My grandma just died. My mom is an only child. She couldn't pick out the coffin or go to the cemetery to make arrangements. My daughter and I did.

State law gets to the point of no one gets to be buried in a family grave because too many people own it. In KY, you have to be of blood heir only.

You cannot buy grave sites and will them to anyone at all. All blood heirs own equally. This gets difficult given that my mother's father's mother bought the sites. You cannot bury a spouse without family written permission. The only reason I could bury my grandma is the fact that family signed off long ago.

These sites were bought in 1938, leaving me with a lot of blood heirs with no interest at all in these sites. The las burial was 1970.

There is law stating that grave yard people cannot tell anyone who owns what grave sites. I honestly don't believe anyone but my family has an interest in these graves at all. The last burial was 1970. No family lives in this area.

I want all grave sites left for my family to be buried together. I have to provide the cemetery contact information of relatives my mother only has names of, but no contact. The grave yard guy was kind enough to give me hints, without breaking the law, to tell me there are enough grave sites for me, my parents, my brother and his wife.

I have names of known heirs of these grave sites. I have no idea how to find them. I would like to personally contact them before the cemetery does for written consent for us to be buried together.

How do I find my family?

I know that there are companies that specialize in finding people, but truely since I know you (and most people) can't afford to fork out cash to use them, I am not sure of the approach to take.

Do you have county birth/marriage/death records to follow back on to research?

If I can find just one of the family heirs, that can help me find others. The cemetery guy wrote me a letter telling me he is willing to help me in any way he can, but I need to give him contact of at least one heir that will be a good bet that they know how to contact another family heir.

My grandma is the first family member I lost. I realize that I am very fortunate to be my age and not face up to the fact that my elders really will die.

I am extremely concerned about my parents. I'm not going to make the mistake of taking it for granted they will live ten more years. My dad has Alzheimer's, but a healthy body. My mother is in poor health, but has her mind.

It's only a matter of time that is going to come too quickly that I will find myself coffin shopping again. I need to know that we will all be together in death. I feel that if I contact a family member first, they will understand and let me have the grave sites. They need to hear from me, a relative they don't even know, why I feel it is important to my family.

It really is a big deal to my mother and I that we are all buried together. I know the heirs names. I don't know how to find them

I know there are six heirs to these grave plotts and thier names, only.

The only people have done their research of family on the net, if only to make their family tree?

Where do I start? Please, help me!

If there is a lawyer involved in settling your grandmother's affairs, s/he might be able to contact these other people for you at little or no cost... or you can hire a firm that does background checks, in this case probably almost any investigator and they don't need to be local, it's perfectly legal to retain assistance out of state for something like this. I know precious little about geneology, but if I were going to do this on my own, I think I would start with the closest relative senior to me whose full name and date of birth I had available.
In this case, I'm guessing that's your Grandmother, or your folks (Sorry, I'm not clear on whether this concerns your mom's or your dad's side of the family) So hit the geneology sites and search using all the information available about your Grandmother then follow her tree to find the other branches.
Good luck and happy hunting.

Why do we have a topic of 'Genealogy' if no one knows how to find a family member? Thanks for trying Sher and MrsS!

I appreciate any help I can get, but know that people search their family tree down to immigrants over the net for free. I am asking about living people, which should be easy with an entire topic dedicated to 'Genealogy'.

I'm going to ask a Mormon group how to find a family member. I don't think they will be offended by my question. My uncle, on my dad's side is a Mormon convert living in the west, but he is pretty old, like my senile dad.

As far as I know any service on the net you will have to pay some fee. I didn't delve too far into this one but it looks promising.

Did you look at any of the other threads in this forum? A number of them have links to the geneology sites and what appears to be pretty solid advice about how to begin.
Being the only child of a single mom who was herself an adopted only child, the game of climbing the family tree was never one in which I could participate.
Other than advising you to try an investigative service or to search the geneology sites with the information you DO have as your starting point, I have no idea what you expect in the way of advice here.... to the best of my knowlege, the options are 1: Do the legwork and 2: pay someone to do the legwork.

No MrsS, I didn't look at the rest of the site. I assume Genealogy is for look up of family tree, meaning many dead family members that came to this country long ago that we could never know them.

I am looking for living people.

At some point, I would like to search my mother's side of the family. My uncle on my father's side is Mormon and already did the research for my dad's side of the family.

It was quite a shock to me making funeral and burial arrangements for my grandmother. Next, my parents are old and I will be doing the same for them.

I'm not doing a family tree of dead relatives. I have six names of maybe 1970 that are know to be living. I have a larger problem if one of these six people died and had kids. I will have to find and ask even more family members to sign a legal write off for us to be buried together.

Please help me find living heirs. I appreciate any help you can give me!

Family trees and geneology DO include the living.

I really got lucky. I found my mom's cousin. I feel a bit awful asking for all grave sites, but that is what my mother wants.

How is this guy goig to take it? I am asking for my brother's wife to be buried next to his parents? I really don't like asking for this much, but my mom demands it because I asked for a singlar end spot next to my grandma, which no one will want.

I am sure this is the right guy. I feel that a hand written letter is better than my printer. I only wish for my family to be buried together. I would like to contact him before the cemetary does.

I don't even know these family members, but my mother does. She gave me names. She will not contact them herself after all this time. What am I supposed to say to this guy? I'm a stranger, but want you to sign off on grave sites.

My mother knows him, but will not make contact with him, so I have to. Any suggestions as of what to say? I have thrown away about six letters to my mother's cousin. I do need him to find other family members. From my understanding, he is a very nice person. Will he help me?

This really is hard.

How close does this person live to you? Have you considered making phone contact with him first? Arrange a meeting to get to know him.. at a public place but that would be comfortable. Say a reasonable restaurant or some place like that.

Discuss with him your family situation and ask what his thoughts are on his OWN desires for use of the property. He might request SOME sort of compensation for giving up his rights.

I got one singular hit of family, my mother's cousin. My mom decided she should call him before I contact.

Parents can be so difficult! It isn't exactly news to her the day I signed off at the cemetary what spots were left and how my family is to be buried together. She didn't want to contact her family, but knowing I will, respectfully.

Given I have found her cousin, who my mom has a very high opinion of, she now feels guilty for not calling him herself to notify him of my grandma's death. Now, she will not allow me to write him. I already have a very respectful letter written!

Why do elderly parents and teen kids have to be so difficult? I do respect my mother's wishes, but she keeps changing her mind. She knows that it really is a big deal to me that our family be buried together and ignored my request to jointly buy grave sites ten years ago.

I don't think my mother's wishes are any more important than mine. If I want my family buried together and it really is a big deal to me. My mom really doesn't care. She is now asking how much it will cost to buy a few grave sites somewhere else just to shut me up.

This greatly upsets me. My mother tells me they have no will and couldn't care less about what my brother and I are going do deal with upon my parents death. I'm not sure that I believe they have no will. Now, she is telling me I have to figure it out, after death of one of my parents, where to bury them? I don't think she is being fair to me.

I don't guess that I will send the letter to my mother's cousin I wrote respectfully requesting grave sites. I will let the cemetary contact him, so impersonally.

How could my mother do this to me? She says they have no will, leaving my brother and I to somehow sort out this financial disaster upon their death? Now, she is telling me not to send a respectful letter to her cousin asking for cemetary sites for my family to be buried together.

I don't like this at all. Given the fact my mother doesn't care what mess she leaves for my brother and I to sort, meaning I sort everything. She doesn't care where she is burried, suddenly because I found her cousin and will write him.

I don't think my mother respects the hardship she will put upon my brother and of course me that has to deal with it all. My brother will not and we all know that.

My mom has one week before I turn this contact to the cemetary guy that was very helpful to me. He even wrote me a very nice letter stating he did not forget about my wishes of family grave sites.

All family can do is say it's ok or no. They haven't lived in this area since before 1970, so what do they care about being buried where my family lives?

I am sorry that the situation is so difficult for you.

Your mom may truly not care what happens to her and your fathers remains, but since you do, it SHOULD behoove her to cooperate.

But, since she is NOT cooperating, I can't even begin to tell you how to proceed.

Maybe you should simply write a nice letter to the cousin and let hom know of the other family members death, just to 'open a door' on communication with him. If he responds, you can begin an ammicable relationship with him independent of your mother.