerate disrespect. No person should for that matter. Roll Eyes

05-04-03, 01:56 AM
Yelena
Good for you!

Just for the record, I would have slapped him. (surprise, surprise) Eek

05-04-03, 12:10 PM
cattywampus
Yeah, well, how come everybody expects the husband to step up and take over? I know for a fact that MsSue isn't a bit hesitant to take us on here, why didn't she stand up for herself? She should have gone to the door, opened it, and said, "Out." If he didn't obey, she should have called the police and had him arrested for trespassing. Why bring the poor husband in on it? He's in between a rock and a hard spot as it is.

Catty Cool

05-04-03, 04:59 PM
honilov
I'm with you on this Catty, I would have handled it myself. I would have thrown him out and if my husband didn't like it, he could go with him.

05-04-03, 05:02 PM
Sherasi
Catty, that is MrsS, not MsSue (but both of them are willing to stand up for themselves here).

However, I think calling the police for trespassing is a BIT over the top. Certainly she had the right to ask him to leave if he was going to continue being a jerk.

05-04-03, 08:33 PM
cattywampus
Absolutely. My late husband told me once, "If women knew what actual cowards men are, they wouldn't worry about anything." He tried many times to outshout his first wife, but it never worked. She was a screamer, and she got her way most of the time. I believe men love peace more than we do. Women should be more like Cuban Toilet Paper - don't take crap from anyone. (Tim Cahill)

Calling the police is no more "over the top" than sitting in someone's living room befouling their life with profanity. And what would you have done if you said "Out" and he refused to go? What if this happens when the husband isn't there? Women must stop being helpless victims and learn to take care of their own problems.

I am so Sorry to have mistaken you MrsS. Please forgive me.

Catty Cool

[This message was edited by cattywampus on 05-04-03 at 08:41 PM.]

05-04-03, 11:38 PM
MsSueM

quote:

Originally posted by cattywampus:
Yeah, well, how come everybody expects the husband to step up and take over? I know for a fact that MsSue isn't a bit hesitant to take us on here, why didn't she stand up for herself?
Catty Cool

Those were fun times, weren't they, Catty? Big Grin
When do you think we'll have around go-round? Big Grin

I hope we're on good terms now. Smile

MrsS, people are confusing us; I'd be glad to change my user-name to just plain "Sue" if K.K. will let me. I'm tired of people calling me Mr.SueM anyway! Cool

05-05-03, 01:01 AM
cattywampus
I don't think we'll have any more problems. And yes, sorry for the confusion. I'll try to remember who's who from now on.

Catty

05-05-03, 10:15 AM
teeceeum
Am I being unreasonable?
MrsS, You KNOW that you are not being unreasonable and you KNOW that the tall guy should have said something. But please don't battle over it.

05-05-03, 11:28 AM
steve
MrsS,

I too think your husband should have defended your honor. Since he did not, have his friend post his comments here in the Discussion Room and have KK kick him off. Just an idea.

05-05-03, 01:09 PM
cyberlaol
I am of Irish Catholic background and whenever anyone -man or woman gets disrespectful to my wife or kids I simply tell them to stop it or leave! I have even been known to pick up an annoying relative of my wife's and place her outside and when asked why I did that to her-I replied " You keep telling me you are going to leave and haven't for the last 1/2 hour-I just thought you needed some help!"
I am considered bold and frank-my Nova Scotian upbringing I guess-No man should ever allow his wife(or children) to be treated with rudeness or disrespect and whenever a man has treated a woman with rudeness in public I have been known to say something to shut the jerk up!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,