My grandmother turns 75 this year, and we're planning a surprise party for her. We plan to invite her family, friends, and past co-workers.
My question concerns the proper etiquette for gift suggestions. Grandma doesn't like little nick nacks, etc. that just set around and collect dust... at Christmas she always requests gift certificates or something "useful." I don't want it to seem like I'm forcing gift ideas on people, but my mom and I are thinking about sending a short list of gift suggestions (mainly gift certificates) out with the invitations.
To me this would be perfectly acceptable and if roles were swapped, I'd be very happy to receive suggestions of what the person would like for a gift. I just wanted to get some thoughts from everyone out there as to whether this is a good idea or not. We don't want to be rude, and certainly don't want to be tacky. Thanks!
Posts: 402 | Location: VA, USA | Registered: 06-11-02
Now this, for the most part, is just my take on this.
I am 65, and I have everything I need. If someone wants to through me a birthday party, all I would want is to see my friends and family. I put friends first as there is some of my family I would not want to see.
If I want something, I want to pick it out. No one knows me better then me. Money and gift certificates, perfect color and one size fits all.
Now for my suggestion. Is there some friends or family that can’t come do to financial situation? Ask the others to “Help” make this a truly memorable event so those folks can make it. It can be money for travel or even a place to stay.
As one gets on in years, there is no better gift then to be with friends and loved ones.
To me, any way you ask for gifts is tacky but if you must ask, make it so the guest does not feel obligated.
Posts: 1586 | Location: Cleveland, OH. US of A | Registered: 06-03-02
Rules of etiquette says 'no', but common sense says 'yes'.
Personally I hate waste. I don't need a thing. Yet loving friends and relatives out of the goodness of their hearts are always giving us things. Things that we don't need and don't want and can't use, or that duplicate something we already have, and it works just fine, thank you very much. We pass the gifts on to friends or donate them to the local Hospital Auxiliary charity shop. I have told people every way I can think of but nothing works. The flow continues unabated. Though kindly meant, the gifts become a chore and a nuisance, like re-cycling.
I think that it would be just fine if you make suggestions. And I really like Walks' suggestion of making the occasion truly a day to remember.
Posts: 6249 | Location: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: 06-11-02
As far as etiquette, for birthdays, holidays, and other comparable occasions, a wish list is not only permissible, but polite.
A registry, on the other hand, is extremely rude.
They way to prevent a wish list from becoming a registry is list category suggestions instead of specific gifts. Gift cards from favorite stores, music, movies are appropriate. Gift card from XXX store for $YYY or Such-and-such a movie are not appropriate.
Second, a wish list contains gifts from a range of prices - from inexpensive up. The only dollar amount anywhere on a wish list is a "cap" amount - a request to guests to pay less than a specified amount. Caps should only be used with those you are VERY familiar with (such as siblings) or "white elephant" anonymous gifting, and are generally a small amount ($10 - $25).
