I have a question out there that I would like some advice on how to handle a situation with my best friend. She has been messing around on her husband and has done this a few times before, I'm not sure how far it has gone but I know she goes to other guys houses, calls them on the phone etc. She has confided in me about this but hasn’t given me any real details about what all she has done with these other guys. She is married and has 2 kids. Her husband is none the wiser and when they are together you would think that they were just another loving couple. She tells him all the time that she loves him but yet she does stuff like this. I have told her she needs to make a decision on what it is she wants to do but I seem to be going nowhere with her. Would it be wrong of me to let her husband know even if I did it anonymously? I don’t want to loose her as a friend but I don’t want to see her husband hurt like this either. Please any and all advice is welcome.
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11-04-02, 02:33 PM
MrSensitive
Butt Out.

You can talk to your friend about it, showing her what she is doing to her family, her husband, children, parents, in-laws, etc. But when it comes right down to it, it is none of your business- certainly not your business to tell the husband, anonymously or not.
Besides, what one sees and what one hears aren't necessarily what one KNOWS.

Mr(truth or Dr. Ruth)Sensitive
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11-04-02, 02:35 PM
SeattleRon
southern belle,
she's your best friend, but you can only advise her so much. the lesson comes with the consequences. trust me...even worse though when kids are involved. but the consequences of f*in around always come around. if she's being a ho she'll recognize eventually.....
my advice is to stay out of it and let her ruin her own life all by herself. she will lose more that way in the long run...
normally a best friend is supposed to advise, but kids are involved so its different girl...
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11-04-02, 02:50 PM
Georgia85
She's your best friend and understandable you want what is best for her. But as Mr Sensitive and Seattle Ron have mentioned - what she does in her life really is no-one's business but her's and her family. AS a friend your role in her life is to let her know that you are aware of her actions and let her see the ramifications her actions will have on her loved ones. You're role is not to pass judgment not to "tattle" but you can share your concerns with her and be there for support when she needs it. And it's pretty certain that the time will come when she will need your support if she continues down this path she has chosen.

This may be a time she needs you most. Don't lose that by losing her friendship which is what will happen if you let the cat out of the bag! Good luck.
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11-04-02, 03:23 PM
blam
Next time she starts telling you about her affairs, tell her to stop right there, you're better off not knowing, because you don't like any of it.
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11-04-02, 03:39 PM
Lydia
then you cannot break the trust she has with you. You can tell her that you do not think that what she is doing is right, but you cannot take matters into your own hands. By telling her husband, you are breaking your friendship on your own.

I would tell her that you cannot be a party in the deception and that as long as she is doing these things, you choose not to know any of the details. It won't change things, but you won't be torn between being her friend and befriending her husband.
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11-04-02, 06:47 PM
kittypal
Totally agree with everyone, none of your business. You can try to make her see that she is playing a very risky game by cheating, there are many things that could happen, husband finding and losing him, losing the kids, getting pregnant by another man, getting a disease....the list is long and not pretty, but telling the hubby is not your choice. Let's hope she see's the error of her ways before it's too late.
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11-05-02, 08:51 AM
southern_belle
I want to thank you all for your input on this. Believe me it does help to here this from other people. One of the only things I am still upset about is that her husband is none the wiser for this. It's not that he is oblivious to what all go around him it's that she is that convincing when he has asked her in the past about her strange behavior. I just feel bad for him cause he is going to feel like a fool when he finds out (if he ever does) and then be upset with me and my husband cause we didn’t tell him. So I guess you can see my dilemma with this. Once again thanks for all of your input, I guess it would just be best to leave well enough alone. Keep the good advice coming you guys are great smile
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11-05-02, 07:25 PM
gizmogram
But what everyone else said is so true...If she continues with this, she WILL get caught eventually whether you say anything or not. And if you were to say something, even anonymously, you would probably have guilt over that too.

I wholeheartedly agree that the next time she starts to tell you about her flings, tell her that you would rather not hear about it, because you think it's wrong. If she sincerely loved her husband, she wouldn't have to even think about playing around.

Be her friend, since I'm sure she'll need you sometime later on when he DOES find out on his own or through someone else.
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11-06-02, 04:59 PM
gatman
Keep quiet and tell her to keep quiet. The reason she wants to tell you something about is that she knows she is doing wrong. By "confessing" to you she relieves her conscience somewhat, dumping it on you. Your sealed lips is twisted into acceptance and a mild rebuke all at the same time. Stopping her "news" makes it a definate disapproval on your part.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,