I predict that a new disease, dubbed rudispesiasis, will begin to be mentioned in the press and on talk shows. This debilitating illness causes intense emotional stress in its victims, and can in some cases be life-threatening, especially on subway platforms. It is caused by a lack of a good sense of rhythm and is manifested as extreme clumsiness, especially while dancing.
We will see heart-rending stories of young people, their lives destroyed by social ostracism, living as street people and rejecting their families who so insensitively say things like, "Pick up your feet!!! Tie your shoelaces!!! Do you want to break your neck???"
However, shortly after, three major drug companies will announce miracle cures for rudispesiasis, to be taken in pill form, with some slight chance of side effects, which may include atrophy of major organs, sloughing of skin and hair, and spontaneous combustion.
93% of teens, 68% of adults, and some pregnant women who think they ought to take steps to prevent the disease in their unborn, go to their doctors and describe severe symptoms. They will be diagnosed and given prescriptions. Two thirds will suffer side effects, but be unable to sue because they were warned. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 01-04-06, 04:55 AM babthrower I predict that a new disease, dubbed rudispesiasis, will begin to be mentioned in the press and on talk shows. This debilitating illness causes intense emotional stress in its victims, and can in some cases be life-threatening, especially on subway platforms. It is caused by a lack of a good sense of rhythm and is manifested as extreme clumsiness, especially while dancing.
We will see heart-rending stories of young people, their lives destroyed by social ostracism, living as street people and rejecting their families who so insensitively say things like, "Pick up your feet!!! Tie your shoelaces!!! Do you want to break your neck???"
However, shortly after, three major drug companies will announce miracle cures for rudispesiasis, to be taken in pill form, with some slight chance of side effects, which may include atrophy of major organs, sloughing of skin and hair, and spontaneous combustion.
93% of teens, 68% of adults, and some pregnant women who think they ought to take steps to prevent the disease in their unborn, go to their doctors and describe severe symptoms. They will be diagnosed and given prescriptions. Two thirds will suffer side effects, but be unable to sue because they were warned.
Lawyers will nevertheless ask all those suffering from side-effects to call them, so that they can start a class action suit. They will argue that though warned, the sufferers were too disoriented by the disease to understand the warnings.
The suit will succeed, but the legal fees will exceed the judgement, which will be $335 million, so the sufferers will get nothing for the side effects -- and will still have rudispesiasis.
And not one lawyer will have rudispesiasis.
01-04-06, 05:01 AM tsaeb I think that spontaneous combustion rules out litigation. So had you not mentioned the victims, we would never have heard of their suffering and deaths.
01-04-06, 09:51 AM Rakuchild I predict that smart Americans will start studying Chinese.
01-04-06, 01:58 PM jusork Reality TV shows will start to become less prominent and those left will become lower-valued in favor of interesting dramas. A few smart comedies will become popular, too.
01-04-06, 03:39 PM DorianGreyed Several sitting Congressmen will be indicted. Several more will find it prudent to not seek re-election. At least one will plea bargain and roll over on others. The turnover in the House and Senate is almost a record. Scooter Libby cuts a deal and implicates a big name.
The last Kansas high school student to get a Science scholarship graduates in June.
Pat Robertson is hospitalized. The school board of Dover, Pennsylvania says it is "God's wrath" for being such a putz.
Saddam Hussein in convicted, but not executed.
01-04-06, 04:18 PM RoverRoad My prediction is that the Republican leaders will begin to fall like a house of cards, it’s already starting. Democrats will take back the house and the senate. Hearings for Bush’s impeachment will begin, but not before he gets us into a war with Iran.
Oh, and the Portland Trailblazers will win the 2006 NBA Championship! Well I can dream can't I?
01-04-06, 05:30 PM Professor
quote: I think that spontaneous combustion rules out litigation.
They could plead the Fifth Amendment, refusing to testify on the grounds that they might incinerate themselves. Big Grin (old joke)
01-04-06, 05:43 PM Professor Here's my prediction: The religious right will find new ways to sneak prayer, Bible study, and creationism into U.S. public schools. Since they failed to gain entry through either the front door or the back door, they will now use side doors, chimneys, and ventilation ducts. Having already rejected modern biology, geology, and astronomy as inconsistent with scripture, they will next turn their attention to discrediting foreign language, home economics, and auto shop.
01-04-06, 06:07 PM cyberlaol I predict that Israel will bomb Iran!!
01-11-06, 07:00 PM honilov I predict that it'll be uncovered that some trusted American is working with the enemy (bin Laden) and there'll be a big scandal.
01-11-06, 08:02 PM Scotty
quote: I predict that smart Americans will start studying Chinese.
I predict that smart Chinese will start studying English.
01-11-06, 08:10 PM juanruiz I predict that some famous people will die.
01-11-06, 08:18 PM babthrower And there will be earthquakes, especially in the circum-pacific belt where many ungodly people live. And floods in low-lying areas, again an absolute magnet to the sinful. Mark my word!
01-11-06, 08:46 PM DorianGreyed Huge cracks will appear in the Earths surface, with strange green creatures crawling out.
Bigfoot speaks at the UN, asks for "cross-species peace."
Dracula found alive in Tomb, claims BatBoy is long-lost son.
Scotty says something nice about a Democrat.
OK, I was kidding about the last one.
01-11-06, 09:01 PM juanruiz Rudolph comes down with mad reindeer disease; Teddy Kennedy chosen to replace him.
01-11-06, 09:29 PM newnickname
quote: I predict that smart Chinese will start studying English.
They already are. In a few years, their English will be better and cheaper than any produced in the US - and all American verbal or written communication will be created abroad and imported, pre-packaged and ready for use with no need for creative input.
There will be no outrage - this will suit the average North American couch-potato just fine.
01-11-06, 10:52 PM Tree I predict that weather-people will become more cautious in their predictions and forecast more like this:
It will become light this morning, then the light will decrease in the evening.
I also predict that more baby boys than girls will be born in India.
01-11-06, 11:52 PM jusork
quote: Originally posted by Tree: I also predict that more baby boys than girls will be born in India.
Oooo. I'm curious what caused you to think of this one. Were there actually more girls in India last year?
01-12-06, 12:30 AM Professor
quote: Originally posted by Scotty:
quote: I predict that smart Americans will start studying Chinese.
I predict that smart Chinese will start studying English.
20 years ago they said Japanese. 20 years before that it was Russian.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
Posts: 6397 | Location: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: 06-11-02
I predict that smart Chinese will start studying English.
They already are. In a few years, their English will be better and cheaper than any produced in the US - and all American verbal or written communication will be created abroad and imported, pre-packaged and ready for use with no need for creative input.
You mean Chinese will be writing technical documentation, using English as a 2nd language? You'll end up with stuff like All your base are belong to us. Why do you expect the Chinese to have better English skills in a few years? I think it's just a tough leap for most Asians.
This reminds me that there's a champion-level Scrabble player from Thailand with an excellent command of vocabulary and spelling but who nonetheless converses poorly in English.
Meanwhile, computer translation between natural languages is still nowhere ready for prime time. If it gets the job done at all, the output is rather inelegant prose lacking the nuances of the input. Fine for stereo instructions. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 01-12-06, 01:16 AM newnickname No, I meant that all our communication will be outsourced.
This happens, domestically, to some extent anyway. People sometimes communicate, and even think to themselves, in cliches and lines lifted from movies. Many e-mails are just forwarded, cutesy or polemical, pieces that save the sender the trouble of actually writing something for him or herself. And how many opinions have you heard spoken that are simply repetitions of what some pundit, critic or stand-up has already said?
Wasn't there a bumper sticker that said only "ditto" - saving the bonehead who pasted it the trouble even of mouthing Rush Limbaugh's latest rant?
Having our dinner-table chat, bar banter and workplace gossip containered in from China will save a lot of time and energy for us, and make a lot of money for someone else. It's the way of the future! (Sample pre-formed phrase. It's not my own - I got it for 50c in Wal-Mart.)
01-12-06, 01:51 AM babthrower Oh, urg!! Oh, no, oh urrggh! Oh it could happen. It could really happen! Oh, urrrrgggghhhh! I'll never joke again!!!!!!!!!!! Frown
01-12-06, 02:37 AM Professor
quote: It's the way of the future!
Didn't that evolve from "...wave of the future" ?
01-12-06, 05:53 AM FredPuli
quote: Originally posted by jusork:
quote: Originally posted by Tree: I also predict that more baby boys than girls will be born in India.
Oooo. I'm curious what caused you to think of this one. Were there actually more girls in India last year?
A recent study published in The Lancet showed that sex selection was evident. Returns for 1,1 million households showed a deficit of some 500,000 girls born . The sex ratio in 2001 was that every 1000 males born were matched by only 933 females. The ratio was even more distorted in families where there was already a first girl child. Then the next birth ratio was 1000 male to 759 female. Where the first two children were females the ratio for the next birth was 1000 males to 718 females. The researchers estimated a shortfall of females of some 10 million.
This has all happened since the advent of scanning, that is in the last two decades. It has been illegal to abort on grounds of sexual preference for a decade but the researchers found that doctors were given. and recorded, coded signals to do so and the practice plainly persisted.
01-12-06, 09:36 AM newnickname
quote: Didn't that evolve from "...wave of the future" ?
Hey, it was Wal-Mart. It's a cheaper knock-off of "...wave of the future".
01-12-06, 01:01 PM Scotty
quote: Scotty says something nice about a Democrat.
OK, I was kidding about the last one.
You never know DG,you never know. Maybe a democrat will do something right soon. Wink
01-12-06, 01:16 PM DorianGreyed Yes, but how would you know?
01-12-06, 06:11 PM babthrower And then GWB was having another outsourced (or unwired) day:
WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: 'I don't really understand. How is the new plan going to fix the problem?'
Verbatim response: PRESIDENT BUSH:
'Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculated, for example, is on the table. Whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to that has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate -- the benefits will rise based upon inflation, supposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.'
01-12-06, 09:38 PM jusork
quote:
quote: Originally posted by FredPuli: Oooo. I'm curious what caused you to think of this one. Were there actually more girls in India last year?
A recent study published in The Lancet showed that sex selection was evident. Returns for 1,1 million households showed a deficit of some 500,000 girls born . The sex ratio in 2001 was that every 1000 males born were matched by only 933 females. The ratio was even more distorted in families where there was already a first girl child. Then the next birth ratio was 1000 male to 759 female. Where the first two children were females the ratio for the next birth was 1000 males to 718 females. The researchers estimated a shortfall of females of some 10 million.
This has all happened since the advent of scanning, that is in the last two decades. It has been illegal to abort on grounds of sexual preference for a decade but the researchers found that doctors were given. and recorded, coded signals to do so and the practice plainly persisted.
Ah, I see. Thanks, Fred.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: jusork, 01-12-06 10:09 PM
01-12-06, 09:49 PM Professor
quote: Originally posted by newnickname: Hey, it was Wal-Mart. It's a cheaper knock-off of "...wave of the future".
Big Grin
01-14-06, 02:10 PM Rakuchild
quote: WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: 'I don't really understand. How is the new plan going to fix the problem?'
Verbatim response: PRESIDENT BUSH:
'Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculated, for example, is on the table. Whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts...
Oh, I see Bushie is already outsourcing his communication needs. On the bright side, I read the whole thing and can now build a VCR for pennies.
From the Professor:_______________________- 20 years ago they said Japanese. 20 years before that it was Russian. _______________________________________________
So I'm only 40 years late in taking up Russian? Wow! I'm a progressive midwesterner. Big Grin
01-14-06, 05:47 PM Professor
quote: Originally posted by Rakuchild: From the Professor: ...20 years ago they said Japanese. 20 years before that it was Russian. _______________________________________________
So I'm only 40 years late in taking up Russian? Wow! I'm a progressive midwesterner. Big Grin
Ah, you've completed the great circle of life < cue the mystical choir music... > Smile
Russian was a popular foreign language taught in my high school (anyone else's?) but I was already taking French. C'est la vie.
01-17-06, 09:38 AM newnickname Even Chinese-speakers are learning Chinese.
01-17-06, 10:32 AM DorianGreyed "Even Chinese-speakers are learning Chinese."
And why shouldn't they? After all, Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks are taught their Greek.
01-17-06, 03:19 PM coldfuse Just a few more:
Yellow journalism will creep back into the vernacular as newspapers desperately seek ways to recover.
The latest spring fashion craze will ... nah, you guys wouldn't believe a fashion report from someone who has one Sunday outfit and one Monday through Saturday outfit, anyway.
The troops will begin significant withdrawal from Iraq. Ths done, Bush will begin the "lame duck" years of his presidency.
Congress usually returns - what - 98% of its members who seek re-election? Sad to say, but midterm voter turnout will be miserable as usual and we will send the bums back to Washington again. And they will think we really like them ... again.
At least five reasons for Bush's impeachment will be given. He will not be impeached.
Hillary Clinton will keep her Senate seat but will have promised New York voters that she will not seek the presidency in 2008. Listen for the "way out" in her language.
Duke will win the NCAA basketball championship.
Somebody will watch the Winter Olympics. Right now, I think they have been the most underpublicized I have seen in years.
New Chinese "Geely" cars will be laughed at. Within five years Chinese manufacturers will have a significant share of the US market. And GM and the UAW still won't have a clue.
Despite Bush initiatives, US students will not score well on the Farsi AP exams.
John Madden will retire after next broadcast season.
Laptops will become affordable for most Americans.
Tiger Woods will win a golf tournament (I had to get at least one right).
This message has been edited. Last edited by: DorianGreyed,
Posts: 1997 | Location: U.S. | Registered: 06-03-02
As we near the end of the year, I thought it might be fun to look at these, and see who knew what he was talking about, and who didn't. (Please note that I was kidding about Scotty saying something nice about a Democrat.)
Posts: 17277 | Location: Lincoln Place, Granite City, IL, USA | Registered: 06-03-02
