This time of year always makes me crave stories of love, devotion, and even broken hearts. Frankvan told a great story last week, and there were some other stories in that thread that I enjoyed. Any stories in the general membership? It doesn't even have to be real. Also, I'd like to find some good short stories in that vein on line. Happy Valentine's Day!

I went with a Mormon for 3 years. She dumped me cuz I wouldn't convert. I hurt for a long time. The End.

It can't be the end. You've never healed.

I read Horace's Ode 1.13, and I gather that he was sick of hearing about the virtues of her young lover. Why didn't he express his love for her, in a mature and long-lasting way? Lydia was right to live for the realistic love she had in the present rather than relying on a distant past or an uncertain future. I wonder, does everyone deserve to be happy? Is there really a soulmate for everyone? Can we ever be truly satisfied? CS Lewis says (paraphrased) 'once you obtain the object of your desire, you start looking for another one'. And as Mr Spock said 'the having is not so great, after all, as the wanting'.

Hi VV,
Well I have a shorter tale than jr's.
I have never been in love, and at this point don't expect to be.
That's the saddest story of all I think.

It pains me to hear you say it. To say you have never loved is to say you've never felt. I have loved and lost, which has taught me a lot. I have scars on my heart, but I know I live and love and will always be able to love. It doesn't really matter if you are loved, even though the Wizard of Oz says so.

Oh no, I have the capacity to feel, and the sensitivity to be hurt. That doesn't equate to being in love though.
I have been loved many times and I know that in return, people have been hurt.

I saw you asked the question on DP, so would you please answer it here? "What is the most meaningful romantic relationship you've ever had?" Feel free to tell me to mind my own business, and if you are inclined to share but not with the whole world, send it to my email address. And I'm flabbergasted that no one wanted to hear my stories on the Dating Disasters thread. My stories are very good, and most are real, and sometimes a little disturbing. I guess I'll have to get out my Nancy Friday books.

Well, OK... Everyone already knows how I met my husband.... Here's one for ya that starts over 20 years ago....I first met My Whateverheis about 23 years ago, when I was 15 and dating a friend of his, I fell in lust at first sight then grew genuinely fond of him as the weeks passed, then one day, I heard him laugh out loud for the first time and that was that, I lost a piece of my soul to this reckless, untamed, redheaded James Dean reincarnate....and couldn't do a damn thing about it (His brother had already taken away my boyfriend's former fiancee....) but we landed in bed one Halloween (Wrong, wrong, wrong but......) and I haven't been the same since.... Boyfriend and I broke up, partly over that, mostly over other things....My redhead and I crossed paths now and then for the next few years and I was terrified that he might realize I took him seriously and vanish from my life in a cloud of dust...his taste in women always ran to dramatic, high maintainence party dolls and I'm a reserved, intellectually driven, serious minded bookworm...figured I had no chance at all to hold his interest as anything more than a pal and playmate... it was not what I wanted but a lot more than I was willing to risk losing.
Life, as it tends to do, went on....I never quite got over him but moved along.... got married, got divorced,went to college.....All the while thinking of him often and everytime I ran into him, spent a while mourning what might have been.....8 years ago, I met my second husband, a couple of years later, we moved to Montana..... in January 05, word finally reached me that my Whateverheis was about to be tried for 1st degree murder....I stewed a week or so, then wrote him at the County jail... a short, cautious note with a picture enclosed because I was not positive he'd recall my name without a face to go with it....He wrote back immediately, a letter that began.... "Oh, Girl, it is so good to hear from you! You must have caught my vibe one of those times I was thinking of you..."
In my next letter, I wrote that I didn't know if he ever knew it, but that he'd always mattered to me a great deal, that I'd never said anything for fear of his vanishing in the aforementioned cloud of dust.... the response to that was a simple and heartbreaking "Yes, I always cared for you, and I still do..." backed up by a stunning collection of little memories I'd carried for 20+ years and never dreamed he'd held them as well..... He was convicted before I could get to California to see him, but I was there before sentencing in March, as soon as I laid eyes on him again, I knew nothing had changed or dulled with time....I had to be the one to tell his mom that he'd been moved out of the county jail and was headed for actual prison... and have been writing, visiting every chance I get, keeping in touch with his appellate lawyers, etc ....This relationship adds some amazing complications to my little world but I'll never let him out of my life again, come what may, he's stuck with me....and my husband, bless his generous heart, accepts it.

quote:

Originally posted by VelvetVoice:
And I'm flabbergasted that no one wanted to hear my stories on the Dating Disasters thread. My stories are very good, and most are real, and sometimes a little disturbing. I guess I'll have to get out my Nancy Friday books.

Yes, I've had many meaningful romantic relationships VV. I'd be happy to talk to you about them in chat or on email sometime. No big deal..just never been in love that's all.

Your thread didn't take off because everyone else's stories paled in comparison with your own!

As for Nancy Friday..I don't think she has anything to teach you and I, that we don't already know. I own a well thumbed copy of "Women on Top" too.

quote:

You've never healed.

Well, it was over 30 years ago, so at least I have a hard scab over it. On a separate note, how many answer boards reference Horace in their discussions?

Isn't Horace Clarabell Cow's borfriend?

I have been in love three times in my life.

The first one did not love me back, and sometimes it still hurts to think about.

The second one loved me back, but eventually we grew apart. It hurt a little then and doesn't hurt anymore. I miss him sometimes, but I'm glad we're not together. I'm sure I'd feel that way about the first if I had had the opportunity to know him better. I guess it's true what they say about unrequited love, huh?

The third became my husband. I really can't imagine anything much more painful than losing him. I love him very much.

My first love was a very disturbing painful adulthood for the fact the girl I love got sexually abused and mistreated from her family after I traveled to continue my education.

The second time I got in love was the purpose to forget the past and focus on the future.

The third is when I came back to the place where I grew, the big coincidence when I meet her smaller sister who looked just like her. We became as friends at the beginning. I always wanted to change the painful past, I found my self coming closer to her unconsciously. She told me her older sister was forced to marry man who is older than her for twenty years when she was in her 6th month of pregnancy after she got sexually abused, she got from him two kids after the first kid died after his mom was beaten up (she clamed she fell from the stairs), and then they broke up their marriage. What confuses me why do I love the little sister? We were going out and broke up after the second time I tried to kiss her, she told me what if my older sister knew? She still loves you and she cried. We came back as friends but still since then I wasn’t able to change what I bared in my heart for her. Still I’m suffering, I was told yesterday the little sister loves someone ells, while she tells me that she doesn’t have any one in her heart…

Any advice?

Well, I knew myself very well, and I knew I wanted to finish my college degree without distractions.... anyways, everyone knows that dating and being in a relationship, all it does is distact you from what needs to be done...... I was not going to go out or get married until after I had my degree.....
Anyways, one day I got a call from the head of my seminary that he wants to set me up with someone. Now, my head of seminary knows me very well, and he wouldn't set me up with someone unless he really felt that that person was perfect for me..... Not wanting to insult the rabbi, I agreed to go out with him. Of course at most it was only going to be one or two dates..... Everyone knew that when it came to dating, I would be the last person intrested in any guy....
So we met.... and the dates continued for more then one or two times..... and two months later we were engaged.... Ooops, I guess I got married....

There are several problems with loving someone who has been abused as a child. I went with someone who was, and for one thing they think you can never understand them or love them enough, when in fact they can't try. He was an artist, highly emotional, the father was English, had been in both Korean and Vietnam wars, very controlling, very strange family habits. Eventually the father committed suicide, and two years later the oldest brother followed suit. When I'd have family occasions, they would disclude me from conversations, and made me feel that I was less than understanding. They even made me feel as if my education (going for my MBA) was a waste, and I couldn't better myself.

As far as abuse goes, you or someone else cannot let it define you. People I know in that situation are stymied in their ability to love completely in the present. This family can never really love you, so be prepared for a lonely love life and their negative expectations of you. I say, get out and find someone else. Youth is the time to experiment and try different people

quote:

This family can never really love you

VelvetVoice, I must say thanks, I found your view very well-located and convenient, thaw with respect to your opinion I believe the impossible can be possible it u wanted it to be, I realized that too late. I was so happy the moment I found a reply because I’m really in absolute desperation, I need someone to talk to and to give me her\his opinion, I’m terribly sorry if this story is too long to be told but I’m not familiar with forms, ummm… I just joined yesterday …so please excuse me…

I was trying lately to get with her friends to find any path to her heart, the moment I started the road began bumpy. One of her friends the other day asked me: “Do you love her?” While I was looking at her swinging on the swing (the one I love), I said: “YEAH I do!’’. So she told me: “why don’t you tell her?” I said in desperation: “would it make difference?” YEAH! Confidently she said. So I just turned around and went to her trying to explain and convince her I truly love her if I didn’t I wouldn’t be feeling this way at this moment after we had lost trust and broke up for a long time, indeed it was hard to get back as friends after five month of disconnection. She told me she doesn’t feel will and she asked me nicely to postpone. The next day I meat her friend she seemed to be too nice! But she would always change the subject! (That’s was strange) after then we got to chat on the messenger.

Late at this Peaceful night I had a walk with a close friend. As we sat down, my mobile rang (it was her friend calling from her house) she asked: “where r u? I have to see u” I said: near by, she calls again: “where? I can’t see you!” So I came to check what’s up with her. I must say the girl had a crush on me but she wanted to help. She managed to arrange an accidental meeting between us. And so on her mobile rings, it’s her brother! He must be looking for her, she told us I must leave in a hurry. Afterwards, me and my friend continued walking back home, suddenly my phone rings (it was the girl I love) I was shocked she rarely ever calls and I barely can hear her voice. ohhh, she’s crying and as if she’s suffocating. She asked me in a low voice: were u with my friend? I said: yeah!!! Why? She said: “ohhh what did u do? Her father was looking for her and thought she was dating someone so he slapped her, polled her hair and dragged her home in front of me!” As she continued crying blaming me! I told her: “she wanted to see me I didn’t know why?” She asked me: “did she insist or say its important?” I said: “it seemed like it!!!!”. I felt so bad about it, but she could had explained on the phone!, I still felt in fault for what happened to the girl. So I told her: “hey I’m sorry for what happened but I didn’t know all that would happen anyways I take full responsibility and please any way I can help, and I would understand if you want to cut it between us”. I did my best to cam her down then. I had to close the phone for some reason.

I must note the reason why her friend got beaten up that was due to the strict religious culture which we live in. Well, some are closed minded some are open, it confuses me my self! So you can never expect what’s the reaction plus I’m too optimistic still I get to feel that every step I take is just another mistake.



Further more, the other side of me reminds me to write her friend confessed to me two days ago (after she told me don’t waste your time she loves someone ells but she rarely ever sees him) that she really likes me. Uhhh!?!, in an aggressive manner. Plus she said earlier yesterday “she misses me, where did u go today?”. Ummm, where am I in that? I felt so humiliated, I had to act sweet still I felt so sympathetic to her and respected the way she feels towards me.

The question that confuses me is: am I at fault or not? Furthermore, what’s the next step I must do? ..................

No, you are not at fault in any of these situations. You can't stop the men in these girls' families to stop treating them badly. They need to get out from under their abusers, but it's not up to you. I see you are in the Middle East, no wonder these girls are under bondage like this. Maybe they are already spoken for. Did the friend make a pass at you? Apparently she is putting herself on the line and going against the family. If you like her, then ask her out. But don't date her if it is a problem with the family, don't get yourself beaten up. Still, my advice stands, get together with a girl who isn't bound by family obligations. The abused girls need more help than you can give them.

I've been in love twice. My father died on my 21st birthday. He had a Heart Attack and my mother and I did CPR on him, which was unsuccessful.

Shortly after that, I began to go out seriously with a guy I met at work. He became a support for me since I was so devastated from my father's death. For my part, I fell in love.. but it was more of an obsessive sort of love since I was afraid of being alone. We were together for about 2 years.

The whole time, my mom, while liking this young man, felt he wasn't the one for me and kept praying to God that we wouldn't marry and I wouldn't get pregnant.

Frankly, I was in such a state of Profound Depression, I was attempting to ruin my life by destructive behaviors including losing my virginity to this man and then going out of my way to (unconsciously at the time) get pregnant. I didn't, thank God. He was an anarchist and very unstable, so would NOT have made a good family man.

Anyway, we mutually broke the relationship off and have since remained friends.

A while later, I met my second Love at the Bus Station in Portland Oregon. We rearranged our bus schedules to remain on the same bus to talk longer. He then went South at Salt Lake city to visit his brother and I continued East to Pennsylvania to go home.

When I got home there were a dozen yellow roses delivered the day I arrived from Sagus.

We continued to write and phone call for a couple years. Finally we got together and married in 1991, when he moved from Oregon to Pennsylvania.

He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. By accident I found an intelligent, compassionate, loving, generous, self-sacrificing man who is both an ideal husband and an even better father to our children.

He cooks, (very well I might add) cleans, does dishes, laundry, child-care, changes diapers, vaccuums AND gets up with me in the middle of the night to do baby care with our newborns.

He DOESN"T do windows or match socks. But I guess I can deal with that!