I've been reading some posts here, btying to decide whether I should post this or not...and I read this: "I read somewhere that there are 3 types of marriages. A marriage based on lust lasts about 3 years. A marriage based on love lasts about 7 years. A marriage based on respect, common core values and a true soul to soul connection will last a lifetime." I married for love and I sure am worried now! Folks, we've been thru some stuff in our marriage, stepdhild issues, financial issues, etc, but the thing that is killing me now is that my husband has always been impotent. I just wish I could give up, but...suddenly after years of being either in denial or numb, I want a sex life. We talk, I cry, I try all kinds of things...but what I really don't understand is why he won't talk to his Doctor. They have drugs out there now--he says it is not ok with him that things are as they are, but is his pride really so much more important than...me giving up and spending all my time trying to decide if I should A--divorce him or B--have an affair? I appreciate anyone's insight, because I really can't think properly around this subject at all anymore. *************************************************************** 11-17-04, 11:09 PM DvdGStwrt Well given the two choices I say divorce him. Having an affair can really be messy and leads to divorce in most cases, might as well cut out the sneaking around, hiding it, the lies, the worry over if the phone ringing ain't sure it's your side line beau calling at the wrong time.
Oh the guilt, the panic, and then when you husband does learn of your other play mate, well all manner of things can happen up to and including murder.
Did I get a hint that you are entering the seventh year here? If so, its called the seven year itch, all couples appear to go through it, both sides suddenly panic and wonder if this commitment is really worth it and they wonder if they picked the right person, and they wonder if things could be better. It is survivable.
================= As A Man: =================
As a man I know something about how men think. It really isn't logical all the time. First men have standards which woman will never understand - simply because men are essentially pigs - sorry that is what we are.
Second men are really, really funny when it comes to their equipment. We men have some pretty strange notions. We may brag about being career criminals, boast about the ability to fart long and loud stinky bombs, we may be able to boost about burbing the whole Greek alphabet - but when it comes to our equipment we are slightly embarrassed about it. More so if it ain't working right and even though the blue pill is available some men will not ever be able to say anything to their doctor.
quote: Testicular cancer represents only 1 per cent of all cancers in men, but it is the single biggest cause of cancer-related deaths in men aged 15-35 years in the UK.
Why is this? its not because men are not aware or don't check themselves, when it comes to the equipment men will lie to themselves - yep even unto death - and not seek out help.
Here is another site that will enlighten you about how men feel about their equipment:
quote: Despite more understanding about the causes of erectile dysfunction, as well as a growing number of effective treatments, many men are too embarrassed or do not have enough information to seek medical help.
About 90 percent of men with erectile dysfunction don't talk to a doctor about the problem, so they can't be treated effectively.
Now you can continue to beg, plead, cry for him to go to a doctor, or you can go to his next physical with him and mention it to his doctor. Heck, in the age of the telephone you can, as his spouse, call and tell the doctor that your husband is having issues and doesn't want to talk about it. The doctor can then broach the subject the next time your husband is there. Doctors are trained to approach sensitive subjects (mostly) and know how to bring a person to talk about a problem - when the doctor knows there is a problem in the first place.
Impotence is caused by many factors, it can be a sign of diabetes or something else along those lines. The doctor should know so he/she knows it is a symptom of something wrong.
As for the attending relationship problems, Marriage counselor comes to mind. I mean if you are left with Option A and option B its time to seek out other options. Both A and B are very messy and once done really can't be undone.
David
Edited to correct link
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow, 12-27-05 08:31 PM
11-18-04, 12:47 AM carmen621 I understand marriage for love, but I don't get that if you did marry for love, then why are you considering an affair?? Divorce is one thing, because that's honest. Explain to him that you have an idea of why he won't go see a doctor. If he doesn't use your empathy in a couragic way and go do the brave-bad thing men never do, then mention divorce. Don't scream at him; just say "Hey. I need a sex life. YOU need a sex life, you blue-balled man. If you do not get help, I will with someone else." It's an essential part of marriage, correct? I mean, if I don't have sex for over a week, I start to experience withdrawals. I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm trying to think of what I would do in your situation if my boyfriend was impotent. I make him go see a doctor, like you've said, and if he said no, then I'd tell him, I love you dearly but I can't do this anymore. Don't give up right away. It might wake him up to how much it's affecting you if you talk about ending the relationship. That's my best opinion, from my long-hardened years on earth. Wink
11-18-04, 08:52 AM wzlwmn Thanks both of you so much. I wish I could express how much I appreciate yu thoughtful responses. I want to assure you that I'm not actually thinking about an affair, I don't believe in that sort of 'bright sunshine', and I'm really not built that way emotionally. I just feel that after a certain point my needs are my problem, not his. However, I do have them (needs, that is), and whatever he is doing to take care of his own, I am not having the same success. I feel in some way like I should stop bugging him about it, because obviously on some level he is ok with the way things are. I assume that if he were experiencing the level of discomfort that I am, he would be moved to do something out of self-interest if nothing else. Clearly he is more comfortable going on as we are...my discomfort seems to be reaching critical mass, and so as I say, I feel like it is my responsibility to address my issues, since they are obviously mine. We are at about 7 years now, and it is a real thing, that 7-year thing, because I really thought I was okay with this life I was leading. It is as if a switch flipped and suddenly I was not okay with it anymore. I know the 7-year reevaluation is survivable...my dilemma consists of whether I really want to survive for the rest of my life as I have been. I wish I could feel like this is minor, that I am making a big deal out of nothing. I wish I could just get over it. Instead I am feeling more bitter and angry by the moment, to say nothing of off the scale depressed. I have thought about marriage counseling, but if he can't talk to an MD about this, how are we supposed to talk to a marriage counselor about it? I would like to talk to a counselor for myself around this, but I have this loyalty mechanism which makes me feel it is some kind of betrayal if I talk to someone about this problem my husband (and I) have. As you see, I would be a great affair candidate--not. Can't even talk to a shrink about stuff and I imagine I could step out. lol Thanks again, y'all. I gotta get off, I gotta go cry.
Wzlwmn
11-18-04, 11:40 AM psych major Wzlwmn, I certainly do feel for you, Although I cant say I know how you feel, I understand the stress and torment that you are going through. The first question I would like to ask is, If you have been married for 7 years and he has been impotent for that time period, did you take that into consideration before you got married? How long did you see each other before you decided to get married, was it a factor when you were dating? I understand that love is blind and you may have thought that you could overcome anything since you must have loved him (and still do) enough to marry him. Have you ever asked if he has always had this problem or if something happened in his life at some point to cause it? Is it physical or mental? etc. The main thing that needs to happen right now between the 2 of you is communication. You need to understand how he is feeling and you need to try and get through to him how much this is bothering you. I understand that men have trouble expressing their feelings, but I would bet that he is feeling very insecure and upset that he has let you down, he just doesnt want to admit it. If he were to admit it, that would mean that he really does have a problem. Since you have been married for 7 years there must be something very special between the 2 of you, Im taking it for granted that this is not a marriage of convenience???? This is a very personal quesion but one that I feel needs to be asked, what have the 2 of you done through these 7 years to fulfill your sexual needs? There must be something he has done for you and you have done for him that has kept you together this long. You dont have to go into details, but just think of things you have done in that past that really made you happy, and they dont even have to be sexual, something as simple as just lying together, kissing etc. how does he respond to you? Does it seem to you that he wants to make love to you, or does he seem uninterested? Take some time to recall the way things have been in the past and bring up some memories of times when you were both happy and satisfied. Try to re-create those times. The main thing really is that you MUST get him to talk to you. I really dont think that a divorce or an affair is the answer here. How could you leave a man that you obviously love without knowing that you have tried everything possible to make things right? While I understand how frustrating this situation must be for you, I think your marriage is worth getting in his face and saying " Look, this is how its going to be, I love you and you WILL go to the doctor, for both of our sake." You need to get tough, let him know exactly how you feel, make him understand how much you need him and tell him exactly what your thoughts are on the matter. I wish you the best of luck. Please let me know how things turn out I will be checking back in if you need to talk. Dont give up, this can work out!
11-18-04, 10:33 PM carmen621 I bet you're a Capricorn. Sounds like me. People say I'm like a dog. Loyal. Ok. You have needs. He has needs. Good point. But, the annoying thing is the needs you have can only be taken care of by him. I didn't think I'd ever have sex. Didn't have a boyfriend, date, kiss or anything til I was 17. That's a long time nowadays. Then I got some, now I'm bent on it. It's totally a need. It's not just an orgasm; it's an intimate act involving your husband. Something you don't want to partake in with someone else, cos a. that would be weird, and b. NO. Don't take away from your morals because your husband is having issues with standing up for his penis.
You have a few options. You can: A. Be assertive like in my above said post, not bitchy, just assertive in showing what/how you feel really, and how important it is to you. B. Slip Viagra into his morning cup of coffee. No, his evening cup of coffee. C. Keep living the way you are. Anybody could tell just from your posts that you're not happy. It's probably really scary, right? The whole idea of making something happen that your husband doesn't want to happen. My impression is he doesn't fully understand how it affects you. Let him read your damn post. Look----I'm depressed. I'm bitter, and angry. I mentioned affair and divorce. Or Viagra, but you don't like that.
Something else. I, nor you, should have sympathy for men and their penises. Men are the biggest wusses. I know this sounds like self-righteous feminist crap, but it's completely true. Women have to endure annual exams that involve someone massaging your boobs with rubber gloves on and foreign objects stuck up their hoo-has. I realize in his case, it has to do with his complete male part not working in one thing it should. I understand that. You understand that. He doesn't want to admit the fact that his stuff doesn't work, but he HAS TO. You have to make him understand that. This is not a matter of compromise, or, it's ok honey we can deal with it. This is not him balding. I just don't think he understand the seriousness of how it's affecting you, and I honestly think if he did, he would go to the doctor. You married for love, you love each other. People who love each other make sacrifices, and this is one he needs to make. Be assertive. You can do it. This is obviously an essential part of your realtionship with him. It's like the human body. If one of the systems in the human body fails, the rest cannot survive. It'll start to put out. You're putting. It must be weary, having the burden of fixing things on your shoulders, but you make that happen, and hopefully he'll make it happen. Don't let yourself be so unhappy. Just think about how great it would when you guys are intimate again. I know he'll feel the same. I can't think of much more to say. I'll be checking back, too, to see if you've made progress or anything new happens. I want this to work out for you, thus the passionate spiel above. Good luck. Wink
11-19-04, 12:14 PM wzlwmn Apologies for not responding to you before now, Psych m and Carmen. I had to do work and other life things and did not have the time or energy the response would require. Back now!
First to you, Psych m, yes. Before we were married—let’s say things have gotten steadily worse. Initially I thought it was a question of off day, the leg cramp excuse, etc. It used to work a little bit….it does not really work at all now, if that makes sense. Definitely not a marriage of convenience. As for the things we’ve done in the past, they’ve been satisfactory as far as they go, but after awhile you want what you want. It gets tiring when it is always, First, I do you, then, you do me. I don’t mind it but I get no feeling of mutuality there, it ends up depressing. When I have asked him about it before he indicates that the current situation is not okay with him either, that he wants it to be different, but he is really gun shy of the inevitable disappointment. Currently there is a lot of physical avoidance going on, on both sides. We are both gun shy. Thanks, Psych m.
My husband and I have this weird thing, we have always had it, and it happened again yesterday evening. I swear he can read my mind. We talked obliquely around this subject last night, he started it out by saying he feels he’s been a crappy husband. I said I would not say crappy, I would say confusing. He said (among other things) that he did not ask the Dr about Viagra last time he was there because it was a new Dr he had never seen before. I had no response for that. Normally, I would be jumping all over the ‘I understand’ bandwagon at that point, but I...I don’t want to say that I am not sympathetic. Probably I can come across that way here. But I feel like I am in total emotional survival mode. I feel like a have all to do just to keep myself on an even keel that I can barely spare any psychic energy for anyone else’s drama. I did tell him that it is not his fault I am depressed. I told him that my depression is my responsibility, and I need to handle it—which I believe wholeheartedly. The other part of that is that the folks we live with are not supposed to make it harder for us to hang onto our hard-won sanity, of course. So that is where we are today. The conversation was terminated by a sick kid, and that is the major focus of the day today! Carmen you crack me up—that part about having no sympathy for men and their little soldiers. I understand where you are coming from. I told a girlfriend the other day that I feel pretty close to not having any sympathy, and she said “You're more tenacious than I am - but I imagine you can't always be nice to him tho you want to, and there may come a time when you won't even wish you could be.”
So, yes, I do see your point and it does not sound like feminist propaganda. As rididulous as it sounds in the context of this entire thread, I am needing to think about what I need sometimes instead of just taking care of everyone else.
I am actually a Cancer, but I am like that Greyfriars Bobby dog. Too loyal to be real. Thanks very much, all, again.
Love, Wzlwmn
11-22-04, 04:37 AM tsaeb I watch TV. So, is he getting it elsewhere? Cheater. Also, is he afraid of or against becoming a daddy? Coward. Finally, is he saving for a home plus a vacation home? Miser.
I am sure that you can think of other questions along these lines. Sorry that I had to bring them to your attention.
11-22-04, 02:27 PM wzlwmn Hi, no problem, thanks for speaking frankly, I appreciate that. When I have tried to figure out why I seem to be the only one in the house with a sex drive, I have come upon the getting it somewhere else question. I have asked in as unloaded way as I can, and he gets angry, VERY angry. Mad He has a tremendous amount of personal integrity and it becomes not a question of "Hey, Hon, I am just guessing because I feel like you must be getting it somewhere", but a question of "Have you no personal integrity?" As Dave points out often, there is seemingly no way to be unloaded about this topic. I have asked him if he is gay. That goes over equally well, as you can imagine. He has a stepdaughter he loves, so I assume there are no procreation issues. The only thing I have ever gotten by way of explanation is that he has issues about 'size', going back to Junior High. I suspect that this is another area in which it really does not matter how many times your significant other says that it's more than adequate when it chooses to work, because it's really not about what I think, it's about what he thinks. So now you know as much as I do! wzlwmn
11-26-04, 03:24 AM tsaeb When he is in a good mood, ask, with a big, forced smile on your face, "Why did you marry me?" Maybe this one will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, I mean, his silence. Caution: one time ask with emphasis on the word "me," and another (later) time ask with emphasis on the word "marry."
11-26-04, 10:31 AM DvdGStwrt
quote:Originally posted by tsaeb: I watch TV. So, is he getting it elsewhere? Cheater. Also, is he afraid of or against becoming a daddy? Coward. Finally, is he saving for a home plus a vacation home? Miser.
I am sure that you can think of other questions along these lines. Sorry that I had to bring them to your attention.
And you have been in a long term relationship how long?
This antagonistic approach would do far, far much more harm than good.
11-26-04, 11:15 AM DvdGStwrt When there is a doubt about the fidelity in a relationship both partners may find it really hard to talk about it on their own.
To ask innocently, 'Are you gay?' 'Are you having an Affair?' etc can come off sounding as accusation if it is being asked by our life partner even if asked or alluded too in jest these are loaded questions which can lead to a fight.
What your husband needs is a third party to ask "So dude, what is really going on here?" and then lend him their ear.
Right now you need a Third Person to listen to you moan and groan and make wild accusations, to scream and fight and cry without fear that any speculation you are making is going to lead to a big old fight.
---> Wait - Before you tell me that your accusations are not wild; Having had several years to do nothing but think about it and having been hitting a brick wall each time you query your partner you have been set up to ponder the worst case scenarios. His unwillingness or inability to talk adds fuel to the fire and becomes a "sign" that he is hiding something or that something terrible is going on.
Now after a few years of imagining the worst possible scenarios you are being affected by those thoughts as well as the well grounded ones - you need to get those out in the open and work on them before they become your world reality. He is the wrong person to work on those with, you need a third impartial party to discuss them with. You need:
A. Validation of those thoughts (It's only natural to feel that way and nothing is wrong with those feelings) B. Somewhere to dump them and leave them. C. Someone who will aid you in finding the reasons and the facts in all of the speculation - This last is crucial, you live with the man, you deal with him day after day after day, you know his habits and his routine, you may not acknowledge every fart he makes (like you don't your own) but you are, on some level, aware of it. Thus it is very possible that there is something going on beneath what you are acknowledging, but due to being close to the situation you are unable to tease it out and see it for what it is. In most cases it is a mundane "natural" thing that upsets relationships.
Here are some things I see taking place:
1. Old behaviors, comfortable behaviors are taking place day after day. One of you sees no problem with them, the other does. A question about them now is being taken the wrong way. I get the impression that sex may not have been taking place at the start, but now years later it has become a "problem" and your "nagging" about the sex now is being viewed as "bitchiness". For him no sex yesterday means no sex today - no problem - any question now, years later is the problem as he sees it.
2. One of you sees those behaviors as telling of something else going on.
3. One of you are unapproachable because no matter how the other asked "what is really going on?" it will become an offensive subject. (See Number 1.)
4. One, or both of you, is/are going stir crazy and need someone to scream at and to start getting those resentments cleared up.
5. One, or both of you, needs to do some serious self examination to see what your motives are in maintaining this partnership.
6. The longer this situation continues the more resentment that will build, resentment leads to blood fantasies and makes every little thing become much bigger than it really is.
I would do a couple of things here.
A. Look in the Phone book for Marriage Counselors/Couples Counselors. Many are on a sliding pay scale and have late evening hours. Call around and find one.
B. Print off this particular thread, Starting off with maybe this post, and ease him into the rest? I definitely would not start off with the snappy posts, or the ones that say something along the lines that he needs to "Just deal with it".
C. Let him see that the solution will require a "safe" place for both of you to vent and to explore the possibilities. Couple's Counseling IS that place.
Relationships and Marriages don't just happen. The reason why divorce rates are climbing is not because marriage has ceased to work, it is because the partners of those relationships have opted out the "easy" route.
Ironically we have better options available to us now days, counseling, therapy, personal and couple workshops which can provide us with the tools to work through the issues, yet many still opt to just dump the load and move on.
Even if he refuses to do joint counseling, I strongly urge you to attend counseling and work with a professional to decide if divorce is an option before you rush out and file papers. I believe a professional can give you the right and proper tools to see your marriage in a light which is beneficial to the marriage, even if he is unable to do the work.
At first you may view his refusal as unwillingness, like his refusal to seek out medical help for the dysfunction issue - What may appear to be unwillingness is most likely inability. There is a big difference, and if he is unable to do a thing, forcing him will lead to deeper issue and will lead to resentment.
David
11-26-04, 12:11 PM DvdGStwrt
quote:Originally posted by carmen621:
Something else. I, nor you, should have sympathy for men and their penises. Men are the biggest wusses. I know this sounds like self-righteous feminist crap, but it's completely true. Women have to endure annual exams that involve someone massaging your boobs with rubber gloves on and foreign objects stuck up their hoo-has.
I am utterly amazes that straight partnerships work at all. God you women are so cold and calculating, comparing a man's stuff to a woman's, how could you go there? HOW???? Eek Frown Razz
Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
Seriously, men get fingers up their butts (prostate examinations) starting around age 40 and poked and prodded. But again that usually starts later in life and I have yet to be asked by my doctor if I have any problems with Mr. Winky.
There is still just not enough awareness in the medical community about Man Problems. Ironic don't you think since Medicine was strictly a man's world until a generation or so ago. As man I get nothing, but as a GAY man - Having opened up with my doctor, I get a lot of talk about the need to condomize before I sodomize, I get extra blood tests, I get the awareness talks about STD's. Prior to my "coming out" to my doctor I didn't even get that.
I changed doctors and as an experiment I didn't mention that I'm gay. Nothing was said about HIV, no test was suggested. I went to 5 office visits before I told my doctor I'm gay - now each and every time I go I get the "lecture" and asked if I have been playing "safe".
Women, on the other hand, are far more aware of their potential issues and the medical community is far more aware and your doctor makes all of these wonderful suggestions.
Women have doctors who specialize in the Ya-ya - there are no Mr. Winky specialists that all men go to like women do to their specialists.
I bet a doctor showed you how to find a lump in your breast - Men get a "talk" no demonstration.
When ever my doctor talks about lumps in the testicles I always get the urge to tell him I have two huge lumps in them, one on the left, one on right - being the testes themselves. That is how lame the discussion is, no doctor has yet told me exactly what it is I am looking for, how to find it - precisely. There is an assumption, a dangerous assumption that I know what a lump in the testicles is exactly, doctors assume somebody else gave me that discussion.
In my 38 years of life, I have had one doctor "handle" me and that was looking for a ruptured muscle, thus just moving "them" aside. Oh wait, there was a earlier time, when I was born and they removed that extra bit of skin (Ouch) I have only had one prostate examine and my doctor was embarrassed about doing it. My last full physical my doctor looked at my age and told me he didn't need to examine my prostate because I'm not "old enough".
With all of the medical professionals stressing male sex organ health in this educated and enlightened way there is no wonder here that men are very reluctant to go beyond exaggeration of the size when discussing Mr. Winky and his two nutty friends.
Women have it far, far easier. Doctors want to talk about and examine and are openly frank about the possible issues that a woman might have. Doctors want women to be fully aware of themselves and the attention potential issues that women have. This is not because the Medical community is more for women, but because of groups who have awareness drives, awareness walks even pay for commercials on TV. Now how many commercials did you see this year about awareness of breast cancer? Compared to the number of them you had about the awareness of prostate and testicle cancer.
Girls, when they start turning into women get the "Woman's Talk" Mom or another woman gives the talk where health and hygiene is discussed, what to use, where to get it and more and more the benefits of The Pill. The Puberty Transition for girls is buffered with the Woman Talk. Add to that commercials for Summer's Eve, Kotex and all of those things that make a woman feel like a woman.
Boys usually don't get anything more than "Keep your Pants zipped up" They might have a progressive parent who tells them to wear a condom - No demonstration over Dad's fingers, no "Well son, Trojan is better than Ramses, your options for textures, colors and even flavors are out there." Men's commercial health is regulated to hair loss and beard control and deodorants. It is my understandings that Schools perform sex education classes now days, now boys get to see a condom going over a carrot - We have come a long way baby from my days in school. Roll Eyes
Foreskin issues and bathing is usually "mom's" department and is, theoretically speaking, covered in the toddler years when you need parental supervision to bathe - I say theoretically because here in America most boys are scalped at birth - thus that discussion is no longer needed.
The way we approach female organs compared to male organs is enlightened and is much more open.
Do you feel sorry for us now? Can you understand that men are pretty much programed to NOT talk about male sex health while women get the talk all the time. Sure awareness is growing now that we have the Viagra Commercials (lame and more stressing of the sex part, not the attending health concerns that a broken Mr. Winky may indicate).
As a side note, Gay men are more aware of their sexual health - not because they get better medical care than straight men, but because of the AIDS and HIV issues. Prior to the 1980's gay men were as much in the dark as straight men. However the Gay community is very pushy about Safe sex and out of that has been born a generation of gay men who are more open with their doctors about their sexual health. Again, it is the promotion of awareness which directly affects gay males on a personal level. But even as a gay man nothing is said about Mr. Winky not working.
11-28-04, 05:24 AM tsaeb
quote:Originally posted by DvdGStwrt:
quote:Originally posted by tsaeb: I watch TV. So, is he getting it elsewhere? Cheater. Also, is he afraid of or against becoming a daddy? Coward. Finally, is he saving for a home plus a vacation home? Miser.
I am sure that you can think of other questions along these lines. Sorry that I had to bring them to your attention.
And you have been in a long term relationship how long?
This antagonistic approach would do far, far much more harm than good.
I do not see at what you are driving. Obviously, wzlwmn did not so much mind my frankness. Perhaps you think that I was suggesting that wzlwmn confront with these questions, but wzlwmn understood that I meant to contemplate them as an additional means of trying to get at the truth. As for asking about my being in any personal relationship and for how long to boot, I can laugh, but it is true that I have had some "personal relationships" in my lifetime. I regret if you want more, which I have not supplied. You'll have to use your naughty imagination. Big Grin P.S. Or, was that question for wzlwmn to ask?
12-04-04, 06:50 PM carmen621 wzlwmn, just wanted an update. How is everything going? Made any progress?
12-09-04, 08:11 AM wzlwmn Thanks Carmen, for checking in. No real progress, mainly due to the hectic nature of this time of year. It is difficult to carve out time to have much of a convo. I think he would be open to counseling and I intend to have a go at that after the year is out, but it is really exhausting to even think about embarking on that. Whenever we have/try to have a convo, I always begin it, and he always ends up turning it around to some issue he has. I say, Yes, that is valid, we can talk about that, but I brought this up now and I'd like to stick to the subject. He never brings up his issues, he just lets them fester until I want to discuss something and then he uses it to get me off his back. As you see I dread the idea of starting that again, but I know that the way out is through. wzlwmn
01-23-05, 07:46 PM Wildflower63 Once again, I didn't read replies to your topic. I don't believe the problem is that your husband doesn't care about you. I think it is far from that idea. He wouldn't stay with you, unless he cared. You have been plenty patient with his penis issues, which belong to him, not you.
This is a tough topic to discuss with a guy. They have that thing called, "The Male Ego". You can, easily, blow a guy, out of the water, with what he takes as criticism of his inadequacy to please you. Think about it, but have you ever made this type of, off handed, remark to him? I am guessing you probably, very unknowingly did, out of frusteration with this.
Guys can't perform, under, what they see, as critique. I'm not saying it is you or anything to do with you. I am saying, be careful with criticism and/or disappointment with sexual performace, with this guy.
He has issues, which make a problem for you. He has to open up, at some point. He isn't. Why? One reason, threat to the male ego. Another, he may not see himself able to please you.
You figure it out. You know him. I don't. Don't give up on a good relationship over sex issues that can be resolved, with work, from both of you.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
Posts: 71 | Location: Virginia, USA | Registered: 09-24-04
