I know my boyfriend has been planning on proposing to me sometime maybe this fall. His mom had a ring that she let him have to give to me. From what he's told me about the ring, I'm not sure if it's the style of ring I would have picked. If I think that I might not like the ring, should I tell him? Or is this something I should just keep to myself and enjoy what I get?
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06-05-06, 05:32 AM
Sherasi
I would say in a situation like this, if the two of you are not choosing the ring together, you should accept the ring (if that is your decision to accept) and not say anything at all.

06-05-06, 06:04 AM
clarebear
I see the dilemma. While you don't want to get stuck with a ring you don't like, you also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. That is understandable. I think you should tell him that you would love to wear his mother's ring to get married with. I'm guessing that he doesn't have money to buy you a ring so his mother offered a ring she had. Tell him that you would like to pick out matching new rings for both of you for your first wedding anniversary. Stress the importance of matching rings. (This may help) This will also give you both time to put the new rings in layaway. Tell him you would like to keep the mother's ring (in a safety deposit box) to give to your children for when they get married someday.

06-07-06, 04:42 PM
Georgia85
I've always been a strong believer of speaking one's mind. Why wear something for the rest of your life that you don't like? This is more than just a piece of jewelry that you can wear occasionally. This is now a permanent piece of your ward-robe and it should be something that you would be proud to wear.

That being said, I certainly can understand if money is an issue and he cannot afford the style of ring that you want. If he ends up proposing to you and offering you a ring that you simply do not like then you can approach it this way....you can let him know how special it is to you that he wants to share a part of his family history with you by offering you this ring. Then you can go on to ask what he would think about combining qualities from that ring (i.e. the stone) with your own style to come up with something unique and special to you. Heck, he might not even mind if a jeweler melted down the metal to use in a new setting.

It's been my experience that men aren't that sentimental about such things. He's probably thinking more of the expense of a new ring than he is of the significance of you wearing his mother's ring.

Good luck and I hope that he proposes (if that is what you want) Smile

06-08-06, 07:53 AM
shelster
While I picked out my engagement ring, as time went on I started to truly dislike it (it stuck too far out, ripped gloves at work, got very dirty at work) so for our 10th anniversary he bought me a channel set anniversary band, and I now wear it instead of the engagement ring, with the wedding band.

I wouldn't say anything about the ring for awhile. First of all, it sounds like you haven't even seen it, so you may actually like it. And just because it wouldn't be what you would pick out, doesn't mean it isn't beautiful.
Secondly, I am afraid if you were to say something it may put off his mother and hurt her feelings.

Just some things to think about.

06-10-06, 12:30 PM
MrsS
An age old dilemma!
Instead of saying anything that might come off sounding like "I don't want a dowdy, secondhand ring!" say "I know we talked about your mom's ring, and I am thrilled that she'd want me to have it but I'd just never forgive myself if something happened to it and, well, it might sound silly, but ever since I was little, I always dreamed of someday shopping for my wedding rings with my Mr. Right, it would mean a lot to me if we could do that together.... Would it be okay if we at least went and looked around at some rings so we can find a matching set we both like?"
That pretty little speech makes the issue more about your own romantic notions and less about rejecting mom's ring.
I would also check out jewelry stores on my own and find a few sets that are VERY reasonably priced that you can then "discover" while you're out shopping together.
Good luck!

06-10-06, 01:26 PM
MsSueM

quote:
Originally posted by Georgia85:
I've always been a strong believer of speaking one's mind.


I agree; it's disheartening when people encourage others to use game-playing, little lies, etc. in relationships... but that seems to be what marriages are frequently based upon. Wink

06-13-06, 06:22 PM
juanruiz
Can he afford to buy you a ring of your choosing? If not, can you afford to get married?

06-13-06, 06:57 PM
frankvan

quote:
it's disheartening when people encourage others to use game-playing, little lies, etc. in relationships...



On the other hand, what's wrong with tact and diplomacy?

06-13-06, 10:39 PM
coldfuse
Have you considered having the stones reset into a more attractive design? This can be meaningful on both ends.

10-14-06, 02:49 PM
david_greg5
I think the most important thing in a relationship is love, and sentiments. These rings and jewelry are substitute to that. If he brings you a ring, you should except it bec it's way of expressing his best feelings for you. If you tell him that your feelings were not good, I am sure that wont be a nice idea

Edited to remove advertising link.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Karrow, 10-24-06 06:10 PM

10-24-06, 07:51 AM
Elexina
I don't really agree with the last post. I mean, accepting the ring because of the feelings and sentiments you have for the person offering it to you makes sense, of course. But you would never want to be stuck with a ring you don't actually like for your entire married life. Pretending to like something for the sake of someone else is still dishonesty and will likely come back to get you later in life.

The most important thing in a relationship IS love, but you really should like the ring you're wearing, too. And if the person giving you the ring gives you something you don't like or isn't open to understanding why you might not like it, then perhaps you two don't know each other well enough to be getting married.

(I am not referring to anyone specific, especially since this post is months old, merely making general observations.)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,