i need to know how to effectively deal with my mom who is almost always very nervous. if there is any amount of stress (or impending stressful situations, i.e. travelling) she is just in an uproar and simply does not listen to reason and already has her mind made up to the worst. on top of that, she hpunds you with questions galor! she must know silly and tiny detail even though there is no reason for her to even have to think of these things. how can my dad and i handle her better than getting so frustrated by her actions and to help her not to get so flustered?

Having such an extreme anxiety level is not normal. There are persons who are naturally more high-strung than others, but this is affecting her, your dad and yourself.
I suspect there is more to this than simple anxiety, and she may need to get some therapy to identify and manage her situation. Sometimes medications can assist with reducing the extreme deges of anxiety, but she needs to discuss the issue with her doctor.
Meanwhile, simply have her write down all the questions she has to ask about what is happening, and see if she can answer them herself. Help her to see the level of her anxiety so she realizes that there is a problem.

thanks, she's been to the doctor and has medication for depression and anxiety. trust me, she won't sit still long enough to write all her questions down.
i personally am at my wits end about it and have never been able to calm her. it really makes me not want to come home for a visit longer than about a half hour!

Call the doctor and tell him the meds are not working. Doctors usually start people out with a low dose to see what they can tolerate, check on side effects, etc. Tell the doctor or the nurse exactly what's happening with your mom, how she was before taking the meds, and how she is now. S/he will probably prescribe a stronger dose.

Catty (wishing you good luck)

hassia, under the circumstances you mentioned, would you describe you Mom's demeanor as 'panicky'? Some people panic when faced with situations that frighten them because they believe they have no choices.

Something you might try is, first, you and your Dad stay very calm. Ask your Mom if she is experiencing panic? (She may or may not know.) Whatever her response, you can reassure her by saying, "Mom, you don't have to do it"(travel, go into stressful situations, etc.). "You have a choice".

If it's panic, this may be of some comfort to her.