I am just looking for a bit of input, and wondering if there is anyone else out there like me.

I tend to be idealistic to the extreme. I have always been one to do whatever I could to make things better for people. I can see the good in EVERYONE...(believe it or not)

I have also been recently diagnosed with severe depression.

I like who I am. And I don't want to change a thing.

I am just wondering if I am deluding myself, and am I being unrealistic..and if I am..is that a bad thing?

I really hate answering a question with a question, but do you think that maybe your depression is job related?

As far as wanting to make things better for other people, that is great! Seeing the good in everyone is a personality trait that more people need.

If I am reading you right, I think what you may be lacking is trying to make things better for yourself. Try taking the focus off of others once in a while and just do something really great for yourself. I know that is hard sometimes with being a wife and a mother.

Here are a few suggestions. Take a long bubblebath and light some scented candles. Give yourself a manicure and pedicure. Go get your hair done. Get together with your female friends and plan something wild like a party at someone's house, not yours though. Take a long afternoon nap.
Another thing that might help you is talking to your husband about your depression. Make sure he knows that he isn't the source though. Sometimes talking things out helps put your thinking and your life in a different perspective.

Shelster, if you like who you are and don't want to change a thing, that puts a whole new twist on depression. Everyone that I know that is depressed, complains all the time because everything seem wrong. Some even cry a lot and are just not happy with themselves.
It's great that you do what you can to make things better for people. I do the same thing. I don't always see the good in everyone, but I can accept them the way they are.

Seeing the good in people is important and admirable Shelster as long as you don't put blinders on and prevent seeing the bad. Blocking the good or the bad blocks the truth. If you are expecting something based on a partial picture yes that is deluding yourself. If finding people to be less than you expect is contributing to your depression then it is certainly not helpful. Liking yourself is the most basic ingredient to happiness. You got that so, without knowing any background, I won't add any more here.

In your right mind, you have chosen to see the good in all people. Although you did not say so, I suspect that you also decided or went right ahead spontaneously and loved them, too.

Now, you have allowed a handful of these other people to tell you that you are very depressed and that some delusion and difficulty determining true reality are what is wrong with you. Those dirty rats.

Ask yourself just how much good you see in such conclusions being applied to you. You have only one problem, which is none of those applied to you. Your one problem is that you continue to fail to expect a variety of behaviors from other people: some will act toward you the same way that you act toward them, while others will act toward you in the very way which you would never act toward them and which you find repugnant, repulsive, revolting. We can sum up your one problem as your being simply naive. Therefore, if you lower your expectations of others--expect some to be disappointing, distressing, and hurtful--you will not be disappointed, distressed, and hurt.

Some days and even weeks, it seems that we encounter those whose reason for living is far from nobel. Always remember that since you have chosen to be nobel, you must expect others to possibly be exhibiting toward you snubbing, envy, backstabbing, evil, etc. Too many people do not know the reward of aiming to be a cut above the sad crowd, which has chosen to exhibit the worst characteristics of human nature.

Consider yourself blessed, but know that you cannot similarly bless all others, only those able to run and finish the race at the front of the line. The best that you can do is to set a fine example and work on maintaining the strength to continue to do the right thing. I believe that you have chosen wisely, but in much wisdom can be found much grief--grief which wisdom can readily surround.

[This message was edited by tsaeb on 11-08-03 at 01:35 AM.]

Tsaeb,

I appreciate your imput, as I do everyone elses, but I have a few comments; I suppose I didn't give enough info in my original post.

You are right, I do spontaneously love most people. But on different levels obviously. There are certain people I click with on an intense level. For some reason, it tends to be those hurting the most. It isn't a conscious choice I make...it just seems to be the way things happen.

You may not know, I am a hospice nurse. I work with the terminally ill. Depression tends to be a side effect of that job. I do believe that depression exists and is not just a delusion. There are chemical issues involved.

My depression is not shown in my sitting around crying and feeling bad about all the people who don't see the good in others or manifest itself the way I want it to. My depression is more about anger, and lashing out at people. I lose my patience, and don't want to be bothered. Which is the absolute opposite of who I truly am

I think my original post was more about whether I am so idealistic, naive (yes, I admit that) and trusting that I am my own downfall. Am I deluding myself that I can make a difference in this world?

Does that make sense?

No, shel, you are not deluding yourself. One of the greatest gifts one can give is their love, and thru that their time. Make a difference in the world? It seems like a big task, but when you break it down to one thing, one person at a time, you have to consider the ripple affect. Sometimes, the difference you make goes unnoticed by you, you may not see the changes your efforts make, but others do, and that is the important thing.

You are not deluding yourself. If you can be happy and see the best in people yet still not be blinded to their actual faults, then more power to you.

quote:

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Originally posted by shelster:
Am I deluding myself that I can make a difference in this world?

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think about how you felt the last time someone helped you or was kind to you.
have you ever had someone help you change a flat tire ?
has anyone ever volunteered to buy you lunch ?
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did anyone who helped you 'make a difference' to you ?
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in my life, i have been given acts of kindness, support, encouragement, coaching. these have been priceless and NEVER forgotten.

shelster: It does seem that the stress of coping with what you experience in your work is so great that you naturally (as spontaneously as you give love) lash out in anger, exhibiting impatience, irritability, etc. Perhaps you need time with yourself alone--to talk with yourself as to how you will try to better cope--and also time with God alone--if you believe in His ability to keep you in perfect peace. Also, you should surf for some good psychology websites which discuss the topic of grief. There are stages of grief, and it appears to me that you are being overly empathetic with your patients when you should be balancing your empathy with your resolution to remain innerly strong. You need to get pointers on remaining detached from your patients so as to not feel their pain but do your best for them--and you. Are there any mentors with whom you can talk?

I wish we had some mentors Tsaeb, I really do.

About 6months ago, everyone but me quit. The burnout rate was very high. So I am the mentor right now...scarey thought.

My boss asked for suggestions for the monthly budget. I asked for a support group, or counseling session monthly or even weekly to deprogram....but I doubt it will be approved.

THanks for your input