I appreciate you telling your story, but I'll tell you the same thing I told grandpa about how I'll remember her... I'll always see the charming, dedicated, bright, funny, warm, poised woman I have admired my whole life... and the woman who wiped my brow when I was ill, stroked my hair when I'd had a nightmare, cleaned my wounds and soothed my hurts... Now, its my turn to do as many of those things as I can under the circumstances.... I'm not slamming you, Valor, I know how painful it is to lose someone this way and would never criticize anyone for how they react, but for me, it is healing to be able to sit with her and talk, even though that means repeating things she knew before I was born and being unsure as to whether it's me or my mom she's looking at and seeing her so fragile I could lift her in one arm...I don't mind the painful aspects nearly so much as I mind getting shut out of a part of my own life. Honest pain beats the hell out of an angry limbo for me any day.

What a relief! I recall having thoughts that maybe your grandmother was missing you and lonely, and wondering why you did not contact her. It was like when we hear of a child abandoned, there is just that sense of needless pain.

It's so great that you finally made contact. Otherwise there would have been a painful spot in your heart for the rest of your life.