I'm very proud of my Christian daughter and her husband.

They handled a situation well, I think. the problem is grandchildren-possession on December 25th. Apparently this is a big issue with some families. Possession of the grandchildren in one's home to open presents Christmas morning and have the ceremonial dinner in the grandparents' home is considered some kind of a coup.

These grandparents use emotional blackmail against their own adult children to force them to pick THEIR SIDE for that special day. Then their adult child has to use emotional blackmail against his/her spouse in order to bring this about. And they won't trade next year, either. No, the grandchildren are to be fought over NEXT year, too.

Isn't it weird? These families are quite prepared to get all involved: the young adult parents, the grandchildren, and the other families, into some big feud, and they're prepared to engage again the following year!!! It's fighting over status, really, and the high ground is actually having the physical being of the grandchildren in their home (as opposed to the spouse's family's home) on the actual day: this means you're one up, if you can pull it off.

Anyhow, my daughter and her husband simply said, "No problem. We'll have Christmas December 25th with our younger children, and then we'll have a whole nother Christmas December 26th with our adult children and grandchildren - opening presents, big meal, the lot. And we're quite happy to do that year after year, so you can spend 'real' Christmas with your spouse's family." And they did it calmly and quite happily. Peace on earth!

Have any of you encountered this problem? Did you stand your ground and insist on alternate years? Or did you concede for the sake of good will?

Why can't both sets of grandparents get together at the grand-kids house, and then everyone will be together? Seem to me like the grandkids belong at their own house, with their parents, to open gifts. Then, going to each set of grandparents's house later. I can't understand why this could be a problem anyway, unless someone is jealous of the other. I know grand parents love their grandkids but they need to realize that they come second.

Then there's this: my brother in law has an 8 year old child who lives with his mother in florida. She comes across the country to see her dad, this time at christmas. The mom is a fanatical christian (and, I'd add, a good mom in all areas save one). The dad, who is a wonderful guy, a school teacher, and whose extended family, though not religious, is the most loving and wonderful and supportive and caring and giving family I've ever seen. But mom tells the child that daddy will go to hell because he's not saved, and she'll never see her daddy in heaven. Merry Christmas.

All the years of our son's young life we always had him open his gifts from Santa, than dressed to go to my husbands Mom's home for the whole day. It was a big family get-together. My parents got a few hours on Christmas Eve. It was that way for every holiday. I hated it and complained but nothing changed. My parents have been gone for over 20 years now but I still feel guilty that I didn't stand up for alternating holidays.
Now I have a grandchild but it's a different situation. Being from divorced parents he spends alternating holidays with each. For me now, the actual day doesn't matter. We have had Christmas the week before or Easter a week later. Our holiday is the day Dillon is here. Of coarse, there's "THE" girlfriend now..That's whole nother story for another day!!

For many years, I was estranged from my sister for a lot of different reasons. She always did the holiday gatherings and I was not invited. I can tell you now that my side of the family has gotten over our differences, and we can all be together. It took twenty years of prayer, but I finally have my wish.

Ed's side is another story. Holidays have always been the source of arguments, and Ed must now endure the slings and arrows of family contempt. Guess things will straighten out in another twenty years.

"In the last days, the love of many will grow cold, and it will be brother against brother, parents against children, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law." God, please do not count me in this number, let my love for You and for my fellow man--family, Christian brothers and sisters, Answerpool family, friends, strangers, enemies--increase day by day for Your Glory. I pray in Christ's name. Amen.

Well, my husband and I have no children, but the stress of fitting everyone in on the holiday is hard enough without them. I do not envy my sister-in-law one bit.
However, we have decided to do the great Switch-Off. One family one year and the other the next, not only for Christmas but for other holidays as well. We are lucky in that all of our parents are understanding.
For instance, this year we spend Thanksgiving with my side, Christmas Eve Eve with my parents at their annual holiday gathering, Christmas Eve with his mother's side, and Christmas Day with his father's side.
And we had Yule all to ourselves.

I read that post and though you were my sister in law for a minute. At least that sounds just like my family. Every year, the same old thing. His family is at least reasonably cooperative. My family is demanding.

This has been going on for 16 years. I never have been able to put a stop to it. Every year someone is getting upset because the kids also have grandparents on the fathers side of the family. My elderly gradma is used as the primary excuse. She might not be around long!

I have gotten so annoyed over this that I have worked holidays just to have an excuse not to show up at anyone's house. Whatever terrible complaints can't be dirrected at me. I took the second shift. I have pretended to be very ill. I have gotten mad at my mother and sent the kids and refused to come. That's all anyone seems to care about anyway.

I stupidly thought that when my brother finally had kids that the pressure would be off me a bit. No, my kids are big enough to keep up with the small ones. They help watch them.

This is a frusteration every year to the point that I cannot enjoy a single holiday.

We always go to mine and my husband's Grandparent's house on Christmas Eve. Mine in the afternoon, his that night.
On Christmas Day, we spend the morning at home with our children. In the early afternoon, we go to my parents house. Later in the evening, we go to my husband's parents house.
It's a busy two days, but we enjoy them.
Of course, my twins birthday is the day after Christmas, so it starts all over again.

The advantage we have is Sagus' mom lives 3000 miles away and she doesn't want to see the kids anyway... she thinks we spoil the boys.. that they are not disabled at all.