A freind of mine tried to commite suicide a a little while ago. she is now having therapy. whenever i see her now, i don't feel like it's my friend I'm talking to, and it feels like I'm talking to a stranger. I'm afraid to become close friends with her again b/c what if she trys to committe suicide again. i feel scared when ever I'm around her, what do i do?

It is very hard to deal with people who are mentally ill. She no doubt suffers from some kind of depression. Being a depressive myself, I can tell you that I do my best not to bother my friends and family with my affliction. There is no use burdening them with it.

If your friend is sharing, she's probably crying out for help. Realize that what she does with her life is her choice, and you have absolutely no responsibility for her actions! Be a friend, support her and encourage her to keep up with her therapy. If you want to talk to her about it, tell her that her suicidal ideation makes you uncomfortable, but that you are her friend and will be there for her. (If that's what you feel). Whatever you feel, let her know. I believe she will understand. Depressed people know full well how miserable they make other people feel.

Catty (who tries to avoid miserable people, including herself) =

It sounds like you could use a little therapy yourself to learn how to manage your feelings. That isn't a bad idea actually, a therapist can give you some coping strategies and also help you to identify how to put into perspective your feelings.

It sounds like you are a great friend and a terrific support. Bravo to YOU!

I agree with Sherasi, therapy is never a bad idea.
This is probably the problem: when you realised your friend almost died because she tried to kill herself it made you realise she almost died and you almost lost her. This would have been a terrible shock for your heart and it would have hurt terribly. So now, you are so scared of loosing her "again" that you prefer to decrease the strength of your friendship and of the emotional bond. The more you lover her, the more you will suffer if you loose her. What you are doing is a defense mechanism, it´s not conscious and it´s normal. You are just trying to protect yourself from that pain.
However, you are such a good friend that you are willing to risk your emotional well being to help her. You need to be strong to stand by her through this hard road.
Good luck!

Thank you so much for your help. A couple days ago I had an argument with her and I told her how it was not fair of her to abandon her other friends and now she avoids me. I want to tell her I’m sorry for yelling at her, but I still feel like she was abandoning me.

Your friend is obviously having serious difficulties. With any suicide attempt where a person is hospitalized, there is usually psychiatric care involved as well. They may have put her on medications that are altering her behavior and mood. That may be why you don't feel you know her as you did before.

I support what you said to her about abandoning people that care about her. Suicide can be a very selfish act. Maybe she didn't want to hear what you had on your mind, but you were very right to say it. Keep trying. Don't let her blow you off. Many people that survive a suicide attempt are quite busy feeling sorry for themselves not thinking about who they have hurt by their act. Family and friends tend to treat them like they are made of glass. What they need is emotional support to help them help themselves. No one can fix her problems but her. Encourage her and be a friend. Part of being a friend is being honest as you were with her.

jpo, what I see in your posts is lack of empathy. Only a concern about your feeling any discomfort. I suggest dealing with your, apparent, abandonment issues.

It may not be lack of empathy, but lack of understanding of mental illness and why a friend she thought she knew very well would do such a thing without talking to her about what problem was bothering her. She almost lost a friend in the most final way. She probably feels confused and hurt by this.

Thank you, Wildflower. I did relate to the friend and reacted, somewhat, on her behalf. If she is experiencing sexual abuse, she would not tell anyone (especially friends) because of the shame.

As we know, sexual abuse is a major cause of suicide attempts. And in this case, it's motivation is escape and self-preservation. Still, "lack of understanding" is a more benign way of saying it than what I said.

I have been guilty of the same Doriek. When I was a teen a friend of the group comitted suicide. None of us knew why. We felt the same as she does.

The reason she feels like a stranger is because... she is a stranger. People who are depressed tend to push others away and in that process they become new people with different qualities.

Its like going to Canada for 5 years... when you come back (and never have spoken to any friends or family) you will be completely unrecognized.

Its likely your friend would not want you to be there for her and become as distant as possible to each other... so that when she does think about suicide again, she would not have to consider your feelings...

Its the brutal truth...

(sigh) I dont know what to say except your friend needs someone more now than she probably ever will. I understand you are scared of loosing her again, but you must remember though myth has us fooled, friendships DO NOT last forever. Relationships dont either!!

Thats why it is so important to make these relationships and friendships worthwhile in the meantime.

You may not always have your friend... and im not saying she is going to commit suicide but perhaps in 10 years she may move to Russia.. who knows... but when she needs you, be there for her. You will look back and smile because you've done your duty as being a descent human being....

Excellent point Peach!

Peach is right on. Friendships dont last forever... Its hard but you have to remember the good times you had together. Someday she'll look back and remember what a great friend you were.

Its sad to say but a lot of my friends are going through therapy for the same reason... If you ever want to talk PLEASE email me.

Wildflower, I am so sorry to hear that you lost a friend to suicide. That must have been shocking and painful. Especially, being so young. It's understandable that you felt abandoned, too. You were abandoned.

Your story does have a different outcome than the questioner's, though. Her friend is still alive. I feel certain, that you would not (as I and others have not) burden another human being in such overwhelming pain with the responsibility for your feelings.